Question:
Xan, There is nothing wrong with being protective of yourself. I would say the incident that happened to you as a teenager did make quite an impact on your life. The innocence of youth can never be recaptured. I think in time with the right diagnosis and treatment life will get better for you. Love, Debby
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – One time when I was say 18-19 I was walking at a park around a lake. About halfway around I was approached by an older guy and we started talking. No biggie just small talk, I didn’t think twice about it. The we came upon a path in the woods. He invited me to go back there with him. I said there is nothing back there and kept walking, now knowing something is wrong. He followed me all the way out making rude homosexual remarks. But I made it out and called the cops. Seems like since that happened to me (I don’t know if it was the only factor) I have been afraid. For the last couple of group meetings a older guy has asked me to give him a call, says he has a pool and we could swim. I like the guy a lot in group and wouldn’t have a problem going places in the group with him. Its this being alone thing. Contrary to popular belief, I am not homophobic. If I knew he was gay I would just let him know I am not but we could still be friends. The problem is I get scared of what he might be. Maybe its a projection of myself. I know I am not always the ‘kindest’ of persons. Knowing I have a ‘personality disorder’ kind of helps explain that. Some people fly right over that like its no big deal but it can mean a lot of things like borderline personality….they are not sure with me. And I have seen what borderline personality people are capable of. Well, looking back I guess I said a lot. guess you make me think too. :} Xanman
Response:
Hi Xanman, A couple of days ago…wed to be exact I was super paranoid…ouch did I say that? It was scary…then I come on here and see that post to Jackie and I got so paranoid I thought I did it…or atleast like the going in the store with a coat draped over your coat and feeling like people might think you got a gun or something.I thought people might think I did it(why?!!)…then woops I did a thing not thinking and posted under my deja account and was indirectly (understandably) implicated.boy were my palms sweating. Any way got to hide this part about the trust thing…in reference to a later thread in this post I was ssshh Oh shit cant say it…but bad things happened when I was a kid…most I blocked but it happen by someone I trusted and to this day (sorry dads) but I cant look at a daughter father walking down the street with out thinking a violation of trust is going on.I know its my own violation of my trust that I’m seeing…and handle it for the most part. Yes you have been doing real good. Wishing you continued success with that. Charla
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Does anyone have trouble trusting others? Kind of like paranoid feeling that you don’t know who to believe? I know for me it has gotten so that even on here I don’t know who I can trust sometimes. But in real life too. Then I get really really angry. I don’t know why. I guess I have always had this since a child but I am just really realizing it. I just wondered if anyone could relate and what their diagnoses was. I recently realized I am diagnoses with not only major depression, and anxiety panic but also with bipolar and a Personality Disorder (what a surprise). Guess I have been doing pretty good having all that. Thoughts? Xanman – Have been getting so paranoid every night that I want to cancel my internet connection. — Depressed? Anxious? http://xanman22.tripod.com/ Xanland – http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Gallery/9098/ Xanland – A little insanity in an sane wolf.
Response:
Does anyone have trouble trusting others? Kind of like paranoid feeling that you don’t know who to believe? I know for me it has gotten so that even on here I don’t know who I can trust sometimes. But in real life too. Then I get really really angry. I don’t know why. I guess I have always had this since a child but I am just really realizing it. I just wondered if anyone could relate and what their diagnoses was. I recently realized I am diagnoses with not only major depression, and anxiety panic but also with bipolar and a Personality Disorder (what a surprise). Guess I have been doing pretty good having all that. Thoughts? Xanman – Have been getting so paranoid every night that I want to cancel my internet connection. Xan, The word "paranoid" suggests to me an irrational, almost psychotic, fear someone has that others are out to get him/her. I don’t experience that. Trolls are an annoyance to me, but I would not say I am paranoid about them. OTOH, I am very sensitive to rejection by others and am careful not to get too close to people so they can’t reject me. And I’ve had a few people in my life really hurt me. So yes. I have trouble trusting others. But not because of paranoia, but because of fear of rejection. Which is really fear of being hurt. And no one wants to be hurt. Especially me. Any idea why they think you’re bipolar? Any history of hypomanic or manic episodes? Chip
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Any idea why they think you’re bipolar? Any history of hypomanic or manic episodes? Chip
Well chip I really don’t know unless its my erratic behaviour at times. Funny they never really have seen my hypomanic periods. I honestly believe there is something more wrong with me. I wish there was a sure fire way of finding out. Unfortunatly its all guess work in a white coat. I do have a lot of anger that may relate to the bipolar, on the other hand I could be borderline personality causing it too. I would like to trade my brain in on a newer model please! Xanman – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text –
Response:
First of all XAN don’t cancel your Internet connection. I know what you mean about trusting. Recently I went through a flesh and blood experience where someone I thought I knew embarrassed the hell out of me and almost destroyed a relationship of mine. All I know is that my true blue friends don’t spread gossip and they stick by me through thick and thin. Don
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Does anyone have trouble trusting others? Kind of like paranoid feeling that you don’t know who to believe? I know for me it has gotten so that even on here I don’t know who I can trust sometimes. But in real life too. Then I get really really angry. I don’t know why. I guess I have always had this since a child but I am just really realizing it. I just wondered if anyone could relate and what their diagnoses was. I recently realized I am diagnoses with not only major depression, and anxiety panic but also with bipolar and a Personality Disorder (what a surprise). Guess I have been doing pretty good having all that. Thoughts? Xanman – Have been getting so paranoid every night that I want to cancel my internet connection. — Depressed? Anxious? http://xanman22.tripod.com/ Xanland – http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Gallery/9098/ Xanland – A little insanity in an sane wolf.
