Question:
stuff’s been getting better…so much better…really quite good, in fact. Recently got Kitty into the mix a bit more, worked thru some of her issues with T, am feeling more like my "old" self again, just not so depressed all the time. It’s good. Kid’s’re happy. Resilient. L0ve ‘em. But just now, while writing a response to something else, the hubby (whom I’d asked to get something from my coat pocket) came up behind me and put his hand in my pants pocket, and I freaked – stuttering half-shrieks, body froze, just out-and-out panic response. It’s discouraging. I mean, things have been _so_ good with the hubby lately…some stuff got cleared up about some issues about … stuff… so certain things with hubby have gotten *much* better. There’s been a lot of c*ddling and phys closeness going on lately, so I don’t understand why I flipped out. ugh…can still feel effects… eh…sorry…not important. dyenths
Response:
dyenths writes… I mean, things have been _so_ good with the hubby lately…some stuff got cleared up about some issues about … stuff… so certain things with hubby have gotten *much* better. There’s been a lot of c*ddling and phys closeness going on lately, so I don’t understand why I flipped out.
Sure it was ‘you’ who weirded out when hubby did that???? Dayzie
Response:
Sure it’s important, dyenths – of course it is. First of all, why would you be writing about it if it isn’t? And anyhow, in my little opinion, everything’s important, in one way or another – and I do care to imagine that I care about the things that are going on w/others, esp. those w/whom I have a connection. That said . . . er-hem . . . Oh, dyenths. I have a clogged ear. *That’s* important. I have to sing tomorrow. Well, I *get* to sing tomorrow. I was happy about it – still am, but now so concerned!!!! One of my resonators doesn’t resonate!!!!!! But – To get on to what you wrote – um. Well, glad things have been improving, if not entirely uncomplicatedly. And as to the startle reflex thing – well, it doesn’t surprise me to hear that such a thing would happen. And in a way, it might well happen during a time when steps forward w/husb. are being made – like – well, system is kind of on alert because changes, even if changes for the "better." And the startle reflex – it may be a more or less permanent thing of PTSD that just comes out now and again, even if rarely. I know that if my son comes up behind me and yells "Boo!" or pokes me or grabs me, I scream, or if I accidentally turn and meet my husb. on the stair, for example, when I didn’t hear him come into the house or even if I know he is in the house, I might scream or gasp, and end up w/a racing heart. It doesn’t happen often at all anymore – used to be a regular occurrence when I was a girl and a teenager. My scream was one of those absolutely full-throated, chandelier-shattering, warbling thingies that I wish someone would teach actresses who think that some little shriekie thing expresses extreme terror. Now it is a much, much abbreviated and suppressed version of that – more like a stifled shriekie thing. But it happens. It just does. My son knows not to "Boo" me or playfully grab me from where I can’t see him, etc. My husb. isn’t the type to play in that way anyhow. ’Course I get triggered in other ways w/him, like, when I just want a hug and it turns into something else too fast for me. But that’s another story. The husb. stuff: very hard recently. He’s going through this prolonged PTSD-depression thing, and I don’t know when or how it will end. Sometimes he takes things out on me and it hurts – because not only do I feel cut off, then I feel ab*sed, too. And if I express it, he is not able to turn things around right then – I have to wait. And I’m not good at waiting. Eventually – usually w/in a small space of time (and sometimes geography) – hours, say – he comes and puts his arms around me in such a way as to tell me that he means to make things up, that he is acknowledging that he has precipitated a breach and wants to mend it. But I want things *now*, and it’s hard for me to wait. Something I’ve had to learn. With him. Don’t like it and never will. Hah. So there. Well, anyhow – this is more than just an answer to what you wrote – so I hope you don’t feel swept away into another stream by this. I hope you are able to let things go a bit w/the startle thing. I personally don’t think it counts for much as far as an indicator of "progress." I think it’s just a reflex thing that happens sometimes. That’s just what I think, anyhow. Beauty. — To email me, remove "nospam" from my address. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – stuff’s been getting better…so much better…really quite good, in fact. Recently got Kitty into the mix a bit more, worked thru some of her issues with T, am feeling more like my "old" self again, just not so depressed all the time. It’s good. Kid’s’re happy. Resilient. L0ve ‘em. But just now, while writing a response to something else, the hubby (whom I’d asked to get something from my coat pocket) came up behind me and put his hand in my pants pocket, and I freaked – stuttering half-shrieks, body froze, just out-and-out panic response. It’s discouraging. I mean, things have been _so_ good with the hubby lately…some stuff got cleared up about some issues about … stuff… so certain things with hubby have gotten *much* better. There’s been a lot of c*ddling and phys closeness going on lately, so I don’t understand why I flipped out. ugh…can still feel effects… eh…sorry…not important. dyenths
Response:
Beauty writes (about dyenths & hubby)… And as to the startle reflex thing – well, it doesn’t
surprise me to hear that such a thing would happen. And in a way, it might well happen during a time
when steps forward w/husb. are being made – like – well, system is kind of on alert because changes, even if
changes for the "better." Sorry dyenths. If it was a little who weirded out or if it was ‘you’ (not even sure ‘who’ the ‘you’ is but you know what we mean), it’s still very sad. 
( Beauty writes… And the startle reflex – it may be a more or less
permanent thing of PTSD that just comes out now and again, even if rarely. I know that if my son
comes up behind me and yells "Boo!" or pokes me or grabs me, I scream, or if I accidentally turn and
meet my husb. on the stair, for example, when I didn’t hear him come into the house or even if I know
he is in the house, I might scream or gasp, and end up w/a racing heart.
Sorry for you’s, Beauty. PTSD is sure difficult to live with. Before the (DID) dx, we had already been dx’d PTSD and this fellow at the job would often make this loud squeeky sound with his mouth behind us and we’d jump straight up off the chair until one day when we were already feeling frazzled it caused us to scream (in a no-scream zone!) and we turned around and yelled "This might be a *good* time to tell you I have PTSD! That’s why you get such a rise out of me when you do that!" and we left the room and could hardly get the body to walk outside where we broke down and cried. No one said a word to us when we finally went back indoors. I don’t know which was worse, the squeeky sound in my frazzled head or the embarassment of my outburst. Guess it felt good to share that here. So much of this stuff I live with alone and privately and this is just the very best place to share!! ) Thanks for letting me. (Like you had a choice, hehehe.) Now I wonder if it wasn’t a little who cried that day. Beauty writes…
[snip] My son knows not to "Boo" me or playfully
grab me from where I can’t see him, etc. My husb. isn’t the type to play in that way anyhow.
‘Course I get triggered in other ways w/him, like, when I just want a hug and it turns into something
else too fast for me. But that’s another story. Yep. :D( Sorry again Beauty. (just deleted a large paragraph we wrote.) Dayzing out The following is previously posted material, no more replies follow. dyenths writes… I mean, things have been _so_ good with the hubby lately…some stuff got cleared up about some issues about … stuff… so certain things with hubby have gotten *much* better. There’s been a lot of c*ddling and phys closeness going on lately, so I don’t understand why I flipped out.
