Question:
Hi all. Just an update if anyone is interested. Last week when I saw the expert one, he changed my med. Remember how much the first med helped me? Well… he put me on r*spr*l and I’ve had a horrible week. Not sleeping, getting anxious and tired and spacey and just worse each day. Called him on Monday to ask about this, and if the drug would accumulate. He told me it would for a week, and I tried to hang in there. Made it six days and couldn’t function today. Couldn’t go to the gym. Couldn’t stay awake. Terrible nausea. Lots more stuff. The SO told me to call him and I was afraid to do that. Afraid he would be angry or tell me I had no choice. He had said this was a safer drug, for which I am grateful. But it made everything lots worse. When I called he was not there, but a lovely message left on his machine helped. I left my short tale of woe and he called back shortly. And didn’t even ask for details. Just offered to call in presc. for the old drug. Thank goodness. i couldn’t have defended the selfs. Just knowing I don’t have to take the stuff any more has made me feel some better. And now I can go back to my dangerouser but less awful drug. Anyone have troubles with chl*rpr*m*z*n*? I’m on a very low dose. Half of a .25 twice a day. It makes me feel calm and happier. And I sleep. which is why my t put me on it. I was getting less afraid, too.I know there can be troubles with it, but has anyone had them? Feeling better that I will feel better soon. jane
Response:
sorry all the med problems on top of everything else, but very glad you got it straightened out. we think meds are a very individualized thing…suggest you read up on chlorpr*mazine, to get the most info you can, and just take it slow. fwiw, we know people who’ve been on both these drugs who’ve liked them. *shrug* they had to give them a little while to work…and to get over the initial side effects, like with some drugs. Ravensong – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Hi all. Just an update if anyone is interested. Last week when I saw the expert one, he changed my med. Remember how much the first med helped me? Well… he put me on r*spr*l and I’ve had a horrible week. Not sleeping, getting anxious and tired and spacey and just worse each day. Called him on Monday to ask about this, and if the drug would accumulate. He told me it would for a week, and I tried to hang in there. Made it six days and couldn’t function today. Couldn’t go to the gym. Couldn’t stay awake. Terrible nausea. Lots more stuff. The SO told me to call him and I was afraid to do that. Afraid he would be angry or tell me I had no choice. He had said this was a safer drug, for which I am grateful. But it made everything lots worse. When I called he was not there, but a lovely message left on his machine helped. I left my short tale of woe and he called back shortly. And didn’t even ask for details. Just offered to call in presc. for the old drug. Thank goodness. i couldn’t have defended the selfs. Just knowing I don’t have to take the stuff any more has made me feel some better. And now I can go back to my dangerouser but less awful drug. Anyone have troubles with chl*rpr*m*z*n*? I’m on a very low dose. Half of a .25 twice a day. It makes me feel calm and happier. And I sleep. which is why my t put me on it. I was getting less afraid, too.I know there can be troubles with it, but has anyone had them? Feeling better that I will feel better soon. jane
"If you feel bad, blow bubble stuff or watch the snails after it rains. That always makes me feel better." – Katy, of Ravensong
Response:
Hi, Ravensong. Thanks for your reply. I have read what I can find on CPZ, but don’t know exactly whether most find problems with it eventually, or if maybe I can be watchful and stop it if necessary or what. I do like to know things ahead of time. who me? Yeah me. Gotta get it all under control. The CPZ was good from the start. I have had lots of stuff given me, mostly years ago, and had terrible times with them all. The risp*rdal was to take the place of the CPZ, a safer alternative. But it was not good from the start, and got worse over the week. I managed for years without any drugs at all. Could go back to that. BUt the sleep I get with CPZ is so different from my regular way of sleeping, which isn’t really sleeping but wakesleeping, that I am hesitant to give it up. The fog has started to lift today, and while I am thrown back into that state of constant panic, which is about at chin level, at least I can think. My own warped thinking to be sure, but familiar. Which