Question:
>What exactly does metaphor therapy consist of? I’m really interested in how it
works…would the process you went through yesterday work be applicable to others, or is it specific to your personal situation?> Hannah, the process of this therapy is supposed to be helpful to anyone dealing with unresolved feelings related to trauma. So I’d have to say it wouldn’t just apply to my situation. Metaphor Therapy is a means of delving into the subconsciousness (where all the answers really are I believe) and accessing those feelings in order to heal. The method is not hypnosis but I close my eyes to help with the visualization. It goes like this: we started with a life path, me ahead and healed, me now, and taking small steps backwards to get a record of sensations, feelings, thoughts, body memories or other things that are revealed as you imagine yourself stepping back (accessing the subconsciousness and its memories). Therapist wrote down all that I said as I took steps back to before birth (sounds a little new age for me but I’m willing to be open about that part of it.) Later, after these stages/memories/feelings are recorded, I jumped to one inparticular. I would say it was one of the most wounded parts of myself (age 4-5). The future, healed me is represented by a color (metaphor). My color is golden. This golden is very powerful and it is a force that remains in my mind even after therapy. Basically you take "golden" and access your history with it as a weapon of healing. I sent golden to the sad, desolate and ashamed little girl. Time is spent with the therapist saying "send golden to the little girl" and then asking "what is happening" and I always had an answer right away. There was just an instinctual answer that I had for the question of what was going on. The golden that I sent was healing and boy was it hard to get it to go to my little girl. I saw a brick wall, then a white bridge. All these things were barriers to sending healing golden to my little girl. Well, by the middle of our third session I finally absorbed the little girl. We then moved on to a next place (age 10 – it just WAS, I didn’t plan on that age its what came to conscious mind from subconscious). Now the 10 year old had specific feelings and I felt them. That is the idea behind healing memories or traumas without re-experiencing them. Its a delving into the subconsciousness and using the tool that all of us have: self-preservation. The healing is within us I do believe. Hard to get at? You bet. I had specific body responses going over the time line. I felt as though I was choking when I integrated 5 year old me. Nearly could not swallow. I know this is the abuse I have remembered at that age. Next session we’ll access the 10 year old that was desolate, alone and giving up on life. The strange thing was when we did it yesterday, the 5 year old me sent most of the golden healing to the 10 year old. Not adult me. Therapist said that makes sense since 10 year old didn’t trust adults. I could still feel this child this morning. It is more like "aha, that’s why I have these reactions and feelings" because they are part of this traumatized and repressed 5 year old and her memories of abuse. I was skeptical of this method at first, very skeptical. I also pay cash for it because my insurance doesn’t cover this therapist. It is worth it. I am working with my other therapist on dreams and subconciousness so these go hand in hand. Yet yesterday’s experience has made me a believer in the merits of Metaphor Therapy! Glad to answer the question, especially since I was a skeptic. I went to try it because I was just so tired of this PTSD crap. You know, one of those do or die moments? Well I’m glad I did because it is helping me. Kristine The unexamined life is not worth living – Socrates
Response:
Hi Kristine – Thanks for taking so much time and effort to explain your therapy. It sounds terrific. I’ve done some hypnotherapy and it’s *somewhat* similar (eg visualization and healing concepts), but this sounds particularly effective. I’m intrigued that you don’t re-experience the trauma – I’ve found that I tend to do that during hypnotherapy, even when I have no intention of doing so. And I have body sensations similar to what you’ve described, too, eg not being able to breathe, choking, etc. That is awesome that your 5 year old could comfort your 10 year old, that the child in you is intact. Thanks so much for sharing your experience. It’s been really helpful, something I know I’ll try in some form or another. Thanks, Kristine, Hannah
Response:
>That is awesome that your 5 year old >could comfort your 10 year old, that the child in you is intact. >Thanks so much for sharing your experience.
