Question:
Hihi to all the folks at Beverly, We can only share our experience, strength, and hope. For us we are "out" about our Multiplicity everywhere we go. We don’t keep it a secret at all. But we usually don’t allow our inners to come out and talk to others (in the real world). We’re beginning to come out a little about that also. This is what we’ve found. We believe we have fewer friends because of that. And we’ve had some really mean and bad and hurtful experiences as a result of being so open where people used things against us, manipulated us, and laughed and made fun of us. We go to a 12-Step meeting 6 nites a week (all different kinds from AA to CODA). We’ve picked and chosen here and there until we’ve found groups that are really supportive of us. Still in these meetings, as well as ch*ch, after we share about our life there are a lot of people who turn their backs after the meeting as we walk toward them and if we strike up a conversation with someone who doesn’t have their back turned they immediately need to be doing something else. Many people in these meetings have been very unkind to us. But slowly we’ve found one or two frends here and there. Often as we get to know those people we find that they’re hurting far more than we are~that they keep it soo hidden inside themselfs and that they even make fun of the kinds of things we really need in the meetings cause they don’t want people to know what their own lives are really like. Often they have very sad lives with no one to understand. We’re very thankful to have the online support we do with people who understand what we’re going thru cause otherwise we proly wouldn’t have the courage to be sooo open. But we’re also thankful that our openness is allowing us to touch other lives in rl and to gain true frends. Tonight we had 2 messages from people who actually returned our phone calls cause they wanted to. That was a first. We spent 3 years calling 3 people a nite from these meetings and not a single one would ever return our calls. Finally, we gave up. Now there are people who are actually asking us for our number (often quietly on the side). It is a painful thing to go thru to be real with people. The first thing that pops into their heads is the TV image. We don’t want to tell others what to do and everyone has to make the decision that is in their own best interest but we do believe that the more people are able to be open the more the world will get to know us as we really are and not the TV kinds of ideas. As a caveat we were recently recruited for a program because we are multiple. It was to set up a model for peer support groups in the middle of our state for Trauma Survivors. The people in the project heard our story and felt that someone who could be this strong in public and who was working as hard on their issues as we are would proly be good to do peer support for their program and that a multiple would proly know more about what Trauma Survivors need from their peers than almost anyone. That program is now a year old and we are finding more and more doors opening for us all the time as a result of our openness. Soorry to be so longwinded but I sometimes get going and don’t know when to quit. {{{{hugs}}}} ifn o.k., Anita
Response:
We of the central core of Beverly have mulled over one question for some time. To tell others or to keep our multitude a secret. We kept the secret for some time. Making excuses for odd actions. Nine years ago we finally got the nerve to tell a few close friends. A couple of them really freaked out and we soon found ourself in a h*ptl, then out on the streets. We learned to keep our situation hidden from all. And the h*ptl stay was so unpleasant, that it took us over 7 years to again see a t*, and when we did, it was for other issues, and it took us some time until we let it come out that we were a multiple. Last year, after much debate, we finally decided to let our friends know of our situation. The idea was, what kind of friendships did we really have if we spent most of our time guarding our words and making excuses for our altars actions (problematic, as many times we weren’t even aware they’d come out). We lost most of our "friends" in this endeavor. Some of them decided to use DID against us. Some made up stories of things we had supposedly done, which we found out from others were false. Others broadcast this to people we did not want to know. Our t* quit seeing us, but after a brief h*ptl stay we found a psy*st that is now working with us (although, she is retiring soon). But, we do feel better off. Our remaining friends know us for who we our. We must no longer guard our speech. Excuses are no longer necessary. To have a few good friends is much better than having many false ones.
Response:
What I have come to do in this situation is called selective telling. I have a core group of friends who I have known for a very long time and have grown to trust (it takes years to for me to develop trust with anyone). I can fully appreciate what you say about how hard it is to guard "the secret", all the excuses — fear of being found out. Guarding your words and actions– that takes a lot of energy. I find it so much freer with those who know, and have accepted my mulitplicity. The not always being on guard and being just me or me(s). Although they can’t always relate to what I am saying, they accept me as I am — and even help me to laugh at myself(ves). There is something very special with that kind of acceptance. :o) So for me I find it just depends on the acquaintance, the length of time I have known them, and the comfort level I have with that person. Most know I see a T and a pdoc for my childhood, some who would never understand DID, know of my PTSD dx, but not the DID. Fortunately knock on wood, I have not had any truly bad experiences on the scale you speak of. I am sorry you had to go through that. In my mind, it just goes to show how some people are so close minded in things they do not understand. Thank you for bringing this topic up– Safari
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – We of the central core of Beverly have mulled over one question for some time. To tell others or to keep our multitude a secret. We kept the secret for some time. Making excuses for odd actions. Nine years ago we finally got the nerve to tell a few close friends. A couple of them really freaked out and we soon found ourself in a h*ptl, then out on the streets. We learned to keep our situation hidden from all. And the h*ptl stay was so unpleasant, that it took us over 7 years to again see a t*, and when we did, it was for other issues, and it took us some time until we let it come out that we were a multiple. Last year, after much debate, we finally decided to let our friends know of our situation. The idea was, what kind of friendships did we really have if we spent most of our time guarding our words and making excuses for our altars actions (problematic, as many times we weren’t even aware they’d come out). We lost most of our "friends" in this endeavor. Some of them decided to use DID against us. Some made up stories of things we had supposedly done, which we found out from others were false. Others broadcast this to people we did not want to know. Our t* quit seeing us, but after a brief h*ptl stay we found a psy*st that is now working with us (although, she is retiring soon). But, we do feel better off. Our remaining friends know us for who we our. We must no longer guard our speech. Excuses are no longer necessary. To have a few good friends is much better than having many false ones.
Response:
Hi, I prefer to keep myself to myself myself. H*ptl stays *are* unpleasant. Seeing a T* is a good step, imho. I should talk, though, since my T moved, and my next T retired, I haven’t opened up to the current T I’m seeing, I mean as far as telling her *everything*. All my friends know and my family, but mostly people don’t want to talk about "it", like I have some terrible, shameful disease. I never make excuses, though. Keep ‘em guessing. ;) I’ll be interested in knowing how your choices turn out, whatever you choose. {cherish} a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – We of the central core of Beverly have mulled over one question for some time. To tell others or to keep our multitude a secret. We kept the secret for some time. Making excuses for odd actions. Nine years ago we finally got the nerve to tell a few close friends. A couple of them really freaked out and we soon found ourself in a h*ptl, then out on the streets. We learned to keep our situation hidden from all. And the h*ptl stay was so unpleasant, that it took us over 7 years to again see a t*, and when we did, it was for other issues, and it took us some time until we let it come out that we were a multiple. Last year, after much debate, we finally decided to let our friends know of our situation. The idea was, what kind of friendships did we really have if we spent most of our time guarding our words and making excuses for our altars actions (problematic, as many times we weren’t even aware they’d come out). We lost most of our "friends" in this endeavor. Some of them decided to use DID against us. Some made up stories of things we had supposedly done, which we found out from others were false. Others broadcast this to people we did not want to know. Our t* quit seeing us, but after a brief h*ptl stay we found a psy*st that is now working with us (although, she is retiring soon). But, we do feel better off. Our remaining friends know us for who we our. We must no longer guard our speech. Excuses are no longer necessary. To have a few good friends is much better than having many false ones.
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