Question:
okay, i’ve done real well, keeping all of this, separate from *my shit*, my ptsd shit, separate from this, til today, i’m in therp, talking about this stuff, and i mention to my therp, that i suppose the to the terrorists, they were doing this to nameless facesless americans– and she said no, rather offended at me, they sliced the necks of americans when they took over the planes– they stabbed people, and yes, i knew that. but the image of them, slicing peoples necks, has me triggered as hell, witht the thought of the gun at my head. i guess i had avoided the thought of it being that real. that somehow if i kept it from being real like thta, if i kept them from knowing their victim, and as soon as she said it, i started to lose it, but i dont think i knew why– til now. i ended up not able to talk– not able to talk about it, and she asked how it related to me, adn i couldn’t breathe, much less talk. one thought triggered the other, and now i can’t seem to get the real one that happened in my life out of my head. the gun at my head, and eye contact, if they sliced necks, they had eye contact, the r****ist had eye contact with me. and it makes me throw up, that is mans inhumanity toman. to do that, to know your victim, and do it anyway. it is easier to accept, if you can believe, they didn’t know their victim that is part of what made my fathers abuse so hard to accept, he knew his victim and he laughed. the r****ist, looked me in the eye, and laughed. so i closed my eyes, when allowed, *tears*. it is easier to accept when you can believe they never knew(saw) the victim. and i swear to year i have felt that gun tonight. haven’t slept tonight, (last night) and the thought of sleep, is terrifying. dont worry, i’m fine, now is just a bad time for this to come up. celeste
Response:
No, Celeste, They did not see their victims. The hijackers saw yankee imperialist whatever. The r****ist searched your eyes for terrified woman. Your father saw his own lust. They all saw labels, perceptions, assumptions. They were not capable of seeing the real people behind their own fears. You know victims are people. Your therp knows victims are people. They can’t won’t mustn’t. Can’t. Can’t. Dare not. Push them back. They are not your fears. Push them back. To whom they belong. Greg – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – okay, i’ve done real well, keeping all of this, separate from *my shit*, my ptsd shit, separate from this, til today, i’m in therp, talking about this stuff, and i mention to my therp, that i suppose the to the terrorists, they were doing this to nameless facesless americans– and she said no, rather offended at me, they sliced the necks of americans when they took over the planes– they stabbed people, and yes, i knew that. but the image of them, slicing peoples necks, has me triggered as hell, witht the thought of the gun at my head. i guess i had avoided the thought of it being that real. that somehow if i kept it from being real like thta, if i kept them from knowing their victim, and as soon as she said it, i started to lose it, but i dont think i knew why– til now. i ended up not able to talk– not able to talk about it, and she asked how it related to me, adn i couldn’t breathe, much less talk. one thought triggered the other, and now i can’t seem to get the real one that happened in my life out of my head. the gun at my head, and eye contact, if they sliced necks, they had eye contact, the r****ist had eye contact with me. and it makes me throw up, that is mans inhumanity toman. to do that, to know your victim, and do it anyway. it is easier to accept, if you can believe, they didn’t know their victim that is part of what made my fathers abuse so hard to accept, he knew his victim and he laughed. the r****ist, looked me in the eye, and laughed. so i closed my eyes, when allowed, *tears*. it is easier to accept when you can believe they never knew(saw) the victim. and i swear to year i have felt that gun tonight. haven’t slept tonight, (last night) and the thought of sleep, is terrifying. dont worry, i’m fine, now is just a bad time for this to come up. celeste
– Not even a prophet, not even a warrior, can survive rules and words that keep human life at a distance. after Linda Hogan
Response:
my psychophysiology did some of that also … for some reason I had a dream about my new fences being smashed down in the back yard and all the clinical canabis plants removed by the police …. again. it was so disturbing that it awoke me from sleep, tossed and turned for a bit, and forced myself back to fitfull sleep … this was the first night after seeing those planes smash in to the twin towers … and all that stuff. i even talked about it to a friend (she is a good recovery buddie). and what she said was "right now they are safe". and she was right. the plants were there, and the medicine was being made, and i was ok. my mind may have seen the future, maybe not. maybe was just putting some stuff together in my awfullizing carryovers from my dysfunctional upbringing … that is somehow directed at me getting free of that stuff. to relax. to trust the process and respect the journey. sumbuddie deux amor :*) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – okay, i’ve done real well, keeping all of this, separate from *my shit*, my ptsd shit, separate from this, til today, i’m in therp, talking about this stuff,
Response:
hey, celest thinking bout ya polly wog
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – okay, i’ve done real well, keeping all of this, separate from *my shit*, my ptsd shit, separate from this, til today, i’m in therp, talking about this stuff, and i mention to my therp, that i suppose the to the terrorists, they were doing this to nameless facesless americans– and she said no, rather offended at me, they sliced the necks of americans when they took over the planes– they stabbed people, and yes, i knew that. but the image of them, slicing peoples necks, has me triggered as hell, witht the thought of the gun at my head. i guess i had avoided the thought of it being that real. that somehow if i kept it from being real like thta, if i kept them from knowing their victim, and as soon as she said it, i started to lose it, but i dont think i knew why– til now. i ended up not able to talk– not able to talk about it, and she asked how it related to me, adn i couldn’t breathe, much less talk. one thought triggered the other, and now i can’t seem to get the real one that happened in my life out of my head. the gun at my head, and eye contact, if they sliced necks, they had eye contact, the r****ist had eye contact with me. and it makes me throw up,
that is mans inhumanity toman. to do that, to know your victim, and do it anyway. it is easier to accept, if you can believe, they didn’t know their victim that is part of what made my fathers abuse so hard to accept, he knew his victim and he laughed. the r****ist, looked me in the eye, and laughed. so i closed my eyes, when allowed, *tears*.
…… it is easier to accept when you can believe they never knew(saw) the victim. and i swear to year i have felt that gun tonight. haven’t slept tonight, (last night) and the thought of sleep, is terrifying. dont worry, i’m fine, now is just a bad time for this to come up. celeste
…. ….
Response:
I’m sorry this happened to you celeste 
. Our defense mechanisms are in place for a reason and I believe we "shed" them when it is "safe" for us to do so.
exactly. azure
Response:
((((((((((celeste)))))))))))))) Dragon
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – okay, i’ve done real well, keeping all of this, separate from *my shit*, my ptsd shit, separate from this, til today, i’m in therp, talking about this stuff, and i mention to my therp, that i suppose the to the terrorists, they were doing this to nameless facesless americans– and she said no, rather offended at me, they sliced the necks of americans when they took over the planes– they stabbed people, and yes, i knew that. but the image of them, slicing peoples necks, has me triggered as hell, witht the thought of the gun at my head. i guess i had avoided the thought of it being that real. that somehow if i kept it from being real like thta, if i kept them from knowing their victim, and as soon as she said it, i started to lose it, but i dont think i knew why– til now. i ended up not able to talk– not able to talk about it, and she asked how it related to me, adn i couldn’t breathe, much less talk. one thought triggered the other, and now i can’t seem to get the real one that happened in my life out of my head. the gun at my head, and eye contact, if they sliced necks, they had eye contact, the r****ist had eye contact with me. and it makes me throw up, that is mans inhumanity toman. to do that, to know your victim, and do it anyway. it is easier to accept, if you can believe, they didn’t know their victim that is part of what made my fathers abuse so hard to accept, he knew his victim and he laughed. the r****ist, looked me in the eye, and laughed. so i closed my eyes, when allowed, *tears*. it is easier to accept when you can believe they never knew(saw) the victim. and i swear to year i have felt that gun tonight. haven’t slept tonight, (last night) and the thought of sleep, is terrifying. dont worry, i’m fine, now is just a bad time for this to come up. celeste
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