Question:
While reading some of the recent posts, I became interested in the issue of why people come to asd, what people look for here. I wondered if getting to know each other’s reasons might help us understand each other more, or if not, just make for an interesting discussion. I enjoy the discussions of various topics here that people in RL often don’t have the interest in discussing, like having a different value system and feeling alienated from mainstream culture, not missing things from childhood that people expect you to miss because you never had them in the first place, creativity, etc. I also think one of my main reasons for being here is the sense of being a part of a community, where there doesn’t have to be as much pressure for intimacy as in real life, but there is still a sense of belonging. I have never been able to function in any kind of support group or therapy group, but here, I feel confortable. I like experiencing the group dynamics in a safe way that is allowed by the internet. Another main reason for me is actually finding people who I relate to, who I have things in common with, who have experienced some of the same things and have some of the same perspectives on life. I also like hearing about books, movies, and stuff like that that people are interested in. And I like hearing some of the amazing things people here have to say, some of the profound and poetic and moving things that are written here. And I love the humor. I’m going on vacation for the rest of the week, so I won’t be reading or posting till next Mon night, so if there is a discussion of this, I’ll join in next week. -Nancy
Response:
in two words? Validation of who "we" am… Grounding. It is why I leave and come back, why I speak out and then hide. It is my group therapy even though it seems that I do not partake of it. It is home at times, and at others it is my worry stone. At times I ask myself when I have not been here over a period time "why do I go there and what does it do for me" I can not answer it completely, but I can say this. It is a reflection of my sanity when all seems insane in my life and the world… people helping people, is a nice change from reality… IPlural
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – While reading some of the recent posts, I became interested in the issue of why people come to asd, what people look for here. I wondered if getting to know each other’s reasons might help us understand each other more, or if not, just make for an interesting discussion. I enjoy the discussions of various topics here that people in RL often don’t have the interest in discussing, like having a different value system and feeling alienated from mainstream culture, not missing things from childhood that people expect you to miss because you never had them in the first place, creativity, etc. I also think one of my main reasons for being here is the sense of being a part of a community, where there doesn’t have to be as much pressure for intimacy as in real life, but there is still a sense of belonging. I have never been able to function in any kind of support group or therapy group, but here, I feel confortable. I like experiencing the group dynamics in a safe way that is allowed by the internet. Another main reason for me is actually finding people who I relate to, who I have things in common with, who have experienced some of the same things and have some of the same perspectives on life. I also like hearing about books, movies, and stuff like that that people are interested in. And I like hearing some of the amazing things people here have to say, some of the profound and poetic and moving things that are written here. And I love the humor. I’m going on vacation for the rest of the week, so I won’t be reading or posting till next Mon night, so if there is a discussion of this, I’ll join in next week. -Nancy
Response:
Hi, Nancy and everyone. I first came to asd on the advice of my t who suggested that there might be a group for DIDers. There was. You. I felt immediately relieved to find that I was not the only one on this earth who functioned felt and lived the way I do. It was the first time in my life since I was six and realized that I was an alien being that I knew there were others like me. There were differences among us but many more similarities. I liked that I could say whatever was my truth and usually have understanding extended to me. I was happy to be able to say, "Yes, it is that way for me too." I think that the humour I find here on occasion is the only humour in my life over the past few years. When everything is overwhelming me, to come here and fling jello or read someone’s ability to see the funnies in our situations has been invaluable. I enjoy the singulars who post, the spouses and friends and just plain interested ones who show up and sometimes stay around. I miss jeffv still,and Margaret. I hope they are okay. (Write me if you are reading this!) I miss some of the people who have come and gone here at asd, and hope that they may return at least to say hello. Know what? You all here are the friends in my life. I’m practising to someday maybe have a friend who will be right here. Even when I’m not able to post, for reasons that sometimes elude me, but exist, I read here, looking for my friends, reading what is happening in their lives. ASD for me is a place to come and see you all and talk to you. The posts that are not so friendly cause me to run the other way, but luckily they are not here always. Maybe someday I will be able to handle anger because of my involvement with this group. I hope that I am saying this stuff in a way that you can understand. Writing is hard for me right now. The brain is mush most days. I hope someday that I will be a person who has survived this DID maze and comes here to help others who are still on the journey to where they want to be. I think that you will all be my friends (if you want to be) and always people to whom I can speak what is in my minds without fear of being misunderstood. Sincerely, jane – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – While reading some of the recent posts, I became interested in the issue of why people come to asd, what people look for here. I wondered if getting to know each other’s reasons might help us understand