Response:
Hi Xan, I have so much trouble trusting others that I have more or less withdrawn from human contact. I like to be alone. Or with my animals. People can be so cruel. True friends are rare and precious. If you have one person in your life you can trust you are lucky I think. So often people are not what they seem. I suppose it pays to be careful about trusting people too easily. I don’t have any advice to give you on knowing who to trust. It is hard for everyone I guess the ideal is a balance somewhere between trust and suspicion. As for your diagnoses, I believe these are to a large extent just labels. The science of mental health is not an exact one and different conditions overlap. You are you, not some label!!! best wishes Sandra – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Does anyone have trouble trusting others? Kind of like paranoid feeling that you don’t know who to believe? I know for me it has gotten so that even on here I don’t know who I can trust sometimes. But in real life too. Then I get really really angry. I don’t know why. I guess I have always had this since a child but I am just really realizing it. I just wondered if anyone could relate and what their diagnoses was. I recently realized I am diagnoses with not only major depression, and anxiety panic but also with bipolar and a Personality Disorder (what a surprise). Guess I have been doing pretty good having all that. Thoughts? Xanman – Have been getting so paranoid every night that I want to cancel my internet connection. — Depressed? Anxious? http://xanman22.tripod.com/ Xanland – http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Gallery/9098/ Xanland – A little insanity in an sane wolf.
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With me it’s like I’m afraid that I’m getting "too attached" to someone, so I get really afraid. I never can seem to stop what I feel is being overly-dependent. I hate that about myself, truly. I hate that I’m so friggin’ needy and I feel I could shake some of this panic if I weren’t so needy…"safe" people, etc. Just a thought. Melissa – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Does anyone have trouble trusting others?
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– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – IMO, Di (or was it Les) is right. There is a big difference between being paranoid and having a "gut feeling" about something. There was a book written a few years ago called "The Gift of Fear". In it, the author talks about how people often become victims because we have trained ourselves to not listen to what our gut tells us in certain situations. IMO, acquaintance rape is an example of this; our head tells us that "it’s a date", "I know this person", etc. at a time when our gut may be saying "RUN". Those of us with pre-existing anxiety are used to talking our guts out of anxious feelings; for instance, when my gut tells me the pain in my chest is a heart attack, but my head says "you’re in great physical shape and you had that checked a year ago, just ignore it". Sometimes we should be listening to our guts, instead of our heads, IMO. ~V.
