Question:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Now what if this child is then abused, sexually or physically whatever. How will that child react, IMO they put on hold a lot of that learning they were doing, so they can cope with these new emotions. They sometimes retreat further back and act younger than they are, or sometimes they skip the whole childhood thing and start acting like adults. But, these are still children, and for me I need to do a lot of learning now. I need to learn all the social skills and relationship skills and trust, which either I didn’t learn as a child or I found them to be false. This is most excellent. I am old in many ways, having been woken up to certain aspects of the human condition way too early. Emotionally, I am four. NMWFB
Heh – blast from the past. You’ll find me somewhere in dejanews saying almost exactly the same thing….. (or being told i forget which) jaffa Keep me away from wisdom which does not cry, the philosophy which does not laugh and the greatness which does not bow before children.
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I have no idea what it’s going to take to get my fucked up life straightened out. How long does a person have to be in therapy to become "normal"? Ya got me. After ten years I think we’ve gotten fairly far along toward ”less abnormal.” My shrink even left the state. He takes a one week vacation a year, and when he does I take it as a personal message that he’s wanting to get away from me. I’ve lost 10 lbs in a week (which would be a good thing if I were doing it correctly). It seems that after a person gets to know me they don’t want to be around me anymore. What I have done when I get that feeling–which I don’t actually get much any more–is to sit down and make a list. Write peoples’ names down one column and what you THINK happened between you in the other. Then read it back and see how much of it might be interpretation. I feel like I’m cursed, that my step-dad was right when he said I was nothing and would always be worthless. I want to SCREAM, but what good would it do me, no one would hear me but the dog, and he already thinks I’m crazy. Heh. Nothing to lose, then. I’m in a state of anxiety that I can’t get rid of, I think my therapist is going to get into a car wreck and die, I think I’m going to go insane, maybe it’s for the best, I hate him that he got to me and made me open up, it was so much easier before when I didn’t feel anything at all. Why would you be entitled to ”easier?” I’m not. Why can’t I just shut it off like I used to? It makes no sense to me, and now I’m wearing a bunch of new marks on my arms, and wondering if their going to be gone by the time he gets back. Seems like ”new marks” would be something important for a therapist to be aware of. Sorry for whining, but thanks for reading it if you did. No prob. — Hookt on foniks reely wurkt for me! — I was on the golf course yesterday and hit two of my best balls. Stepped on a rake… Freida here
Averti I wonder what normal is? I suppose that is up to us as individuals and our own personal conception of it. For me it took years, and I still don’t know what normal is . I am finally comfortable in my own skin, and the log I once carried on my shoulder went to a chip. There is still some wood shaving there , where the log once was. Normal? Last I heard that was an organization for the legalization of marijuna. Keep well
Response:
[...] Freida here
Ahoy, matey 8). Averti I wonder what normal is?
It’s certainly not the same thing as ”average” or ”conventional.” If it IS, we’re all sunk. I suppose that is up to us as individuals and our own personal conception of it. For me it took years, and I still don’t know what normal is . I am finally comfortable in my own skin, and the log I once carried on my shoulder went to a chip. There is still some wood shaving there , where the log once was.
That’s a pleasure to read. Yes, I agree that ”normal” or ”healed” or even ”better” varies with each person. Your comfort level and your wood shaving shows that you have been headed in the right direction, whether you end up being ”normal” or not. Normal? Last I heard that was an organization for the legalization of marijuna.
Hehehehe. You’d have to take that up with SumBuddie. I’m for either the legalization of everything or total bans on stuff 8). Keep well
– Failed my urine test. Floor, wall, desk, mirror, shoes–no problem. But that stupid cup is so SMALL.
