Question:
Lousy night here. I could be flooded with flashbacks – eg. they’re threatening to break through, but something in me is fighting tooth and nail to keep them away. So I feel really spaced out, yet at the same time, I’m in the black void where I’m so far out of reach that it’s like looking at the world through the wrong end of binoculars, can’t feel a connection. Scary how much is "under the hood". Hannah
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I forgot to mention, how about music?? Either headphones or just regular music, something to distract the thoughts? Hang in there Hannah, remember you’ve been in these places before and always come out the other end eventually. Close your eyes and try listening to music, let the lyrics fill your mind till there’s no room for anything else. tiny dancer "Hannah" <blha…@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:d9fbd6ce.0107021924.7705000f@posting.google.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Lousy night here. I could be flooded with flashbacks – eg. they’re > threatening to break through, but something in me is fighting tooth > and nail to keep them away. So I feel really spaced out, yet at the > same time, I’m in the black void where I’m so far out of reach that > it’s like looking at the world through the wrong end of binoculars, > can’t feel a connection. > Scary how much is "under the hood". > Hannah
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Hannah, Sorry for your pain. I am trying to send you some good energy. Helski
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Thanks for your support, guys. Hannah
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dear hannah, sorry you had such a bad night. : ( that disconnected feeling you talk about, i do the same thing when i’m fighting stuff coming back. a warm bubble bath/soak always helps me settle down a bit. kat "Hannah" <blha…@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:d9fbd6ce.0107021924.7705000f@posting.google.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Lousy night here. I could be flooded with flashbacks – eg. they’re > threatening to break through, but something in me is fighting tooth > and nail to keep them away. So I feel really spaced out, yet at the > same time, I’m in the black void where I’m so far out of reach that > it’s like looking at the world through the wrong end of binoculars, > can’t feel a connection. > Scary how much is "under the hood". > Hannah
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>threatening to break through, but something in me is fighting tooth >and nail to keep them away. So I feel really spaced out, yet at the >same time, I’m in the black void where I’m so far out of reach
Hannah, might I suggest pulling out some basic art supplies (paint, crayons, pencils) and just free form using them? Or pick up a pad and some paints (all for under $20) at a craft store and just PAINT. Make sure you have the colors you know you want (that’s just something you KNOW). Its not art class, its a form of release…I hope this bit of advice helps, it helped me at one point to just pick up the stuff and use it…the results were rather disturbing (the pics) but it is what’s there and I felt a tremendous release. The scary stuff can come out on paper and a sense of release comes too. hang in there, Kristine
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Hannah, Just my two cents worth, but I started painting after listening to Kris talk about it. It really helps me too. kat "BaliKris" <balik…@aol.comzipspam> wrote in message
news:20010703195649.14821.00002066@ng-cd1.aol.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> >threatening to break through, but something in me is fighting tooth > >and nail to keep them away. So I feel really spaced out, yet at the > >same time, I’m in the black void where I’m so far out of reach > Hannah, might I suggest pulling out some basic art supplies (paint, crayons, > pencils) and just free form using them? Or pick up a pad and some paints (all > for under $20) at a craft store and just PAINT. Make sure you have the colors > you know you want (that’s just something you KNOW). Its not art class, its a > form of release…I hope this bit of advice helps, it helped me at one point to > just pick up the stuff and use it…the results were rather disturbing (the > pics) but it is what’s there and I felt a tremendous release. The scary stuff > can come out on paper and a sense of release comes too. > hang in there, Kristine
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Hi everyone – Thank you all again for your support – it really helps to have so many good people in my corner. 
