Trauma – PTSD

Question:

Post/emailed (fingers crossed) Hi Mick, I’ll go below spoiler……. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -spoiler for lots of things. Nasty physical ab*se stuff. Just don’t read if you’re feeling fragile. No splats. Watching news, triggered. I don’t trigger. triggered. I didn’t know I might trigger. triggered triggered triggered triggered triggered triggred triggered triggered triggered griggererd triggered triggered triggerewd. Couldn’t move frozen stuck. round in circles. Is it like that for anyone else? A trigger sets you into a repeating pattern? A thought process that keeps hitting the same thing and starting again, I think.

Yes… this is how it is for me. Then I dissociate it away. But then it comes back again and again until I deal with it. Nasty business.. It was a news item about a boy, three years old, a toddler, same age as me when I got broken, or killed but not quite or whatever it was. This boy had been tortured. beaten, cigarette burns. broken leg. neighbour found him tied up in a box when she saw some blood on it. haematoma on his head. in hospital now. both parents/in loco parentis/ whatever being charged with five or six different things. doesn’t seem to be anything sexual about it.

I know… I know… I read/heard about it. I couldn’t deal. Just dissed out. Won’t think about it. Too difficult. I feel such anger now that I feel the need to just let go with the worse kind of vitriolic  imaginable… but I won’t… I’m angry too Mick… and hurt… "These things just don’t really happen"

I say this to protect myself. "That’s delusional thinking"

Yep… know that one too… The local police, _all_ of them, not just the ones immediately involved, are going to be treated for secondary trauma, stress, shock, PTSD etc. Nice for them, huh?

I don’t know what to say here… don’t understand. what happens to kid? what happens to all the kids where a neighbour doesn’t find them? still expected to love momma and poppa. be a good citizen. follow the rules. do your homework.

wasn’t that setup for me anyway. but how come they hurt you then tell you hurting is wrong. they break you then tell you to be whole, they teach you sex is hurtful then it’s wrong anyway, then its good but should be left for later then its wrong again then you should be doing it then you’re weird for not being sure what you want. and you should love us and respoect us and trust us. asnd we love and trust and respect you. how can i believe you love me? but it was him, one man, who did the hurting. they didn’t understand. they didn’t know. maybe. i don’t know. ‘he’s quiet for a child his age, there’s something very different about him’; ‘I always knew something had happened to him but i didn’t know what’. i tried all the time to tell them, every way I could without saying it. didn’t know the words anyway. too scared to say them if i had known them. they should have picked something up. it was obvious to others why were they so blind?

I’m so sorry Mick. I just don’t know why. I just don’t know why people are like this. Still figuring out why people didn’t notice my particular behaviours… It’s just so unreal… like a dream…. horrible dream.. It was still him. He started it. Would have been nothing to pick up if he hadn’t. Confused. Help please if you can. It will pass anyway I guess.

Mick, I’m not sure I helped at all. I just wanted to reach out and say that I understand as much as possible. I do hope that by now you are feeling better. This type of horrendous atrocity often shakes the very foundation of our beings. Wishing you peace and safety, Grace – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Mick. — For more information about this service, send e-mail to:

Response:

spoiler for lots of things. Nasty physical ab*se stuff. Just don’t read if you’re feeling fragile. No splats. Watching news, triggered. I don’t trigger. triggered. I didn’t know I might trigger. triggered triggered triggered triggered triggered triggred triggered triggered triggered griggererd triggered triggered triggerewd. Couldn’t move frozen stuck. round in circles. Is it like that for anyone else? A trigger sets you into a repeating pattern? A thought process that keeps hitting the same thing and starting again, I think. It was a news item about a boy, three years old, a toddler, same age as me when I got broken, or killed but not quite or whatever it was. This boy had been tortured. beaten, cigarette burns. broken leg. neighbour found him tied up in a box when she saw some blood on it. haematoma on his head. in hospital now. both parents/in loco parentis/ whatever being charged with five or six different things. doesn’t seem to be anything sexual about it. "These things just don’t really happen" "That’s delusional thinking" The local police, _all_ of them, not just the ones immediately involved, are going to be treated for secondary trauma, stress, shock, PTSD etc. Nice for them, huh? don’t understand. what happens to kid? what happens to all the kids where a neighbour doesn’t find them? still expected to love momma and poppa. be a good citizen. follow the rules. do your homework. wasn’t that setup for me anyway. but how come they hurt you then tell you hurting is wrong. they break you then tell you to be whole, they teach you sex is hurtful then it’s wrong anyway, then its good but should be left for later then its wrong again then you should be doing it then you’re weird for not being sure what you want. and you should love us and respoect us and trust us. asnd we love and trust and respect you. how can i believe you love me? but it was him, one man, who did the hurting. they didn’t understand. they didn’t know. maybe. i don’t know. ‘he’s quiet for a child his age, there’s something very different about him’; ‘I always knew something had happened to him but i didn’t know what’. i tried all the time to tell them, every way I could without saying it. didn’t know the words anyway. too scared to say them if i had known them. they should have picked something up. it was obvious to others why were they so blind? It was still him. He started it. Would have been nothing to pick up if he hadn’t. Confused. Help please if you can. It will pass anyway I guess. Mick. — For more information about this service, send e-mail to:

Response:

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