is better? to be zonked out on some drug or to be what you are? If zonking is so scary and horrible, then which do you choose? I may think differently from the Ordinary, but I can handle it. been practising for years, right? Feeling better already, jane – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – sorry all the med problems on top of everything else, but very glad you got it straightened out. we think meds are a very individualized thing…suggest you read up on chlorpr*mazine, to get the most info you can, and just take it slow. fwiw, we know people who’ve been on both these drugs who’ve liked them. *shrug* they had to give them a little while to work…and to get over the initial side effects, like with some drugs. Ravensong Hi all. Just an update if anyone is interested. Last week when I saw the expert one, he changed my med. Remember how much the first med helped me? Well… he put me on r*spr*l and I’ve had a horrible week. Not sleeping, getting anxious and tired and spacey and just worse each day. Called him on Monday to ask about this, and if the drug would accumulate. He told me it would for a week, and I tried to hang in there. Made it six days and couldn’t function today. Couldn’t go to the gym. Couldn’t stay awake. Terrible nausea. Lots more stuff. The SO told me to call him and I was afraid to do that. Afraid he would be angry or tell me I had no choice. He had said this was a safer drug, for which I am grateful. But it made everything lots worse. When I called he was not there, but a lovely message left on his machine helped. I left my short tale of woe and he called back shortly. And didn’t even ask for details. Just offered to call in presc. for the old drug. Thank goodness. i couldn’t have defended the selfs. Just knowing I don’t have to take the stuff any more has made me feel some better. And now I can go back to my dangerouser but less awful drug. Anyone have troubles with chl*rpr*m*z*n*? I’m on a very low dose. Half of a .25 twice a day. It makes me feel calm and happier. And I sleep. which is why my t put me on it. I was getting less afraid, too.I know there can be troubles with it, but has anyone had them? Feeling better that I will feel better soon. jane "If you feel bad, blow bubble stuff or watch the snails after it rains. That always makes me feel better." – Katy, of Ravensong
Response:
Of course you are going to hear horror stories about any drug if you go looking for them. As a t’pist I had a client on your drug of choice *grin* and she did wonderfully. It was like a miracle drug for her. I also knew of another client who was hosp with very very severe side effects from it. I’d say it’s like anything else. You weigh the risks and decide if the benefits are worth it and then watch carefully to see how your body is reacting to it. You are on a very low dose so the risks are less, but it is easy enough to keep an eye open for side effects and deal with them then. Rainbow Colors (Jill) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi all. Just an update if anyone is interested. Last week when I saw the expert one, he changed my med. Remember how much the first med helped me? Well… he put me on r*spr*l and I’ve had a horrible week. Not sleeping, getting anxious and tired and spacey and just worse each day. Called him on Monday to ask about this, and if the drug would accumulate. He told me it would for a week, and I tried to hang in there. Made it six days and couldn’t function today. Couldn’t go to the gym. Couldn’t stay awake. Terrible nausea. Lots more stuff. The SO told me to call him and I was afraid to do that. Afraid he would be angry or tell me I had no choice. He had said this was a safer drug, for which I am grateful. But it made everything lots worse. When I called he was not there, but a lovely message left on his machine helped. I left my short tale of woe and he called back shortly. And didn’t even ask for details. Just offered to call in presc. for the old drug. Thank goodness. i couldn’t have defended the selfs. Just knowing I don’t have to take the stuff any more has made me feel some better. And now I can go back to my dangerouser but less awful drug. Anyone have troubles with chl*rpr*m*z*n*? I’m on a very low dose. Half of a .25 twice a day. It makes me feel calm and happier. And I sleep. which is why my t put me on it. I was getting less afraid, too.I know there can be troubles with it, but has anyone had them? Feeling better that I will feel better soon. jane
– The colors blend, the edges soften. Swirling and mixing we are becoming white light.