Response:
God I hate this! I don’t understand, what’s wrong with me?????? I have found more EMpathy (I hate the sympathy and pity thing) here than I have with my family. I really appreciate everything you all have said and the hugs you have sent, I really needed them! I feel like a love-starved child, and I’m almost 30? Where’s the sense in that? Ok, sorry enough droning on already, I just wanted to say thanks again, because it really means alot. I have found a lot of encouragement (sp?) in reading others posts as well. I do have a question though. Does anyone ever feel like your intruding when you read others’ posts/responses? I don’t know if this is normal or not, just wanted to know. It seems like eavesdropping or something to me, I feel guilty about it. GRRRRR when is this gonna end???? Thanks Enigma 
{{{{{{AAR}}}}}}} Only if you want them though! – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi Enigma Hi Scamper, Thought I would jump on to this thread. hi, I have no idea what it’s going to take to get my fucked up life straightened out. Join the club – I am going thru’ exactly the same thing.:) et moi. How long does a person have to be in therapy to become "normal"? Define normal ….:) This is something that we must discuss sometime. Ok, we should think on the terms of child development, walking is normal from 9 – 18 months, average is 12-13 months. My point, (bet you can’t wait) a child learning to walk gets love attention and opportunity to test his skills, he needs to at least be able to sit before he can stand. What if that child was left in his cot and never given the opportunity or love and attention. Would he still walk by 18 months? Probably not. Think of a child of 10 what should they be learning at this age? Things like responsibility, going to the shops perhaps, if it is not too far, learning to be in by a set time. Learning long division, and french at school. Some can cross a road safely, some still need to be watched. Also the hormones are for some starting to kick in, this is a confusing period for children. Now what if this child is then abused, sexually or physically whatever. How will that child react, IMO they put on hold a lot of that learning they were doing, so they can cope with these new emotions. They sometimes retreat further back and act younger than they are, or sometimes they skip the whole childhood thing and start acting like adults. But, these are still children, and for me I need to do a lot of learning now. I need to learn all the social skills and relationship skills and trust, which either I didn’t learn as a child or I found them to be false. That went on a bit sorry. My shrink even left the state. He takes a one week vacation a year, and when hed does I take it as a personal message that he’s wanting to get away from me. Geesh and I thought I had a low self esteem I also sometimes to thru’ this too, when someone does not respond I think to myself – what have I done to chase them off. I’ve lost 10 lbs in a week (which would be a good thing if I were doing it correctly). It seems that after a person gets to know me they don’t want to be around me anymore. Yup same here. I think it is more our perception rather than the truth. Wise words Scamper. Our perceptions are slightly distorted. I don’t however think we need to change our perception just what leads us to it. I feel like I’m cursed, that my step-dad was right when he said I was nothing and would always be worthless. Don’t listen to him – you are not worthless. You are something/somebody and you are worth time I am spending answering this post. Don’t calculate your self worth on what your step-dad said. Very true, it is hard to believe in yourself, but you must at least try to do so. I want to SCREAM, but what good would it do me, no one would hear me but the dog, and he already thinks I’m crazy. Woof woof:) Crazy is ok. In fact crazy is probably better than ignoring the situation, and you are not doing that. I’m in a state of anxiety that I can’t get rid of, I think my therapist is going to get into a car wreck and die, I think I’m going to go insane, maybe it’s for the best, I hate him that he got to me and made me open up, it was so much easier before when I didn’t feel anything at all. Yup same again. I have often toyed with the idea of just suppressing everything again but for what? To go thru’ all the pain and anxiety of not knowing, not understanding – nope I think that to know is to heal. Suppressing is not a good idea, though I believe that the little time I did ‘forget’ was to allow me breathing space, and to allow me physically to heal. My mind obviously thinks I am ready to deal with this now.!!! Why can’t I just shut it off like I used to? It makes no sense to me, and now I’m wearing a bunch of new marks on my arms, and wondering if their going to be gone by the time he gets back. "Cause the time has come for you to deal with things. Your mind is saying no more. Your mind is fighting against you trying to shut it out. You need to let your therapist see the marks on your arms. He needs to help you not to create them anymore. Sending you hugs Enigma, and Scamper some too. Sorry for whining, but thanks for reading it if you did. Don’t worry about it. I have done it often on this ng so join the club ol bean:) Take care and be kind to yourself.:) Ditto. You too Scamper. Seraphina.
– Hookt on foniks reely wurkt for me!
Response:
God I hate this! I don’t understand, what’s wrong with me?????? I have found more EMpathy (I hate the sympathy and pity thing) here than I have with my family. I really appreciate everything you all have said and the hugs you have sent, I really needed them! I feel like a love-starved child, and I’m almost 30? Where’s the sense in that?
Tack on a couple more decades and ask again. Ok, sorry enough droning on already, I just wanted to say thanks again, because it really means alot. I have found a lot of encouragement (sp?) in reading others posts as well. I do have a question though. Does anyone ever feel like your intruding when you read others’ posts/responses?
