Question:
Edda, I appreciate the very accurate analogy of traveling down the road, most especially , "Eventually the car is going so fast, you can’t feel the road at all and you certainly dont take in the scenary." I have been doing exactly this for the last two years, and moving progressivly "faster" this past year. I am amazed to hear someone else describe exacltly what life has been like for me since I was assaulted and raped by an aquantaince two years ago. After blocking this out, and trying to "pull myself up by my bootstaps" so to speak after this happened, and basically NOT coming to terms with this and dealing, I almost lost my job as well as not being able to cope with the simplest of tasks. The near miss of losing my job, my career, brought me to seek counciling ( I never in a million years related the effects of the rape to my work or life problems) I realize I have to face this, and somehow learn to deal. I want to "slow down" and hopefully someday enjoy the "scenery" of life. Thank you for helping me visualize this road. Christine – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -EddaB wrote: > I dont go over and over the events any more, and I’ve got rid of a lot of the > anger but my attention span is still about 30 seconds long and I still cant > feel emotion and physical sensation like I could before. (Im on Serzone and it > helps) > I can compare the spacing out to the way the mind reacts as you fall asleep, > you drift off and come back again and you cant control that drifting off. > However, I am writing this just in case it triggers off recognition in someone > else. > —- > Imagine driving down a long road. The road is pitted with holes. Each of > these holes represent painful emotions. > If you speed up the car it starts to go over the holes and you can’t feel them. > Eventually the car is going so fast, you can’t feel the road at all and you > certainly dont take in the scenary. > — If in the non PTSD world I tried to suppress painful feelings I feel tired > all the time, because the effort to do this takes up so much energy. The > effort to totally suppress all feelings so you can’t even contact them even if > you want to, involves so much effort it seems like the mind and body must > totally redirect energy. > Relaxation helps, it slows down the car but you can only do this for short > periods of time because the controls seem to have got stuck. You can’t just > drive slowly all the time and let the feelings, emotiions and physical > sensation come through as they did before. > edda > best wishes > edda
Response:
Dear "EddaB", I know exactly what you mean by "away states". I have recently been diagnosed with PTSD. It didn’t actually surface until last year for me, while I was in therapy for social phobia and panic attacks. I guess my body felt that I was in a safe place in my life when I could start remembering things. Today, I am at home alone. My kids are at school and my husband is at work, and my friends are all at work. I was fine yesterday, but today is a different story. I cannot seem to focus on anything, and I feel very anxious. I feel a strong desire to reach out to someone. I will see my therapist on Friday. I am a SURVIVER (not a victim) of a date rape that happened 12 years ago. I blamed myself until last year, partially because I didn’t remember certain parts of it. All I remembered was "allowing" him to have his way. I had my first flashback in January this year. That was when I first felt the terror. I felt my body going into shock. Evidently, riding in my friend’s car triggered the memory. When I start feeling this detached spacy feeling, I try to go with it, allowing my mind and body to tell me the whole story. It’s best to give yourself time to dwell on it so that it doesn’t interfere at times that you are working on something else. Thanks for listening.
Response:
I dont go over and over the events any more, and I’ve got rid of a lot of the anger but my attention span is still about 30 seconds long and I still cant feel emotion and physical sensation like I could before. (Im on Serzone and it helps) I can compare the spacing out to the way the mind reacts as you fall asleep, you drift off and come back again and you cant control that drifting off. However, I am writing this just in case it triggers off recognition in someone else. —- Imagine driving down a long road. The road is pitted with holes. Each of these holes represent painful emotions. If you speed up the car it starts to go over the holes and you can’t feel them. Eventually the car is going so fast, you can’t feel the road at all and you certainly dont take in the scenary. — If in the non PTSD world I tried to suppress painful feelings I feel tired all the time, because the effort to do this takes up so much energy. The effort to totally suppress all feelings so you can’t even contact them even if you want to, involves so much effort it seems like the mind and body must totally redirect energy. Relaxation helps, it slows down the car but you can only do this for short periods of time because the controls seem to have got stuck. You can’t just drive slowly all the time and let the feelings, emotiions and physical sensation come through as they did before. edda best wishes edda
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