You got that right, V! There were so many situations my gut told me things I didn’t listen to, and paid sometimes dearly for not listening. I’m getting better about that now. Sometimes I feel I’m so naive for my age, it’s disgusting! But…you are right! Di
Response:
(((((((Xan)))))) I’ve always been a very trusting person, and because of that I have been hurt over and over again. It seems that in RL those you trust the most always seem to be the ones who hurt you and destroy that trust. I’d like to believe that I am still a trusting person but I find that I can get very suspicious of others motives. I suppose as you get older and have relationships with more and more people it is normal. It would be a perfect world if everyone could trust and have faith but that’s not reality. Too many people live in a world of lies and deceit. I think what’s important is that you do realize that it is "normal" to mistrust those on the internet and people you don’t know in RL. I think your anger stems from the frustration over your illnesses and dealing with RL situations. I believe that your intuition will help you to know who to trust and who not to trust. You have that special ability. And Yes, You definitely have been doing well! Love, Deb
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Does anyone have trouble trusting others? Kind of like paranoid feeling that you don’t know who to believe? I know for me it has gotten so that even on here I don’t know who I can trust sometimes. But in real life too. Then I get really really angry. I don’t know why. I guess I have always had this since a child but I am just really realizing it. I just wondered if anyone could relate and what their diagnoses was. I recently realized I am diagnoses with not only major depression, and anxiety panic but also with bipolar and a Personality Disorder (what a surprise). Guess I have been doing pretty good having all that. Thoughts? Xanman – Have been getting so paranoid every night that I want to cancel my internet connection. — Depressed? Anxious? http://xanman22.tripod.com/ Xanland – http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Gallery/9098/ Xanland – A little insanity in an sane wolf.
Response:
I do agree a lot of my anger comes frustration. I feel like I am dieing slowly and they won’t just put me out of my misery. I want to get better but the hole keeps getting deeper. And never be suspicious of my motives. Maybe you need to write me in private if this was directed at me. Xanman — Depressed? Anxious? http://xanman22.tripod.com/ Xanland – http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Gallery/9098/ Xanland – A little insanity in an sane wolf.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – (((((((Xan)))))) I’ve always been a very trusting person, and because of that I have been hurt over and over again. It seems that in RL those you trust the most always seem to be the ones who hurt you and destroy that trust. I’d like to believe that I am still a trusting person but I find that I can get very suspicious of others motives. I suppose as you get older and have relationships with more and more people it is normal. It would be a perfect world if everyone could trust and have faith but that’s not reality. Too many people live in a world of lies and deceit. I think what’s important is that you do realize that it is "normal" to mistrust those on the internet and people you don’t know in RL. I think your anger stems from the frustration over your illnesses and dealing with RL situations. I believe that your intuition will help you to know who to trust and who not to trust. You have that special ability. And Yes, You definitely have been doing well! Love, Deb Does anyone have trouble trusting others? Kind of like paranoid feeling that you don’t know who to believe? I know for me it has gotten so that even on here I don’t know who I can trust sometimes. But in real life too. Then I get really really angry. I don’t know why. I guess I have always had this since a child but I am just really realizing it. I just wondered if anyone could relate and what their diagnoses was. I recently realized I am diagnoses with not only major depression, and anxiety panic but also with bipolar and a Personality Disorder (what a surprise). Guess I have been doing pretty good having all that. Thoughts? Xanman – Have been getting so paranoid every night that I want to cancel my internet connection. — Depressed? Anxious? http://xanman22.tripod.com/ Xanland – http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Gallery/9098/ Xanland – A little insanity in an sane wolf.
Response:
It wasn’t Xan!
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I do agree a lot of my anger comes frustration. I feel like I am dieing slowly and they won’t just put me out of my misery. I want to get better but the hole keeps getting deeper. And never be suspicious of my motives. Maybe you need to write me in private if this was directed at me. Xanman — Depressed? Anxious? http://xanman22.tripod.com/ Xanland – http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Gallery/9098/ Xanland – A little insanity in an sane wolf. (((((((Xan)))))) I’ve always been a very trusting person, and because of that I have been hurt over and over again. It seems that in RL those you trust the most always seem to be the ones who hurt you and destroy that trust. I’d like to believe that I am still a trusting person but I find that I can get very suspicious of others motives. I suppose as you get older and have relationships with more and more people it is normal. It would be a perfect world if everyone could trust and have faith but that’s not reality. Too many people live in a world of lies and deceit. I think what’s important is that you do realize that it is "normal" to mistrust those on the internet and people you don’t know in RL. I think your anger stems from the frustration over your illnesses and dealing with RL situations. I believe that your intuition will help you to know who to trust and who not to trust. You have that special ability. And Yes, You definitely have been doing well! Love, Deb Does anyone have trouble trusting others? Kind of like paranoid feeling that you don’t know who to believe? I know for me it has gotten so that even on here I don’t know who I can trust sometimes. But in real life too. Then I get really really angry. I don’t know why. I guess I have always had this since a child but I am just really realizing it. I just wondered if anyone could relate and what their diagnoses was. I recently realized I am diagnoses with not only major depression, and anxiety panic but also with bipolar and a Personality Disorder (what a surprise). Guess I have been doing pretty good having all that. Thoughts? Xanman – Have been getting so paranoid every night that I want to cancel my internet connection. — Depressed? Anxious? http://xanman22.tripod.com/ Xanland – http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Gallery/9098/ Xanland – A little insanity in an sane wolf.