Yeah 8). So? Peeking in windows where the curtains have been drawn is intrusive. Peeking in windows where the curtains are open and all the lights are on and there’s a flashing sign saying ”Hey!! Check it out!!” is doing what somebody wanted you to do. I don’t know if this is normal or not, just wanted to know. It seems like eavesdropping or something to me, I feel guilty about it. GRRRRR when is this gonna end????
Perhaps when you do something that you really SHOULD feel guilty over…a kind of shift in guilt focus, as it were. Thanks Enigma {{{{{{AAR}}}}}}} Only if you want them though!
a. — Don’t put that communion wafer in your mouth; you don’t know where it’s been.
Response:
Enigma, God I hate this! I don’t understand, what’s wrong with me?????? I have found more EMpathy (I hate the sympathy and pity thing) here than I have with my family. I really appreciate everything you all have said and the hugs you have sent, I really needed them! I feel like a love-starved child,
Why do you think that there is anything wrong with you? Psychologists theorize that part of the child that you were will always stay within you. We develop new aspects of our personality that hide the old, but the lonely, hurt child remains. And that part of us needs the love, protection, and respect that it never got. I have found that when I have a nagging need or insecurity, it sometimes helps to talk to myself as if I were talking to a little child. I think that I am talking to the hurt child within me. Regardless of whether it is true or not, it seems to work. — ht — And if life is just a highway — then the soul is just a car, And objects in the rearview mirror may appear closer than they are.
Response:
Hi Enigma Hi Scamper, Thought I would jump on to this thread. hi, I have no idea what it’s going to take to get my fucked up life straightened out. Join the club – I am going thru’ exactly the same thing.:)
et moi. How long does a person have to be in therapy to become "normal"? Define normal ….:)
This is something that we must discuss sometime. Ok, we should think on the terms of child development, walking is normal from 9 – 18 months, average is 12-13 months. My point, (bet you can’t wait) a child learning to walk gets love attention and opportunity to test his skills, he needs to at least be able to sit before he can stand. What if that child was left in his cot and never given the opportunity or love and attention. Would he still walk by 18 months? Probably not. Think of a child of 10 what should they be learning at this age? Things like responsibility, going to the shops perhaps, if it is not too far, learning to be in by a set time. Learning long division, and french at school. Some can cross a road safely, some still need to be watched. Also the hormones are for some starting to kick in, this is a confusing period for children. Now what if this child is then abused, sexually or physically whatever. How will that child react, IMO they put on hold a lot of that learning they were doing, so they can cope with these new emotions. They sometimes retreat further back and act younger than they are, or sometimes they skip the whole childhood thing and start acting like adults. But, these are still children, and for me I need to do a lot of learning now. I need to learn all the social skills and relationship skills and trust, which either I didn’t learn as a child or I found them to be false. That went on a bit sorry. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – My shrink even left the state. He takes a one week vacation a year, and when hed does I take it as a personal message that he’s wanting to get away from me. Geesh and I thought I had a low self esteem I also sometimes to thru’ this too, when someone does not respond I think to myself – what have I done to chase them off. I’ve lost 10 lbs in a week (which would be a good thing if I were doing it correctly). It seems that after a person gets to know me they don’t want to be around me anymore. Yup same here. I think it is more our perception rather than the truth.
Wise words Scamper. Our perceptions are slightly distorted. I don’t however think we need to change our perception just what leads us to it. I feel like I’m cursed, that my step-dad was right when he said I was nothing and would always be worthless. Don’t listen to him – you are not worthless. You are something/somebody and you are worth time I am spending answering this post. Don’t calculate your self worth on what your step-dad said.
Very true, it is hard to believe in yourself, but you must at least try to do so. I want to SCREAM, but what good would it do me, no one would hear me but the dog, and he already thinks I’m crazy. Woof woof:)
Crazy is ok. In fact crazy is probably better than ignoring the situation, and you are not doing that. I’m in a state of anxiety that I can’t get rid of, I think my therapist is going to get into a car wreck and die, I think I’m going to go insane, maybe it’s for the best, I hate him that he got to me and made me open up, it was so much easier before when I didn’t feel anything at all. Yup same again. I have often toyed with the idea of just suppressing everything again but for what? To go thru’ all the pain and anxiety of not knowing, not understanding – nope I think that to know is to heal.