Response:
Hey, jane and everyone, isn’t rsprdl an anti-psychotic? I think it is. I don’t know what the other drug is that you’ve been taking, jane, I mean I don’t know to what class of medication it belongs. But, having read two posts from you in this thread, I’m compelled to respond with my opinion on the application of anti-psychotics to us dissoids. I think that it is ill-advised and stupidly ignorant of the origins and function of what sometimes disables us but at other times serves us. Imo, perhaps, even, the most dangerous thing about applying anti-psychotics to us, is something that is practiced by mh pros for their own convenience — to quiet us, keep us out of the way Here’s the thing, for me anyway: If it is the case, as has been explained to me by many mh pros and in many essays, articles, and books on the subject, that during sustained periods of intense injury during early childhood development, we developed dissociative barriers in our minds in order to compartmentalize various forms of knowledge for the purpose of protecting at least one (if not more) aspect(s) of our consciousness from "knowing" and remembering what was/had happening/happened so that we could function — get through a school day, socialize and make friends, continue to trust our parents as the primary care providers and mediators between us and the rest of the world that they were (no matter how h*rrble they may have been), develop and maintain any semblance of the self-confidence necessary to accomplish any particular goal that we may have set for ourselves; and if it is the case that later in life those barriers began to interfere with our self-confidence and life skills; and if it is also the case that at some point in our lives we began to hear and see through those barriers, albeit in a disorganized, confusing, and often terrifying fashion such as via nightmares, flashbacks, dissociative fugues, time loss, hearing "the other voices" in our heads, etc. then, (in my extremely lay opinion, but even more extremely personalized experiences of all listed above and more) by hearing those voices and accessing memories, sensations, and perceptions that we had previously, successfully blocked ourselves (with "ourselves" meaning the main, functioning, central ego identity or persona that we presented to ourselves, as well as others, and used to perform our work and fulfill our responsibilities and goals), we are in the process of taking apart those barriers, even if brick by brick or crumb by crumb. And we seem to need to do that, at some point. It appears to me, mostly from reading at asd, and also from thrpy and group thrpy work during my single beneficial hsptlzation, that at some point we all start to lose the ability to maintain the thin veneer of that one aspect of ourselves — the so-called "host" or "core identity" or "central ego persona." The nightmares come more and more frequently. The flashbacks begin and as they continue they intensify. And we hear, through the barriers, what we comprehend as voices of others within us who tell us their opinions about current circumstances and also provide verbal narratives to us of memories that were otherwise lost to us. And I think that all of that, as excruciatingly painful as it can be (and usually is), is necessary. I think that by (dare I use this term, uh…. well…. yeah) "deconstructing" the dissociative barriers in our minds that we don’t _only_ face some of or all of our t*rr*rs, but we open ourselves up to be able to use more of our minds, to "metasociate" (if I can get away with quoting myself) and have the methodology of perception and behavior of different parts of ourselves, or alters, or other personalities (whatever) associate with one another across or through the barriers, or even via the total dissolution of those barriers. And, difficult as that task or evolution may be for us, because to do it means remembering the really rough stuff and derationalizing it from the concept of ourselves as bad and deserving of the *bse inflicted upon us, or worse, thinking that we provoked the harm done to us (and hence continue to deserve to be treated badly by others) — that it is/was all "our" fault, we must go through it in order to be able to think clearly and not be troubled and hindered by parts of our mind that are otherwise perceived as some sorts of poltergeists. However, I’ve encountered many an mh pro who prefers to quiet the voices and memories, and to stop the nightmares by _drugging_ us, although they call it "medicating" us. I do not think we need medication, and I sure as sugar don’t want to be drugged. I think that we need wise and kind and gentle guides to help us through the process of establishing sound foundations of internal communication and the consequent full, ongoing, self-consiousness with the ability to choose and control (more than we were able to do so with the barriers up and in tact) our emtional responses and behaviors to/in various situations. I also think that from any mh pro’s perspective we are quite an handful to deal with. I know from my own experience in thrpy that various questions that I later recognized as reasonable and practical questions of me and about me, triggered me at the time that