Question:
> Someone wrote about her son being bullied at school and that >was/is causing him a lot of pain and difficulties.
Ingrid: That’s because the person who said that is a troll. Ask Scott, Wallpaper, Gay Marie, or anybody else on here. Stephanie is her name – Trolling is her game. Lu P.S. If she even HAS a son.
Response:
Hi Ingrid, Welcome! > Someone wrote about her son being bullied at school and that was/is causing him a > lot of pain and difficulties. In response, people seem to have agreed that this > is utter nonsense, since bullying is not traumatic at all. Well, I have a > different point of view.
I’m pretty open to believing that bullying can be traumatic for children. First you have to remember that these children are a lot younger than we are, and so the amount of pain they can withstand before hurting is different and far less than that which we as adults might be able to cope with. I guess what that is trying to say is that children see things in a different light and so they are very hurt by a lot of comments and other things which we as adults might tend to shrug off. I do agree with Stephanie, who made the claim about her son, that one incident in a school playground might induce something as severe as ptsd. Depends from child to child I guess. Where the problem came in is that people have begun to imply there may be something strange about Stephanie’s posts, their nature and their authenticity, and so people have taken to dismissing out of hand a lot of claims made within her posts. Whatever I might think of her as a person, I believe that bullying can have a severe impact on a child. As a child, I was also the girl who everyone picked on. Blame my over sensitivity, my looks, my tubby tummy, the "limp" when I walk and the way I spoke. Result was that a number of the children in my year actually atributed something they named as "Sally’s Disease" (don’t think it made it into the medical books as a recognised illness but apparently it was quite contageous in its time…) and these 9 and 10 year olds actually believed that just by touching me they could pass this from me to them and from them to others. As a result, if others showed their support for me, this resulted in a disease being named after them too, so by the end of the year there was Sally’s, Sam’s and Mark’s disease – all in the same class… It’s quite funny to think of their stupidity now, but at the time this really, really hurt me! When I was 13 I became a form prefect for a term, and since the whole nomination of my name came about as a joke, the actual election of me also was treated as a joke for the whole term, so while the teacher had shown her obvious trust in my ability to carry out whatever I had to do in that term, the others in my class chose to run round the class asking if anyone had actually voted for me, and I was told they hadn’t. The person picking the life out of me was also supported by a number of people claiming I was bullying her for no reason whatsoever – ha! like I am strong enough to pick on someone else when I know how much it hurt me!? I never actually wound up with ptsd as a result of that but as a result of something else later on in my still short life. I don’t deny that one incident in the playground can cause ptsd, I am just "lucky" – not the best word – I never got this from that, or my whole life up till now would have been a mess – not "just" the last five years. > traumatic, it dictated some very important choices I made, later in life.
I chose to go to a private school because the state school I could have gone to was the one where all the people who did that to me were going to go to. I wanted to go somewhere totally different, to get away from them. Of course, I met others like them, with different views, different tactics, as I said, since they were the ones when I was the term’s form prefect. > told me that I was a worthless human being, it told me I didn’t deserve any > better
I’ve never had anyone beat or rape me. I felt that I didn’t deserve any better, though, like you said. I felt like I asked for all of it, including what happened at 15. > It told me that I had to be gratefull that someone was actually willing to spend > time with me, no matter what the consecquenses were.
Sometimes I still have trouble as a result of what people were like at school making friends. I think, oh, people haven’t mentioned yet I walk funny, they just haven’t mentioned it yet, they could do later on when we are better friends. And it’s like, I am sometimes just waiting for that day – and I grew up believing it’s the person that counts not the way they look, you know? > Even now, I often can’t understand that there is someone who loves me, someone > who cares how I feel and respects my wishes, simply because I still feel that I > don’t deserve it.
After five years of people just telling me they are sick of hearing what happened to me that night on the train, I suddenly find there are friends who really do care, who want me to get through this and who want to get me through this. I sit there listening to them say they want to help and I can talk to them anytime, and I still sit there believing that they don’t mean it, it’s all pointless and meaningless words and they aren’t being serious. The staff member I talked about told me in no uncertain terms to stop thinking like that just because people in the past have done this. > Now I read that bullying isn’t traumatic? I felt like crying my eyes out when I > read that.
