Question:
hope, celeste – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – massive big i dont know what to say celeste, apsrt from yourll be ok. it was him who had the problem not you hayley -Jinxter, Magnetic Scrolls
Response:
massive big i dont know what to say celeste, apsrt from yourll be ok. it was him who had the problem not you hayley -Jinxter, Magnetic Scrolls
Response:
Good woman/man DesertRaine. I like your style! Don’t give up, Amber. It’s too easy to give up. If you love him, you must try. Remember: You make a living by what you get, you make a life by what you give. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – ((((((Celeste)))))) Please don’t give up yet… on him or on yourself. He brought it up last night and already you’re looking for an apartment. He’s giving you time. Maybe that means he’s not so sure himself? Go to that counselor. At least find out what’s happening before you throw in the towel. He’s not to blame, and you’re not to blame. Trying to figure out who’s fault it is only muddies the water. You can both come out of it, if you want to. You say you love him. Do you mean it? About the classes… Are you going? Passing? You can get an extension for special circumstances. (Ask at the office.) That way you won’t get all F’s– if you *promise* to go back and finish! hi all. last night my husband told me he wants a divorce. The depression I was in killed our marriage. I can’t believe this- i don’t know what to do, or what to think. i was awake all night last night going thru the paper looking for a home to rent so I can keep my dog, and looking for work. I am so overwhelmed it is unbelieveable. I don’t even feel human anymore. I would have recieved my AA degree after this semester in classes, I haven’t dropped the classes yet, guess I am waiting for a miracle. Mark is being nice about it "no hurry". But I am not sure that I can stay in this house with him without crying constantly- so probably the sooner the better. I am going to try to get a job as a night auditor for a hotel, kind of no stress. Or I am thinking of waitressing. I am qualified to manage any apartment building in the city, but that is stressful, and while I need the money i am under so much stress anyway that I don’t know if I could handle it. It would bpay so much better, but again- I am not sure it is worth the cost. I love my husband- and honestly I was so depressed for so long- I can’t blame him. It has been so hard on him, it is no wonder he can’t love me anymore. (makes me think those "god I suck" thoughts- family- no. husband- no, friends- sure lots of them on a computer that can’t see me, but in real life?- no. I do have a dear friend that is my "brother", his lover has aids, and while he has not been tested yet (tomorrow) we both recognize what this might be. a go from crying hysterically to not being able to feel anything. EverywhereI look I see the plans that never got finished, and the hopes I had. My first real garden in the yard that I will not see. The renovations to the house that have never been complete. the bathtub that was deep/with jets that he put in for me cuz I love hot baths. All the decorating I have done in the last two monthes to try and make the house our home-trying to get this "pretty". I am totally out of it. I know that this is my fault. I know that the assault, the dchildhood abuse have not only cost me by depressing me for most of our marriage, but now they have cost me that marriage and the man I deeply, deeply love. too numb to even dream of having actual hope. Even the things I touch don’t feel quite real. We will still try marriage counseling, but I know now that the damage that has been done is probably irrepairable. My best friend who has been losing her life to this unknown illness, will have to be put in a home, as the care that is required by her is too much for her 76 year old mother to continue to give. She and I know she is dying, but there is nothing we can do but spend the time we do have in ways that might for just a few moments let her forget the pain that has become constant. One of my old staff that I have stayed in touch with was elotrocuted last week. He was working in the pool room of my old property- water and electricity. He was a very good man. We weren’t close anymore, but it hurts to know that such a good person is gone. I still haven’t gotten permission from my insurance company to set an appt. for the —scopy (I forgot the word). oh and it is time for marriage counseling, and it looks like he isn’t going to show up. later, celeste "~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~" "Oh, you can’t help that," said the Cat, "We’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad." "How do you know I’m mad?" said Alice. "Oh you must be," said the Cat, "or else you wouldn’t have come here." Lewis Carroll "~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"
Response:
In his mind you’re already through. That’s what I call giving it a shot.. the big wuss. H – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – hi all. last night my husband told me he wants a divorce. The depression I was in killed our marriage. I can’t believe this- i don’t know what to do, or what to think. i was awake all night last night going thru the paper looking for a home to rent so I can keep my dog, and looking for work. I am so overwhelmed it is unbelieveable. I don’t even feel human anymore. I would have recieved my AA degree after this semester in classes, I haven’t dropped the classes yet, guess I am waiting for a miracle. Mark is being nice about it "no hurry". But I am not sure that I can stay in this house with him without crying constantly- so probably the sooner the better. I am going to try to get a job as a night auditor for a hotel, kind of no stress. Or I am thinking of waitressing. I am qualified to manage any apartment building in the city, but that is stressful, and while I need the money i am under so much stress anyway that I don’t know if I could handle it. It would bpay so much better, but again- I am not sure it is worth the cost. I love my husband- and honestly I was so depressed for so long- I can’t blame him. It has been so hard on him, it is no wonder he can’t love me anymore. (makes me think those "god I suck" thoughts- family- no. husband- no, friends- sure lots of them on a computer that can’t see me, but in real life?