Response:
IMO, Di (or was it Les) is right. There is a big difference between being paranoid and having a "gut feeling" about something. There was a book written a few years ago called "The Gift of Fear". In it, the author talks about how people often become victims because we have trained ourselves to not listen to what our gut tells us in certain situations. IMO, acquaintance rape is an example of this; our head tells us that "it’s a date", "I know this person", etc. at a time when our gut may be saying "RUN". Those of us with pre-existing anxiety are used to talking our guts out of anxious feelings; for instance, when my gut tells me the pain in my chest is a heart attack, but my head says "you’re in great physical shape and you had that checked a year ago, just ignore it". Sometimes we should be listening to our guts, instead of our heads, IMO. ~V.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – writes: Di and Xan- I think that makes a lot of sense, why you would have such a hard time trusting i mean. In the words of the counselor i was seeing before, that isn’t being paranoid really. Paranoid is if you are afraid for no real reason. (Although by that def it doesn’t seem anyone would ever be). If you had something happen before that would lead you to be fearful in such situations that’s a different response. It’s like with me, all last fall i would walk around looking around me all the time (i’m a bit better about this now anyway). See I got this intense fear that my mother or someone hired by her would try to kill me. See now I thought that was totally paranoid. First of all I live like 5 hours away from her, and secondly she just started a new life why would she care. But at the same time, I didn’ t think she would the summer before and on three occassions i found her following me (i lived about an hour or 2 away from her this summer). Ever since I tried to first protect myself when i was 16, I have been afraid she’d try to kill me for it. So this fall I always looked around, I hardly went outside even, etc. It got so bad if I even saw anyone who looked like her, or anyone I knew to be a mother (like with her child), I would get really panicky and scared. I also remember in high school, I had this one English teacher who was the mother of a girl in my class. Anyway, she had medium dark hair like my mother and liked to be close up to whoever she was talking to. We used to have mandatory weekly meetings for english. I was always scared and couldn’t trust her because of the similarities to my mother. I could never talk, always edged away, etc. I still have trouble with this a lot. Anyone I see as an authority, friends who know stuff about me, guys who like me. All of those things scare me so much that I get really closed off from everyone. Anyway, thank you for sharing your story about this. It’s nice to know at least that other people have these same problems. I think with time they probably improve. And I also think that as you learn to trust yourself and your own judgement, you can learn to trust others better. It seems to make sense that way anyway. les. Hi les! Looking over your shoulder for your mother is not paranoia. Not after what you wrote about her!! I’d be looking too. I don’t blame you one bit for not trusting people. I know there comes a time in our lives that we have to trust SOME people. I would’ve closed myself off too. You’re not alone there. Take care! {{{{les}}}} Di
Response:
Does anyone have trouble trusting others? Kind of like paranoid feeling that you don’t know who to believe? I know for me it has gotten so that even on here I don’t know who I can trust sometimes. But in real life too. Then I get really really angry. I don’t know why. I guess I have always had this since a child but I am just really realizing it. I just wondered if anyone could relate and what their diagnoses was. I recently realized I am diagnoses with not only major depression, and anxiety panic but also with bipolar and a Personality Disorder (what a surprise). Guess I have been doing pretty good having all that. Thoughts? Xanman – Have been getting so paranoid every night that I want to cancel my internet connection. — Depressed? Anxious? http://xanman22.tripod.com/ Xanland – http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Gallery/9098/ Xanland – A little insanity in an sane wolf.
