Question:
"Anneks89" <annek…@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20020904142403.11544.00001804@mb-fi.aol.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Greetings, > Maybe someone has some ideas about feeling safe in a new place. > I’ve been treated in and out of hospitals for many years for PTSD and reached a > point 3 years ago where the episodes were happening maybe 2-3 times a year. > That was great and life was pretty normal. > One year ago the symptoms came back. I moved to the Midwest two months > prior to 9/11 from the Upper Westside of Manhattan. For work I travel back > to NYC every 6 weeks for a few days. In NYC I feel fine, but not in my new > home on the prairie. > Possible trigger… > When I’ve asked the people I live with to help me by locking the doors at > night and not playing loud videos with sirens and gun shots I am met with > smiles and "Oh sure" but they forget a lot of the time. I have not shared > what happened to me 30 years ago with any family member except > my husband. > Even with two therapists here helping me and all kinds of 12 step > programs, I am living on the edge and feeling very unsafe most of the > time. The nightmares are back almost every night and I am very > quiet and working extra hours so I don’t have to deal with my thoughts. > My coach suggested that I write to a PTSD forum and begin to put down > in writing my worries. > It’s possible that 9/11 is triggering a lot of this, After living in NYC > for 32 years where my trauma experiences occured originally, I miss > my home very much and mourn what has happened to friends back > in NY. > Maybe in time I’ll feel safe here. I really don’t want to go back > on massive meds and live in so much fear again. > Thank you for listening. > Anne in Nebraska
Hi Anne. I’d like to comment about selecting environments. You might say that you are making use of the "geographical cure". Moving to a new locale forces us to focus on a lot of new things. The problem, we come with us. We don’t leave the baggage behind. Not really. Once we get comfortable again in our new home, the baggage comes out. Anniversaries of trauma are very real triggers. Without realizing it, things like day length and temperature and smells are acting to revive memories. We know what time of year it is, even without a calendar. This is a critical time, being an anniversary. Your living arrangements are not totally in your control. I know that financial arrangements are generally much easier in shared accommodation, let alone just having company readily available. However, it’s a trade off. These people seem unwilling to deal with your special needs. For me, one of the key things I do for me is to choose my environment. By choosing my environment, I also control the likelihood of being exposed to triggers. One triggering event can influence me for a very long time. But I can trivialize or minimize that thought if I haven’t had one for a while. I have to remember to be selfish. Maybe your current living arrangements are proving to be less than ideal. Or maybe you can cope if you adopt self-supportive measures. If the TV has bad sounds on it, headphones and tunes might be a good idea. Or going to the library. Or whatever. Maybe it’s time to find a safer home. One in which you can control things better. Take care, Lar
Response:
Hi Lar, Thank you for your thoughts, insights, and suggestions. >You might say that you are making use of the "geographical cure". Moving to >a new locale forces us to focus on a lot of new things. The problem, we come >with us. We don’t leave the baggage behind. Not really. Once we get >comfortable again in our new home, the baggage comes out. >Anniversaries of trauma are very real triggers. Without realizing it, things >like day length and temperature and smells are acting to revive memories. We >know what time of year it is, even without a calendar. This is a critical >time, being an anniversary.
I never really thought of how easily triggers can occur and how easy it is to forget about what such a triggered experience / episode can do or how long it takes to get back to feeling OK again. Part of my problem is that the triggers are so frequent that I don’t have enough time to suficiently recover in time for the next one. >Your living arrangements are not totally in your control. I know that >financial arrangements are generally much easier in shared accommodation, >let alone just having company readily available. However, it’s a trade off. >These people seem unwilling to deal with your special needs. >For me, one of the key things I do for me is to choose my environment. By >choosing my environment, I also control the likelihood of being exposed to >triggers. One triggering event can influence me for a very long time. But I >can trivialize or minimize that thought if I haven’t had one for a while. I >have to remember to be selfish.
Remembering to be selfish or to practice "extreme self care" is a great reminder. Thank you. I do need to think seriously about making some changes in my living situation if I want to begin to have some peace back in my life. >Maybe your current living arrangements are proving to be less than ideal. Or >maybe you can cope if you adopt self-supportive measures. If the TV has bad >sounds on it, headphones and tunes might be a good idea. Or going to the >library. Or whatever. Maybe it’s time to find a safer home. One in which you >can control things better.
Lots to think about and to ponder… It’s unusual for me to feel understood. I cannot express in words what a relief this is. I thank you for that. And for the "light" in your words and in Nancy’s words when making observations and suggestions about things which are a source of darkness to me. Take care, Lar — Anne
Response:
>IME ‘forgetting’ after being asked more than once ends up looking a lot like >’sabotage’.
Boy, I wonder how many of us go through that! I honestly think the non-affected need to be in therapy to have that kind of thing drummed into their heads before even trying to help the sufferer. Someone should write a manual!
Response:
Greetings, Maybe someone has some ideas about feeling safe in a new place. I’ve been treated in and out of hospitals for many years for PTSD and reached a point 3 years ago where the episodes were happening maybe 2-3 times a year. That was great and life was pretty normal. One year ago the symptoms came back. I moved to the Midwest two months prior to 9/11 from the Upper Westside of Manhattan. For work I travel back to NYC every 6 weeks for a few days. In NYC I feel fine, but not in my new home on the prairie. Possible trigger… When I’ve asked the people I live with to help me by locking the doors at night and not playing loud videos with sirens and gun shots I am met with smiles and "Oh sure" but they forget a lot of the time. I have not shared what happened to me 30 years ago with any family member except my husband. Even with two therapists here helping me and all kinds of 12 step programs, I am living on the edge and feeling very unsafe most of the time. The nightmares are back almost every night and I am very quiet and working extra hours so I don’t have to deal with my thoughts. My coach suggested that I write to a PTSD forum and begin to put down in writing my worries. It’s possible that 9/11 is triggering a lot of this, After living in NYC for 32 years where my trauma experiences occured originally, I miss my home very much and mourn what has happened to friends back in NY. Maybe in time I’ll feel safe here. I really don’t want to go back on massive meds and live in so much fear again. Thank you for listening. Anne in Nebraska
Response:
Hi Anne! > Maybe someone has some ideas about feeling safe in a new place. > When I’ve asked the people I live with to help me by locking the doors at > night and not playing loud videos with sirens and gun shots I am met with > smiles and "Oh sure" but they forget a lot of the time.
If you cannot lock the door where you sleep and cannot abide ear muffs for your own music, rather than hearing the ‘others’, then I do not know how you can possibly feel safe in this place. When I was living with an abuser and just finding out (becoming aware), I moved my sleeping space into one where I could lock the door and turn up the sound so I would not hear anything horrible. It was the only way I could feel safe enough to make the next step, which ended up removing the problem from my house. IME ‘forgetting’ after being asked more than once ends up looking a lot like ’sabortage’. Well, enough of my experience. Welcome, I’m sorry that you seem to qualify for this ng. Smile and there will be something to smile about! Nancy
Response:
Thank you, Nancy. I appreciate the wisdom and clarity in your words… I also appreciate feeling that you understand my "sub titles". After reading many of the posts in this newsgroup and saying "Aha" and nodding as I’m reading about symptoms I’ve lived with for so many years and only shared with therapists and very carefully with sponsors, I am sensing that I’m not alone with this for the first time. That’s amazing. Thank you for being there. Not sure yet about the mechanics of how to deal with my situation but the lock and muffling unwanted noise is part of the solution, for now. Take care, Anne
If you like this post and would like to receive updates from this blog, please subscribe our feed.