Suppressing is not a good idea, though I believe that the little time I did ‘forget’ was to allow me breathing space, and to allow me physically to heal. My mind obviously thinks I am ready to deal with this now.!!! Why can’t I just shut it off like I used to? It makes no sense to me, and now I’m wearing a bunch of new marks on my arms, and wondering if their going to be gone by the time he gets back. "Cause the time has come for you to deal with things. Your mind is saying no more. Your mind is fighting against you trying to shut it out. You need to let your therapist see the marks on your arms. He needs to help you not to create them anymore.
Sending you hugs Enigma, and Scamper some too. Sorry for whining, but thanks for reading it if you did. Don’t worry about it. I have done it often on this ng so join the club ol bean:) Take care and be kind to yourself.:)
Ditto. You too Scamper. Seraphina.
Response:
Now what if this child is then abused, sexually or physically whatever. How will that child react, IMO they put on hold a lot of that learning they were doing, so they can cope with these new emotions. They sometimes retreat further back and act younger than they are, or sometimes they skip the whole childhood thing and start acting like adults. But, these are still children, and for me I need to do a lot of learning now. I need to learn all the social skills and relationship skills and trust, which either I didn’t learn as a child or I found them to be false.
This is most excellent. I am old in many ways, having been woken up to certain aspects of the human condition way too early. Emotionally, I am four. NMWFB
Response:
I have no idea what it’s going to take to get my fucked up life straightened out. How long does a person have to be in therapy to become "normal"?
Ya got me. After ten years I think we’ve gotten fairly far along toward ”less abnormal.” My shrink even left the state. He takes a one week vacation a year, and when he does I take it as a personal message that he’s wanting to get away from me. I’ve lost 10 lbs in a week (which would be a good thing if I were doing it correctly). It seems that after a person gets to know me they don’t want to be around me anymore.
What I have done when I get that feeling–which I don’t actually get much any more–is to sit down and make a list. Write peoples’ names down one column and what you THINK happened between you in the other. Then read it back and see how much of it might be interpretation. I feel like I’m cursed, that my step-dad was right when he said I was nothing and would always be worthless. I want to SCREAM, but what good would it do me, no one would hear me but the dog, and he already thinks I’m crazy.
Heh. Nothing to lose, then. I’m in a state of anxiety that I can’t get rid of, I think my therapist is going to get into a car wreck and die, I think I’m going to go insane, maybe it’s for the best, I hate him that he got to me and made me open up, it was so much easier before when I didn’t feel anything at all.
Why would you be entitled to ”easier?” I’m not. Why can’t I just shut it off like I used to? It makes no sense to me, and now I’m wearing a bunch of new marks on my arms, and wondering if their going to be gone by the time he gets back.
Seems like ”new marks” would be something important for a therapist to be aware of. Sorry for whining, but thanks for reading it if you did.
No prob. — Hookt on foniks reely wurkt for me!
– I was on the golf course yesterday and hit two of my best balls. Stepped on a rake…
Response:
Dear Sorry for Whining: In recovery – in the ACA fellowship the old timers talk of the 7th to 8th year of recovery – you know clean and sober – working on getting conscious – dealing with historical issues that come up in present day events and the like – well ….. All the issues that the person went though for the first 7 years – in the 7th to 8th year – those 12 months – the person in recovery gets to go though all their issues they set straight for the first 7 get reset up and redone in that ONE year (iyam not yelling atcha). That is supposedly the hardest year of recovery, the old times say so – and that is what happened to me in my 7th year. This stuff is in your broken heart – and mindtalk will not set it straight. I had decades of crying stored up in my body and I had to cry and cry for months and months over years – and still I attract my disease and recovery today. Recently I was assaulted by a black man and I am surprised at the PTSD issues I have will all black males now – and I dont want that fear stuff inside of me. Then I saw a whole bunch of black boys and girls on Tee-Vee (it was the 700 Club of all things) – and I saw the face of God in their faces – and my fears melted – at least for today. And I hope for tomorrow. Also when your mindtalk doctor goes on vacation – they are showing and modeling boundaries and healthy taking care of themselves – they cant destroy themselves and work themselves to death for you – you know. That would be counterproducted and not modeling healthy behaviour, which is why you are in there. Accupuncture (traditional), biofeedback and Integrative Body Psychogtherapy is the cheapest, fastest, gentlest way though this PTSD and body changing process that is recovery. It works if you work it …. And if you are not making progress – then change what you are doing to something that makes progress. sumbuddie duex amoure – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I have no idea what it’s going to take to get my fucked up life straightened out. How long does a person have to be in therapy to become "normal"? My shrink even left the state. He takes a one week vacation a year, and when he does I take it as a personal message that he’s wanting to get away from me. I’ve lost 10 lbs in a week (which would be a good thing if I were doing it correctly). It seems that after a person gets to know me they don’t want to be around me anymore. I feel like I’m cursed, that my step-dad was right when he said I was nothing and would always be worthless. I want to SCREAM, but what good would it do me, no one would hear me but the dog, and he already thinks I’m crazy. I’m in a state of anxiety that I can’t get rid of, I think my therapist is going to get into a car wreck and die, I think I’m going to go insane, maybe it’s for the best, I hate him that he got to me and made me open up, it was so much easier before when I didn’t feel anything at all. Why can’t I just shut it off like I used to? It makes no sense to me, and now I’m wearing a bunch of new marks on my arms, and wondering if their going to be gone by the time he gets back. Sorry for whining, but thanks for reading it if you did. — Hookt on foniks reely wurkt for me!
