Question:
Hi Joanne, I’m new to this group and I don’t have any specific advice for you right now, but I’d like to say that I think you are very courageous to share your story and I will keep you in my prayers. Also, I do not think you need forgiveness for your "rambling thoughts" since each of our thoughts are important and I found yours both touching and sincere. To better days ahead, Lorne aka unaHomer "Joanne Johnson" <za…@highstream.net> wrote in news:zwjk9.5525$9V6.3574@fe01: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hi everyone, > Its been a while since i last posted. Right now i have many various > things on my mind. > I’ve really been strugleing with dealing with my daughter. She just > turned 3 yesterday. I’m a full time mom and I find potty training is > a real problem. My hubby is of the attitude she should have been > potty trained at 1 yr, where as i have just let her be and she will > potty train when she is ready. I’m not sure what it is but i really > feel uncomfortable in potty training her. She is also a very strong > willed child and I tend to let her get away with alot of things. I > don’t like to discipline her, and i basically let her do her own thing > most of the time. She will be an only child as I could not handle > another child. I feel like a failure at being a parent alot of the > time. > I’ve also been trying to write out everything that happened to me. > But i have gotten to a point where i just dont want to go into it. > Its the worst of what happened and it scares me. I can talk about > everything but this one event. And i can say yes i was raped but the > details and everything are something different. Most of my story i > tell without emotion, but this one area is just full of emotions I > dont want. But the emotions are allways there just under the serface > waiting to try to get out. In the past I delt with the feelings by > cutting. But I have not cut in almostt 6 months. i feel like a time > bomb waiting to go off. And i don’t trust anyone enough to talk to > them and tell what happened. > I’m also feeling very lost as to what I’m doing with my life. I keep > wanting to work but I know that I probably wont last long at any job. > Having only 1 car and my hubby’s job takes priority. That and > stressfull situations set me off sometimes. I feel like I’m just > taking money from my hubby and never providing anything in return. > And since I’m only a green card holder i doubt I could get any sort of > finacial help from the gov’t. I’ve just got a job working pt in the > evenings but I really wonder if its even possible to think i can do > it. Its like my life is going no where fast. Hubby is always on > about not having enoyugh money to do what we want and save, save, > save. i spend, spend, spend. I feel like I’m going crazy. > So Forgive my rambling thoughts. > Joanne > aka Zaser
Response:
"Joanne Johnson" <za…@highstream.net> wrote in message
news:zwjk9.5525$9V6.3574@fe01… > Hi everyone, > Its been a while since i last posted. Right now i have many various things > on my mind.
I’m glad you’ve decided to talk about your struggle. > I’ve really been strugleing with dealing with my daughter. She just turned > 3 yesterday. I’m a full time mom and I find potty training is a real > problem. My hubby is of the attitude she should have been potty trained at > 1 yr, where as i have just let her be and she will potty train when she is > ready.
Kids potty train when they’re ready. I’m not sure what it is but i really feel uncomfortable in potty > training her. She is also a very strong willed child and I tend to let her > get away with alot of things. I don’t like to discipline her, and i > basically let her do her own thing most of the time. She will be an only > child as I could not handle another child. I feel like a failure at being a > parent alot of the time.
I’d bet that feeling is a response to other unrelated thoughts you’re struggling with. See below. > I’ve also been trying to write out everything that happened to me. But i > have gotten to a point where i just dont want to go into it. Its the worst > of what happened and it scares me. I can talk about everything but this one > event. And i can say yes i was raped but the details and everything are > something different. Most of my story i tell without emotion, but this one > area is just full of emotions I dont want. But the emotions are allways > there just under the serface waiting to try to get out. In the past I delt > with the feelings by cutting. But I have not cut in almostt 6 months. i > feel like a time bomb waiting to go off. And i don’t trust anyone enough to > talk to them and tell what happened.
I emphatically urge you to find someone to discuss your memories. A counsellor. A priest. A social worker. You’re ready to tell somebody. Please, find somebody. You’ve gone from the numb emotion of denial and suppression (telling your story without emotion) to being prepared to feel the feelings you’ve buried. There’s only one solution for stinky garbage. It’s time to throw it away. Holding on to it will only keep you immersed in the stink, a constant reminder of what’s really there. You’ve been strong, to have carried this around all this time. You don’t need to cut to feel any more. Your healing process has brought you to the point of being ready to feel your story, as you tell it. > I’m also feeling very lost as to what I’m doing with my life. I keep > wanting to work but I know that I probably wont last long at any job. > Having only 1 car and my hubby’s job takes priority. That and stressfull > situations set me off sometimes. I feel like I’m just taking money from my > hubby and never providing anything in return. And since I’m only a green > card holder i doubt I could get any sort of finacial help from the gov’t. > I’ve just got a job working pt in the evenings but I really wonder if its > even possible to think i can do it.
Let me retell this part to you. Despite the burden of working to recover from the trauma of rape, without social supports, while being responsible for the care of a dependent child, you have been able to retain a part-time job. That’s amazing. > Its like my life is going no where > fast.
