Question:
i can sure relate to the noise thing. i cannot understand why 99.9% of people seem to have to have loud music or a loud television or Both going all the time, even sleep with music or television!! i am really lonely but i tell you, i don’t believe i could ever live with anyone for this reason. i can only watch tv if i have the remote ready to lower the volume, i hate the shouting newscasters, they sound like a football game now. everywhere you go–restaurants, clubs, the music is so loud and obnoxious you can’t talk!! and neighbors with inconsiderate barking dogs!! well that is my rant, sorry to the music lovers. lny
Response:
> I am so sick of having to explain myself all the time. Why don’t I go >out, why can’t I stand loud noises or being in a crowd? It is driving me >nuts…and trust me I am already half way there. People that know me tell >me that the only place I feel secure is in the safety of my house and they >are right.
I know what you mean Froggy…that has been PTSD for me. It takes a lot for others to understand it and I don’t expect them to. The anxiety about going out and dealing with situations is mine to deal with. I can’t get stuck too often trying to explain it, because then I start to feel defensive. People that understand that part of the anxiety are few…its hard to understand something so close to agoraphobia and how going out sucks the life out of you. But you try, and get bit…its hard Froggy. I hope you find a person or two that does understand. Understanding yourself though, maybe that’s what you’re not giving yourself? I hate the feelings…but they’re there. Coping is the only road I see. K
Response:
Thanks K Odd Froggy
Response:
I am so sick of having to explain myself all the time. Why don’t I go out, why can’t I stand loud noises or being in a crowd? It is driving me nuts…and trust me I am already half way there. People that know me tell me that the only place I feel secure is in the safety of my house and they are right. I feel that the outside world is too hard for me to handle and I get so panicky when I go out all I want to do is run. I get really agitated and restless and then the anxiety sets in. How do you explain to people that care for you that these are normal reactions for what you are going through? I get accused of being self-centered because I can’t and won’t go where pressure is too much for me. So I am told that everything has to be done my way and my way only. It is true to a certain extended. If you have the power to control your environment why not do it. If I feel safer by being in my house rather then in a public place why should I submit myself to more stress. Don’t get me wrong I can still go out and get the things I need done taken care of. (i.e.: grocery shopping, banking etc) But when you are submitted to loud noises and too much traffic when that’s when I call it quits. Even watching a TV show with loud screaming (i.e. talk shows or Judge Judy) it raises my stress level way to high. My roommate wonders why if I go out and come back and the music is way to loud in the house why I turn it down. It’s like being step on the last possible nerve that you have left intact. Maddening! Anyhow I just needed to vent a bit so thanks for listening… Odd Froggy
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Odd Froggy wrote: > I am so sick of having to explain myself all the time. Why don’t I go > out, why can’t I stand loud noises or being in a crowd? It is driving me > nuts…and trust me I am already half way there. People that know me tell > me that the only place I feel secure is in the safety of my house and they > are right. I feel that the outside world is too hard for me to handle and I > get so panicky when I go out all I want to do is run. I get really agitated > and restless and then the anxiety sets in. How do you explain to people > that care for you that these are normal reactions for what you are going > through? > I get accused of being self-centered because I can’t and won’t go where > pressure is too much for me. So I am told that everything has to be done my > way and my way only. It is true to a certain extended. If you have the > power to control your environment why not do it. If I feel safer by being > in my house rather then in a public place why should I submit myself to more > stress. Don’t get me wrong I can still go out and get the things I need > done taken care of. (i.e.: grocery shopping, banking etc) > But when you are submitted to loud noises and too much traffic when > that’s when I call it quits. Even watching a TV show with loud screaming > (i.e. talk shows or Judge Judy) it raises my stress level way to high. My > roommate wonders why if I go out and come back and the music is way to loud > in the house why I turn it down. It’s like being step on the last possible > nerve that you have left intact. Maddening! > Anyhow I just needed to vent a bit so thanks for listening… > Odd Froggy
Odd Froggy, I too feel much more comfortable in the security of my own home. I also experience anxiety and panic most of the time when I am not at home. I have had a huge tendancy to isolate myself since my trauma and although I am doing much better now I understand your frustrations. I am also tired of not being understood or misunderstood and it has just been recently pointed out to me that I try to control my environment. I didn’t realize that I was doing it and I am not sure yet what to do with this realization. Trying to feel in control I think is something we can probably all relate to. I hope your roommates will give you a little more patience and compramizing if not understanding… it would lessen the frustration and stress for all of you I think. Take care and best of luck, Patricia. ___________________________________________________________________________ ___ Total Internet privacy — get your Freedom pseudonym at http://www.freedom.net
Response:
In article <pIRt4.3769$e53.168…@news20.bellglobal.com>, "Odd Froggy" <oddfro…@icqmail.com> wrote: > I am so sick of having to explain myself all the time.
