Question:
Very interesting insight. Before reading this post I responded to "origins of bpd" post by PranaChomp, and mentioned that many Viet Nam veterans suffering from PTSD present many BPD symptoms. I recently was hospitalized at the VA hospital in Tomah, WI in the dual diagnosis program. On the same floor there was the VN Vets in the PTSD program. I have full respect for those guys…..each day and night reliving the war experience so that they may live happy and productive lives. They did talk quite a bit about recurring nightmares, disassociation, losing blocks of time. I also need to construct a new platform for my future. I am a 37 male and my identity changes everyday. In high school I remember thinking of myself as a chameleon. I was very adept at fitting the role for whatever the situation called for: jock, dirt, head, nerd. Today I still struggle with my sexuality, one day straight, next week bi, next week gay. I do not profess to any occupation, I had been in food service for 15 years, now part time during the summer, but since going to back to college I have pursued majors in art, journalism, human services, English, and geology. All in the last 3 years. Sometimes I think if I could write exactly who I am on paper, who I want to be, than that is the person who I am. But that isn’t reality, I never bring myself to accepting what I wrote. I am obsessive with self- tests that reveal my characteristics, strengths, weaknesses, occupation, etc.. Searching for something or someone to validate who I am, to tell me who I am. It is very frustrating not being able to accept or even know who I am. Jeez, I’m rambling. I didn’t mean to write so much. Take care, God speed serenity, Greg apb wrote in message <17749-36BCC88D…@newsd-134.iap.bryant.webtv.net>…
I started thinking of the past answering posts. I remembered a personal revelation. I was watching a TV documentary on vietnam. I have a close friend who is scarred from it mentally and physically. And suddenly, I realized why I think it has hung on so long for so many that went, and why my 20’s haunted me so. The experiences of the 20’s- entering into adulhood- constructs a platform for adulthood. The things I did shaped me for the years to come, just like my teens affected my 20’s (wild, wild, wild). I could not figure out why my 20’s had such a hold on me. Seems simple when I write it here. But it was a BIG revelation when I realized it in my late 30’s. I had been very afraid I was "stuck" in those memories: Unable to let go of the feelings and things I had done. When I realized it was a "platform" I started "constructing" another one, for the future. I’m not stuck in the power of those experiences anymore. Only sadness for the lost years comes occassionally… "Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty" Thomas Jefferson.
Response:
I started thinking of the past answering posts. I remembered a personal revelation. I was watching a TV documentary on vietnam. I have a close friend who is scarred from it mentally and physically. And suddenly, I realized why I think it has hung on so long for so many that went, and why my 20’s haunted me so. The experiences of the 20’s- entering into adulhood- constructs a platform for adulthood. The things I did shaped me for the years to come, just like my teens affected my 20’s (wild, wild, wild). I could not figure out why my 20’s had such a hold on me. Seems simple when I write it here. But it was a BIG revelation when I realized it in my late 30’s. I had been very afraid I was "stuck" in those memories: Unable to let go of the feelings and things I had done. When I realized it was a "platform" I started "constructing" another one, for the future. I’m not stuck in the power of those experiences anymore. Only sadness for the lost years comes occassionally… "Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty" Thomas Jefferson.
Response:
greg wrote in message <79im26$g8…@remarQ.com>… >and my identity changes everyday. In high school I remember thinking of >myself as a chameleon. I was very adept at fitting the role for whatever the >situation called for: jock, dirt, head, nerd. Today I still struggle with my >sexuality, one day straight, next week bi, next week gay. I do not profess >to any occupation, I had been in food service for 15 years, now part time >during the summer, but since going to back to college I have pursued majors >in art, journalism, human services, English, and geology. All in the last 3 >years.
I still feel like that "chameleon" – being able to become whoever/whatever is neccesary to fit the situation or group of people I’m with. The stuff about your occupation – gosh … sounds familiar. I simply cannot decide what I want to do. One day I want to be a nurse, and then I want to run a restaurant, be a writer, an architect … I don’t know. I just can’t stick with one. >bring myself to accepting what I wrote. I am obsessive with self- tests that >reveal my characteristics, strengths, weaknesses, occupation, etc.. >Searching for something or someone to validate who I am, to tell me who I >am. It is very frustrating not being able to accept or even know who I am.
I will always complete those self-tests hoping to find out who I am. Sometimes I will even answer as I *think* I should – as the person I want to be would answer. Of course, that doesn’t really help me in my quest for knowledge about myself, but I still can’t help but do it.
Response:
Very astute — great insight! apb wrote in message
<17749-36BCC88D…@newsd-134.iap.bryant.webtv.net>… >I started thinking of the past answering posts. I remembered a
personal revelation. I was watching a TV documentary on vietnam. I have a close friend who is scarred from it mentally and physically. And suddenly, I realized why I think it has hung on so long for so many that went, and why my 20’s haunted me so. The experiences of the 20’s- entering into adulhood- constructs a platform for adulthood. The things I did shaped me for the years to come, just like my teens affected my 20’s (wild, wild, wild). I could not figure out why my 20’s had such a hold on me. Seems simple when I write it here. But it was a BIG revelation when I realized it in my late 30’s. I had been very afraid I was "stuck" in those memories: Unable to let go of the feelings and things I had done. When I realized it was a "platform" I started "constructing" another one, for the future. I’m not stuck in the power of those experiences anymore. Only sadness for the lost years comes occassionally… "Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty" Thomas Jefferson.<
If you like this post and would like to receive updates from this blog, please subscribe our feed.