You’re very welcome Hannah. I liked that part too but was surprised at it. It gives me hope and strength though, in a very basic and much needed way. As far as re-experiencing I did a bit of that. There were tears of sorrow and muscles clenching along with pain in certain areas. My legs especially felt heavy-well that launched off to another time and memory. It wasn’t traumatic (as I would define traumatic: horrifying and life-threatening feeling I’ve had before) but I did FEEL. For me, I have avoided even thinking about what I must have felt as a kid. I just didn’t ever want to go there. This has made me feel strong and brave, a wonderful step in the process of coming to grips with PTSD. I hope that you or anyone reading this have the chance to try it if you think you can. Kristine The unexamined life is not worth living – Socrates
Response:
Hi tiny, sorry,i feel awful for you… i have a relative who gone thru same procedure, when gets upset~ *it’s hormonal* indeed ( she was my english teacher in 5th grade ) ~~~hope you feel better. take care leah y.
Response:
sorry you had a rough week 
— RB If you can dream–and not make dreams your master, If you can think–and not make thoughts your aim; If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster And treat those two impostors just the same; If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, And stoop and build ‘em up with worn-out tools – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -"Helsk" <hel…@idl.net.au> wrote in message news:991455404.458987@bigboy… > Pretty tough weeK all in all. > helski
Response:
Hi all, Lows: Back’s been kicking up again, having to take painkillers most of week. Nightmares pretty intense. Some paranoia. Highs: my husband surprised me with a beautiful angel statue that I’ve had my eyes on for a while, she’s 3 feet tall and I had that "perfect spot" for her in my living room. "Rudolph Berthold" <rberth…@canada.com> wrote in message
news:TwWR6.253$F42.7004@newscontent-01.sprint.ca… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> time to check in and let us all know how your week went > mine – hi’s sleep is ok, did a bit of scooting around on my pogo stick – is > always fun > lows – low energy levels – took an amazing amount of self discipline and > will power to scratch my nose > — > RB > "O happiness! our being’s end and aim! > Good, pleasure, ease, content! whate’er thy name: > That something still which prompts the eternal sigh, > For which we bear to live, or dare to die." > Alexander Pope > Ibid, Epistle iv
Response:
Tiny, Mine either tiny. ROTFL!!! kat "tiny dancer" <tinydancer…@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:A1_R6.72590$i56.21961270@typhoon.southeast.rr.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> > same here Tiny – it was a very ‘blah’ week > > — > > RB > I don’t know Rudy, I don’t think you’ve got a basic concept of how PMS > works! I don’t think my husband would refer to it as a blah week! Most > days I give him this evil glare and tell him how good it would feel to punch > "somebody" in the balls! 
Since he’s the only one with any actual Balls > in the house he gets a "little" nervous when I’m in these phases! ) > tiny dancer
Response:
Tiny, Sorry you’re having such a rough time this week. : ( kat "tiny dancer" <tinydancer…@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:6SWR6.72519$i56.21720575@typhoon.southeast.rr.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Well I’ve had a pretty crappy week. My high would have to be Rudy’s last > cliffhanger, thanks Rudy, and my low would have to be all the rest of the > time because since my hysterectomy my hormones, or lack of hormones I should > say, causes me to feel like it’s the worst PMS day, everyday. > tiny dancer > "Rudolph Berthold" <rberth…@canada.com> wrote in message > news:TwWR6.253$F42.7004@newscontent-01.sprint.ca… > > time to check in and let us all know how your week went > > mine – hi’s sleep is ok, did a bit of scooting around on my pogo stick – > is > > always fun > > lows – low energy levels – took an amazing amount of self discipline and > > will power to scratch my nose > > — > > RB > > "O happiness! our being’s end and aim! > > Good, pleasure, ease, content! whate’er thy name: > > That something still which prompts the eternal sigh, > > For which we bear to live, or dare to die." > > Alexander Pope > > Ibid, Epistle iv
Response:
Kristine, I have that too some days. It’s hard to move, it’s hard to think, you don’t give a damn if you get a bath or not, and even if you do give a damn about it, you’re just too tired TO DO it. It’s tough. *frowning, shaking my head* Hope next week’s a little easier for you. That’s wonderful about making so much progress in therapy! Kudos to you! To be able to lose the fear we feel of an abuser is QUITE an accomplishment. I hope you’re proud of yourself. You’ve made a giant leap of progress there!!! Instead of responding to your abuser on the emotional level of that abused child you once were, sounds like you’re seeing him from adult "eyes", which has really helped to lessen the fear. I know every time I was near my grandfather (for years), I felt that same fear and panic I had felt as a small child, and it was like he would become "huge" to me, larger-than-life, very frightening, very intimidating. It was just so overwhelming. The last time I saw him, I didn’t feel that fear anymore. Seeing him didn’t make me feel like that helpless little girl any more. I just felt coldness toward him. Losing that fear is such a step forward. I’m really happy for you!!! kat "BaliKris" <balik…@aol.comzipspam> wrote in message
news:20010602010808.18465.00004592@ng-mq1.aol.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Well I lived in my jammies all week and darn it all I’m gonna admit I didn’t > even take a shower until I had to go to therapy on Thursday. My kind of > week-depression does that to me. I guess I’d have to call that a low since it > isn’t one of those things recovered people do for as long as I’ve been doing > it. > The high is definitely today’s therapy. Using metaphor therapy I gained an > incredible thing. A grasp of a part of myself that has been gone. And that > part, a very big part I think, was terrified of my abusive father. Well I’m not > now. The thought of him coming thru the door doesn’t flip me w/anxiety. These > therapy sessions last 3 hours and have been the most effective I’ve ever h ad. > Aside from accessing my subconscious and the feelings there, I’m actually > REMEMBERING things that I had forgotten. Sad thing though, I remembered what I > used to chant to myself-sing-song-trance-dissociate. I would say "now i lay me > down to sleep i pray the lord my soul to keep, if i should die before i wake i > pray the lord my soul will take" and the other one, which drowned my mind for a > bit and was a part of dissociating at a young age was part of a Doors’ song > "this is the end, this is the end my friend, my one and only friend" Pretty > damn sad, that I clung to that knowledge and that I was so desolate. I haven’t > wanted to touch those feelings but with this therapy I can. Honestly it is > amazing (and no, its not like EFT =) > So, low, high and sad reality….my week ending upbeat and very good after > session. Very good=glad to be able to share. > Kristine
Response:
Thanks, sure wish I could figure out how to rid myself of this permanent PMS condition. It’s really the shits. tiny dancer "Kat" <kathi…@frontiernet.net> wrote in message
news:9fa1aj$89k$1@node21.cwnet.roc.gblx.net… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Tiny, > Sorry you’re having such a rough time this week. : ( > kat > "tiny dancer" <tinydancer…@hotmail.com> wrote in message > news:6SWR6.72519$i56.21720575@typhoon.southeast.rr.com… > > Well I’ve had a pretty crappy week. My high would have to be Rudy’s last > > cliffhanger, thanks Rudy, and my low would have to be all the rest of the > > time because since my hysterectomy my hormones, or lack of hormones I > should > > say, causes me to feel like it’s the worst PMS day, everyday. > > tiny dancer > > "Rudolph Berthold" <rberth…@canada.com> wrote in message > > news:TwWR6.253$F42.7004@newscontent-01.sprint.ca… > > > time to check in and let us all know how your week went > > > mine – hi’s sleep is ok, did a bit of scooting around on my pogo stick – > > is > > > always fun > > > lows – low energy levels – took an amazing amount of self discipline and > > > will power to scratch my nose > > > — > > > RB > > > "O happiness! our being’s end and aim! > > > Good, pleasure, ease, content! whate’er thy name: > > > That something still which prompts the eternal sigh, > > > For which we bear to live, or dare to die." > > > Alexander Pope > > > Ibid, Epistle iv
Response:
friendships sure can be complicated (understatement of the year award candidate — RB If you can dream–and not make dreams your master, If you can think–and not make thoughts your aim; If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster And treat those two impostors just the same; If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, And stoop and build ‘em up with worn-out tools "PAdams4232" <padams4…@aol.comNo2Spam> wrote in message