Miss Manners would tell you that you don’t have to explain yourself. If you’re an adult, taking care of your business, and not hurting anyone else, you can conduct your life in any way that suits you. If someone asks you why you don’t do something, turn it back on them and ask, "I’m wondering why you feel the need to ask a question like that?", as though they had asked you an extremely personal question. You don’t owe anyone an explanation and you don’t have to justify to anyone. Risa Be curious always! For knowledge will not acquire you, you must acquire it. * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!
Response:
Yes Old Froggy I am just signing in to agree that it is awful.It is like having an invisible disability that people put into the too hard basket.It is tiring having to explain yourself and why it is that you behave/react in the way that you do.Stay home-stay quiet-reflect b/c this is what you know you have to do and it is ok.I am doing exactly that and I am trying to explain it to family anf friends.Oh the cycle goes round and round.AS Nancy has suggested be gentle with yourself. Helski Odd Froggy <oddfro…@icqmail.com> wrote in message
news:pIRt4.3769$e53.168021@news20.bellglobal.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I am so sick of having to explain myself all the time. Why don’t I go > out, why can’t I stand loud noises or being in a crowd? It is driving me > nuts…and trust me I am already half way there. People that know me tell > me that the only place I feel secure is in the safety of my house and they > are right. I feel that the outside world is too hard for me to handle and I > get so panicky when I go out all I want to do is run. I get really agitated > and restless and then the anxiety sets in. How do you explain to people > that care for you that these are normal reactions for what you are going > through? > I get accused of being self-centered because I can’t and won’t go where > pressure is too much for me. So I am told that everything has to be done my > way and my way only. It is true to a certain extended. If you have the > power to control your environment why not do it. If I feel safer by being > in my house rather then in a public place why should I submit myself to more > stress. Don’t get me wrong I can still go out and get the things I need > done taken care of. (i.e.: grocery shopping, banking etc) > But when you are submitted to loud noises and too much traffic when > that’s when I call it quits. Even watching a TV show with loud screaming > (i.e. talk shows or Judge Judy) it raises my stress level way to high. My > roommate wonders why if I go out and come back and the music is way to loud > in the house why I turn it down. It’s like being step on the last possible > nerve that you have left intact. Maddening! > Anyhow I just needed to vent a bit so thanks for listening… > Odd Froggy
Response:
On Sat, 26 Feb 2000 14:47:49 GMT, "Odd Froggy" <oddfro…@icqmail.com> wrote: Hi Odd Froggy, > I am so sick of having to explain myself all the time. Why don’t I go >out, why can’t I stand loud noises or being in a crowd? It is driving me >nuts…and trust me I am already half way there. People that know me tell >me that the only place I feel secure is in the safety of my house and they >are right.
You aren’t alone in feeling that way. Many books, therapists, people with PTSD might talk about how important it is to be able to establish a "safe place" if you have PTSD. For many people, and certainly for me, home is going to be that "safe place", because I have a great deal of control over my immediate environment at home. I can eliminate or avoid coming into contact with numerous triggers at home, and at home I don’t have to deal with strangers who might judge me for reacting in an odd way because of the PTSD. Sometimes I worry that I am limiting myself, in that my safe place becomes less of a shelter and more of a prison. But, on the other hand, it’s great to be able to have that space where I can just be myself, or where I don’t have to deal with certain things. I think that that aspect of having a "safe place" is probably common to many people – even folks without PTSD, (though it’s probably often more of a priority to the people with the PTSD…) >I feel that the outside world is too hard for me to handle and I >get so panicky when I go out all I want to do is run. I get really agitated >and restless and then the anxiety sets in. How do you explain to people >that care for you that these are normal reactions for what you are going >through?