- no. I do have a dear friend that is my "brother", his lover has aids, and while he has not been tested yet (tomorrow) we both recognize what this might be. a go from crying hysterically to not being able to feel anything. EverywhereI look I see the plans that never got finished, and the hopes I had. My first real garden in the yard that I will not see. The renovations to the house that have never been complete. the bathtub that was deep/with jets that he put in for me cuz I love hot baths. All the decorating I have done in the last two monthes to try and make the house our home-trying to get this "pretty". I am totally out of it. I know that this is my fault. I know that the assault, the dchildhood abuse have not only cost me by depressing me for most of our marriage, but now they have cost me that marriage and the man I deeply, deeply love. too numb to even dream of having actual hope. Even the things I touch don’t feel quite real. We will still try marriage counseling, but I know now that the damage that has been done is probably irrepairable. My best friend who has been losing her life to this unknown illness, will have to be put in a home, as the care that is required by her is too much for her 76 year old mother to continue to give. She and I know she is dying, but there is nothing we can do but spend the time we do have in ways that might for just a few moments let her forget the pain that has become constant. One of my old staff that I have stayed in touch with was elotrocuted last week. He was working in the pool room of my old property- water and electricity. He was a very good man. We weren’t close anymore, but it hurts to know that such a good person is gone. I still haven’t gotten permission from my insurance company to set an appt. for the —scopy (I forgot the word). oh and it is time for marriage counseling, and it looks like he isn’t going to show up. later, celeste
Response:
posted&emailed first, ***great big gentle hugs for you*** celeste … hi all. last night my husband told me he wants a divorce. The depression I was in killed our marriage. I can’t believe this- i don’t know what to do, or what to think. i was awake all night last night going thru the paper looking for a home to rent so I can keep my dog, and looking for work.
ouch. this totally sucks. i can empathize with you, summer of 97 me and my husband had a lot of problems and he left, not saying if he’d be back. i couldn’t eat, sleep, think clearly, i cried constantly. it just sucks. my heart goes out to you. i’ll be blunt and say, my opinion is that your depression didn’t kill the marriage, marriage is 50/50, so his inability to deal with your depression is his own problem. don’t let him blame you for it all, ok? – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I am so overwhelmed it is unbelieveable. I don’t even feel human anymore. I would have recieved my AA degree after this semester in classes, I haven’t dropped the classes yet, guess I am waiting for a miracle. Mark is being nice about it "no hurry". But I am not sure that I can stay in this house with him without crying constantly- so probably the sooner the better. I am going to try to get a job as a night auditor for a hotel, kind of no stress. Or I am thinking of waitressing. I am qualified to manage any apartment building in the city, but that is stressful, and while I need the money i am under so much stress anyway that I don’t know if I could handle it. It would bpay so much better, but again- I am not sure it is worth the cost. I love my husband- and honestly I was so depressed for so long- I can’t blame him. It has been so hard on him, it is no wonder he can’t love me anymore. (makes me think those "god I suck" thoughts- family- no. husband- no, friends- sure lots of them on a computer that can’t see me, but in real life?- no.
oh *hugs* celeste. i’m crying for you. look, i’m disabled, i have CFIDS and fibromyalgia, i also have DID and PTSD from the abuse, i’m infertile, and yes this is hard on my husband. extremely hard. and i go through the exact same thoughts you do, when things get rough … i blame myself, i feel unworthy of love. but my husband, for whatever his reasons, still loves me. we’re in marriage counseling, we’ve learned that he hates the abuse, hates my illnesses, but loves me … so, if your husband says he doesn’t love you, please DON’T blame yourself! don’t blame your depression, health, or anything else. if he doesn’t love you, that’s *his* own feelings. HIS. if he’s trying to put it all on you, then i’m very angry at him on your behalf. if you’re taking it on yourself, then i totally know what you mean, i’ve been there and done that, and right now while i am in an "up" cycle with my husband, i want to tell you not to take it all on yourself. please? it’s not good for you. remember what i’m telling you, cuz in a few weeks or months when i start taking it all on myself again, i’ll need you to tell this right back to me 
I do have a dear friend that is my "brother", his lover has aids, and while he has not been tested yet (tomorrow) we both recognize what this might be. a go from crying hysterically to not being able to feel anything. EverywhereI look I see the plans that never got finished, and the hopes I had. My first real garden in the yard that I will not see. The renovations to the house that have never been complete. the bathtub that was deep/with jets that he put in for me cuz I love hot baths. All the decorating I have done in the last two monthes to try and make the house our home-trying to get this "pretty".