Kris and Kat, I actually did try art therapy last night for the first time (at the suggestion of a close friend – I couldn’t think straight enough to even remember to do it – she really saved me). I didn’t have any paints, only had my daughter’s old crayons that were stored away in a cupboard…but I started to draw the pictures that were haunting me, and it really helped! As you say, Kris, they’re pretty awful stuff, but it truly did help release the pent-up emotion. What surprised me was how the pictures looked like a young kid had drawn them, maybe 4 or 5 years of age, which would be the age I was during that particular flashback. Thanks again to you all, I appreciate your help and support more than I can say. Hannah
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Hi Hannah:-) Like everyone else, I know the feeling that you’re having. Drugs and alcohol used to cover it up nicely, but eventually they turned into a bigger problem than the nightly paranoia, so I had to develop different coping strategies. Nowadays, I try to get ‘out of myself’ by listening to music or reading (if I can concentrate). Going outside and just breathing deeply from the belly sometimes works wonders, too. Hang in there, Hannah. …the best is yet to come, BroVetDave
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Hi Bro Vet, The music really helps me. I put on headphones so the music just fills up my mind and I can’t think of anything else. Just listening to it is okay, but when I really need to escape there’s nothing like the headphones for blocking out everything and forcing yourself to only concentrate on the music. I love to read too, but at those worst times I can’t concentrate at all. tiny dancer "Bro Vet" <HermanoVetr…@webtv.net> wrote in message
news:21916-3B429E46-100@storefull-298.iap.bryant.webtv.net… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hi Hannah:-) > Like everyone else, I know the feeling that you’re having. Drugs and > alcohol used to cover it up nicely, but eventually they turned into a > bigger problem than the nightly paranoia, so I had to develop different > coping strategies. Nowadays, I try to get ‘out of myself’ by listening > to music or reading (if I can concentrate). Going outside and just > breathing deeply from the belly sometimes works wonders, too. Hang in > there, Hannah. > …the best is yet to come, > BroVetDave
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in article d9fbd6ce.0107021924.77050…@posting.google.com, Hannah at blha…@hotmail.com wrote on 7/3/01 3:24 AM: > Lousy night here. I could be flooded with flashbacks – eg. they’re > threatening to break through, but something in me is fighting tooth > and nail to keep them away. So I feel really spaced out, yet at the > same time, I’m in the black void where I’m so far out of reach that > it’s like looking at the world through the wrong end of binoculars, > can’t feel a connection. > Scary how much is "under the hood". > Hannah
hi Hannah, I’m up in the middle of the night due to a nightmare, I don’t normaly have them, but it seems stuff is more stirred up inside now that I’ve found out that I am not jsut me, I have PTSD…… Sorry it’s been a rought night for you too…… (((((((((HUGS)))))))) Cherri
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7/4/01 9:08 AM – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> in article d9fbd6ce.0107021924.77050…@posting.google.com, Hannah at > blha…@hotmail.com wrote on 7/3/01 3:24 AM: >> Lousy night here. I could be flooded with flashbacks – eg. they’re >> threatening to break through, but something in me is fighting tooth >> and nail to keep them away. So I feel really spaced out, yet at the >> same time, I’m in the black void where I’m so far out of reach that >> it’s like looking at the world through the wrong end of binoculars, >> can’t feel a connection. >> Scary how much is "under the hood". >> Hannah > hi Hannah, > I’m up in the middle of the night due to a nightmare, I don’t normaly have > them, but it seems stuff is more stirred up inside now that I’ve found out > that I am not jsut me, I have PTSD…… > Sorry it’s been a rought night for you too…… > (((((((((HUGS)))))))) > Cherri
testing testing
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I think i figured it out, he he he…… testing testing 1 2 3
