Question:
So, maybe you can tell me why you think I am playing games? Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
Response:
In article <93d8sl$7p…@nnrp1.deja.com>, Newton’s Cat <newtons…@my-deja.com> wrote: > In article <93c4gr$7l…@nnrp1.deja.com>, > i…@my-deja.com wrote: > > I can tell you more about my life, > > especially my childhood, but I didn’t think it was relevant to this > > problem … > No? > Are you playing games? > Newton’s Cat
Or do you find it a problem that I use both canabis and magic mushrooms? Why would that be a problem? Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
Response:
In article <93eq77$dp…@nnrp1.deja.com>, – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text - i…@my-deja.com wrote: > In article <93d8sl$7p…@nnrp1.deja.com>, > Newton’s Cat <newtons…@my-deja.com> wrote: > > In article <93c4gr$7l…@nnrp1.deja.com>, > > i…@my-deja.com wrote: > > > I can tell you more about my life, > > > especially my childhood, but I didn’t think it was relevant to this > > > problem … > > No? > > Are you playing games? > > Newton’s Cat > Or do you find it a problem that I use both canabis and magic mushrooms? > Why would that be a problem?
Oh, maybe because you think i am tripping? I can assure you that that is not the case. Yes I do use canabis because I can really relax if i am stoned. The mushrooms I stopped using when I got my present position as a Ph.D student. Bare in mind that neither substances are illegal here in holland and are readily available. Besides, the halucinations I got from mushrooms are totally different from what I’ve described here. or maybe, you are playing mindgames? if you are, you have succeeded! Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
Response:
In article <93ergu$ek…@nnrp1.deja.com>, – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text - i…@my-deja.com wrote: > In article <93eq77$dp…@nnrp1.deja.com>, > i…@my-deja.com wrote: > > In article <93d8sl$7p…@nnrp1.deja.com>, > > Newton’s Cat <newtons…@my-deja.com> wrote: > > > In article <93c4gr$7l…@nnrp1.deja.com>, > > > i…@my-deja.com wrote: > > > > I can tell you more about my life, > > > > especially my childhood, but I didn’t think it was relevant to > this > > > > problem … > > > No? > > > Are you playing games? > > > Newton’s Cat > > Or do you find it a problem that I use both canabis and magic > mushrooms? > > Why would that be a problem? > Oh, maybe because you think i am tripping? I can assure you that that is > not the case. Yes I do use canabis because I can really relax if i am > stoned. The mushrooms I stopped using when I got my present position as > a Ph.D student. Bare in mind that neither substances are illegal here in > holland and are readily available. Besides, the halucinations I got from > mushrooms are totally different from what I’ve described here. > or maybe, you are playing mindgames? > if you are, you have succeeded!
I have used magic mushrooms (amanita & psilocybin), taken a couple of hundred acid trips, used some VERY strong cannabis, tried scopolamine (not recommended unless you want to really experience an "out of this world" trip!), and so on. I have read literature on an extra-ordinary wide variety of "strange" subjects. Met some very "peculiar" people – including one or two VERY unpleasant characters. I’ve read a great deal of psychiatric stuff. I was once, for a short time, a research chemist. My IQ is said to be in the "genius" range (I usually think of myself, however, as being one of the world’s biggest idiots!) I have found Spiritualism, the "normal" church type variety, to be very helpful. I have read a lot of Rudolf Steiner’s works, a lot of science- fiction and fantasy. Star Trek is often very "educational"! "Madness" has been in my family for a long time. My great-grandmother was one of 13 siblings, 10 of whom ended their lives in mental hospitals. I was subjected to one incident of psycho-sexual, "satanic" style abuse by the headmistress of my infant school when I was 6 – which "terrified" my "soul". I learnt at an early age that "evil" does exist as a state of conciousness in not a few humans. I have never taken any psychiatric medication and not been hospitalised for over 35 years. The main advice I can give you is – decide to be a "good" person as far as is possible. By this I mean FULLY make up your mind that you will not "do unto others as you were done by". You do not have it in you to be a fully-fledged ‘Satan’ – there are people out there who are a thousand times more "evil" than any "evil" you may have done or contemplated. Welcome, friend. Newton’s Cat > Sent via Deja.com > http://www.deja.com/
Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
Response:
In article <93c4gr$7l…@nnrp1.deja.com>, i…@my-deja.com wrote: > I can tell you more about my life, > especially my childhood, but I didn’t think it was relevant to this > problem …
No? Are you playing games? Newton’s Cat Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
Response:
> No? > Are you playing games? > Newton’s Cat