ouch ouch. when it rains it pours, eh? i had a big attachment to the new house we had bought, right before i confronted my dad about the abuse, we lived really near my dad. things went very badly and we had to move, my dad was harassing me. we had to let the house go to voluntary foreclosure so D. could find a job far away and get me out of that situation. not a day goes by i don’t miss that pretty little house, the big garden tub, the tiger lilies in the back yard. i know what you mean. a home is often a symbol, when we lose it, what do we have? this is so hard for you *tears* – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I am totally out of it. I know that this is my fault. I know that the assault, the dchildhood abuse have not only cost me by depressing me for most of our marriage, but now they have cost me that marriage and the man I deeply, deeply love. too numb to even dream of having actual hope. Even the things I touch don’t feel quite real. We will still try marriage counseling, but I know now that the damage that has been done is probably irrepairable. My best friend who has been losing her life to this unknown illness, will have to be put in a home, as the care that is required by her is too much for her 76 year old mother to continue to give. She and I know she is dying, but there is nothing we can do but spend the time we do have in ways that might for just a few moments let her forget the pain that has become constant. One of my old staff that I have stayed in touch with was elotrocuted last week. He was working in the pool room of my old property- water and electricity. He was a very good man. We weren’t close anymore, but it hurts to know that such a good person is gone. I still haven’t gotten permission from my insurance company to set an appt. for the —scopy (I forgot the word). oh and it is time for marriage counseling, and it looks like he isn’t going to show up. later, celeste
**more hugs** please keep writing or posting, my email is open, and i’ll check the ng often. this is so rough for you, and so similar to stuff i’ve been through, i just ache for you. i wish i could say it’ll all be ok, that’s all i wanted to hear. i’d be lying or minimizing if i said it’ll all be ok, though. i guess i should say, i want *you* to be ok, to get through this. anything you need to be ok, just keep asking. and thanks for writing this, so ppl can help. peace and love, karmagrrl
Response:
thanks crisis, I too think this is one of the most accurate posts i’ve read of alan’s. ;o) kind of wierd me and alan thinking on the same page. Just a surprise. you and alan have made me smile today- what a good way to start. (and by the way, i don’t believe in "made me" smile, it is really just that you guys put such good things in this post that the smile came gradually and purpossly from my gut. You two are the kick start button I guess. :o) thanks to you both. It is helping me breathe luv, celeste – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Sometimes sumbuddie you say some amazing and wise things. writes: Naww, the depression did not kill your marriage. No it did – celeste, I see it more as your partner’s inability to cope. Thats not to say he is a bad person. Just a weaker and yes, more broken, person that you need as a partner. Your dysfunctional childhood did on a par with your unconscious issues. The fact that these are present are always an issue for us who frequet this group. Anyone who partners with us is aware of these issues. Even if we do not tell them specifically, the fact that they are there is hard to miss. I feel grief for the fact that he so painfully broke your trust celeste in that he could not maintain his coping abilities. You have a huge flow of my comforting thoughts. We are not easy to live with, it takes a person who has a high level of maturity and centeredness I think. It sounds like you SO came up short in that area. I am sad for both of you. You are broken and you married a broken man. I would suspect that this is true Alan. If I take you to mean that she was affected by her abuse, most of us were. We react to things differently than the normal average joe, we process things a little off kilter at times. I would suspect from what has been You are getting better – he is not. Besides he is doing you a favor – there is a much better guy out there for you, cause you are now a much better woman. I think out there somewhere there is a better guy. Even if there isn’t there is still a meaningful and rewarding life. That is in your power celeste, apart from any mate you might choose in the future. Your worth does not come from who you partner with but from within you. I have faith that you will find that. I have seen you grow much here. Hooooo-rahhhhhh babe. He wants out – dump him – do the grief work and get on with your wonderfull life. In the end that is what you have to do or it will happen for you. Its a stronger decision if you actively make that choice. If, upon reflection, that is what you are comfortable proceeding with. If you wish to try and salvage the relationship, if that seems possible, if you asked my advice, I would ask you to consider all of the possible outcomes carefully. Be not afraid. Fear is probably a reality right now, but it is also a choice whether or not you let it stop your forward progress. Doors open and doors close. Realizing this brings a great deal of power to you. Most people mope over the recently shut door and see not the open one right next to it. This is one of the truest things I have ever hear you say Alan. Yes. Yes. Yes. Look around through your tears, don’t let them blind you to the doors to the new adventure. With all this horsepoop around here – damm – there is a pony to play with nearby. Yep. Weigh your options, look at the possibilities make some short term choices and then take some time to play with that pony. Trust your process sweetie. When I do that, it doesn’t let me down. I do. Me too. sumbuddie duex amoure Nice talking with you sumbuddie. Warm hugs and good luck celeste. Crisis hi all. last night my husband told me he wants