Question:
post/mail various and sundry snippage here and there… this started out as a reply to a letter from Beauty. it went on and on and on so i figured it was good for an update. problem is, i wrote it well over a week ago so some things have changed since then, but what the heck… it’s close enough and i was much more positive then.
and another week has gone by… i write below about settling on neighborhood that i’ve been thinking of purchasing in. i found it about 6 months ago. a couple days ago i found "the" house i would like and i will be putting a bid on it today. [and yes astries, this time it's with *much* forethought and advise from sister, the royals, & a competant agent] (:
cool 
how’d it go? so anyway… here’s the post i’ve been holding for a week. i just can’t over how we all (meaning human being in general) keep making it through all this horrid stuff. it’s amazing. the ability to survive is downright incredible. i’m still trying. i’m trying to work through one med at a time before adding to the mix and it’s just terribly hard sometimes. the meds themselves can act as or "be" catalysts in the swinging of moods one way or the other.
*sigh* too bad medicine/psychiatry/psychopharmacology especially is *not* more of a science than an art… 
i’ve been experiencing more of a disjointedness of the mind. they tell me that (and from what i’ve been able to read) it’s normal for this particular med to have this effect (amongst a couple hundred others…).
hope it goes away one side effect that has disturbed me in particular is i can not clearly see nor read a page, say, in a book. i can’t clearly see any written words if they are massed together as in a book or newspaper article or magazine. i can "see" it, but it becomes distorted and fuzzy so that i have to continuously move the book or page as well as hold it about 5 inches from my face. it’s highly irritating considering i normally read a -great- deal. that in itself has reduced me to tears more than once of late.
oh yuck yuck yuck *yuck* *YUCK* 
*really* hope that one lets up! and, because i’ve entered back into t’py, i’m dealing with some rather acute ptsd stuff too. i’m not feeling very good about the whole thing (t’py), but what the heck else is new in that area right? i am unsure still how i feel about writing here about it all. while i would like to, and have actually composed a number of posts, i am always left feeling very vulnerable and far too wide open to later retribution. sounds paranoid to me too, and might well be, but i feel it nonetheless.
you are brave brave brave for doing this. really. got *all* our respect for even having *thought* about it, let alone *doing* it! part of the paranoia stems from getting a letter from the medical board in the state where psycho doctor practices. seems they wish to now do something about "it". well, i feel they have enough legal evidence without me and i have no energy to do this again. well, they sent me out a certified letter literally threatening me that they will get a court order to my medical records. so, not only do i get traumatized & abused by the psycho doctor, now i get to be treatened and traumatized all over again from an orginization that is supposed to protect patients. i can not express how sick i am of dealing with this entire situation. the few things that i -can- have control over seem to mean nothing, since this keep coming back to haunt me. and it leaves me feeling powerless in much of it.
:(:(:( sorry i think i need to change the topic. how about surgery? i had known that i was more than likely heading toward having surgery. turns out it’s a go. i don’t mind it so much since it’s going to make my quality of living quite a bit better. and i’m not too nervous about it since i trust that doc’s judgement. of course, it helps that i asked him for a picture of the area in question while he was doing the exploratory last week, so i can literally ’see’ what needs to be repaired (don’t know about you guys, but i think that is quite awesome). he gave me four photos total for my "photo album". thoughtful, don’t ya think? and also, i saw this particular surgery performed on the television show "operation" so i know what’s going to happen.
good luck let me see… positives… i went out to lunch with the royals yesterday to my favorite mexican place even though i’m not supposed to eat that stuff. big whoop. did anyway. it was reeeeeeeeeeeeeally good. (: and loved it! you gotta do what you gotta do sometimes…
found a neighborhood that i’ve just about settled on buying in. now just have to wait till some homes in my price range come on the market. shouldn’t be long with spring on it’s way.
cool i’ve become almost slightly comfortable "being" in my t’pist’s office waiting area. i used to feel as though i would "bug out" while waiting for appointments. one of those things where you see yourself running screaming from the room ripping your hair out… 
(that’s a Bub thang) so in all, it’s a positive.
good for you astri #AKA pink bunnies# `o’_* |/(((( |/ All conditions are temporary — For more information about this service, send e-mail to:
Response:
post/mail various and sundry snippage here and there… and another week has gone by…
yup. can’t keep caught up! o: "the" house i would like and i will be putting a bid on it today. [and yes astries, this time it's with *much* forethought and advise from sister, the royals, & a competant agent] (: cool how’d it go?