Sure it was ‘you’ who weirded out when hubby did that???? Dayzie um…well…*confused* i mean, hmm….. maybe that goes back to this thing i’ve been wondering about occasionally…how much of the time *do* i have one person in charge of the body and one doing the "thinking", ie: in charge of the "consciousness". If I think about it a bit, it seems like maybe Jenny’s in the body right now, but she’s not on "first". aww, heck, i dunno…anyone else spend most of their time being conscious as one person, but having someone else controlling the body? I regularly find myself preparing to take a nap without realizing it until i’m pulling the covers up to my chin. "Hmm…maybe it’s naptime…lemme think now…;)" *sigh* very dissy today. am truly grateful the drive home was uneventful. i doubt i could have handled an ‘event’ at speed. dyenths Sure it’s important, dyenths – of course it is. First of all, why would you be writing about it if it isn’t? And anyhow, in my little opinion, everything’s important, in one way or another – and I do care to imagine that I care about the things that are going on w/others, esp. those w/whom I have a connection. That said . . . er-hem . . . Oh, dyenths. I have a clogged ear. *That’s* important. I have to sing tomorrow. Well, I *get* to sing tomorrow. I was happy about it – still am, but now so concerned!!!! One of my resonators doesn’t resonate!!!!!! But – To get on to what you wrote – um. Well, glad things have been improving, if not entirely uncomplicatedly. And as to the startle reflex thing – well, it doesn’t surprise me to hear that such a thing would happen. And in a way, it might well happen during a time when steps forward w/husb. are being made – like – well, system is kind of on alert because changes, even if changes for the "better." And the startle reflex – it may be a more or less permanent thing of PTSD that just comes out now and again, even if rarely. I know that if my son comes up behind me and yells "Boo!" or pokes me or grabs me, I scream, or if I accidentally turn and meet my husb. on the stair, for example, when I didn’t hear him come into the house or even if I know he is in the house, I might scream or gasp, and end up w/a racing heart. It doesn’t happen often at all anymore – used to be a regular occurrence when I was a girl and a teenager. My scream was one of those absolutely full-throated, chandelier-shattering, warbling thingies that I wish someone would teach actresses who think that some little shriekie thing expresses extreme terror. Now it is a much, much abbreviated and suppressed version of that – more like a stifled shriekie thing. But it happens. It just does. My son knows not to "Boo" me or playfully grab me from where I can’t see him, etc. My husb. isn’t the type to play in that way anyhow. ’Course I get triggered in other ways w/him, like, when I just want a hug and it turns into something else too fast for me. But that’s another story. The husb. stuff: very hard recently. He’s going through this prolonged PTSD-depression thing, and I don’t know when or how it will end. Sometimes he takes things out on me and it hurts – because not only do I feel cut off, then I feel ab*sed, too. And if I express it, he is not able to turn things around right then – I have to wait. And I’m not good at waiting. Eventually – usually w/in a small space of time (and sometimes geography) – hours, say – he comes and puts his arms around me in such a way as to tell me that he means to make things up, that he is acknowledging that he has precipitated a breach and wants to mend it. But I want things *now*, and it’s hard for me to wait. Something I’ve had to learn. With him. Don’t like it and never will. Hah. So there. Well, anyhow – this is more than just an answer to what you wrote – so I hope you don’t feel swept away into another stream by this. I hope you are able to let things go a bit w/the startle thing. I personally don’t think it counts for much as far as an indicator of "progress." I think it’s just a reflex thing that happens sometimes. That’s just what I think, anyhow. Beauty.
Response:
.anyone else spend most of their time being conscious as one person, but having someone else controlling the body?