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Dear Hannah, That’s GOOD. Sounds like your little girl inside is trying to help you learn what happened/and or to cope with what happenened. I found by honoring her, allowing her to "speak" through drawing, somehow, it really helps. Don’t know how it works, it just does, for me anyway. So glad it helped!!! YAY Kris, you’re gonna turn us all into Picassos!!! LOL!!! kat p.s. I do that too, looks like a little kid drew it sometimes, and usually corresponds with the age I was abused at, so it was kind of interesting that you brought that up. Thanks Hannah. "Hannah" <blha…@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:d9fbd6ce.0107031701.201b2abe@posting.google.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hi everyone – > Thank you all again for your support – it really helps to have so many > good people in my corner. > Kris and Kat, I actually did try art therapy last night for the first > time (at the suggestion of a close friend – I couldn’t think straight > enough to even remember to do it – she really saved me). I didn’t have > any paints, only had my daughter’s old crayons that were stored away > in a cupboard…but I started to draw the pictures that were haunting > me, and it really helped! As you say, Kris, they’re pretty awful > stuff, but it truly did help release the pent-up emotion. > What surprised me was how the pictures looked like a young kid had > drawn them, maybe 4 or 5 years of age, which would be the age I was > during that particular flashback. > Thanks again to you all, I appreciate your help and support more than > I can say. > Hannah
Response:
Cheri, Thanks for the laugh! *smiling* And glad you’re here!!! Welcome!!! kat "Cherri" <staryn…@earthlink.net> wrote in message
news:B76858D5.401%starynyte@earthlink.net… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I think i figured it out, he he he…… > testing testing 1 2 3
Response:
Hi Cherri:-) you wrote: >I think i figured it out, he he he…… >testing testing 1 2 3
Way to go:-) Also, thanks for the nice comment about Crouching Trauma / Hidden Stressor, Rudy started it and I played with it for a couple of weeks, but anyone can write it if they want (right Rudy?) – so, have at it if you’re inclined, the more the merrier. BTW, I know what you mean about feeling more stress now that you’ve been diagnosed with ptsd, I did the same thing. It’s almost as if it was possible to live with my own weirdness before it had a name, but now that I know what it is my mind reels noticing all the thinking patterns in place because of it – does that make sense? Anyway, it’s nice to see ya posting here, see ya soon.:-) …the best is yet to come, BroVetDave
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7/4/01 8:43 PM – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hi Cherri:-) > you wrote: >> I think i figured it out, he he he…… >> testing testing 1 2 3 > Way to go:-) > Also, thanks for the nice comment about Crouching Trauma / Hidden > Stressor, Rudy started it and I played with it for a couple of weeks, > but anyone can write it if they want (right Rudy?) – so, have at it if > you’re inclined, the more the merrier. > BTW, I know what you mean about feeling more stress now that you’ve been > diagnosed with ptsd, I did the same thing. It’s almost as if it was > possible to live with my own weirdness before it had a name, but now > that I know what it is my mind reels noticing all the thinking patterns > in place because of it – does that make sense? Anyway, it’s nice to see > ya posting here, see ya soon.:-) > …the best is yet to come, > BroVetDave
OH MY GOSH!!!!!!! you are so on target with that, YES I get exactly what you mean! I have always just thought that this is me, this is just the way i am, I knew part of how I am was a reaction to what I’ve been through, but I NEVER even gave it a thought that is was a disorder! It was very weird how it all happened…….. I’ve been out of abuseive relationships for a long time, at least 7 years, my last relationship prior to the current one (great most of the time) ended due to his cheating on me so that only compounded how I was affected by all the rest, you know crap ontop of crap, so now I’m in a very loving relationship, he’s got a few minor issues too, but nothing like mine, he had it wonderful growing up, two loving supportive parents, raised him very well, never had a messed up/crazy relationship, was w/ the x for 10 yrs., never realy experienced any crap like me……anyhow I began to notice that I was acting paranoid kinda, thinking people were doing stuff on purpose to GET me…..to piss me off, hurt me….I would take a situation and totaly make it somehting it was not, all I have to do is get the slightest inclination that someone is out to get me, hurt me, even upset me, my daggers and horns come out! I get EXTREMELY defencive! anyway……all this began causing serious problems in my relationship…..he actually broke up with me over a certain incedent like that. I ran into a mere aquantence, and we were discussing a mutual aquantence and the fact that she was probably still in her abusive relationship, this women commented that she was severely abused 12 years ago, and is still in counceling today, she began mentioning some of the things that she was doing that affected her current realtionship negativly…….and I froze! she was telling me all the same stuff i have been doing! I certanly think GOD sent her to me that day! so she tells me about where she goes for help, and invites me to come, so I go and tell my story to the group and the leader says, "you have classic signs of PTSD" so the next day I got online and did some research of this PTSD, I was