each other more, or if not, just make for an interesting discussion. I enjoy the discussions of various topics here that people in RL often don’t have the interest in discussing, like having a different value system and feeling alienated from mainstream culture, not missing things from childhood that people expect you to miss because you never had them in the first place, creativity, etc. I also think one of my main reasons for being here is the sense of being a part of a community, where there doesn’t have to be as much pressure for intimacy as in real life, but there is still a sense of belonging. I have never been able to function in any kind of support group or therapy group, but here, I feel confortable. I like experiencing the group dynamics in a safe way that is allowed by the internet. Another main reason for me is actually finding people who I relate to, who I have things in common with, who have experienced some of the same things and have some of the same perspectives on life. I also like hearing about books, movies, and stuff like that that people are interested in. And I like hearing some of the amazing things people here have to say, some of the profound and poetic and moving things that are written here. And I love the humor. I’m going on vacation for the rest of the week, so I won’t be reading or posting till next Mon night, so if there is a discussion of this, I’ll join in next week. -Nancy
Response:
this little bear lurks more often than he posts, and it must be said i dont often speak deeply of myself. only a few of the ppl here know me and i think that this is one of my patterns, to not to show the whole, but to alow only glimpses of my true self (perhase even to myself) well what do i get? what ever it is its subtle, it doesnt jump out and say "thats why you (me that is) are here, you need this. The subtlety of watching others struggle with the issues i struggle with, the realiseation that we are in diferent boats but on the same pond. i think what i get most from ASD is simply "community" knowing that i am not alone. huggles from Iain (a bear of little brain)
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – While reading some of the recent posts, I became interested in the issue of why people come to asd, what people look for here. I wondered if getting to know each other’s reasons might help us understand each other more, or if not, just make for an interesting discussion. I enjoy the discussions of various topics here that people in RL often don’t have the interest in discussing, like having a different value system and feeling alienated from mainstream culture, not missing things from childhood that people expect you to miss because you never had them in the first place, creativity, etc. I also think one of my main reasons for being here is the sense of being a part of a community, where there doesn’t have to be as much pressure for intimacy as in real life, but there is still a sense of belonging. I have never been able to function in any kind of support group or therapy group, but here, I feel confortable. I like experiencing the group dynamics in a safe way that is allowed by the internet. Another main reason for me is actually finding people who I relate to, who I have things in common with, who have experienced some of the same things and have some of the same perspectives on life. I also like hearing about books, movies, and stuff like that that people are interested in. And I like hearing some of the amazing things people here have to say, some of the profound and poetic and moving things that are written here. And I love the humor. I’m going on vacation for the rest of the week, so I won’t be reading or posting till next Mon night, so if there is a discussion of this, I’ll join in next week. -Nancy
Response:
Hi Iain, Please scroll through. this little bear lurks more often than he posts, and it must be said i dont often speak deeply of myself. only a few of the ppl here know me and i think that this is one of my patterns, to not to show the whole, but to alow only glimpses of my true self (perhase even to myself) well what do i get? what ever it is its subtle, it doesnt jump out and say "thats why you (me that is) are here, you need this. The subtlety of watching others struggle with the issues i struggle with, the realiseation
Wow! that we are in diferent boats but on the same pond.
I love this, the way you put it. Thanks. trill – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – i think what i get most from ASD is simply "community" knowing that i am not alone. huggles from Iain (a bear of little brain) While reading some of the recent posts, I became interested in the issue of why people come to asd, what people look for here. I wondered if getting to know each other’s reasons might help us understand each other more, or if not, just make for an interesting discussion. I enjoy the discussions of various topics here that people in RL often don’t have the interest in discussing, like having a different value system and feeling alienated from mainstream culture, not missing things from childhood that people expect you to miss because you never had them in the first place, creativity, etc. I also think one of my main reasons for being here is the sense of being a part of a community, where there doesn’t have to be as much pressure for intimacy as in real life, but there is still a sense of belonging. I have never been able to function in any kind of support group or therapy group, but here, I feel confortable. I like experiencing the group dynamics in a safe way that is allowed by the internet. Another main reason for me is actually finding people who I relate to, who I have things in common with, who have experienced some of the same things and have some of the same perspectives on life. I also like hearing about books, movies, and stuff like that that people are interested in. And I like hearing some of the amazing things people here have to say, some of the profound and poetic and moving things that are written here. And I love the humor. I’m going on vacation for the rest of the week, so I won’t be reading or posting till next Mon night, so if there is a discussion of this, I’ll join in next week. -Nancy
Response:
Nancy and everyone else too, I think this is an awesome topic. 