No, I wish I were playing games. So, I take it you want to know exactly what I was doing in other groups. Ok. First you must know that I only use this nickname if I want to be anonymous. So, I have posted in more groups under a different name. I was born in Amsterdam, but my parents couldn’t or wouldn’t take care of me and my older brother. So, we were placed in a child’s home for a couple of years pretty early, I was 1 or 1.5 years old when that happened. Then, when I was 4 I was adopted by a family here in Holland, my older brother was not. After my adoption me and my brother lost contact for many years so I won’t tell you much about him. I lived in a small town and for some reason I have always been different from the other childeren. I don’t know why, but seeing as I was bullied to the extreme both at home and at school I must have been different. To give an example of what happened to me: I was tied to a pole and my brother (adoptive) would throw darts at me. At school I was choked, my head was banged against a wall..you know, thing like that. This happened on a daily basis. No-one interfered, not my parents, not the teachers, no-one. Then, when I was 8, the sexual abuse started at home. It lasted for about 7 years when it abruptly stopped. I don’t know for sure why it stopped, just that it did. That’s why you saw a couple of posts of me in trauma-ptsd, as I was diagnosed with ptsd three years ago a year after my first major depression. You saw a couple of posts by me in a support group for recovering offenders, because I tried to find out why these things happened. You say you read the posts, you know what it wrote in them. I asked a couple of questions concerning why things like that happen. Yes, I got in to an argument with another survivor. Yes, I do have disturbing fantasies. My posts in ASARM are under a different name, namely my real name. I didn’t want to post in an offender group under my real name as I don’t want people to think I am an offender, I am not. I may have posted in alt. satanism and groups like that. I have been involved in occultism for many years. I developed an interest in occultism when I was 12 and I am still interested. I work at an university so you can imagine that this is something I want to hide from my employer. My childhood was hell, no other term would describe what I have lived through. I first started hearing voices calling me when I was just living with my adoptive family. It is a female voice. When I was a child I thought it was my mother crying out for me. Later on in life I found that the female voice was still there but I nolonger think it is my mother (I have recently started contact with her). I have had three partners in life (i am 29, going on 30) and with my two exes I’ve been in many arguments over this voice. I hear a woman calling my name, I react to it and they got angry. After I while I decided not to react nymore to the voices and they got angry again. As a child I talked to another voice. This was a man. My adoptive brother has played an audiotape onwhich you can hear me speaking with someone as if I am having a conversation. I stopped having conversations when I grew older but then the many voices started. It is as if I am on a schoolyard or at a party. I hear many different people conversing with eachother. They don’t talk to me, just to eachother. Sometimes I can understand them but most of the time I don’t. These voices are always present. Four years ago, things got very bad for me. I lived in a haze, I didn’t know where I was most of the time, I spent money in big amounts but I still don’t know what I did with it. The voices became so loud I couldn’t function anymore. I had a major depression, I cried all the time. I stopped my studies, I set my life on hold for a while. I started seeing a psychiatrist but I only told him about the severe depressions, nothing about the voices. He helped me cope with the negative feelings and prevented me from committing suicide. Two years ago it happened again. Big time, this time around I started seeing things also. Most of what I see are flashbacks. Some of the things however can’t be called a flashback. My psych helped me again and again I only told him about the depression part. Each time my psych helps me everything seems to get better but the voices are always there. Sometimes, like now (this very moment), they are in the background and sometimes they are very much in the foreground. No, I don’t think I am schizophrenic. Never said I was. I am afraid I get psychotic or something like that. There are no serious support groups for people like me, so I thought I lay the question here. Schizophrenics know about psychosis, so I thought maybe you’ll understand what it is. I posted the same help question in trauma ptsd as ipos because I also post there under my real name. I used my ipos nick so that they wouldn’t worry too much about me, because that’s not necesary (I probably misspelled that..) I have always had a need for other people telling me what to do. But I am afraid to tell my psych about this. I am afraid he’ll commit me, or inform my adoptive mother (my adoptive father passed away last year) or do anything so that other people (my employer) know what is going on. That could cost me my job. You must understand that I have come a very long way to get where I am now. Most people who lived through what have lived through wouldn’t make it this far, I am sure. Sometimes I get very scared. I am afraid I am going insane. My birth mom was a whore, my birth brother is a diagnosed psychopath who spent most of his life in jail and in clinics for the criminally insane (that’s probably an old term, I don’t know a better english term for it) because he has committed a murder. He just got out two years ago and I started contact with him in june 2000. I know next to nothing about my birthfather. Sometimes I get very scared of people. Not people I know, but people I’ve never seen or met. Well, you know; I told you in my original post. It’s not always so bad as it was last friday or last night. So, this is in a nuttshell my life. If you have anymore questions I’ll answer them. I’d rather not (yet) tell you my real name. This is my story, this is what’s going on. Ipos Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
Response:
Hi! You make it sound as though my other posts are a problem to you. Can you explain to me why? If you want me to, I can tell you more about my life, especially my childhood, but I didn’t think it was relevant to this problem. So please, tell me what is wrong with my previous postings… Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
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