Question:
your not a fuck up. your just Claudia… 8-) and I love ya for who ya are!! ((((((((chimera)))))))))
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – My ex dosen’t read this NG anymore, far as I know. I hope he won’t mind my saying the following. He’s putting his life back together. On his own now. Doing well at work. Tomorrow he tests for MCSE. He’ll ace it in his sleep. He’s building a social network (which is difficult for him). We are friends, though we could never be partners again. We shared important history. Neither wants to dismiss the other. I’m jealous. No. Envious, big difference. I wish him all the success he can attain. I wonder, fruitlessly, why I cannot do the same. He has PTSD just like I do. His life experience has been unbelievably painful. There are things I know about him which are so horrible, I’ll forever keep them confidential. Yet he functions every day and he’s crawling ahead. I haven’t gone anywhere. Still sitting in this apartment I hate, still freaking out on a regular basis, still screwing things up. Still starving for meaningful RL connection and purpose yet so distrustful I can’t reach out for it. Still an unwilling prisoner to an uncooperative mind. Rationally, it isn’t fair to compare myself to him or anyone else. Though his wounds are horrid, he learned to cope differently. Fairness? There’s no such thing. People go where they go in life, good, bad or indifferent. I still can’t help but wonder why I remain such a miserable fuck-up. — chimera: learned a lot, a lot to learn all you’ll ever want and all you’ll ever need all you’ll ever taste and all you’ll ever bleed look deep inside you — it’s only me — melissa etheridge
Response:
he still owes you. just my opinion
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – My ex dosen’t read this NG anymore, far as I know. I hope he won’t mind my saying the following. He’s putting his life back together. On his own now. Doing well at work. Tomorrow he tests for MCSE. He’ll ace it in his sleep. He’s building a social network (which is difficult for him). We are friends, though we could never be partners again. We shared important history. Neither wants to dismiss the other. I’m jealous. No. Envious, big difference. I wish him all the success he can attain. I wonder, fruitlessly, why I cannot do the same. He has PTSD just like I do. His life experience has been unbelievably painful. There are things I know about him which are so horrible, I’ll forever keep them confidential. Yet he functions every day and he’s crawling ahead. I haven’t gone anywhere. Still sitting in this apartment I hate, still freaking out on a regular basis, still screwing things up. Still starving for meaningful RL connection and purpose yet so distrustful I can’t reach out for it. Still an unwilling prisoner to an uncooperative mind. Rationally, it isn’t fair to compare myself to him or anyone else. Though his wounds are horrid, he learned to cope differently. Fairness? There’s no such thing. People go where they go in life, good, bad or indifferent. I still can’t help but wonder why I remain such a miserable fuck-up. — chimera: learned a lot, a lot to learn all you’ll ever want and all you’ll ever need all you’ll ever taste and all you’ll ever bleed look deep inside you — it’s only me — melissa etheridge
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – My ex dosen’t read this NG anymore, far as I know. I hope he won’t mind my saying the following. He’s putting his life back together. On his own now. Doing well at work. Tomorrow he tests for MCSE. He’ll ace it in his sleep. He’s building a social network (which is difficult for him). We are friends, though we could never be partners again. We shared important history. Neither wants to dismiss the other. I’m jealous. No. Envious, big difference. I wish him all the success he can attain. I wonder, fruitlessly, why I cannot do the same. He has PTSD just like I do. His life experience has been unbelievably painful. There are things I know about him which are so horrible, I’ll forever keep them confidential. Yet he functions every day and he’s crawling ahead. I haven’t gone anywhere. Still sitting in this apartment I hate, still freaking out on a regular basis, still screwing things up. Still starving for meaningful RL connection and purpose yet so distrustful I can’t reach out for it. Still an unwilling prisoner to an uncooperative mind. Rationally, it isn’t fair to compare myself to him or anyone else. Though his wounds are horrid, he learned to cope differently. Fairness? There’s no such thing. People go where they go in life, good, bad or indifferent. I still can’t help but wonder why I remain such a miserable fuck-up.
Life is definitely not fair.
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