news:20010601235222.20599.00002006@ng-fp1.aol.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> >>time to check in and let us all know how your week went<< > hello ::delurking again:: > I must say my high and lows were both from friends… > my low was talking to the friend over the phone, after she said "I don’t know > why you seem to hate me, when I’m the only one that really cares about you". > Today she wondered and asked why I haven’t called her and left messages. I > asked what she wanted from me? How did she want me to act. She said that I was > being paranoid. That I took her statement wrong. I said you may have not have > wanted to word it that way, but you did and therefore I didn’t take it wrong. > She went on and on and was moreorless putting this on me and thru the ringer > and trying to have me justify things. I told her that I didn’t need this. That > this wasn’t cool for me and that I wasn’t haven’t it. I don’t go to therapy > just to go back and that I was hanging up (moreorless…giving snipped > version). She calls me back and chews me out (or tries to) for hangin up on > her. I told her that I wasn’t going listen to someone call me paranoid when it > was YOU that had the problem, etc. And I told her that I was hanging up > again,simply because this wasn’t going anywhere healthy for me. And I did that. > And she calls me back…and I said do NOT call me again. Bye bye. And hung up > again. I than tried to get online, I know she was calling back, as it was hard > for me to come online. > Got online…went off and called her back and said "this isn’t good for me, > that I think we should call it a day. that it wasn’t on me, that I couldn’t > help her. That if she can’t or doesn’t understand why I (or anyone else) would > be backoffish after the statement that she made than I can’t help her. > It is unfort. as there is another friend involved.It is unfort. because she’s > only hearing what this friend is telling her. It’s not about us 3 against each > other. But I know that this friend is telling her things about me andperhapsmy > issues. I don’t have a problemwith that but I don’t think this other friend > knows what this friend said to me that itinated it all. And well we work > together and so perhaps it’ll come about…just for understanding. It’s clear > that this friend here doesn’t understand why I backoff and so perhaps this > other friend will and therefore understand my position. I don’t feel bad, > perse, as I know it isn’t on me. I do feel bad in the fact that this other > friend is only hearing her side you know? Anyways…as I said I don’t feel bad, > I just don’t need this in my life… > high-was with the other friend back in Aug. Got in contact (we were okay e-mail > wise) and I asked her about flowers and plants and where I could get them, > that I was thinking about going to where she works but wasn’t sure if it was > proper or if it would be comfrotable. She said that I was welcomed to go there. > And I did. We must have talked for about an hour. It was good. I didn’t think > it would be bad, simply because of things that happened between us and that I > knew my issues and told her, and how I did things, she was very understanding. > In that when I did do what I was going to do, even though she had to, > understandably step back and say WHOA-she understood why or how I did that. At > the same time, even in the heat of the end of it, I certainlly didn’t blame her > for stepping back. I knew of my issues and I knew that > relationships…including and esp friendships weren’t easy for me. And I can > react ways. So, I knew it was going to happen and I completely understood why > she stepped back. And because of the openness about my issues, as well as her > own…and "understanding" it (even at the heat of it) I did think we would > start talking again. I didn’t know when though and wasn’t really expecting it > anytime in general. But I knew it would happen sooner or later, so I felt. > Afterall during our time of friendship sepration, she was reading my website, > as I was popping in and out of a message board that she freq. (after I came > clean with her reading the site, I did tell her that I have browsed the boards > a couple of times) Why did each other do that? Simply to see and understand > what was happening in each others life. > Live and Learn. It’s ironic how this current situation mirrors that back in > Aug. However I was in the other seat. But I did understand and see things, I > dont’ know if this friend does. Because it seems to me that she completely > doesn’t understand why I responded the way I did to her comment. I don’t > know-it’s sad but I don’t feel bad. As I know I handled it well with this > friend and that anyone would take it that way. I just hope that one day she’ll > see why I did respond that way and understand it. > hi and low both in the same area of life but on other ends!! > Paula
Response:
Thank you kat and tiny…I AM very happy to have connected with myself and re-connected a part of myself. And yes, it is very good that my feelings/anxieties about my father are seen more within the realm of truth rather than the distorted reality of a hurting child…I’m feeling/hearing more of myself since yesterday and its a bit strange. Rudy, I gotta see the birth certificate =) Kristine
Response:
Hi Kristine – > The high is definitely today’s therapy. Using metaphor therapy I gained an > incredible thing. A grasp of a part of myself that has been gone. And that > part, a very big part I think, was terrified of my abusive father. Well I’m > not now.