a divorce. The depression I was in killed our marriage. I can’t believe this- i don’t know what to do, or what to think. i was awake all night last night going thru the paper looking for a home to rent so I can keep my dog, and looking for work. I am so overwhelmed it is unbelieveable. I don’t even feel human anymore. I would have recieved my AA degree after this semester in classes, I haven’t dropped the classes yet, guess I am waiting for a miracle. Mark is being nice about it "no hurry". But I am not sure that I can stay in this house with him without crying constantly- so probably the sooner the better. I am going to try to get a job as a night auditor for a hotel, kind of no stress. Or I am thinking of waitressing. I am qualified to manage any apartment building in the city, but that is stressful, and while I need the money i am under so much stress anyway that I don’t know if I could handle it. It would bpay so much better, but again- I am not sure it is worth the cost. I love my husband- and honestly I was so depressed for so long- I can’t blame him. It has been so hard on him, it is no wonder he can’t love me anymore. (makes me think those "god I suck" thoughts- family- no. husband- no, friends- sure lots of them on a computer that can’t see me, but in real life?- no. I do have a dear friend that is my "brother", his lover has aids, and while he has not been tested yet (tomorrow) we both recognize what this might be. a go from crying hysterically to not being able to feel anything. EverywhereI look I see the plans that never got finished, and the hopes I had. My first real garden in the yard that I will not see. The renovations to the house that have never been complete. the bathtub that was deep/with jets that he put in for me cuz I love hot baths. All the decorating I have done in the last two monthes to try and make the house our home-trying to get this "pretty". I am totally out of it. I know that this is my fault. I know that the assault, the dchildhood abuse have not only cost me by depressing me for most of our marriage, but now they have cost me that marriage and the man I deeply, deeply love. too numb to even dream of having actual hope. Even the things I touch don’t feel quite real. We will still try marriage counseling, but I know now that the damage that has been done is probably irrepairable. My best friend who has been losing her life to this unknown illness, will have to be put in a home, as the care that is required by her is too much for her 76 year old mother to continue to give. She and I know she is dying, but there is nothing we can do but spend the time we do have in ways that might for just a few moments let her forget the pain that has become constant. One of my old staff that I have stayed in touch with was elotrocuted last week. He was working in the pool room of my old property- water and electricity. He was a very good man. We weren’t close anymore, but it hurts to know that such a good person is gone. I still haven’t gotten permission from my insurance company to set an appt. for the —scopy (I forgot the word). oh and it is time for marriage counseling, and it looks like he isn’t going to show up. later, celeste
Response:
((((((Celeste)))))) Please don’t give up yet… on him or on yourself. He brought it up last night and already you’re looking for an apartment. He’s giving you time. Maybe that means he’s not so sure himself? Go to that counselor. At least find out what’s happening before you throw in the towel. He’s not to blame, and you’re not to blame. Trying to figure out who’s fault it is only muddies the water. You can both come out of it, if you want to. You say you love him. Do you mean it? About the classes… Are you going? Passing? You can get an extension for special circumstances. (Ask at the office.) That way you won’t get all F’s– if you *promise* to go back and finish! – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – hi all. last night my husband told me he wants a divorce. The depression I was in killed our marriage. I can’t believe this- i don’t know what to do, or what to think. i was awake all night last night going thru the paper looking for a home to rent so I can keep my dog, and looking for work. I am so overwhelmed it is unbelieveable. I don’t even feel human anymore. I would have recieved my AA degree after this semester in classes, I haven’t dropped the classes yet, guess I am waiting for a miracle. Mark is being nice about it "no hurry". But I am not sure that I can stay in this house with him without crying constantly- so probably the sooner the better. I am going to try to get a job as a night auditor for a hotel, kind of no stress. Or I am thinking of waitressing. I am qualified to manage any apartment building in the city, but that is stressful, and while I need the money i am under so much stress anyway that I don’t know if I could handle it. It would bpay so much better, but again- I am not sure it is worth the cost. I love my husband- and honestly I was so depressed for so long- I can’t blame him. It has been so hard on him, it is no wonder he can’t love me anymore. (makes me think those "god I suck" thoughts- family- no. husband- no, friends- sure lots of them on a computer that can’t see me, but in real life?