Question:
Man, I feel like shit! I feel like crying but I can’t. I feel lonely, depressed, just plain miserable. I had a chat on icq yesterday, quite heavy. About ptsd, abuse, panic and more. It stirred up feelings I had "forgotten". Feelings I can’t place in my life. The fear of being capable of abusing my own children (wich I’m not, I know now) and the fact that it feels so familiar to me like it’s something that’s just… well…. there…. I’m alone now, not knowing what to do or how to shake of this depression. I have no recollection of anything close to (childhood) abuse or incest. Only this lingering feeling wich I cannot place. Bye! Inky (^_-)
Response:
Inky- I know how you feel. You are not alone. I know it still feels lonely, but we are here to hear you. Sounds like the icq chat you had was pretty heavy. I know what it’s like to have something like that bring up something you don’t really know how to deal with. I am kinda in a similar place. Well, not that similar, but similar enough. I guess I don’t know what else to say. Just I’m here and I’m sure there are many more of us here. Hang in there. The more time you have with it the more chance you have for it to make sense. les.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Man, I feel like shit! I feel like crying but I can’t. I feel lonely, depressed, just plain miserable. I had a chat on icq yesterday, quite heavy. About ptsd, abuse, panic and more. It stirred up feelings I had "forgotten". Feelings I can’t place in my life. The fear of being capable of abusing my own children (wich I’m not, I know now) and the fact that it feels so familiar to me like it’s something that’s just… well…. there…. I’m alone now, not knowing what to do or how to shake of this depression. I have no recollection of anything close to (childhood) abuse or incest. Only this lingering feeling wich I cannot place. Bye! Inky (^_-)
Response:
Man, I feel like shit! I feel like crying but I can’t. I feel lonely, depressed, just plain miserable. I had a chat on icq yesterday, quite heavy. About ptsd, abuse, panic and more. It stirred up feelings I had "forgotten". Feelings I can’t place in my life. The fear of being capable of abusing my own children (wich I’m not, I know now) and the fact that it feels so familiar to me like it’s something that’s just… well…. there…. I’m alone now, not knowing what to do or how to shake of this depression. I have no recollection of anything close to (childhood) abuse or incest. Only this lingering feeling wich I cannot place.
Dear Inky, It is really scary when certain feelings and memories are triggered. As the days go on your feelings will start to diminish. Remind yourself that whatever has been stirred up doesn`t have the power to hurt you anymore. Take care sweetie! {{{{{Inky}}}}} P.S. I know I promised you something…..I haven`t forgotten, just give me some time 
You know me<g. Jackie
Response:
Man, I feel like shit! I feel like crying but I can’t. I feel lonely, depressed, just plain miserable. I had a chat on icq yesterday, quite heavy. About ptsd, abuse, panic and more. It stirred up feelings I had "forgotten". Feelings I can’t place in my life. The fear of being capable of abusing my own children (wich I’m not, I know now) and the fact that it feels so familiar to me like it’s something that’s just… well…. there…. I’m alone now, not knowing what to do or how to shake of this depression. I have no recollection of anything close to (childhood) abuse or incest. Only this lingering feeling wich I cannot place.
Inky, Please don’t despair, there are others here who can hear what you say and understand what you’re talking about all too well. It’s sometimes very scary talking about certain issues in one’s life, I go through this periodically in therapy, and sometimes I feel I don’t want to back to the therapist, to avoid the bad feelings. But eventually I do, because really in the end what I want, I suppose, is some kind of closure. Are you still expanding your website? I could write something for it about my experiences, but I’ve lost the URL. Could you post it again? -David-
Response:
(((((((((Inky))))))))) Have you explored these feelings with a therapist? Hope you feel better. Keep posting, OK? xxoo Anne
Response:
Hi, Inky, Are you in therapy? I hope that if you are you can discuss these issues with your therapist. It takes a lot of inner strength to move forward and in talking with a therapist you could probably get some of your feelings validated. It feels great to take a weight off of your shoulders. smiles, Elise
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Inky- I know how you feel. You are not alone. I know it still feels lonely, but we are here to hear you. Sounds like the icq chat you had was pretty heavy. I know what it’s like to have something like that bring up something you don’t really know how to deal with. I am kinda in a similar place. Well, not that similar, but similar enough. I guess I don’t know what else to say. Just I’m here and I’m sure there are many more of us here. Hang in there. The more time you have with it the more chance you have for it to make sense. les. Man, I feel like shit! I feel like crying but I can’t. I feel lonely, depressed, just plain miserable. I had a chat on icq yesterday, quite heavy. About ptsd, abuse, panic and more. It stirred up feelings I had "forgotten". Feelings I can’t place in my life. The fear of being capable of abusing my own children (wich I’m not, I know now) and the fact that it feels so familiar to me like it’s something that’s just… well…. there…. I’m alone now, not knowing what to do or how to shake of this depression. I have no recollection of anything close to (childhood) abuse or incest. Only this lingering feeling wich I cannot place. Bye! Inky (^_-)
Response:
. Feelings I can’t place in my life.
try this lets pretend those misplaced feelings are there in the room with you- If I were a misplaced feeling I would say to you—– make it speak to you do this for a while its awkward at first but after a time you may find a place for them next make a list of a lot of emotions and create a sentence like this anger–what makes me feel angry is—fill it in mistrust-what makes me be mistrustful is—- now try this on some old friends or your family make them sit in the room (in an empty chair) pretend they are there and make them talk to you-ask them questions and listen to yourself answer for them. and the fact that it feels so familiar to me like it’s something that’s just… well…. there..
just the thought dear just the thought like wind it is just a wisp of air that is weightless and fluid Only this lingering feeling wich I cannot place.
perhaps that you deserved to be abused. LM
Response:
Man, I feel like shit! I feel like crying but I can’t. I feel lonely, depressed, just plain miserable.
sorry for replying to myself 
I just think if i nswer each message individually, I’ll be repeating myself.. I’mnot in therapy anymore, I only see the shrink regarding my meds. Next visit is scheduled in 2 weeks. The thought that I *may* have diserved the abuse and rape is long gone. I posted about brain zaps a while earlyer and maybe that has got something to do with it too, maybe the meds aren’t working as they’re supposed to anymore. The chat did stir up a lot but it’s not the 1st time a talked about stuff like that but it never had this effect on me.. well, almost never.. I went to bed yesterday, after I posted. I cried and now I have a headache Well, I still feel like shit.. My mom just called, that Bye! Inky (^_-)
Response:
Are you still expanding your website? I could write something for it about my experiences, but I’ve lost the URL. Could you post it again?
Yeah, I still want to. I’m working on my own story.. It’s www.home.zonnet.nl/inky_me/main.htm I keep changing things, added something new (if you can find it ;P) and I’m stillnot happy about how netscape ruins the entire layout…. Bye! Inky (^_-)
Response:
Yeah, I still want to. I’m working on my own story.. It’s www.home.zonnet.nl/inky_me/main.htm I keep changing things, added something new (if you can find it ;P) and I’m stillnot happy about how netscape ruins the entire layout….
Thanks! I’ll be writing again soon. -David-
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