When I first went through my ab*se almost seven years ago, I felt very very little a lot of the time and didn’t understand what was happening or why when I felt that way it was so hard for me to be logical about anything. I found asar first (before it went to asarm) and found #asar2 on irc. There I met wonderful people who helped me through those first few months and someone suggested that I lurk here at asd for a while and see if anything made sense to me over here. Well almost seven years later, I’m still here on and off. I agree with what everyone else has said. This ng provides me with a sense of validation, a sense that I’m NOT alone in this struggle and that there ARE people who understand and can support me even though I’m not DID. It’s a place for me to come on those really tough days and pour out my heart and soul to a group of people who are so understanding and so supportive that sometimes that alone can make me cry. There have been periods when I haven’t been around because of school or work commitments, but even after being away, I come back and still feel as though I’m a part of the larger community that never left. But more than that, it’s also a place where I feel safe enough to reach out with words and perhaps support someone else who’s having a tough day. I feel that I can safely reach out and do this without endangering myself because I don’t use my real name or location or anything like that which might give away who I am. I don’t feel as worried about being hurt and getting too close to people. It provides a protective barrier that allows me to be supportive without compromising my own feelings of safety and security. And finally, it’s also a place where I like to come and read some of the JOYS that people here experience in their lives. I enjoy reading about people’s accomplishments no matter how small they may seem – they are still accomplishments and I love hearing about them. And lilrainy says she likes it here cause when she posts nobody says that she has to be big or that she should go away.. and that she feels safe here and it’s an okay place to talk about coloring or stuffies or anything else that interests her. So, that in a not-so-small nutshell is why we post here and what we get from asd. Rainstar – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – While reading some of the recent posts, I became interested in the issue of why people come to asd, what people look for here. I wondered if getting to know each other’s reasons might help us understand each other more, or if not, just make for an interesting discussion. I enjoy the discussions of various topics here that people in RL often don’t have the interest in discussing, like having a different value system and feeling alienated from mainstream culture, not missing things from childhood that people expect you to miss because you never had them in the first place, creativity, etc. I also think one of my main reasons for being here is the sense of being a part of a community, where there doesn’t have to be as much pressure for intimacy as in real life, but there is still a sense of belonging. I have never been able to function in any kind of support group or therapy group, but here, I feel confortable. I like experiencing the group dynamics in a safe way that is allowed by the internet. Another main reason for me is actually finding people who I relate to, who I have things in common with, who have experienced some of the same things and have some of the same perspectives on life. I also like hearing about books, movies, and stuff like that that people are interested in. And I like hearing some of the amazing things people here have to say, some of the profound and poetic and moving things that are written here. And I love the humor. I’m going on vacation for the rest of the week, so I won’t be reading or posting till next Mon night, so if there is a discussion of this, I’ll join in next week. -Nancy
– To e-mail remove extra from address
Response:
hi, I just needed to know and to see that I am not the only one in the world who is like this… -maddy – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Nancy and everyone else too, I think this is an awesome topic. When I first went through my ab*se almost seven years ago, I felt very very little a lot of the time and didn’t understand what was happening or why when I felt that way it was so hard for me to be logical about anything. I found asar first (before it went to asarm) and found #asar2 on irc. There I met wonderful people who helped me through those first few months and someone suggested that I lurk here at asd for a while and see if anything made sense to me over here. Well almost seven years later, I’m still here on and off. I agree with what everyone else has said. This ng provides me with a sense of validation, a sense that I’m NOT alone in this struggle and that there ARE people who understand and can support me even though I’m not DID. It’s a place for me to come on those really tough days and pour out my heart and soul to a group of people who are so understanding and so supportive that sometimes that alone can make me cry. There have been periods when I haven’t been around because of school or work commitments, but even after being away, I come back and still feel as though I’m a part of the larger community that never left. But more than that, it’s also a place where I feel safe enough to reach out with words and perhaps support someone else who’s having a tough day. I feel that I can safely reach out and do this without endangering myself because I don’t use my real name or location or anything like that which might give away who I am. I don’t feel as worried about being hurt and getting too close to people. It provides a protective barrier that allows me to be supportive without compromising my own feelings of safety and security. And finally, it’s also a place where I like to come and read some of the JOYS that people here experience in their lives. I enjoy reading about people’s accomplishments no matter how small they may seem – they are still accomplishments and I love hearing about