Response:
hi, I have no idea what it’s going to take to get my fucked up life straightened out.
Join the club – I am going thru’ exactly the same thing.:) How long does a person have to be in therapy to become "normal"?
Define normal ….:) My shrink even left the state. He takes a one week vacation a year, and when hed does I take it as a personal message that he’s wanting to get away from me.
Geesh and I thought I had a low self esteem I also sometimes to thru’ this too, when someone does not respond I think to myself – what have I done to chase them off. I’ve lost 10 lbs in a week (which would be a good thing if I were doing it correctly). It seems that after a person gets to know me they don’t want to be around me anymore.
Yup same here. I think it is more our perception rather than the truth. I feel like I’m cursed, that my step-dad was right when he said I was nothing and would always be worthless.
Don’t listen to him – you are not worthless. You are something/somebody and you are worth time I am spending answering this post. Don’t calculate your self worth on what your step-dad said. I want to SCREAM, but what good would it do me, no one would hear me but the dog, and he already thinks I’m crazy.
Woof woof:) I’m in a state of anxiety that I can’t get rid of, I think my therapist is going to get into a car wreck and die, I think I’m going to go insane, maybe it’s for the best, I hate him that he got to me and made me open up, it was so much easier before when I didn’t feel anything at all.
Yup same again. I have often toyed with the idea of just suppressing everything again but for what? To go thru’ all the pain and anxiety of not knowing, not understanding – nope I think that to know is to heal. Why can’t I just shut it off like I used to? It makes no sense to me, and now I’m wearing a bunch of new marks on my arms, and wondering if their going to be gone by the time he gets back.
"Cause the time has come for you to deal with things. Your mind is saying no more. Your mind is fighting against you trying to shut it out. You need to let your therapist see the marks on your arms. He needs to help you not to create them anymore. Sorry for whining, but thanks for reading it if you did.
Don’t worry about it. I have done it often on this ng so join the club ol bean:) Take care and be kind to yourself.:) — Hookt on foniks reely wurkt for me!
– Scamper How long can I conceal the past * Before it comes back to haunt me? *
Response:
Hi! Thank you for your consideration. Sorry if that sounded unkind, I wanted you to know that ppl cared about you. I hoped you would reply and as you are a thoughtful person you did. Yes, i have felt that way most of my life. I can assure you and all Survivors that recovery is the way to go. Yes it does gotta get better and I’m proof it does. You can show your thanks by fully recovering. And participating when you feel like it. Don’t be shy. Welcome to you, Spike – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I’m responding!!! Thanks to everyone who "talked" to me, I really appreciated all of the comments and words of wisdom that everyone offered. It’s been a really bad week (ok life) but hey, it’s gotta get better sometime right? I’m sorry Anamchara, I didn’t even get this one until just now, I don’t know why I didn’t get the original post. I do accept your hugs and thank you all once again! Hello Anamchara; I think there is wisdom in your post. Being nonjudgemental and kind shows wisdom and compassion. I wonder if 1961 will respond. The responses are helpful i feel. Take care, and you too enigma1961, spike x-no-archive: yes Hello Enigma. I call myself Anamchara I have no words of wisdom for you. Except to say that I listened to what you had to say *hugs*, if you will accept them Anamchara Sirach 6:5-17 — For more information about this posting service, contact: services If you wish to get an anonymous email/posting account, visit our sign-up page: http://asarian-host.org/emailform.html — Hookt on foniks reely wurkt for me!
