Question:
Hey there Ears, Wow, i’m so sorry to hear about your friend. Of course you love and care for her so much….that shows. but *do* be careful. I understand that you want her to be well again…but be careful for yourself. I’m just saying this because I know how painful it can be to see our friends in dire straights. and it can be difficult to keep oneself on the path to recovery when faced with another’s difficulties. I guess what i’m trying to say is please don’t take on all of her issues too….because you have a lot of your own stuff to sort through! hope i made sense! love to you, becca – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – ‘ello friends! This is very, very, very difficult for me. I have a best friend in life, who I love and trust dearly. She has a lot of problems, (depression, ptsd, ed’s..ect), and the both of us have shared a lot together the 3 years we have known each other. We use to be in a womens survivor group together, that was a very close net group, and so…our friendship grew even more because of that. She is such a beautiful person, inside and out, and she is beyond the definiton of smart. She is just a remarkable person and woman. She is a survivor, she has gone through lots of horific abus* in her life, that she did not deserve, (nobody does), and yet she has managed to survive, to find the hope that has always been there for her. Well, when our therapist/psychiatrist (the one that moved) when she moved, my friend just broke down mentally and physically….and just a bit before that, I had left the group, and then not long after that the group it’s self broke up, do to the fact that our doctor was moving. Well….I had not talked with her for about 8 months, because there for awhile I myself got really down and out, and went into the hospital, then my grandfather passed away and time just elapsed. Though the thought of her and our friendship never left me or my heart. So, I called her 2 days a go to see how she was, and just to say hello. Well, the person who said hello was not my friend. Oh yes…it WAS her in fact, though I hardly recognized her voice, she was in tears, hearing her, I thought to myself that this just was NOT my best friend that I have always known. This lady I was talking too, was not her….. But, it was her. She was utterly hopless, and she was crying and saying how the only thing she has left to hold on to is her labedo. Of course, I knew exactly why. Because of all of her abus* she has turned to the one thing that she knows, though, at this point in her life she can not see just how just unclear and lethargic this thinking is…how self destructing it is. I begged and begged of her to pull the survivor the thriver with in her out…. I told her bluntly that she had to just STOP this, and that she was headed in the wrong direction. And through my drowning tears I told her with my voice cracelking…that I did not want to loose her, I simply did not want to loose my best friend who I LOVE so much… We talked forever…and I felt so helpless, but reasured her I was NOT hopless for her, and I am not. I KNOW she has hope, I KNOW it. And yet, I told her and realized at the same time that I could not save her. If I could, I would, but I can’t. I also reasured her that I would be here to help her, to help guide her, to help her see things that she may not be able to see in the despair that she rests in right now…. She agreed to give all of this thought, a lot of thinking….. So why am I sharing this with you all? I just need to vent for one thing. And, you all are my friends and I just need to say that I am scared. Immensly scared. I don’t know if I have ever been so afraid. I love her you all, I don’t want her to leave me. It is not fair….And it’s selfish, but you know what? I don’t give a flying hoot if it is selfish or not, because it is only out of pure love. Whole love. And I will NOT give up on her, rest my soul, I will NOT ever….I love her. }:}i{:{ Ears You did then what you knew how to do; and when you knew better, you did better. – Maya Angelou Visit my web page… " Quiet No More." http://members.aol.com/earswlthfeet/HomePage1.html
Response:
‘ello friends! This is very, very, very difficult for me. I have a best friend in life, who I love and trust dearly. She has a lot of problems, (depression, ptsd, ed’s..ect), and the both of us have shared a lot together the 3 years we have known each other. We use to be in a womens survivor group together, that was a very close net group, and so…our friendship grew even more because of that. She is such a beautiful person, inside and out, and she is beyond the definiton of smart. She is just a remarkable person and woman. She is a survivor, she has gone through lots of horific abus* in her life, that she did not deserve, (nobody does), and yet she has managed to survive, to find the hope that has always been there for her. Well, when our therapist/psychiatrist (the one that moved) when she moved, my friend just broke down mentally and physically….and just a bit before that, I had left the group, and then not long after that the group it’s self broke up, do to the fact that our doctor was moving. Well….I had not talked with her for about 8 months, because there for awhile I myself got really down and out, and went into the hospital, then my grandfather passed away and time just elapsed. Though the thought of her and our friendship never left me or my heart. So, I called her 2 days a go to see how she was, and just to say hello. Well, the person who said hello was not my friend. Oh yes…it WAS her in fact, though I hardly recognized her voice, she was in tears, hearing her, I thought to myself that this just was NOT my best friend that I have always known. This lady I was talking too, was not her….. But, it was her. She was utterly hopless, and she was crying and saying how the only thing she has left to hold on to is her labedo. Of course, I knew exactly why. Because of all of her abus* she has turned to the one thing that she knows, though, at this point in her life she can not see just how just unclear and lethargic this thinking is…how self destructing it is. I begged and begged of her to pull the survivor the thriver with in her out…. I told her bluntly that she had to just STOP this, and that she was headed in the wrong direction. And through my drowning tears I told her with my voice cracelking…that I did not want to loose her, I simply did not want to loose my best friend who I LOVE so much… We talked forever…and I felt so helpless, but reasured