well… found that the agent was not so competant after all, but that’s ok cause i found something else i’m good at — negotiations. gives me somewhere to release all that energy i’ve bottled up. <giggling with pleasure we’ll see what happens. we’re in the last phase of the negotiations right now. matter of fact, i should be hearing within the hour. ’course, then it all still hindges on an inspection… and, they could always reject this last addendum. so…. i’ll let you know. <still grinning (it was worth it either way) i’m still trying. i’m trying to work through one med at a time before adding to the mix and it’s just terribly hard sometimes. the meds themselves can act as or "be" catalysts in the swinging of moods one way or the other. *sigh* too bad medicine/psychiatry/psychopharmacology especially is *not* more of a science than an art…
::nodding:: it’s a bit annoying as well for other reasons. for instance: i’ve been (trying) to read as much info as i can about meds/reactions/benefits. the trouble is, since each individuals chemistry is SOOOO different, the effects are just as varied. i have as yet to look up a study where patients took their daily dosages of lithium in ‘one’ dose (as opposed to say, 4x a day). i think maybe it could possible be beneficial, but then again, i might weigh to little for something like that, not sure. and a med doc can’t "know" what the best thing is since they are not seated in your body… (for the record – i’m saying they can’t understand the uniqueness of my side effects or lack thereof so they can’t know if something is truly as beneficial as it "could" be) i’m babbling…. ok, i starting talking about the different side effects & different meds. i’ve been reading another newsgroup as well pertaining to another part of my dx. there is an -very- large amount of people there who take lithium as well. however, they’re mixed with serzone, wellbutrin, paxil… you name it. a giant mix of antidepressant as well as anti-cunvulants. so it’s impossible for me to find what symptoms go where… let alone the fact that each person is like no other. so, what it comes down to is my refusing all other meds till six months is up with the lithium. i should have a better understanding of it at the end of that time (even though i can’t fingure out how to eliminate environmental factors out as yet, aside from just going… "ummm, yeah, that was more probably due to this/that rather than a flucutation in the lithium level…"). disjointedness of the mind. hope it goes away
me too. it’s extemely annoying. can not clearly see nor read a page, say, in a book. oh yuck yuck yuck *yuck* *YUCK* *really* hope that one lets up!
i’ve stopped reading altogether for the time being. it was too upsetting and my hope is that it was a temporary symptom. <fingers crossed [about posting openly here or anywhere] you are brave brave brave for doing this. really. got *all* our respect for even having *thought* about it, let alone *doing* it!
there had be a point where this person no longer rules my life. where that ’situation’ no longer rules how i live. i guess we all have to get there sometimes. even slow pokes like me. <giggle [on surgery] good luck
thanks. (: my appointment is today with the surgeon. i’ve been thinking about astries/bunnies a lot lately, wondering how everyone is doing. i hope everything is ok. **wave**wave** to all liluns, deag — For more information about this service, send e-mail to:
Response:
We’re very glad you’re still here. Please be OK, OK? jp – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – we gone from ‘probably ODd’ to ‘all sounding very strange’. i cant feel anything. but he says i sound lucid and i seem to be retaining coordination i cant remember what that means
Response:
we gone from ‘probably ODd’ to ‘all sounding very strange’. i cant feel anything. but he says i sound lucid and i seem to be retaining coordination i cant remember what that means
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mega-ditto. you do any chat things? i can do irc if i have to…what channel ya wanna meet on? jt We’re very glad you’re still here. Please be OK, OK? jp we gone from ‘probably ODd’ to ‘all sounding very
strange’. i cant feel – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – anything. but he says i sound lucid and i seem to be retaining coordination i cant remember what that means
Response:
hey guys i got her to bed eventully, she wldnt let me swich in to deal with it thou. annoyin kid. i think a visitor swiched in and when she came back she freaked out but i dunno if it was an od or anything, were missing three or four pills but that doesnt seem like much to od on, and none of the simptoms are like halucinating yno? shes resting now dat of eridanus – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – mega-ditto. you do any chat things? i can do irc if i have to…what channel ya wanna meet on? jt We’re very glad you’re still here. Please be OK, OK? jp we gone from ‘probably ODd’ to ‘all sounding very strange’. i cant feel anything. but he says i sound lucid and i seem to be retaining coordination i cant remember what that means
Response:
Way to go! Keep up the good work keeping the body safe. So, process process process now to figure out what’s up.:P Rainbow Colors (Jill) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – hey guys i got her to bed eventully, she wldnt let me swich in to deal with it thou. annoyin kid. i think a visitor swiched in and when she came back she freaked out but i dunno if it was an od or anything, were missing three or four pills but that doesnt seem like much to od on, and none of the simptoms are like halucinating yno? shes resting now dat of eridanus mega-ditto. you do any chat things? i can do irc if i have to…what channel ya wanna meet on? jt We’re very glad you’re still here. Please be OK, OK? jp we gone from ‘probably ODd’ to ‘all sounding very strange’. i cant feel anything. but he says i sound lucid and i seem to be retaining coordination i cant remember what that means
– The colors blend, the edges soften. Swirling and mixing we are becoming white light.
Response:
Way to go! Keep up the good work keeping the body safe. So, process process process now to figure out what’s up.:P
need a visitor log. only half joking. guy named murdock was out last nite from what i can figure. becca and eri saw him. he sounds like a minotaur. but not a very nice one. dat – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Rainbow Colors (Jill) hey guys i got her to bed eventully, she wldnt let me swich in to deal with it thou. annoyin kid. i think a visitor swiched in and when she came back she freaked out but i dunno if it was an od or anything, were missing three or four pills but that doesnt seem like much to od on, and none of the simptoms are like halucinating yno? shes resting now dat of eridanus mega-ditto. you do any chat things? i can do irc if i have to…what channel ya wanna meet on? jt We’re very glad you’re still here. Please be OK, OK? jp we gone from ‘probably ODd’ to ‘all sounding very strange’. i cant feel anything. but he says i sound lucid and i seem to be retaining coordination i cant remember what that means
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