- no. I do have a dear friend that is my "brother", his lover has aids, and while he has not been tested yet (tomorrow) we both recognize what this might be. a go from crying hysterically to not being able to feel anything. EverywhereI look I see the plans that never got finished, and the hopes I had. My first real garden in the yard that I will not see. The renovations to the house that have never been complete. the bathtub that was deep/with jets that he put in for me cuz I love hot baths. All the decorating I have done in the last two monthes to try and make the house our home-trying to get this "pretty". I am totally out of it. I know that this is my fault. I know that the assault, the dchildhood abuse have not only cost me by depressing me for most of our marriage, but now they have cost me that marriage and the man I deeply, deeply love. too numb to even dream of having actual hope. Even the things I touch don’t feel quite real. We will still try marriage counseling, but I know now that the damage that has been done is probably irrepairable. My best friend who has been losing her life to this unknown illness, will have to be put in a home, as the care that is required by her is too much for her 76 year old mother to continue to give. She and I know she is dying, but there is nothing we can do but spend the time we do have in ways that might for just a few moments let her forget the pain that has become constant. One of my old staff that I have stayed in touch with was elotrocuted last week. He was working in the pool room of my old property- water and electricity. He was a very good man. We weren’t close anymore, but it hurts to know that such a good person is gone. I still haven’t gotten permission from my insurance company to set an appt. for the —scopy (I forgot the word). oh and it is time for marriage counseling, and it looks like he isn’t going to show up. later, celeste
"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~" "Oh, you can’t help that," said the Cat, "We’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad." "How do you know I’m mad?" said Alice. "Oh you must be," said the Cat, "or else you wouldn’t have come here." Lewis Carroll "~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"~"
Response:
Oh Celeste… I have no words. I am just so sorry this is happening to you. All that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by frost. — Bilbo Baggins, Hobbit, Adventurer
Response:
alan, if nothing else, I have to thank you for the "horse-poop" analogy. god, that made me smile. I understand what you mean about not letting this block my view into new rooms, windows and possibilites. Alan, when you are this right, you amaze me. shocked, with hope, celeste – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Naww, the depression did not kill your marriage. Your dysfunctional childhood did on a par with your unconscious issues. You are broken and you married a broken man. You are getting better – he is not. Besides he is doing you a favor – there is a much better guy out there for you, cause you are now a much better woman. Hooooo-rahhhhhh babe. He wants out – dump him – do the grief work and get on with your wonderfull life. Be not afraid. Doors open and doors close. Most people mope over the recently shut door and see not the open one right next to it. With all this horsepoop around here – damm – there is a pony to play with nearby. Trust your process sweetie. I do. sumbuddie duex amoure hi all. last night my husband told me he wants a divorce. The depression I was in killed our marriage. I can’t believe this- i don’t know what to do, or what to think. i was awake all night last night going thru the paper looking for a home to rent so I can keep my dog, and looking for work. I am so overwhelmed it is unbelieveable. I don’t even feel human anymore. I would have recieved my AA degree after this semester in classes, I haven’t dropped the classes yet, guess I am waiting for a miracle. Mark is being nice about it "no hurry". But I am not sure that I can stay in this house with him without crying constantly- so probably the sooner the better. I am going to try to get a job as a night auditor for a hotel, kind of no stress. Or I am thinking of waitressing. I am qualified to manage any apartment building in the city, but that is stressful, and while I need the money i am under so much stress anyway that I don’t know if I could handle it. It would bpay so much better, but again- I am not sure it is worth the cost. I love my husband- and honestly I was so depressed for so long- I can’t blame him. It has been so hard on him, it is no wonder he can’t love me anymore. (makes me think those "god I suck" thoughts- family- no. husband- no, friends- sure lots of them on a computer that can’t see me, but in real life?- no. I do have a dear friend that is my "brother", his lover has aids, and while he has not been tested yet (tomorrow) we both recognize what this might be. a go from crying hysterically to not being able to feel anything. EverywhereI look I see the plans that never got finished, and the hopes I had. My first real garden in the yard that I will not see. The renovations to the house that have never been complete. the bathtub that was deep/with jets that he put in for me cuz I love hot baths. All the decorating I have done in the last two monthes to try and make the house our home-trying to get this "pretty". I am totally out of it. I know that this is my fault. I know that the assault, the dchildhood abuse have not only cost me by depressing me for most of our marriage, but now they have cost me that marriage and the man I deeply, deeply love. too numb to even dream of having actual hope. Even the things I touch don’t feel quite real. We will still try marriage counseling, but I know now that the damage that has been done is probably irrepairable. My best friend who has been losing her life to this unknown illness, will have to be put in a home, as the care that is required by her is too much for her 76 year old mother to continue to give. She and I know she is dying, but there is nothing we can do but spend the time we do have in ways that might for just a few moments let her forget the pain that has become constant. One of my old staff that I have stayed in touch with was elotrocuted last week. He was working in the pool room of my old property- water and electricity. He was a very good man. We weren’t close anymore, but it hurts to know that such a good person is gone. I still haven’t gotten permission from my insurance company to set an appt. for the —scopy (I forgot the word). oh and it is time for marriage counseling, and it looks like he isn’t going to show up. later, celeste
Response:
Gee Celeste I am so sorry. What a terrible thing. You are in my thoughts. Miigwej
Response:
Sometimes sumbuddie you say some amazing and wise things. writes: Naww, the depression did not kill your marriage.