her I was NOT hopless for her, and I am not. I KNOW she has hope, I KNOW it. And yet, I told her and realized at the same time that I could not save her. If I could, I would, but I can’t. I also reasured her that I would be here to help her, to help guide her, to help her see things that she may not be able to see in the despair that she rests in right now…. She agreed to give all of this thought, a lot of thinking….. So why am I sharing this with you all? I just need to vent for one thing. And, you all are my friends and I just need to say that I am scared. Immensly scared. I don’t know if I have ever been so afraid. I love her you all, I don’t want her to leave me. It is not fair….And it’s selfish, but you know what? I don’t give a flying hoot if it is selfish or not, because it is only out of pure love. Whole love. And I will NOT give up on her, rest my soul, I will NOT ever….I love her. }:}i{:{ Ears You did then what you knew how to do; and when you knew better, you did better. – Maya Angelou Visit my web page… " Quiet No More." http://members.aol.com/earswlthfeet/HomePage1.html
Response:
aaw sweetie, i’m sorry that your friend is not well i know this hurts you deeply. maybe it is that you called her at the right time. you called her right when she needed you and maybe that helped her to remeber she is not alone and that you are still there for her. you do love her and she must know that. you are a wonderful friend to offer your love and help to her so freely thats what friends are for. take care of you in the process your doing so well i’m proud of you kellik – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – ‘ello friends! This is very, very, very difficult for me. I have a best friend in life, who I love and trust dearly. She has a lot of problems, (depression, ptsd, ed’s..ect), and the both of us have shared a lot together the 3 years we have known each other. We use to be in a womens survivor group together, that was a very close net group, and so…our friendship grew even more because of that. She is such a beautiful person, inside and out, and she is beyond the definiton of smart. She is just a remarkable person and woman. She is a survivor, she has gone through lots of horific abus* in her life, that she did not deserve, (nobody does), and yet she has managed to survive, to find the hope that has always been there for her. Well, when our therapist/psychiatrist (the one that moved) when she moved, my friend just broke down mentally and physically….and just a bit before that, I had left the group, and then not long after that the group it’s self broke up, do to the fact that our doctor was moving. Well….I had not talked with her for about 8 months, because there for awhile I myself got really down and out, and went into the hospital, then my grandfather passed away and time just elapsed. Though the thought of her and our friendship never left me or my heart. So, I called her 2 days a go to see how she was, and just to say hello. Well, the person who said hello was not my friend. Oh yes…it WAS her in fact, though I hardly recognized her voice, she was in tears, hearing her, I thought to myself that this just was NOT my best friend that I have always known. This lady I was talking too, was not her….. But, it was her. She was utterly hopless, and she was crying and saying how the only thing she has left to hold on to is her labedo. Of course, I knew exactly why. Because of all of her abus* she has turned to the one thing that she knows, though, at this point in her life she can not see just how just unclear and lethargic this thinking is…how self destructing it is. I begged and begged of her to pull the survivor the thriver with in her out…. I told her bluntly that she had to just STOP this, and that she was headed in the wrong direction. And through my drowning tears I told her with my voice cracelking…that I did not want to loose her, I simply did not want to loose my best friend who I LOVE so much… We talked forever…and I felt so helpless, but reasured her I was NOT hopless for her, and I am not. I KNOW she has hope, I KNOW it. And yet, I told her and realized at the same time that I could not save her. If I could, I would, but I can’t. I also reasured her that I would be here to help her, to help guide her, to help her see things that she may not be able to see in the despair that she rests in right now…. She agreed to give all of this thought, a lot of thinking….. So why am I sharing this with you all? I just need to vent for one thing. And, you all are my friends and I just need to say that I am scared. Immensly scared. I don’t know if I have ever been so afraid. I love her you all, I don’t want her to leave me. It is not fair….And it’s selfish, but you know what? I don’t give a flying hoot if it is selfish or not, because it is only out of pure love. Whole love. And I will NOT give up on her, rest my soul, I will NOT ever….I love her. }:}i{:{ Ears You did then what you knew how to do; and when you knew better, you did better. – Maya Angelou Visit my web page… " Quiet No More." http://members.aol.com/earswlthfeet/HomePage1.html
Response:
hello ears. i guess i don’t have to tell you that i understand (more than i want to). just please don’t lose your own way trying to help your friend. it is great to want to help someone but in the end, she has to turn things around. i often wonder if one survivor issue wasn’t (when we get in trouble) making everyone around us feel helpless. i know it is something i put a lot of my friends through and it hurts so much to see how helpless they feel. i don’t think it is selfish at all. it is so hard not to want to save the world :-
Response:
And, you all are my friends and I just need to say that I am scared.
what are you afraid of? Immensly scared. I don’t know if I have ever been so afraid. I love her you all, I don’t want her to leave me.
you hadnt talked to her in 8 months and now this? It is not fair….And it’s selfish, but you know what? I don’t give a flying hoot if it is selfish or not, because it is only out of pure love. Whole love. And I will NOT give up on her, rest my soul, I will NOT ever….I love her.
she has a god in her life and youre not it. noone has assigned you to feel her feelings.. codependency precludes our ability to help others constructively. i know it sounds harsh it’s all i can express at the moment. dont imprison yourself with self-centered fear. stay free to show her the way — if she wants to find it.
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