People may not have meant to imply that it is not traumatic. If it wasn’t such a big issue, why would there be so many programmes like Trisha, Vanessa, Esther, Kilroy (all in UK) and Ricki Lake, Jerry Springer, Oprah Winfrey (if she still is around out there) and Montel Williams (all US) all talking about the effects bullying had on their guests and what are the signs to look out for before it is too late. I thought the people in this ng jumped on Steph far too quickly and hard without thinking when they read what she had to say, but they did that because of what they believe about her, not what she had to say. > Maybe it doens’t meet your standards of qualifying for a traumatic event but for > me, and many like me, it does, it is very real.
I am sure it is traumatic. I work with special needs children on Saturdays and it breaks my heart when they come into contact with mainstream ones who won’t accept them and they ask me why the mainstream children won’t talk to them, why they look so frightened of them and run off or pick on them. Bullying is traumatic. Maybe not always ptsd inducing, and it wasn’t with me. But it certainly had its impact on me, an impact which I will never forget, if only to prevent the same happening to my children when I have them. Take heart, there are people who see bullying for what it is. And if it induces ptsd, then it is all the more serious. My ptsd may not have to do with bullying but the picking-on which I went through at school sure did leave its mark and was traumatic, even if it didn’t leave me with ptsd to boot. Take care Sally xxxxx
Response:
Ingrid, the stuff you suffer at school affects you most because at an early age you’re most vulnerable, have the most amount of love to give and get hurt the worst. This is definitely trauma Ingrid. maybe not for some, but for sensitive and loving children it cuts deep. I really wish I could have protected my child from school. He would have grown up in the sunshine instead of in the shade. However, moms can only do so much, they unfortunately have to leave certain things up to their child to handle. I’m just curious how long it’s taken you to shake most of that expereince off. My son took a long time healing from that one bad experience, about 17 years. My school experiences were also not pleasant, however, the pain that stuck out most for me is the abuse the teacher gave me because she was in a position of trust. Stephanie – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -i…@babysoft.xs4all.nl (Ingrid Dekker) wrote: >Hi everyone, >There’s something I really need to get off my chest, something that has really >been hurting me. Someone wrote about her son being bullied at school and that >was/is causing him a lot of pain and difficulties. In response, people seem to >have agreed that this is utter nonsense, since bullying is not traumatic at >all. Well, I have a different point of view. >I have been there, I used to be the girl that everybody picked on and it has >influenced <sp?> the rest of my life. As I look back on it, it *HAS* been very >traumatic, it dictated some very important choices I made, later in life. It >told me that I was a worthless human being, it told me I didn’t deserve any >better when my 1st b/friend beat the crap out of me. It told me it was my own >fault when my 2nd b/friend raped me, forced me to have sex many times, against >my own will. It told me that I had to be gratefull that someone was actually >willing to spend time with me, no matter what the consecquenses were. >Even now, I often can’t understand that there is someone who loves me, someone >who cares how I feel and respects my wishes, simply because I still feel that I >don’t deserve it. Now I read that bullying isn’t traumatic? I felt like crying >my eyes out when I read that. Ofcourse I didn’t because I stuff away any >emotions, as soon as I can. >Maybe it doens’t meet your standards of qualifying for a traumatic event but >for me, and many like me, it does, it is very real. I nearly got killed during >that bullying and there wasn’t a single day when I felt safe ar school. >Children are cruel, especially when they’re all against you. And why? I still >don’t know.. >Bye! >Ingrid <i…@babysoft.xs4all.nl>
Response:
Luanne, shut up, enough. Stephanie – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -luan…@aol.comet (LuanneP) wrote: >> Someone wrote about her son being bullied at school and that >>was/is causing him a lot of pain and difficulties. >Ingrid: >That’s because the person who said that is a troll. Ask Scott, Wallpaper, Gay >Marie, or anybody else on here. >Stephanie is her name – Trolling is her game. >Lu >P.S. If she even HAS a son.