Response:
I’m responding!!! Thanks to everyone who "talked" to me, I really appreciated all of the comments and words of wisdom that everyone offered. It’s been a really bad week (ok life) but hey, it’s gotta get better sometime right? I’m sorry Anamchara, I didn’t even get this one until just now, I don’t know why I didn’t get the original post. I do accept your hugs and thank you all once again! – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hello Anamchara; I think there is wisdom in your post. Being nonjudgemental and kind shows wisdom and compassion. I wonder if 1961 will respond. The responses are helpful i feel. Take care, and you too enigma1961, spike x-no-archive: yes Hello Enigma. I call myself Anamchara I have no words of wisdom for you. Except to say that I listened to what you had to say *hugs*, if you will accept them Anamchara Sirach 6:5-17 — For more information about this posting service, contact: services If you wish to get an anonymous email/posting account, visit our sign-up page: http://asarian-host.org/emailform.html
– Hookt on foniks reely wurkt for me!
Response:
Hello Anamchara; I think there is wisdom in your post. Being nonjudgemental and kind shows wisdom and compassion. I wonder if 1961 will respond. The responses are helpful i feel. Take care, and you too enigma1961, spike – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – x-no-archive: yes Hello Enigma. I call myself Anamchara I have no words of wisdom for you. Except to say that I listened to what you had to say *hugs*, if you will accept them Anamchara Sirach 6:5-17 — For more information about this posting service, contact: If you wish to get an anonymous email/posting account, visit our sign-up page: http://asarian-host.org/emailform.html
Response:
HI, You are not whining, you are reacting to the pain inside. You are hurting, you are searching for answers. I can’t talk much at the moment as I am scared of hurting too much, I can’t take that risk. You are certainly not nothing and definitely not worthless. Sera. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I have no idea what it’s going to take to get my fucked up life straightened out. How long does a person have to be in therapy to become "normal"? My shrink even left the state. He takes a one week vacation a year, and when he does I take it as a personal message that he’s wanting to get away from me. I’ve lost 10 lbs in a week (which would be a good thing if I were doing it correctly). It seems that after a person gets to know me they don’t want to be around me anymore. I feel like I’m cursed, that my step-dad was right when he said I was nothing and would always be worthless. I want to SCREAM, but what good would it do me, no one would hear me but the dog, and he already thinks I’m crazy. I’m in a state of anxiety that I can’t get rid of, I think my therapist is going to get into a car wreck and die, I think I’m going to go insane, maybe it’s for the best, I hate him that he got to me and made me open up, it was so much easier before when I didn’t feel anything at all. Why can’t I just shut it off like I used to? It makes no sense to me, and now I’m wearing a bunch of new marks on my arms, and wondering if their going to be gone by the time he gets back. Sorry for whining, but thanks for reading it if you did. — Hookt on foniks reely wurkt for me!
Response:
I have no idea what it’s going to take to get my fucked up life straightened out. How long does a person have to be in therapy to become "normal"? My shrink even left the state. He takes a one week vacation a year, and when he does I take it as a personal message that he’s wanting to get away from me. I’ve lost 10 lbs in a week (which would be a good thing if I were doing it correctly). It seems that after a person gets to know me they don’t want to be around me anymore. I feel like I’m cursed, that my step-dad was right when he said I was nothing and would always be worthless. I want to SCREAM, but what good would it do me, no one would hear me but the dog, and he already thinks I’m crazy. I’m in a state of anxiety that I can’t get rid of, I think my therapist is going to get into a car wreck and die, I think I’m going to go insane, maybe it’s for the best, I hate him that he got to me and made me open up, it was so much easier before when I didn’t feel anything at all. Why can’t I just shut it off like I used to? It makes no sense to me, and now I’m wearing a bunch of new marks on my arms, and wondering if their going to be gone by the time he gets back. Sorry for whining, but thanks for reading it if you did. — Hookt on foniks reely wurkt for me!
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