them. And lilrainy says she likes it here cause when she posts nobody says that she has to be big or that she should go away.. and that she feels safe here and it’s an okay place to talk about coloring or stuffies or anything else that interests her. So, that in a not-so-small nutshell is why we post here and what we get from asd. Rainstar While reading some of the recent posts, I became interested in the issue of why people come to asd, what people look for here. I wondered if getting to know each other’s reasons might help us understand each other more, or if not, just make for an interesting discussion. I enjoy the discussions of various topics here that people in RL often don’t have the interest in discussing, like having a different value system and feeling alienated from mainstream culture, not missing things from childhood that people expect you to miss because you never had them in the first place, creativity, etc. I also think one of my main reasons for being here is the sense of being a part of a community, where there doesn’t have to be as much pressure for intimacy as in real life, but there is still a sense of belonging. I have never been able to function in any kind of support group or therapy group, but here, I feel confortable. I like experiencing the group dynamics in a safe way that is allowed by the internet. Another main reason for me is actually finding people who I relate to, who I have things in common with, who have experienced some of the same things and have some of the same perspectives on life. I also like hearing about books, movies, and stuff like that that people are interested in. And I like hearing some of the amazing things people here have to say, some of the profound and poetic and moving things that are written here. And I love the humor. I’m going on vacation for the rest of the week, so I won’t be reading or posting till next Mon night, so if there is a discussion of this, I’ll join in next week. -Nancy
Response:
Hi Nancy, I have been saving this one until I could put more then 2 words together. ;o) I so agree with so many things that was said in your post and by others. In fact I feel like in a way I am just repeating what others have said. In the beginning ASD was a place where I could come and find out in every day language about dissociation. I had just been recently diagnosised and sometimes I just didn’t understand all the stuff my T was telling me. So for me I learned so much from everyone here about dissociation, how it affected their lives etc. I could see so much of me in their experiences. I was confused and afraid of terms like PTSD and DID. Everyone here was so kind in helping to learn and understand and shared their own experiences with these things. Over the months, then the feeling of community= of a group of people who I could understand and who could understand me. All my life when I did try to share my feelings, so many people couldn’t understand and just told me "you shouldn’t feel that way." To the point I quit trying to even talk to them. Here, I could start once again to explore those feelings and my life. People here would listen and even if they had never quite the same experience could at least validate the feelings. That there wasn’t something wrong with me. Now for me ASD is about a sense of f*mily. So many perspectives, so many view points. I may not agree, but people challenge me not to always look at things through my filters. Safari
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – While reading some of the recent posts, I became interested in the issue of why people come to asd, what people look for here. I wondered if getting to know each other’s reasons might help us understand each other more, or if not, just make for an interesting discussion. I enjoy the discussions of various topics here that people in RL often don’t have the interest in discussing, like having a different value system and feeling alienated from mainstream culture, not missing things from childhood that people expect you to miss because you never had them in the first place, creativity, etc. I also think one of my main reasons for being here is the sense of being a part of a community, where there doesn’t have to be as much pressure for intimacy as in real life, but there is still a sense of belonging. I have never been able to function in any kind of support group or therapy group, but here, I feel confortable. I like experiencing the group dynamics in a safe way that is allowed by the internet. Another main reason for me is actually finding people who I relate to, who I have things in common with, who have experienced some of the same things and have some of the same perspectives on life. I also like hearing about books, movies, and stuff like that that people are interested in. And I like hearing some of the amazing things people here have to say, some of the profound and poetic and moving things that are written here. And I love the humor. I’m going on vacation for the rest of the week, so I won’t be reading or posting till next Mon night, so if there is a discussion of this, I’ll join in next week. -Nancy
Response:
We (Alc/Anita) would have to agree with what everyone else has said an proly have nothing new to add. We go to support groups out in the rl 5-6 nites a week. We’ve been doing this since 1991. We have a couple of distant Trauma Survivor frends. We are real an share a lot about ourselves in the meetings an are completely open bout bein multi. But then we have nothing to loose (already lost it all~great relief). But after people hear our story they suddenly start turning their backs on us after the meetings. Strange thing they suddenly need to be doing something else. The biggest thing for us is that people seem to speak a different language from us. We feel like martians an they feel like saturns. All the things that in a professional sense we’ve been told and read that we’re suppose to be like we don’t feel like fits us. But strange on here we’re like everyone else. We’re just normal on here. There is less stress for us. We don’t find ourselfs struggling to try to interact in