If it helps, I show them articles relating to PTSD that explain what triggers are, and why it can help a person with PTSD to avoid such triggers. I might even share my own trigger chart with them. In terms of home, I might explain that it’s important to a person with PTSD to have a "safe place", where things are going to be predictable, and where they won’t encounter stressful triggers (like traffic noises, or crowds, or fireworks, for some people for instance). If it helps, I’ll repeat something which I put in another thread, from a book which I think explained the PTSD quite well: "Remember that a traumatised person doesn’t want to act this way, but often can’t help it. Their behaviour reflects their magnified fears about the world after their trauma. They will need to relearn how to trust and feel safe, and the more predictable and reassuring you can be the more helpful it will be for the process of their recovery." (p. 36, _Overcoming Traumatic Stress_, Claudia Herbet and Ann Wetmore.) In the case of staying at home, I think that paragraph explains about the magnified fears, and about needing to feel safe, and to have a predictable environment. > I get accused of being self-centered because I can’t and won’t go where >pressure is too much for me. So I am told that everything has to be done my >way and my way only.
Would it be "self-centered" for a person with a severe phobia about spiders to refuse to enter a spider exhibit at the local zoo? I don’t think so. If they did go in there with their family, for instance, they might be so afraid and upset (crying, etc) that the whole experience could be ruined for everyone. Wouldn’t it make more sense, and even be more considerate, if they agreed to meet their family at the other end of the exhibit? I don’t think it’s "self- centered" for you to want to avoid certain things. Just as the person with the phobia finds spiders intolerable, you probably find some triggers extremely hard to deal with right now. Would it help to use such an analogy? It could be that sometimes they take the situation personally – like you are rejecting them, instead of the trigger-causing enviroment. There’s another excerpt from that book which might help explain certain things: "It is important to help the traumatized person slowly to find ways of re-engaging with their present life. Their lack of interest is _not_ a reflection of how they feel about their partner or others close to them, but rather another outcome of the trauma." (p. 37) It’s not that you are rejecting the option of spending time with those people; just that maybe y’all can try to work out a compromise – eg: instead of going out shopping (where you face anxiety-causing things like traffic, noises, crowds, etc), maybe you can all play a board game, make some pop corn and have an evening (or whatever) at your home. That will enable you to spend time with them, and to give them your full attention (which is what you really want to do since they are so important to you, etc, etc… ;^)) without having to constantly worry about triggers, without being distracted, or without getting so anxious. Again, if it helps, you can use another analogy: Many people would be filled with anxiety at the thought of going to see a dentist. Even in the waiting room, the sound of that drill going off next-door is enough to make some folks break out into a cold sweat, and feel anxious about the idea of having their teeth examined. For a dentist, though, such an environment is perfectly _normal_. Coming into the waiting room feels like just another day at work. The sound of the drill might be associated with concentrating on helping a patient, and doesn’t give them any anxiety (though it’d be different if they were a patient!). Sometimes for people with PTSD, all kinds of "everyday" places seem like the dentist’s waiting room. The noise of the drill could be like traffic noises or crowds for you. To a person without the PTSD, though, it’s probably just another everyday thing, like the dentist with his/her own drill. It isn’t about being self-centered, because you can’t help the way you react, just like the noise of the drill automatically makes some patients anxious. >roommate wonders why if I go out and come back and the music is way to loud >in the house why I turn it down. It’s like being step on the last possible >nerve that you have left intact. Maddening!
I know what you mean. All the explaining, etc can be tedious, demoralising, make you feel like an alien, etc. Even if there are a million ways to explain the same old thing, it doesn’t make it fun to have to explain that over and over again… I wish there were some kind of T-shirt out there which you could put on, which would explain PTSD… Until then, I wonder at times if learning to be more assertive (which isn’t the same as being aggressive, offensive, etc), might not help me to deal with those explanations… Mae Tang (replace "nospam" with "nu-it" for a valid e-mail address)
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