Question:
Hi. I’m trying to catch up on the posts. I just got out of the hospital. I got committed because I didn’t sleep more than three hours a night for over a month. I can’t believe it; I haven’t been in a psych ward for nineteen years! At least this time the diagnosis was accurate. I’m still not sure what caused it. Probably because my parents and brother have suddenly started pressuring me to have contact with my abuser. I have no idea why they think I would change my mind after twelve years. I love my nephews and would like to keep an eye out for them but it’s getting to the point that I wonder if I should just concentrate on saving my own ass. I’m sick of being told in so many ways that I don’t matter. In a few years I’ll be making 45K+ and I’m paying my own way through college so they can’t hurt me financially. It seems they care more about some pervert they see maybe once a year than they do their own daughter. They don’t deserve to be in my life. I can’t pretend I’m not bitter anymore. I just sent an e-mail to my mom a few hours ago. I told her I won’t be visiting for Christmas and I’m taking her son’s present back for a refund. My brother gave my e-mail address to my abuser several months ago. I changed my e- mail address and put up a filter and let it go at that. Pretty soon my family bugged me for my new address – never asking why I changed it – finally I gave it to them and told them not to give it to anyone. Stupid me, like they’re going to listen to me after I’ve told them thirteen times that I don’t want contact with that guy. My brother seems to have copped a major attitude and won’t speak to me. And here I wanted to avoid conflict by not bringing it up specifically. Either I’m being selfish for stating my wishes or I’m not talking loud enough. I can’t win, so to hell with them. They’ve done more damage than the guy who molested me. Advice? Mao * Sent from AltaVista http://www.altavista.com Where you can also find related Web Pages, Images, Audios, Videos, News, and Shopping. Smart is Beautiful
Response:
>Either I’m being selfish for stating my
wishes >> How about instead of seeing it as selfish, see it as self-preservation. If someone brings on panic attacks and you feel threatened, it seems reasonable to make a self-preserving choice to distance yourself from them, right? <<or I’m not talking loud enough. I can’t win, so to hell with them.>>> Sometimes it doesn’t matter if you scream it from the rooftop. Its not their physical hearing that may be defective, but their willingness to listen to you and respect your wishes. Sounds like there’s some boundary stuff there, like you don’t have the right (in their minds) to set limits on what you can handle…possibly accurate? <<< They’ve done more damage than the guy who molested me.>> I can relate. Boy can I relate. Being invalidated is like a second rape. If these people refuse to respect your needs, then perhaps you need to decide to save yourself right now and not allow them to influence/control your personal choices…Not telling you what to do, but suggesting that you are giving them too much power. If this may fit, good, if not, then okay too. >Advice?>
I hope you are continuing with a good therapist after your hospital admission. We can offer support as PTSD survivors, but a great therapist can take you further than anything, really. I hope that you have that Mao…kristine
Response:
>Advice? >Mao
Sounds so similar to my own life. After cutting off most of my family over the course of the last 12 years, I changed my email address and closed my PO Box about a month ago. Tonight the police showed up at my door because grandma couldn’t get in touch with me. Tonight I spent a few hours picking out a new last name. Just another step in the struggle to stay safe and free of the abusers. I wouldn’t presume to give advice to someone I don’t know. Just keep safe and know you’re supported in whatever steps you need to take. Risa Contentment consists not in great wealth but in few wants.
Response:
In article <19991120093503.14902.00000…@ng-cg1.aol.com>, otherpa…@aol.com (OtherPaths) wrote: > x-no-archive: yes > It’s so ironic. If a non-family member had been the > perp, your family would > think you are nuts if you wanted to maintain contact > with him.
I hate to tell you this, but the perp is a family (father and son) that I knew from age four until I was twenty-two and NOT a blood relative. The abuse stopped when I was seventeen. When I was twenty-two, I saw the son beat his infant daughter and it hit me that the idea I was brought up with, that these people were my "second family" was a total lie. > They are protecting themselves from disgrace…
and from dealing with what they experienced growing up. > Be as selfish as they are.
I am. I put a filter up. I won’t accept anything from them either. I’m mailing my nephews’ Christmas presents even though they only live across town. I feel bad for them, but I don’t think they are in any danger. If they were neices it would be a different story. I’m not the only one in my family who has had this happen with a "friend". Thank you everyone for your support. I’m doing much better. Mao * Sent from AltaVista http://www.altavista.com Where you can also find related Web Pages, Images, Audios, Videos, News, and Shopping. Smart is Beautiful
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