You’re stuck, in this moment, but you’re completely ready to unstick yourself. That’s why you wrote to the group. You’re gathering yourself to find a way to unburden yourself of this untold story. Hubby is always on about not having enoyugh money to do what we want > and save, save, save. i spend, spend, spend. I feel like I’m going crazy. > So Forgive my rambling thoughts. > Joanne > aka Zaser
You’re quite focused. No rambling. You’re ready to purge yourself. Please turn your efforts at finding someone to tell. Larry
Response:
Hi Joanne! > My hubby is of the attitude she should have been potty trained at > 1 yr,
IME that means the mom is potty trained, not the kid! > I feel like I’m just taking money from my > hubby and never providing anything in return.
In my case, that was the depression and PTSD talking. > I’ve just got a job working pt in the evenings but I really wonder if its > even possible to think i can do it.
Yes, you can do almost any non-stress job. The problem in my case was that I put my own stress into each job. :/ Smile and there will be something to smile about! Nancy
Response:
"Joanne Johnson" <za…@highstream.net> wrote in message
news:zwjk9.5525$9V6.3574@fe01… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hi everyone, > Its been a while since i last posted. Right now i have many various things > on my mind. > I’ve really been strugleing with dealing with my daughter. She just turned > 3 yesterday. I’m a full time mom and I find potty training is a real > problem. My hubby is of the attitude she should have been potty trained at > 1 yr, where as i have just let her be and she will potty train when she is > ready. I’m not sure what it is but i really feel uncomfortable in potty > training her. She is also a very strong willed child and I tend to let her > get away with alot of things. I don’t like to discipline her, and i > basically let her do her own thing most of the time. She will be an only > child as I could not handle another child. I feel like a failure at being a > parent alot of the time.
I’m not at a place to offer much advice right now, feeling pretty bad myself…….but I could offer a couple of hints at potty training a girl as I’ve had three of them. My daughters used to love to have me paint their fingernails and toe nails pretty colors, so that’s why I’d do, if they made potty in the chair I’d paint their fingernails or toe nails with pretty polish. My third daughter loved those little hot wheels cars…….so if she made potty nice for a certain amout of days she got to go shopping with me and pick out a new ‘hot wheel’ car. Another thing they all liked were ‘pretty panties’…..so we’d go shopping and buy some fancy panties when they went potty in the chair and they could wear them. Usually by 3 or so they have things they ‘want’ so you can usually begin reasoning with them ‘if you do this then we’ll do or get you that’. td – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I’ve also been trying to write out everything that happened to me. But i > have gotten to a point where i just dont want to go into it. Its the worst > of what happened and it scares me. I can talk about everything but this one > event. And i can say yes i was raped but the details and everything are > something different. Most of my story i tell without emotion, but this one > area is just full of emotions I dont want. But the emotions are allways > there just under the serface waiting to try to get out. In the past I delt > with the feelings by cutting. But I have not cut in almostt 6 months. i > feel like a time bomb waiting to go off. And i don’t trust anyone enough to > talk to them and tell what happened. > I’m also feeling very lost as to what I’m doing with my life. I keep > wanting to work but I know that I probably wont last long at any job. > Having only 1 car and my hubby’s job takes priority. That and stressfull > situations set me off sometimes. I feel like I’m just taking money from my > hubby and never providing anything in return. And since I’m only a green > card holder i doubt I could get any sort of finacial help from the gov’t. > I’ve just got a job working pt in the evenings but I really wonder if its > even possible to think i can do it. Its like my life is going no where > fast. Hubby is always on about not having enoyugh money to do what we want > and save, save, save. i spend, spend, spend. I feel like I’m going crazy. > So Forgive my rambling thoughts. > Joanne > aka Zaser
Response:
Hi everyone, Its been a while since i last posted. Right now i have many various things on my mind. I’ve really been strugleing with dealing with my daughter. She just turned 3 yesterday. I’m a full time mom and I find potty training is a real problem. My hubby is of the attitude she should have been potty trained at 1 yr, where as i have just let her be and she will potty train when she is ready. I’m not sure what it is but i really feel uncomfortable in potty training her. She is also a very strong willed child and I tend to let her get away with alot of things. I don’t like to discipline her, and i basically let her do her own thing most of the time. She will be an only child as I could not handle another child. I feel like a failure at being a parent alot of the time. I’ve also been trying to write out everything that happened to me. But i have gotten to a point where i just dont want to go into it. Its the worst of what happened and it scares me. I can talk about everything but this one event. And i can say yes i was raped but the details and everything are something different. Most of my story i tell without emotion, but this one area is just full of emotions I dont want. But the emotions are allways there just under the serface waiting to try to get out. In the past I delt with the feelings by cutting. But I have not cut in almostt 6 months. i feel like a time bomb waiting to go off. And i don’t trust anyone enough to talk to them and tell what happened. I’m also feeling very lost as to what I’m doing with my life. I keep wanting to work but I know that I probably wont last long at any job. Having only 1 car and my hubby’s job takes priority. That and stressfull situations set me off sometimes. I feel like I’m just taking money from my hubby and never providing anything in return. And since I’m only a green card holder i doubt I could get any sort of finacial help from the gov’t. I’ve just got a job working pt in the evenings but I really wonder if its even possible to think i can do it. Its like my life is going no where fast. Hubby is always on about not having enoyugh money to do what we want and save, save, save. i spend, spend, spend. I feel like I’m going crazy. So Forgive my rambling thoughts. Joanne aka Zaser
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