Sounds like a terrific breakthrough for you, that’s wonderful. What exactly does metaphor therapy consist of? I’m really interested in how it works…would the process you went through yesterday work be applicable to others, or is it specific to your personal situation? Hannah
Response:
sorry rudy. : ( it was a very ‘blah’ week – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> — > RB > "O happiness! our being’s end and aim! > Good, pleasure, ease, content! whate’er thy name: > That something still which prompts the eternal sigh, > For which we bear to live, or dare to die." > Alexander Pope > Ibid, Epistle iv > "tiny dancer" <tinydancer…@hotmail.com> wrote in message > news:6SWR6.72519$i56.21720575@typhoon.southeast.rr.com… > > Well I’ve had a pretty crappy week. My high would have to be Rudy’s last > > cliffhanger, thanks Rudy, and my low would have to be all the rest of the > > time because since my hysterectomy my hormones, or lack of hormones I > should > > say, causes me to feel like it’s the worst PMS day, everyday. > > tiny dancer > > "Rudolph Berthold" <rberth…@canada.com> wrote in message > > news:TwWR6.253$F42.7004@newscontent-01.sprint.ca… > > > time to check in and let us all know how your week went > > > mine – hi’s sleep is ok, did a bit of scooting around on my pogo stick – > > is > > > always fun > > > lows – low energy levels – took an amazing amount of self discipline and > > > will power to scratch my nose > > > — > > > RB > > > "O happiness! our being’s end and aim! > > > Good, pleasure, ease, content! whate’er thy name: > > > That something still which prompts the eternal sigh, > > > For which we bear to live, or dare to die." > > > Alexander Pope > > > Ibid, Epistle iv
Response:
> time to check in and let us all know how your week went
low — I was castigated in e-mail for being immature. high — I was able to email back ‘I’m sorry that you are so fearful; I hope you feel better soon’ Lesson: unless I stop it here and now, the abuse habit will continue its travels through my relatives. Second lesson: STOP sometimes means for 48 hours BREATHE THINK DECIDE can definitely work if I can STOP. Smile and there will be something to smile about! Nancy
Response:
hi co-survivors, i was hi as a kit,e when everyone gets to share pure honest feelings …i call it *weep-wit-wack* with a twist of *hula-vent-rant-goof-groove~LOL ~somebody put me on time out please… ‘cuz ~ i’m such a brat !! hahahaha ” rant” …. my lows~~my ex-abuser father of my kids didn’t allow me to see the boys age 8 and 6, the dad’s ( controlling ) super jealous at my boyfriend, scared that our sons will get closed to my new love enterest. leah y.
Response:
Kris, I know all about those "jammie weeks". I seem to have alot of those too. But I’m really glad you had such productive therapy sessions. Although it is terribly sad to see oneself as so tiny and totally alone. I get those "pictures" too and they make me feel awful. It’s funny you should mention the Doors song because I used to do that, People are strange, when you’re a stranger, faces look ugly, when you’re alone. tiny dancer "BaliKris" <balik…@aol.comzipspam> wrote in message
news:20010602010808.18465.00004592@ng-mq1.aol.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Well I lived in my jammies all week and darn it all I’m gonna admit I didn’t > even take a shower until I had to go to therapy on Thursday. My kind of > week-depression does that to me. I guess I’d have to call that a low since it > isn’t one of those things recovered people do for as long as I’ve been doing > it. > The high is definitely today’s therapy. Using metaphor therapy I gained an > incredible thing. A grasp of a part of myself that has been gone. And that > part, a very big part I think, was terrified of my abusive father. Well I’m not > now. The thought of him coming thru the door doesn’t flip me w/anxiety. These > therapy sessions last 3 hours and have been the most effective I’ve ever had. > Aside from accessing my subconscious and the feelings there, I’m actually > REMEMBERING things that I had forgotten. Sad thing though, I remembered what I > used to chant to myself-sing-song-trance-dissociate. I would say "now i lay me > down to sleep i pray the lord my soul to keep, if i should die before i wake i > pray the lord my soul will take" and the other one, which drowned my mind for a > bit and was a part of dissociating at a young age was part of a Doors’ song > "this is the end, this is the end my friend, my one and only friend" Pretty > damn sad, that I clung to that knowledge and that I was so desolate. I haven’t > wanted to touch those feelings but with this therapy I can. Honestly it is > amazing (and no, its not like EFT =) > So, low, high and sad reality….my week ending upbeat and very good after > session. Very good=glad to be able to share. > Kristine
Response:
ROFL — RB If you can dream–and not make dreams your master, If you can think–and not make thoughts your aim; If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster And treat those two impostors just the same; If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, And stoop and build ‘em up with worn-out tools "tiny dancer" <tinydancer…@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:A1_R6.72590$i56.21961270@typhoon.southeast.rr.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> > same here Tiny – it was a very ‘blah’ week > > — > > RB > I don’t know Rudy, I don’t think you’ve got a basic concept of how PMS > works! I don’t think my husband would refer to it as a blah week! Most > days I give him this evil glare and tell him how good it would feel to punch > "somebody" in the balls! Since he’s the only one with any actual Balls > in the house he gets a "little" nervous when I’m in these phases! ) > tiny dancer
Response:
time to check in and let us all know how your week went mine – hi’s sleep is ok, did a bit of scooting around on my pogo stick – is always fun lows – low energy levels – took an amazing amount of self discipline and will power to scratch my nose — RB "O happiness! our being’s end and aim! Good, pleasure, ease, content! whate’er thy name: That something still which prompts the eternal sigh, For which we bear to live, or dare to die." Alexander Pope Ibid, Epistle iv
Response:
Well I’ve had a pretty crappy week. My high would have to be Rudy’s last cliffhanger, thanks Rudy, and my low would have to be all the rest of the time because since my hysterectomy my hormones, or lack of hormones I should say, causes me to feel like it’s the worst PMS day, everyday. tiny dancer "Rudolph Berthold" <rberth…@canada.com> wrote in message
news:TwWR6.253$F42.7004@newscontent-01.sprint.ca… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> time to check in and let us all know how your week went > mine – hi’s sleep is ok, did a bit of scooting around on my pogo stick – is > always fun > lows – low energy levels – took an amazing amount of self discipline and > will power to scratch my nose > — > RB > "O happiness! our being’s end and aim! > Good, pleasure, ease, content! whate’er thy name: > That something still which prompts the eternal sigh, > For which we bear to live, or dare to die." > Alexander Pope > Ibid, Epistle iv
Response:
same here Tiny – it was a very ‘blah’ week — RB "O happiness! our being’s end and aim! Good, pleasure, ease, content! whate’er thy name: That something still which prompts the eternal sigh, For which we bear to live, or dare to die." Alexander Pope Ibid, Epistle iv "tiny dancer" <tinydancer…@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:6SWR6.72519$i56.21720575@typhoon.southeast.rr.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Well I’ve had a pretty crappy week. My high would have to be Rudy’s last > cliffhanger, thanks Rudy, and my low would have to be all the rest of the > time because since my hysterectomy my hormones, or lack of hormones I should > say, causes me to feel like it’s the worst PMS day, everyday. > tiny dancer > "Rudolph Berthold" <rberth…@canada.com> wrote in message > news:TwWR6.253$F42.7004@newscontent-01.sprint.ca… > > time to check in and let us all know how your week went > > mine – hi’s sleep is ok, did a bit of scooting around on my pogo stick – > is > > always fun > > lows – low energy levels – took an amazing amount of self discipline and > > will power to scratch my nose > > — > > RB > > "O happiness! our being’s end and aim! > > Good, pleasure, ease, content! whate’er thy name: > > That something still which prompts the eternal sigh, > > For which we bear to live, or dare to die." > > Alexander Pope > > Ibid, Epistle iv
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>>time to check in and let us all know how your week went<<
hello ::delurking again:: I must say my high and lows were both from friends… my low was talking to the friend over the phone, after she said "I don’t know why you seem to hate me, when I’m the only one that really cares about you". Today she wondered and asked why I haven’t called her and left messages. I asked what she wanted from me? How did she want me to act. She said that I was being paranoid. That I took her statement wrong. I said you may have not have wanted to word it that way, but you did and therefore I didn’t take it wrong. She went on and on and was moreorless putting this on me and thru the ringer and trying to have me justify things. I told her that I didn’t need this. That this wasn’t cool for me and that I wasn’t haven’t it. I don’t go to therapy just to go back and that I was hanging up (moreorless…giving snipped version). She calls me back and chews me out (or tries to) for hangin up on her. I told her that I wasn’t going listen to someone call me paranoid when it was YOU that had the problem, etc. And I told her that I was hanging up again,simply because this wasn’t going anywhere healthy for me. And I did that. And she calls me back…and I said do NOT call me again. Bye bye. And hung up again. I than tried to get online, I know she was calling back, as it was hard for me to come online. Got online…went off and called her back and said "this isn’t good for me, that I think we should call it a day. that it wasn’t on me, that I couldn’t help her. That if she can’t or doesn’t understand why I (or anyone else) would be backoffish after the statement that she made than I can’t help her. It is unfort. as there