floored, stunned, blown away, incredibly depressed, and felt that life was not worth living and no one cared if I wasn’t here, after reading all the stuff I read @: http://www.ncptsd.org/ I lost it!, just about everything they listed, I do!!!!!!!! I am STILL in shock! this was 3 weeks ago…… I’ve been going to group once a week and 1on1-2x a week, and am tryyyyying to get a hold of my reg. med. doc. to refer me to a psychologist so I can get some meds. I constantly feel SO anxious ALL the time, I can’t stand it, and when something upsets me, i feel like I’m going to literaly explode, or flip out! I don’t trust myself…. There are times I get so angry I want to hurt them (people at work, whoever pisses me off) I can’t believe I’m actually writing this, even admiting that I’ve felt this way……I guess I am in desperate need of understanding. When I get upset my boyfriend Terry says, "You don’t need to get all worked up over this." as if I can control it, and it makes me SO mad when he says that! like I CHOOSE to get upset! ARGHHHHH!!!!!!! whewwwwwww……..I am trying to breath, if I were talking you’re ear would be gone! right :0) it’s been a horrible two days, and I can’t wait for my appointment tomorow with my councelor! I wish I could just quit my job, and stay the hell home, if I interact with no one, then nothing can happen….. sorry i dumped all this on you…… Cherri
Response:
Hi BroVetDave – >… Nowadays, I try to get ‘out of myself’ by listening > to music or reading (if I can concentrate). Going outside and just > breathing deeply from the belly sometimes works wonders, too. Hang in > there, Hannah.
Thanks for your post and good thoughts. The week hasn’t gotten much better, but hey, I’ve listened to a lot of great music. Best to you, too. Hannah
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Hi Cherri – > I’m up in the middle of the night due to a nightmare, I don’t normaly have > them, but it seems stuff is more stirred up inside now that I’ve found out > that I am not jsut me, I have PTSD…… > Sorry it’s been a rought night for you too…… > (((((((((HUGS))))))))
Thanks for your post. I remember when I was first diagnosed – it was a relief to know it wasn’t "me". And then I went through a steep learning curve – the more I read about PTSD, the more everything made sense ( and I’m still learning). It took some time, but now when symptoms flare up, I better know what they are telling me and how I need to manage them. Hang in there, Hannah
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Hi Kat! > That’s GOOD. Sounds like your little girl inside is trying to help you > learn what happened/and or to cope with what happenened. I found by > honoring her, allowing her to "speak" through drawing, somehow, it really > helps. Don’t know how it works, it just does, for me anyway.
Yeah, I don’t know why either, but it really helped. > YAY Kris, you’re gonna turn us all into Picassos!!!
LOL ) > p.s. I do that too, looks like a little kid drew it sometimes, and usually > corresponds with the age I was abused at, so it was kind of interesting that > you brought that up. Thanks Hannah.
That really fascinated me, too. I’m often awed by how much is stored inside of me, and by the clues I give myself that I often only see retrospect. Take care, Hannah
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Alright then, whoever sells a painting will remit to me a 10% finder’s fee for finding the ng and putting MY idea out there…hehehehe
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7/6/01 3:00 PM – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hi Cherri – >> I’m up in the middle of the night due to a nightmare, I don’t normaly have >> them, but it seems stuff is more stirred up inside now that I’ve found out >> that I am not jsut me, I have PTSD…… >> Sorry it’s been a rought night for you too…… >> (((((((((HUGS)))))))) > Thanks for your post. I remember when I was first diagnosed – it was a > relief to know it wasn’t "me". And then I went through a steep > learning curve – the more I read about PTSD, the more everything made > sense ( and I’m still learning). It took some time, but now when > symptoms flare up, I better know what they are telling me and how I > need to manage them. > Hang in there, > Hannah
Hi Hanna, thanks so much, I can’t tell you HOW good it feels to know someone understands! I’ve found a few books I want to get but I am so broke right now. I’ve read a lot on the web, and it scared me more than made me feel better, because if all this mess isn’t really me, then who the heck am I? So now I have that to figure out too…… thanx Cherri
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hehehe! "BaliKris" <balik…@aol.comzipspam> wrote in message
news:20010706115248.18476.00001929@ng-fa1.aol.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Alright then, whoever sells a painting will remit to me a 10% finder’s fee for > finding the ng and putting MY idea out there…hehehehe
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