hm…we have a weird sort of thing going on that i haven’t been able to figure out with katy. and it’s one of those things i haven’t heard a lot of people talk about, so i just don’t bring it up. but katy will sometimes let me control the body (and i say "let" intentionally, because we are so very close during these times that she could very easily take that control away), but it is she that is doing the thinking and the talking. i think it must happen with others, but i notice it more with her, because she sort of gives me a little bit of space to be there, too. that’s probably because it usually happens with her when we’re out of the apartment. grrrrr. diane, of Ravensong "If you feel bad, blow bubble stuff or watch the snails after it rains. That always makes me feel better." – Katy, of Ravensong
Response:
yes, that seems similar to what I experience. In my case, I think the body is controlled by one part by default (though perhaps the default changes? I dunno), perhaps as a means of remaining congruent with regards to body language, even though my mental processes undergo frequent switches. It may have been a way for me to have escaped detection as a multiple for so long. I’ve also had the fun experience of being in an extremely dissociative state (Socrates), with one of the little-littles present in the mind (makes a nice change from being m*rbidly depressed), but having that mix be counterproductive regarding locomotion. Though I could, as you say, easily take over (it would cause a wrenching…it seems as though there’d be an energy block I’d need to overcome) and resume normal physical functioning (though the mental processes wouldn’t be as stable, necessarily), it’s deemed "more fun" to have Gloriana "pull the strings" of whoever’s in charge of the body, thus forcing the body to do her bidding, as though it were a puppet. This is both an incredibly strange feeling, and highly entertaining. ;) She frequently has us walk like the Franknstine m*nster, providing humorous sound effects to accompany the heavy footfalls. The theory would be, one supposes, that if one *must* dissociate, there’s no reason *not* to enjoy it. I’m so glad we’ve learned how. :-D (smile courtesy of Gloriana) Thank you, diane. (hiya, katy!!! *waves* (from the kids)) Luc-mix for dyenths
.anyone else spend most of their time being conscious as one person, but having someone else controlling the body? hm…we have a weird sort of thing going on that i haven’t been able to figure out with katy. and it’s one of those things i haven’t
heard a lot of people talk about, so i just don’t bring it up. but katy will sometimes let me control the body (and i say "let" intentionally, because
we are so very close during these times that she could very easily take that
control away), but it is she that is doing the thinking and the talking. i
think it must happen with others, but i notice it more with her, because she sort of gives me a little bit of space to be there, too. that’s probably because it
usually happens with her when we’re out of the apartment. grrrrr. diane, of Ravensong "If you feel bad, blow bubble stuff or watch the snails
after it rains. That – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – always makes me feel better." – Katy, of Ravensong
Response:
um…well…*confused* i mean, hmm….. maybe that goes back to this thing i’ve been wondering about occasionally…how much of the time *do* i have one person in charge of the body and one doing the "thinking", ie: in charge of the "consciousness". If I think about it a bit, it seems like maybe Jenny’s in the body right now, but she’s not on "first". aww, heck, i dunno…anyone else spend most of their time being conscious as one person, but having someone else controlling the body? I regularly find myself preparing to take a nap without realizing it until i’m pulling the covers up to my chin. "Hmm…maybe it’s naptime…lemme think now…;)" *sigh* very dissy today. am truly grateful the drive home was uneventful. i doubt i could have handled an ‘event’ at speed. dyenths
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – dyenths writes… I mean, things have been _so_ good with the hubby lately…some stuff got cleared up about some issues about … stuff… so certain things with hubby have gotten *much* better. There’s been a lot of c*ddling and phys closeness going on lately, so I don’t understand why I flipped out. Sure it was ‘you’ who weirded out when hubby did that???? Dayzie
Response:
um…well…*confused* i mean, hmm….. maybe that goes back to this thing i’ve been wondering about occasionally…how much of the time *do* i have one person in charge of the body and one doing the "thinking", ie: in charge of the "consciousness". If I think about it a bit, it seems like maybe Jenny’s in the body right now, but she’s not on "first". aww, heck, i dunno…anyone else spend most of their time being conscious as one person, but having someone else controlling the body?
I don’t know about most of the time, but this is kind of what I was trying to explain last week about H&V. When one or the other is forward, in control of the mind very consciously, dove is long gone, and cs controls the physical body. H&V, especially Violet, squim and squeeze and wrestle to get out, but cs clamps down harder. His control does not feel like that of an insider. He feels like he comes in from outside. I regularly find myself preparing to take a nap without realizing it until i’m pulling the covers up to my chin. "Hmm…maybe it’s naptime…lemme think now…;)"
Sometimes we seem to be asleep, the body is still, and we can feel that we are asleep, yet is seems that one is awake, watching us sleep. Like we are sleeping with our eyes open or something, and they are taking in the visual images, yet not processing…because we are asleep. Someone very vigilant is keeping watch. *sigh* very dissy today. am truly grateful the drive home was uneventful. i doubt i could have handled an ‘event’ at speed. dyenths
glad you got home okay. dove — For info about this service, see http://anon.twwells.com/help/ or e-mail:
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