No it did – celeste, I see it more as your partner’s inability to cope. Thats not to say he is a bad person. Just a weaker and yes, more broken, person that you need as a partner. Your dysfunctional childhood did on a par with your unconscious
issues. The fact that these are present are always an issue for us who frequet this group. Anyone who partners with us is aware of these issues. Even if we do not tell them specifically, the fact that they are there is hard to miss. I feel grief for the fact that he so painfully broke your trust celeste in that he could not maintain his coping abilities. You have a huge flow of my comforting thoughts. We are not easy to live with, it takes a person who has a high level of maturity and centeredness I think. It sounds like you SO came up short in that area. I am sad for both of you. You are broken and you married a broken man.
I would suspect that this is true Alan. If I take you to mean that she was affected by her abuse, most of us were. We react to things differently than the normal average joe, we process things a little off kilter at times. I would suspect from what has been You are getting better – he is not. Besides he is doing you a favor – there is a much better guy out there for you, cause you are now a much better woman.
I think out there somewhere there is a better guy. Even if there isn’t there is still a meaningful and rewarding life. That is in your power celeste, apart from any mate you might choose in the future. Your worth does not come from who you partner with but from within you. I have faith that you will find that. I have seen you grow much here. Hooooo-rahhhhhh babe. He wants out – dump him – do the grief work and get on with your wonderfull life.
In the end that is what you have to do or it will happen for you. Its a stronger decision if you actively make that choice. If, upon reflection, that is what you are comfortable proceeding with. If you wish to try and salvage the relationship, if that seems possible, if you asked my advice, I would ask you to consider all of the possible outcomes carefully. Be not afraid.
Fear is probably a reality right now, but it is also a choice whether or not you let it stop your forward progress. Doors open and doors close.
Realizing this brings a great deal of power to you. Most people mope over the recently shut door and see not the open one right next to it.
This is one of the truest things I have ever hear you say Alan. Yes. Yes. Yes. Look around through your tears, don’t let them blind you to the doors to the new adventure. With all this horsepoop around here – damm – there is a pony to play with nearby.
Yep. Weigh your options, look at the possibilities make some short term choices and then take some time to play with that pony. Trust your process sweetie.
When I do that, it doesn’t let me down. I do.