Response:
Xan- Definately. I used to be so bad that I would never post on a newsgroup because i was sure someone in RL would find it and use it against me. I don’t care anymore. Why shouldn’t i, right? I have been very unsure about trusting people – friends – and even therapists. Like half the time with the counselor I end up emailing him later telling him what i wanted to say but couldn’t because i was afraid he’d do or say something. It’s like sometimes I use something that happened in the past and think that will happen again if i trust that person. Most of this is stuff with my mother, but there was also stuff like teachers, friends, family. I guess after enough people wrong you enough, you know the only one you can trust is yourself if even that. And I must admit recently this ng has made me afraid. All the craziness. I mean before it was like we are all going through this hell together, but now it’s like is someone going to use that to do something against someone else? not even me necessarily but anyone i care about. the counselor just tinks i’m really shut off. well, i don’t see why i wouldn’t be. everywhere i turn i see another reason not to trust anyone. most of my family abandoned me, the head of my high school used to make it like stuff was my fault and i knew if i was even sad and let anyone know i’d get sent home, half the time i’m afraid if i tell the counselor how i feel i’ll get locked up or something, my friends all seem to use the stuff i tell against me, etc. i guess it’s like building blocks though and you gotta learn to trust people, but it seems at this rate that will never happen. there is no place void of mistrust. i don’t have anything really positive to say to you, but i can say that i relate to what you said. it does make me angry too sometimes when i see how i can’t trust anyone. i mean why would people do these things. i wouldn’t. i don’t think so. i hope not. les. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Does anyone have trouble trusting others? Kind of like paranoid feeling that you don’t know who to believe? I know for me it has gotten so that even on here I don’t know who I can trust sometimes. But in real life too. Then I get really really angry. I don’t know why. I guess I have always had this since a child but I am just really realizing it. I just wondered if anyone could relate and what their diagnoses was. I recently realized I am diagnoses with not only major depression, and anxiety panic but also with bipolar and a Personality Disorder (what a surprise). Guess I have been doing pretty good having all that. Thoughts? Xanman – Have been getting so paranoid every night that I want to cancel my internet connection. — Depressed? Anxious? http://xanman22.tripod.com/ Xanland – http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Gallery/9098/ Xanland – A little insanity in an sane wolf.
Response:
Hello Xan: It’s not easy "trusting" others in regards to the internet these days. In real life I think it usually has something to do with expierence [once burned-twice shy]. I think the anger comes with simply not wanting things to be this way. Insofar as being "diagnosed", I’ve been *accused* of many disorders, especially before most doctors knew what panic disorder was, let alone how to treat it. I wouldn’t put too much stock in "personality disorders". Nowadays, doctors have a large range of personality disorders to choose from [DSM-4], not that it really means anything. I think that this would be the equvilent of taking a car into a shop and letting them try and find how many things they Does anyone have trouble trusting others? Kind of like paranoid feeling – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -that you don’t know who to believe? I know for me it has gotten so that even on here I don’t know who I can trust sometimes. But in real life too. Then I get really really angry. I don’t know why. I guess I have always had this since a child but I am just really realizing it. I just wondered if anyone could relate and what their diagnoses was. I recently realized I am diagnoses with not only major depression, and anxiety panic but also with bipolar and a Personality Disorder (what a surprise). Guess I have been doing pretty good having all that. Thoughts? Xanman – Have been getting so paranoid every night that I want to cancel my internet connection. — Depressed? Anxious? http://xanman22.tripod.com/ Xanland – http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Gallery/9098/ Xanland – A little insanity in an sane wolf.
Response:
You know, we all take risks by participating in public forums online. The inherent nature of the internet lends itself to deception. IMO, that can provoke paranoia in any of us at any time. The recent events here at ASAP have caused all of us to take a step back and reflect on internet participation. Many of us have looked at ASAP as a "safe" place. For the most part, posts here are answered with seeming genuiness and thought. I’d like to think that this latest incident is an opportunity for us to grow, both individually and as a group, by reflecting on the relationships that we form here and acknowledging the risk that we take in doing so. IMO, that risk is not enough for me to isolate myself, but it will take time before I trust unfamiliar identities here with my friendship. RE all of that other diagnostic jargon? On any given day, most people fit the diagnostic criteria for one thing or another. IMHO, it only means that you have more opportunities to grow and learn than those yet undiagnosed. {{{{{Xan}}}} ~V.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Does anyone have trouble trusting others? Kind of like paranoid feeling that you don’t know who to believe? I know for me it has gotten so that even on here I don’t know who I can trust sometimes. But in real life too. Then I get really really angry. I don’t know why. I guess I have always had this since a child but I am just really realizing it. I just wondered if anyone could relate and what their diagnoses was. I recently realized I am diagnoses with not only major depression, and anxiety panic but also with bipolar and a Personality Disorder (what a surprise). Guess I have been doing pretty good having all that. Thoughts? Xanman – Have been getting so paranoid every night that I want to cancel my internet connection. — Depressed? Anxious? http://xanman22.tripod.com/ Xanland – http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Gallery/9098/ Xanland – A little insanity in an sane wolf.
