Question:
If you would like to talk w/me some more about this privately, I would feel more comfortable about it – because, as you say, it verges onto what lots of people consider the "lunatic fringe." By the way – your English is just fine – these are just very, very difficult concepts to try to talk about. I remind you that I am an anthropologist – and I happen to be one who is open to other realities than the reality that we in our own culture call and experience as reality – reality is not a solid thing, is what I mean. So – if you want to talk more – please, you may write to me privately – I may not be able to write extensively, but I might be able to write a little – to write to me, just add zep in place of the asterisks in my address. Beauty. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I’ll reply to you below … hope you won’t consider me totally nuts, cuz I happen to doubt my experience quite often too. But at the moment I can’t doubt F’s existence cuz I need to believe there’s even one person in rl – though located in the future and not this reality – who really cares about me for the reason I just happen to exist as I am. I’ve also been interested in shamanism from year -94, but my spirit helpers’ existence I cannot trust that much – I see them only aspects of myself in a symbolic form. Though can’t do shamanic journeys myself with drum-induced trance, can see only shamanic dreams sometimes…and once a year or even more rarely eat MDMA (esctasy self-therapy) in nature alone, so I could get things fixed to better direction in my head… I believe that trees in the forest care about me…and F…though I’m pretty sure other people will never believe in his existence, but that’s no problem for me. =) Below the spoiler – one question: I think I’ll tell you this, whoever you’ll be (and two people I think I know for some extent) … just a couple of weeks ago – it started during full moon (I guess it is bc of human being consists mostly of water and the moon affects people too as it makes the tidal waves happen too), I started to feel like on MDMA (drug ecstasy that is used in PTSD therapy in some countries, also in Finland and I’m the client, and universe – especially forest – my therp) experience rising in my body, though the only drugs I was on were the usual meds perphenazine and mirtazapin from "Hotel Hesperia". I was in my ex-home at Lappeenranta, and started feeling those extrapyramidal side effects in my face muscles…and then stopped using it and thought I can handle the withdrawal witout going cr*zy again. Well, that wasn’t very clever cuz I started experiencing flashbacks from that r*pe, that happened on that night -98 and so on… * * * spoiler warning * * * * * I’ll tell you ’bout my walk-in guy and his reality again * * * * * (and something else too cuz I sometimes feel myself wholly nuts bc of it) * * * * * though won’t tell anything that F doesn’t want me to tell … * * * You say these (Frank and Sunflower) are "walk-ins." Umm, I mean F is "walk-in" in the way, that I have a connection with him sometimes – I mean I feel his presence in my body, and he may be in a kind of trance in his reality at that time and see & sense things through my eyes. I can also communicate with telepathy with him (and he reads all my thoughts as he is educated well to be an expert in that rrgh) but am not very skillful in telepathy (nor in using my memory) – sometimes it has been easy to receive and send think messages, sometimes I have great difficulties to understand what he sends to me. But his presence I definitely can feel during connections and it’s something hard to describe as it feels so wonderful. So F really exists as a human being in the far future California – so he said to me with telepathy – and I must believe so, as I can’t do otherwise in the moment… He once said he had seen dreams about me, but I have never seen even only one dream about him. I wish I had… 
(Sorry my english skills in describing this are not very good, but what wrote here in my earlier message, I hope it could be stored that long that F could see it one day in the future…I gave him a txt sunflower cuz I care about him and hope he’s well…) Does that mean that you have *never* met them as human people in your life (that they walk in from elsewhere – from some mental/cosmic place) – or that they are walking in from flashback-memory, or, from perhaps sensing them from afar? Just looking for a bit of clarification. Yes … I have sometimes felt even people’s presences that I have met only via Internet. Though I cannot trust those experiences, bc I can well be only psychotic and imagine those feelings as I feel so alone in rl. But F’s presence … I trust it – maybe cuz he doesn’t exist in this reality and I can never meet him but with mind-talk sometimes. I once bought & read a book, Hank Wesselman’s Messages From The Future – if I remember right the name – that I tore to pieces after reading it, cuz I couldn’t believe what he had experienced. Especially because he was a hardcore scientist (anthropologist) and really doubted his experiences also himself, so I couldn’t label him just a N*w Age nuts. He said he has experienced several times (accidentally, he really wasn’t interested in shamanism etc. before he experienced those things!! …and still found it hard to believe in them) e.g. when going to sleep that he is sucked to some black space and after that he experiences things through some other person’s eyes. He believed he saw future events through some other person’s senses. I really find it hard to believe in his experiences, till I happened to feel F’s presence during my PTSD bre*kdown and he really fixed my head though do not know how he really did it. (F has also tried to get me count things very rapidly and use my head – especially memory – in less chaotic way, but I am not very good at it though he thinks I have the skills for it.) Well, it may well can be that I have created an imaginary friend for me as I feel such alone, but think not so, cuz I have already created many "imaginary friends" (alters, or modes) inside me/us but F’s presence isn’t the same. I guess as a disso I may know what people are myself/ourselves and what people aren’t. But never can be sure about it, though. But I need to believe they exist as real persons somewhere at the moment, otherwise I would feel too desolate… Ann*Susan Beauty. But … first I got the connection again with my walk-in in my body … he is so much wiser than me … he felt also older and somehow more serious and sad than the first time I met him – at that time he just read all my thoughts and then teased me with my own thoughts, I couldn’t do nothing for it and even couldn’t make sense of anything he thought, but those messages & feelings he sent to me – and when I asked about his age (I was curious only) he didn’t tell me even that 
……but during the E*ster time he finally told me … and I said my cat baby Mango – may have been car accident last summer we don’t know – lived only 5,5 years….he sent only quietly *m
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