Me too. sumbuddie duex amoure
Nice talking with you sumbuddie. Warm hugs and good luck celeste. Crisis – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – hi all. last night my husband told me he wants a divorce. The depression I was in killed our marriage. I can’t believe this- i don’t know what to do, or what to think. i was awake all night last night going thru the paper looking for a home to rent so I can keep my dog, and looking for work. I am so overwhelmed it is unbelieveable. I don’t even feel human anymore. I would have recieved my AA degree after this semester in classes, I haven’t dropped the classes yet, guess I am waiting for a miracle. Mark is being nice about it "no hurry". But I am not sure that I can stay in this house with him without crying constantly- so probably the sooner the better. I am going to try to get a job as a night auditor for a hotel, kind of no stress. Or I am thinking of waitressing. I am qualified to manage any apartment building in the city, but that is stressful, and while I need the money i am under so much stress anyway that I don’t know if I could handle it. It would bpay so much better, but again- I am not sure it is worth the cost. I love my husband- and honestly I was so depressed for so long- I can’t blame him. It has been so hard on him, it is no wonder he can’t love me anymore. (makes me think those "god I suck" thoughts- family- no. husband- no, friends- sure lots of them on a computer that can’t see me, but in real life?- no. I do have a dear friend that is my "brother", his lover has aids, and while he has not been tested yet (tomorrow) we both recognize what this might be. a go from crying hysterically to not being able to feel anything. EverywhereI look I see the plans that never got finished, and the hopes I had. My first real garden in the yard that I will not see. The renovations to the house that have never been complete. the bathtub that was deep/with jets that he put in for me cuz I love hot baths. All the decorating I have done in the last two monthes to try and make the house our home-trying to get this "pretty". I am totally out of it. I know that this is my fault. I know that the assault, the dchildhood abuse have not only cost me by depressing me for most of our marriage, but now they have cost me that marriage and the man I deeply, deeply love. too numb to even dream of having actual hope. Even the things I touch don’t feel quite real. We will still try marriage counseling, but I know now that the damage that has been done is probably irrepairable. My best friend who has been losing her life to this unknown illness, will have to be put in a home, as the care that is required by her is too much for her 76 year old mother to continue to give. She and I know she is dying, but there is nothing we can do but spend the time we do have in ways that might for just a few moments let her forget the pain that has become constant. One of my old staff that I have stayed in touch with was elotrocuted last week. He was working in the pool room of my old property- water and electricity. He was a very good man. We weren’t close anymore, but it hurts to know that such a good person is gone. I still haven’t gotten permission from my insurance company to set an appt. for the —scopy (I forgot the word). oh and it is time for marriage counseling, and it looks like he isn’t going to show up. later, celeste
Response:
Naww, the depression did not kill your marriage. Your dysfunctional childhood did on a par with your unconscious issues. You are broken and you married a broken man. You are getting better – he is not. Besides he is doing you a favor – there is a much better guy out there for you, cause you are now a much better woman. Hooooo-rahhhhhh babe. He wants out – dump him – do the grief work and get on with your wonderfull life. Be not afraid. Doors open and doors close. Most people mope over the recently shut door and see not the open one right next to it. With all this horsepoop around here – damm – there is a pony to play with nearby. Trust your process sweetie. I do. sumbuddie duex amoure – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – hi all. last night my husband told me he wants a divorce. The depression I was in killed our marriage. I can’t believe this- i don’t know what to do, or what to think. i was awake all night last night going thru the paper looking for a home to rent so I can keep my dog, and looking for work. I am so overwhelmed it is unbelieveable. I don’t even feel human anymore. I would have recieved my AA degree after this semester in classes, I haven’t dropped the classes yet, guess I am waiting for a miracle. Mark is being nice about it "no hurry". But I am not sure that I can stay in this house with him without crying constantly- so probably the sooner the better. I am going to try to get a job as a night auditor for a hotel, kind of no stress. Or I am thinking of waitressing. I am qualified to manage any apartment building in the city, but that is stressful, and while I need the money i am under so much stress anyway that I don’t know if I could handle it. It would bpay so much better, but again- I am not sure it is worth the cost. I love my husband- and honestly I was so depressed for so long- I can’t blame him. It has been so hard on him, it is no wonder he can’t love me anymore. (makes me think those "god I suck" thoughts- family- no. husband- no, friends- sure lots of them on a computer that can’t see me, but in real life?- no. I do have a dear friend that is my "brother", his lover has aids, and while he has not been tested yet (tomorrow) we both recognize what this might be. a go from crying hysterically to not being able to feel anything. EverywhereI look I see the plans that never got finished, and the hopes I had. My first real garden in the yard that I will not see. The renovations to the house that have never been complete. the bathtub that was deep/with jets that he put in for me cuz I love hot baths. All the decorating I have done in the last two monthes to try and make the house our home-trying to get this "pretty". I am totally out of it. I know that this is my fault. I know that the assault, the dchildhood abuse have not only cost me by depressing me for most of our marriage, but now they have cost me that marriage and the man I deeply, deeply love. too numb to even dream of having actual hope. Even the things I touch don’t feel quite real. We will still try marriage counseling, but I know now that the damage that has been done is probably irrepairable. My best friend who has been losing her life to this unknown illness, will have to be put in a home, as the care that is required by her is too much for her 76 year old mother to continue to give. She and I know she is dying, but there is nothing we can do but spend the time we do have in ways that might for just a few moments let her forget the pain that has become constant. One of my old staff that I have stayed in touch with was elotrocuted last week. He was working in the pool room of my old property- water and electricity. He was a very good man. We weren’t close anymore, but it hurts to know that such a good person is gone. I still haven’t gotten permission from my insurance company to set an appt. for the —scopy (I forgot the word). oh and it is time for marriage counseling, and it looks like he isn’t going to show up. later, celeste
Response:
oh no 
*HUGS* if you need to talk I’ll try to be here for you aways my friend *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS*
Response:
hi all. last night my husband told me he wants a divorce. The depression I was in killed our marriage. I can’t believe this- i don’t know what to do, or what to think. i was awake all night last night going thru the paper looking for a home to rent so I can keep my dog, and looking for work.