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writes: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Does anyone have trouble trusting others? Kind of like paranoid feeling that you don’t know who to believe? I know for me it has gotten so that even on here I don’t know who I can trust sometimes. But in real life too. Then I get really really angry. I don’t know why. I guess I have always had this since a child but I am just really realizing it. I just wondered if anyone could relate and what their diagnoses was. I recently realized I am diagnoses with not only major depression, and anxiety panic but also with bipolar and a Personality Disorder (what a surprise). Guess I have been doing pretty good having all that. Thoughts? Xanman – Have been getting so paranoid every night that I want to cancel my internet connection.
Hi Xan! Sorry to hear that you’re going thru other newer problems too! I get paranoid too, and it’s really weird because I just felt like that on Thurs., not only because of what the creep did to Jackie. Sometimes I start to post something to the group, then I think what if there’s someone on here that emails something strange to me because they’re really not part of ASAP. Hope that makes some sense. There are plenty of people I don’t trust to tell things to in real life also. I think it’s because I’ve been betrayed before when I was growing up – telling someone a real personal thing that I thought I could trust and then they tell the whole class in school about it! Sometimes I don’t trust myself either. I think that’s where the PAs and ag come in. I don’t trust myself in a situation when I feel anxious because…because of what? I might jump in the car and drive home? I think that might be it. I also haven’t posted the reason for my PTSD for fear of whackos emailing me. Someday I’ll email my friends at ASAP the story instead of posting it. Sorry this is so long and like I said, I’m not real good at expressing my thoughts. Please don’t disconnect from us!!! You post things that really get me thinking. {{{{Xan}}}} Di
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I connect with what you are saying here. I am not afraid someone mysterious is going to email me….hell I have that happen all the time. I get paranoid that someone is going to pretend to be my friend and then turn on me. A example of what happened to me one time is this…..(haven’t ever told this in a group): One time when I was say 18-19 I was walking at a park around a lake. About halfway around I was approached by an older guy and we started talking. No biggie just small talk, I didn’t think twice about it. The we came upon a path in the woods. He invited me to go back there with him. I said there is nothing back there and kept walking, now knowing something is wrong. He followed me all the way out making rude homosexual remarks. But I made it out and called the cops. Seems like since that happened to me (I don’t know if it was the only factor) I have been afraid. For the last couple of group meetings a older guy has asked me to give him a call, says he has a pool and we could swim. I like the guy a lot in group and wouldn’t have a problem going places in the group with him. Its this being alone thing. Contrary to popular belief, I am not homophobic. If I knew he was gay I would just let him know I am not but we could still be friends. The problem is I get scared of what he might be. Maybe its a projection of myself. I know I am not always the ‘kindest’ of persons. Knowing I have a ‘personality disorder’ kind of helps explain that. Some people fly right over that like its no big deal but it can mean a lot of things like borderline personality….they are not sure with me. And I have seen what borderline personality people are capable of. Well, looking back I guess I said a lot. guess you make me think too. :} Xanman — Depressed? Anxious? http://xanman22.tripod.com/ Xanland – http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Gallery/9098/ Xanland – A little insanity in an sane wolf.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – writes: Does anyone have trouble trusting others? Kind of like paranoid feeling that you don’t know who to believe? I know for me it has gotten so that even on here I don’t know who I can trust sometimes. But in real life too. Then I get really really angry. I don’t know why. I guess I have always had this since a child but I am just really realizing it. I just wondered if anyone could relate and what their diagnoses was. I recently realized I am diagnoses with not only major depression, and anxiety panic but also with bipolar and a Personality Disorder (what a surprise). Guess I have been doing pretty good having all that. Thoughts? Xanman – Have been getting so paranoid every night that I want to cancel my internet connection. Hi Xan! Sorry to hear that you’re going thru other newer problems too! I get paranoid too, and it’s really weird because I just felt like that on Thurs., not only because of what the creep did to Jackie. Sometimes I start to post something to the group, then I think what if there’s someone on here that emails something strange to me because they’re really not part of ASAP. Hope that makes some sense. There are plenty of people I don’t trust to tell things to in real life also. I think it’s because I’ve been betrayed before when I was growing up – telling someone a real personal thing that I thought I could trust and then they tell the whole class in school about it! Sometimes I don’t trust myself either. I think that’s where the PAs and ag come in. I don’t trust myself in a situation when I feel anxious because…because of what? I might jump in the car and drive home? I think that might be it. I also haven’t posted the reason for my PTSD for fear of whackos emailing me. Someday I’ll email my friends at ASAP the story instead of posting it. Sorry this is so long and like I said, I’m not real good at expressing my thoughts. Please don’t disconnect from us!!! You post things that really get me thinking. {{{{Xan}}}} Di