ways that only make us crazy. If it makes us crazy on here we don’t have to do it. If we feel crazy when we come here we proly won’t when we leave. We’ll proly feel sane. We like feelin sane. It’s less stressful. For us it’s hard to live in a world where other people don’t have problems and are perfectly normal cause they drive us nutz. People on here help us calm down N feel sane. Other people on here seem real. Those people out there seem like they’re from another planet an we don’t enjoy driving in the same lane with em. There are people who come here from time to time that we don’t enjoy driving in the same lane with either. But they usually don’t hang around too long. And most of all the people on here don’t treat us as if we’re weird. They don’t seem to be lookin down on us. We like the info we get here. We like the humor and would like more humor. But mostly we like the ability to check out reality here. We can say, "Our reality is….." An other people will say, "Our reality is…."~it might not be the same reality but it’s isn’t a reality that we could never in a million years live up to. It’s just plain common sense everyday unpretentious reality. It feels real. It doesn’t create sharp pains for us~even when people talk bout things that hafta be spoilert an splattered. It doesn’t drive us nutz. It just moves us forward into a sense of connection personally and with a world that seems real. Thanks for lettin me go on an on. Anita
Response:
Hi Iain, Please scroll through. wrote this little bear lurks ……[snip] Wow! that we are in diferent boats but on the same pond. I love this, the way you put it. Thanks. trill
thank you trill :) i’m glad u like’d the analogy a bear of little brain (iain) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – i think what i get most from ASD is simply "community" knowing that i am not alone. huggles from Iain (a bear of little brain) While reading some of the recent posts, I became interested in the issue of why people come to asd, what people look for here. I wondered if getting to know each other’s reasons might help us understand each other more, or if not, just make for an interesting discussion. I enjoy the discussions of various topics here that people in RL often don’t have the interest in discussing, like having a different value system and feeling alienated from mainstream culture, not missing things from childhood that people expect you to miss because you never had them in the first place, creativity, etc. I also think one of my main reasons for being here is the sense of being a part of a community, where there doesn’t have to be as much pressure for intimacy as in real life, but there is still a sense of belonging. I have never been able to function in any kind of support group or therapy group, but here, I feel confortable. I like experiencing the group dynamics in a safe way that is allowed by the internet. Another main reason for me is actually finding people who I relate to, who I have things in common with, who have experienced some of the same things and have some of the same perspectives on life. I also like hearing about books, movies, and stuff like that that people are interested in. And I like hearing some of the amazing things people here have to say, some of the profound and poetic and moving things that are written here. And I love the humor. I’m going on vacation for the rest of the week, so I won’t be reading or posting till next Mon night, so if there is a discussion of this, I’ll join in next week. -Nancy
Response:
Hi Nancy – Late response: We are lonely a lot, and asd provides some company and contact. When we first came, we came w/out knowing much about DID, and we learned a lot from reading how others talked about themselves. It was through reading at asd that we came to feel that being DID wasn’t unthinkable – and through asd that we came to understand that we ourselves were DID and not DD-NOS. (Our ther*pist had declined to make a positive dx because she said it didn’t matter – personally, I now think that she didn’t want to freak us out by telling us she thought for sure we were DID). We can write here in ways that we couldn’t possibly write elsewhere and have it be okay. And we have made friends here who are important to us, and we have become someone here who is important to us, if that makes any sense. Beauty. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – While reading some of the recent posts, I became interested in the issue of why people come to asd, what people look for here. I wondered if getting to know each other’s reasons might help us understand each other more, or if not, just make for an interesting discussion. I enjoy the discussions of various topics here that people in RL often don’t have the interest in discussing, like having a different value system and feeling alienated from mainstream culture, not missing things from childhood that people expect you to miss because you never had them in the first place, creativity, etc. I also think one of my main reasons for being here is the sense of being a part of a community, where there doesn’t have to be as much pressure for intimacy as in real life, but there is still a sense of belonging. I have never been able to function in any kind of support group or therapy group, but here, I feel confortable. I like experiencing the group dynamics in a safe way that is allowed by the internet. Another main reason for me is actually finding people who I relate to, who I have things in common with, who have experienced some of the same things and have some of the same perspectives on life. I also like hearing about books, movies, and stuff like that that people are interested in. And I like hearing some of the amazing things people here have to say, some of the profound and poetic and moving things that are written here. And I love the humor. I’m going on vacation for the rest of the week, so I won’t be reading or posting till next Mon night, so if there is a discussion of this, I’ll join in next week. -Nancy
If you like this post and would like to receive updates from this blog, please subscribe our feed.