oh, celeste, i’m so sorry. *hugsyoutight* I love my husband- and honestly I was so depressed for so long- I can’t blame him. It has been so hard on him, it is no wonder he can’t love me anymore. (makes me think those "god I suck" thoughts- family- no. husband- no, friends- sure lots of them on a computer that can’t see me, but in real life?- no.
i can understand not blaming him. but not assigning blame to him doesn’t mean assigning it to you, either. you haven’t done anything wrong, celeste, you’ve done the best you could. *hugs* I do have a dear friend that is my "brother", his lover has aids, and while he has not been tested yet (tomorrow) we both recognize what this might be. a go from crying hysterically to not being able to feel anything.
you have so *much* happening in your life right now. are there any ways you can take care of yourself? even in small ways? i know it sounds lame, but sometimes the small kindness i’ve allowed myself have been the only way i could believe in kindness at all. I am totally out of it. I know that this is my fault. I know that the assault, the dchildhood abuse have not only cost me by depressing me for most of our marriage, but now they have cost me that marriage and the man I deeply, deeply love.
the assault and abuse have cost you terribly. but that is not your fault. please, listen to me, it’s not your fault. it’s a sad and painful thing, but that doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong. too numb to even dream of having actual hope. Even the things I touch don’t feel quite real.
nods. at times like that, i find perfume or jewelry (something with an interesting texture) can help to ground me. My best friend who has been losing her life to this unknown illness, will have to be put in a home, as the care that is required by her is too much for her 76 year old mother to continue to give. She and I know she is dying, but there is nothing we can do but spend the time we do have in ways that might for just a few moments let her forget the pain that has become constant.
and what are you doing for *you* my friend? please, celeste, take the time to be gentle with yourself. *hug* silverleafs — http://www.softworksconsulting.com/mcs/ I’m not tense, i’m just terribly, terribly alert.
Response:
hi all. last night my husband told me he wants a divorce. The depression I was in killed our marriage. I can’t believe this- i don’t know what to do, or what to think. i was awake all night last night going thru the paper looking for a home to rent so I can keep my dog, and looking for work. I am so overwhelmed it is unbelieveable. I don’t even feel human anymore. I would have recieved my AA degree after this semester in classes, I haven’t dropped the classes yet, guess I am waiting for a miracle. Mark is being nice about it "no hurry". But I am not sure that I can stay in this house with him without crying constantly- so probably the sooner the better. I am going to try to get a job as a night auditor for a hotel, kind of no stress. Or I am thinking of waitressing. I am qualified to manage any apartment building in the city, but that is stressful, and while I need the money i am under so much stress anyway that I don’t know if I could handle it. It would bpay so much better, but again- I am not sure it is worth the cost. I love my husband- and honestly I was so depressed for so long- I can’t blame him. It has been so hard on him, it is no wonder he can’t love me anymore. (makes me think those "god I suck" thoughts- family- no. husband- no, friends- sure lots of them on a computer that can’t see me, but in real life?- no. I do have a dear friend that is my "brother", his lover has aids, and while he has not been tested yet (tomorrow) we both recognize what this might be. a go from crying hysterically to not being able to feel anything. EverywhereI look I see the plans that never got finished, and the hopes I had. My first real garden in the yard that I will not see. The renovations to the house that have never been complete. the bathtub that was deep/with jets that he put in for me cuz I love hot baths. All the decorating I have done in the last two monthes to try and make the house our home-trying to get this "pretty". I am totally out of it. I know that this is my fault. I know that the assault, the dchildhood abuse have not only cost me by depressing me for most of our marriage, but now they have cost me that marriage and the man I deeply, deeply love. too numb to even dream of having actual hope. Even the things I touch don’t feel quite real. We will still try marriage counseling, but I know now that the damage that has been done is probably irrepairable. My best friend who has been losing her life to this unknown illness, will have to be put in a home, as the care that is required by her is too much for her 76 year old mother to continue to give. She and I know she is dying, but there is nothing we can do but spend the time we do have in ways that might for just a few moments let her forget the pain that has become constant. One of my old staff that I have stayed in touch with was elotrocuted last week. He was working in the pool room of my old property- water and electricity. He was a very good man. We weren’t close anymore, but it hurts to know that such a good person is gone. I still haven’t gotten permission from my insurance company to set an appt. for the —scopy (I forgot the word). oh and it is time for marriage counseling, and it looks like he isn’t going to show up. later, celeste
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