Response:
Di and Xan- I think that makes a lot of sense, why you would have such a hard time trusting i mean. In the words of the counselor i was seeing before, that isn’t being paranoid really. Paranoid is if you are afraid for no real reason. (Although by that def it doesn’t seem anyone would ever be). If you had something happen before that would lead you to be fearful in such situations that’s a different response. It’s like with me, all last fall i would walk around looking around me all the time (i’m a bit better about this now anyway). See I got this intense fear that my mother or someone hired by her would try to kill me. See now I thought that was totally paranoid. First of all I live like 5 hours away from her, and secondly she just started a new life why would she care. But at the same time, I didn’t think she would the summer before and on three occassions i found her following me (i lived about an hour or 2 away from her this summer). Ever since I tried to first protect myself when i was 16, I have been afraid she’d try to kill me for it. So this fall I always looked around, I hardly went outside even, etc. It got so bad if I even saw anyone who looked like her, or anyone I knew to be a mother (like with her child), I would get really panicky and scared. I also remember in high school, I had this one English teacher who was the mother of a girl in my class. Anyway, she had medium dark hair like my mother and liked to be close up to whoever she was talking to. We used to have mandatory weekly meetings for english. I was always scared and couldn’t trust her because of the similarities to my mother. I could never talk, always edged away, etc. I still have trouble with this a lot. Anyone I see as an authority, friends who know stuff about me, guys who like me. All of those things scare me so much that I get really closed off from everyone. Anyway, thank you for sharing your story about this. It’s nice to know at least that other people have these same problems. I think with time they probably improve. And I also think that as you learn to trust yourself and your own judgement, you can learn to trust others better. It seems to make sense that way anyway. les. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I connect with what you are saying here. I am not afraid someone mysterious is going to email me….hell I have that happen all the time. I get paranoid that someone is going to pretend to be my friend and then turn on me. A example of what happened to me one time is this…..(haven’t ever told this in a group): One time when I was say 18-19 I was walking at a park around a lake. About halfway around I was approached by an older guy and we started talking. No biggie just small talk, I didn’t think twice about it. The we came upon a path in the woods. He invited me to go back there with him. I said there is nothing back there and kept walking, now knowing something is wrong. He followed me all the way out making rude homosexual remarks. But I made it out and called the cops. Seems like since that happened to me (I don’t know if it was the only factor) I have been afraid. For the last couple of group meetings a older guy has asked me to give him a call, says he has a pool and we could swim. I like the guy a lot in group and wouldn’t have a problem going places in the group with him. Its this being alone thing. Contrary to popular belief, I am not homophobic. If I knew he was gay I would just let him know I am not but we could still be friends. The problem is I get scared of what he might be. Maybe its a projection of myself. I know I am not always the ‘kindest’ of persons. Knowing I have a ‘personality disorder’ kind of helps explain that. Some people fly right over that like its no big deal but it can mean a lot of things like borderline personality….they are not sure with me. And I have seen what borderline personality people are capable of. Well, looking back I guess I said a lot. guess you make me think too. :} Xanman
Response:
Hey Xan I have a hard time trusting anyone. It started with my parents….blah …..blah….. but it is a lot that happens early on that shapes who we are. There are extremes though, I do not check my car for bombs, but I do not like to give out my SS# unless it is needed for pay. I do not like to write checks for anything (but have to). I have been screwed over by many in business and relationships, so this makes me a little wary of a lot of folks until I get to know them really well, and as you know that is no guarantee. :)J — "Just when you think life sucks, someone hands you a vacuum cleaner; it is at this time you start cleaning some house". 
J Visit me at: http://members.ync.net/jdgalvin/index.html
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Does anyone have trouble trusting others? Kind of like paranoid feeling that you don’t know who to believe? I know for me it has gotten so that even on here I don’t know who I can trust sometimes. But in real life too. Then I get really really angry. I don’t know why. I guess I have always had this since a child but I am just really realizing it. I just wondered if anyone could relate and what their diagnoses was. I recently realized I am diagnoses with not only major depression, and anxiety panic but also with bipolar and a Personality Disorder (what a surprise). Guess I have been doing pretty good having all that. Thoughts? Xanman – Have been getting so paranoid every night that I want to cancel my internet connection. — Depressed? Anxious? http://xanman22.tripod.com/ Xanland – http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Gallery/9098/ Xanland – A little insanity in an sane wolf.