is another friend involved.It is unfort. because she’s only hearing what this friend is telling her. It’s not about us 3 against each other. But I know that this friend is telling her things about me andperhapsmy issues. I don’t have a problemwith that but I don’t think this other friend knows what this friend said to me that itinated it all. And well we work together and so perhaps it’ll come about…just for understanding. It’s clear that this friend here doesn’t understand why I backoff and so perhaps this other friend will and therefore understand my position. I don’t feel bad, perse, as I know it isn’t on me. I do feel bad in the fact that this other friend is only hearing her side you know? Anyways…as I said I don’t feel bad, I just don’t need this in my life… high-was with the other friend back in Aug. Got in contact (we were okay e-mail wise) and I asked her about flowers and plants and where I could get them, that I was thinking about going to where she works but wasn’t sure if it was proper or if it would be comfrotable. She said that I was welcomed to go there. And I did. We must have talked for about an hour. It was good. I didn’t think it would be bad, simply because of things that happened between us and that I knew my issues and told her, and how I did things, she was very understanding. In that when I did do what I was going to do, even though she had to, understandably step back and say WHOA-she understood why or how I did that. At the same time, even in the heat of the end of it, I certainlly didn’t blame her for stepping back. I knew of my issues and I knew that relationships…including and esp friendships weren’t easy for me. And I can react ways. So, I knew it was going to happen and I completely understood why she stepped back. And because of the openness about my issues, as well as her own…and "understanding" it (even at the heat of it) I did think we would start talking again. I didn’t know when though and wasn’t really expecting it anytime in general. But I knew it would happen sooner or later, so I felt. Afterall during our time of friendship sepration, she was reading my website, as I was popping in and out of a message board that she freq. (after I came clean with her reading the site, I did tell her that I have browsed the boards a couple of times) Why did each other do that? Simply to see and understand what was happening in each others life. Live and Learn. It’s ironic how this current situation mirrors that back in Aug. However I was in the other seat. But I did understand and see things, I dont’ know if this friend does. Because it seems to me that she completely doesn’t understand why I responded the way I did to her comment. I don’t know-it’s sad but I don’t feel bad. As I know I handled it well with this friend and that anyone would take it that way. I just hope that one day she’ll see why I did respond that way and understand it. hi and low both in the same area of life but on other ends!! Paula
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Pretty tough weeK all in all. helski
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> same here Tiny – it was a very ‘blah’ week > — > RB
I don’t know Rudy, I don’t think you’ve got a basic concept of how PMS works! I don’t think my husband would refer to it as a blah week! Most days I give him this evil glare and tell him how good it would feel to punch "somebody" in the balls! Since he’s the only one with any actual Balls in the house he gets a "little" nervous when I’m in these phases! ) tiny dancer
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Well I lived in my jammies all week and darn it all I’m gonna admit I didn’t even take a shower until I had to go to therapy on Thursday. My kind of week-depression does that to me. I guess I’d have to call that a low since it isn’t one of those things recovered people do for as long as I’ve been doing it. The high is definitely today’s therapy. Using metaphor therapy I gained an incredible thing. A grasp of a part of myself that has been gone. And that part, a very big part I think, was terrified of my abusive father. Well I’m not now. The thought of him coming thru the door doesn’t flip me w/anxiety. These therapy sessions last 3 hours and have been the most effective I’ve ever had. Aside from accessing my subconscious and the feelings there, I’m actually REMEMBERING things that I had forgotten. Sad thing though, I remembered what I used to chant to myself-sing-song-trance-dissociate. I would say "now i lay me down to sleep i pray the lord my soul to keep, if i should die before i wake i pray the lord my soul will take" and the other one, which drowned my mind for a bit and was a part of dissociating at a young age was part of a Doors’ song "this is the end, this is the end my friend, my one and only friend" Pretty damn sad, that I clung to that knowledge and that I was so desolate. I haven’t wanted to touch those feelings but with this therapy I can. Honestly it is amazing (and no, its not like EFT =) So, low, high and sad reality….my week ending upbeat and very good after session. Very good=glad to be able to share. Kristine
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