Response:
Thank you for such a wonderful reference !!!! – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Mairtin wrote in message <7bdr6d$gj…@newsource.ihug.co.nz>… >x-no-archive: yes >Ingrid I have been there too, and believe me I know how traumatic bullying >can be. Here it is official government policy in the welfare department, >they call it hassling, that makes it extremely difficult for me to get the >help I need, not to mention traumatic for me to visit their offices. I had >about 7 years of almost daily bullying when I was at school, often condoned >or participated in by teachers, and yes it still effects me even though I >left 15 years ago. And people wonder why I have issues with authority. >It can be especially difficult when your "friends" turn on you as well. >Those few people you felt you could actually trust, just using and abusing >you like all the rest, it really does make it hard to trust others. >You might want to check out http://www.successunlimited.co.uk/ it’s the >homepage for the UK National Workplace Bullying Advice Line. Also has good >sections of child bullying, PTSD definition, etc. This in my opinion the >best site I have come across for PTSD. >I was just given this address today so have not had a real look at it yet. >http://www.leymann.se/English/frame.html It said it was under development >but would be ready by the summer of 1997! >All the Best >Mairtin >Substitute ihug for NOSPAM – mair…@NOSPAM.co.nz >____________________________________________ >Copyright Mairtin 1999. All rights reserved. >This article is for use on alt.support.trauma-ptsd only.
Response:
Hi everyone, There’s something I really need to get off my chest, something that has really been hurting me. Someone wrote about her son being bullied at school and that was/is causing him a lot of pain and difficulties. In response, people seem to have agreed that this is utter nonsense, since bullying is not traumatic at all. Well, I have a different point of view. I have been there, I used to be the girl that everybody picked on and it has influenced <sp?> the rest of my life. As I look back on it, it *HAS* been very traumatic, it dictated some very important choices I made, later in life. It told me that I was a worthless human being, it told me I didn’t deserve any better when my 1st b/friend beat the crap out of me. It told me it was my own fault when my 2nd b/friend raped me, forced me to have sex many times, against my own will. It told me that I had to be gratefull that someone was actually willing to spend time with me, no matter what the consecquenses were. Even now, I often can’t understand that there is someone who loves me, someone who cares how I feel and respects my wishes, simply because I still feel that I don’t deserve it. Now I read that bullying isn’t traumatic? I felt like crying my eyes out when I read that. Ofcourse I didn’t because I stuff away any emotions, as soon as I can. Maybe it doens’t meet your standards of qualifying for a traumatic event but for me, and many like me, it does, it is very real. I nearly got killed during that bullying and there wasn’t a single day when I felt safe ar school. Children are cruel, especially when they’re all against you. And why? I still don’t know.. Bye! Ingrid <i…@babysoft.xs4all.nl>
Response:
Ingrid-I agree with you. And I know what it is like. I left school at 16. I am now 40. It still bothers me and I still avoid going by a school and groups of kids frighten me. The trauma is very real. Many kids who are bullied are already vivtims of other abuse(as I was) which makes us easy targets. please know that I know exactly what the pain is you speak of. best wishes – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Ingrid Dekker wrote: > Hi everyone, > There’s something I really need to get off my chest, something that has really > been hurting me. Someone wrote about her son being bullied at school and that > was/is causing him a lot of pain and difficulties. In response, people seem to > have agreed that this is utter nonsense, since bullying is not traumatic at > all. Well, I have a different point of view. > I have been there, I used to be the girl that everybody picked on and it has > influenced <sp?> the rest of my life. As I look back on it, it *HAS* been very > traumatic, it dictated some very important choices I made, later in life. It > told me that I was a worthless human being, it told me I didn’t deserve any > better when my 1st b/friend beat the crap out of me. It told me it was my own > fault when my 2nd b/friend raped me, forced me to have sex many times, against > my own will. It told me that I had to be gratefull that someone was actually > willing to spend time with me, no matter what the consecquenses were. > Even now, I often can’t understand that there is someone who loves me, someone > who cares how I feel and respects my wishes, simply because I still feel that I > don’t deserve it. Now I read that bullying isn’t traumatic? I felt like crying > my eyes out when I read that. Ofcourse I didn’t because I stuff away any > emotions, as soon as I can. > Maybe it doens’t meet your standards of qualifying for a traumatic event but > for me, and many like me, it does, it is very real. I nearly got killed during > that bullying and there wasn’t a single day when I felt safe ar school. > Children are cruel, especially when they’re all against you. And why? I still > don’t know.. > Bye! > Ingrid <i…@babysoft.xs4all.nl>
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