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I connect with what you are saying here. I am not afraid someone mysterious is going to email me….hell I have that happen all the time. I get paranoid that someone is going to pretend to be my friend and then turn on me. A example of what happened to me one time is this…..(haven’t ever told this in a group): One time when I was say 18-19 I was walking at a park around a lake. About halfway around I was approached by an older guy and we started talking. No biggie just small talk, I didn’t think twice about it. The we came upon a path in the woods. He invited me to go back there with him. I said there is nothing back there and kept walking, now knowing something is wrong. He followed me all the way out making rude homosexual remarks. But I made it out and called the cops. Seems like since that happened to me (I don’t know if it was the only factor) I have been afraid. For the last couple of group meetings a older guy has asked me to give him a call, says he has a pool and we could swim. I like the guy a lot in group and wouldn’t have a problem going places in the group with him. Its this being alone thing. Contrary to popular belief, I am not homophobic. If I knew he was gay I would just let him know I am not but we could still be friends. The problem is I get scared of what he might be. Maybe its a projection of myself. I know I am not always the ‘kindest’ of persons. Knowing I have a ‘personality disorder’ kind of helps explain that. Some people fly right over that like its no big deal but it can mean a lot of things like borderline personality….they are not sure with me. And I have seen what borderline personality people are capable of. Well, looking back I guess I said a lot. guess you make me think too. :} Xanman
Hi again Xan! Had to respond again because you got me thinking again. Everyone probably has had one or two so-called friends in their lives that they trusted and then they were s**t on by them. I think I know the other kind of trust you’re talking about. I trust one of my grandfathers (who wouldn’t). When I was 11 I was in his house alone with him and out of the blue he started rubbing my leg. I got away (some excuse) and called my cousin. She said if i didn’t tell my Mom right away, then she would. I hung up, told my Mom, she told my Dad, and my Dad was pissed as hell! He went over and told my grandfather that if he ever touched one of us kids, he’d kill him. We didn’t talk for one year, maybe more. From then on I was always a little scared by old guys. When I was 16 a GF’s father tried to kiss me and he was around 70. I didn’t go to her house ever again. {{{Xan}}} Di
Response:
writes: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Di and Xan- I think that makes a lot of sense, why you would have such a hard time trusting i mean. In the words of the counselor i was seeing before, that isn’t being paranoid really. Paranoid is if you are afraid for no real reason. (Although by that def it doesn’t seem anyone would ever be). If you had something happen before that would lead you to be fearful in such situations that’s a different response. It’s like with me, all last fall i would walk around looking around me all the time (i’m a bit better about this now anyway). See I got this intense fear that my mother or someone hired by her would try to kill me. See now I thought that was totally paranoid. First of all I live like 5 hours away from her, and secondly she just started a new life why would she care. But at the same time, I didn’t think she would the summer before and on three occassions i found her following me (i lived about an hour or 2 away from her this summer). Ever since I tried to first protect myself when i was 16, I have been afraid she’d try to kill me for it. So this fall I always looked around, I hardly went outside even, etc. It got so bad if I even saw anyone who looked like her, or anyone I knew to be a mother (like with her child), I would get really panicky and scared. I also remember in high school, I had this one English teacher who was the mother of a girl in my class. Anyway, she had medium dark hair like my mother and liked to be close up to whoever she was talking to. We used to have mandatory weekly meetings for english. I was always scared and couldn’t trust her because of the similarities to my mother. I could never talk, always edged away, etc. I still have trouble with this a lot. Anyone I see as an authority, friends who know stuff about me, guys who like me. All of those things scare me so much that I get really closed off from everyone. Anyway, thank you for sharing your story about this. It’s nice to know at least that other people have these same problems. I think with time they probably improve. And I also think that as you learn to trust yourself and your own judgement, you can learn to trust others better. It seems to make sense that way anyway. les.
Hi les! Looking over your shoulder for your mother is not paranoia. Not after what you wrote about her!! I’d be looking too. I don’t blame you one bit for not trusting people. I know there comes a time in our lives that we have to trust SOME people. I would’ve closed myself off too. You’re not alone there. Take care! {{{{les}}}} Di
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