Question:
Welcome, Holly. No apologies for long letters, k? 
I regret all that you have gone through for all the the pain that you have experienced – thank you for sharing your story with us. I find that each time I tell mine, it becomes a little more real and a little further away. Do you find that to be true for you? Holly Langeman wrote: >…..everything in my life was going good. I met a wonderful man, >was planning my wedding, we were short staffed at work so I was doing >two people’s jobs, bought a house it was like the proverbial straw that >broke the camel’s back. My symptoms hit me like a mack truck and I have >been totally incapacitated for over six years.
I have been reading a book on PTSD because I am new to it and am trying to understand. What I have learned is that we can be going along, living our lives, feeling ‘normal,’ when all of a sudden something blindsides us. traumatic experiences –> reminding event = symptoms (anxiety, depression, PAs) For me, it went like this: physical, mental, emotional abuse from parents –> miscarriage I guess that the thought of becoming a parent triggered all the past stuff to come up and my mind has pretty much shut down. Perhaps buying a house had a similar effect for you. When you say ‘totally incapacitated what do you mean? I am mostly housebound, have PAs when I try to go outside by myself, deal with depression, anxiety, social phobia, and some ocd tendencies. I do not leave the house unless someone is with me, I do not drive. Actually, I am able to go for short walks outside by myself as long as I time them so I am not likely to run into anyone. I wish you well blessings, Renee *what other people think of you is none of your business* *If you are going through hell, KEEP MOVING!* ______________________________
Response:
There has been much discussion about how many deaths it takes to cause severe trauma. First we all experience fear differently. I grew up beaten daily by my parents, then I was a victim of incest by a more distant relative who knew about the beatings. He kept me silent by telling me my parents would probably kill me if they ever found out about my sexual activity with him(I was eight years old and the one whose fault it was), I spent the rest of my childhood fearing daily for my life even though I know now my parents would not have killed me. As a young adult I took my E.M.T. training and worked for several years as an ambulance attendant. When the stress and shift work started wearing me down I started working for an optometrist(I thought it would be an easy job – I loved it) Staff changed and I got a new supervisor who was a complete asshole, every morning I would give him a cheerful smile and hello and he would ignore me. Only time he spoke to me was to belittle me or humiliate me publicly. I quit. Went to a different department in the same clinic. Tried to help the woman who got my job after me(she committed suicide less than one year into the job). Still no signs of ptsd. Then everything in my life was going good. I met a wonderful man, was planning my wedding, we were short staffed at work so I was doing two people’s jobs, bought a house it was like the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back. My symptoms hit me like a mack truck and I have been totally incapacitated for over six years. Perhaps some of the vets who didn’t see a lot of bloody battle had been on the edge from previous life experiences and what they did experience was enough to push them over the edge. Sorry this was so long. Holly
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