they were asked. I know that I responded to those triggers with behaviors and verbalizations that aggravated and sometimes frightened the various mh pros from whom I’ve sought help. And, ime, when that phenonmenon occurred the particular mh pro would attempt to get me on a drug or a cocktail of drugs. To this day I am sorry that I was eventually worn down and persuaded to take anti-depressants and anxiolytics, not to mention an anti-convulsant. I am now drug free, except for the new "meds" that I take for the pain and degeneration of my body as it is attacked by its own immune system. I work with a t who agrees with my theory that dissociation is one way to think, although it tends to become cumbersome when one is to function as an adult in a complex and sophisticated social structure that is larger than the _foo _ structure in which we learned to dissociate, yet is based on the _foo_structure as the normative model of social interaction (and hence is a perverse culture of a sense of possession of human beings by other human beings and a practice of asserting power over human beings by other human beings). Those of us who do not comply with the norm are pressured in various ways to do so. And, should our manner of non-compliance be something that the mh system gains the opportunity to judge and label, then one of the ways that some might attempt to force us to comply would be to put us on stupifying drugs. I do believe that there are serious, organic brain disorders that require medications in order for the people who suffer from those disorders of diseases to be able to function at least minimally in this complex globalized socialization that now surpasses, imo, what has long been referred to as the "post modern" period. I do not, however, think that dissociation falls in that category. I think that the best evidence of my thesis is that dissociation is a result of trauma. It is more of an injury than a disease or illness. So, yeah, this has been a long, circuitous fashion for me to agree with you that r*sprdal is yuck. I encourage you to do the best that you can without drugs. If you need them to calm and/or steady yourself during this intense period of grieving, then I would think that taking a good anxiolytic and even a sleeping aid could be helpful. Okay, I’m falling asleep. I had wanted to write a post about some bull hockey that I’m dealing with on a personal level, but I’m falling over my keyboard, literally. so, till tomorrow, or later today (I should say), malf, and love, and other cares and affections, trill
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi, Ravensong. Thanks for your reply. I have read what I can find on CPZ, but don’t know exactly whether most find problems with it eventually, or if maybe I can be watchful and stop it if necessary or what. I do like to know things ahead of time. who me? Yeah me. Gotta get it all under control. The CPZ was good from the start. I have had lots of stuff given me, mostly years ago, and had terrible times with them all. The risp*rdal was to take the place of the CPZ, a safer alternative. But it was not good from the start, and got worse over the week. I managed for years without any drugs at all. Could go back to that. BUt the sleep I get with CPZ is so different from my regular way of sleeping, which isn’t really sleeping but wakesleeping, that I am hesitant to give it up. The fog has started to lift today, and while I am thrown back into that state of constant panic, which is about at chin level, at least I can think. My own warped thinking to be sure, but familiar. Which is better? to be zonked out on some drug or to be what you are? If zonking is so scary and horrible, then which do you choose? I may think differently from the Ordinary, but I can handle it. been practising for years, right? Feeling better already, jane
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – sorry all the med problems on top of everything else, but very glad you got it straightened out. we think meds are a very individualized thing…suggest you read up on chlorpr*mazine, to get the most info you can, and just take it slow. fwiw, we know people who’ve been on both these drugs who’ve liked them. *shrug* they had to give them a little while to work…and to get over the initial side effects, like with some drugs. Ravensong Hi
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Response:
Hey, jane and everyone, isn’t rsprdl an anti-psychotic?
hi trill, we want to respond to this, not ’cause we’re taking r*speridol, but because we recently made the decision to take z*prexa, which is also classed as an anti-ps*chotic, and we just want to explain why we did, for a different pov. we totally agree with the notion about ant-ps*chotics not being appropriate for people with did…that the voices we hear are not anything to be quieted…they have the right to be heard, and that did is in a completely different ballpark from anything like sch*zophrenia. our pdoc approached us with z*prexa, which is one of the newer, atypical drugs, because our depression has proven to be treatment resistant and this drug is going to be marketed as an adjunct to eff*xor (which we already take) for severe depression. it’s currently given for sch*zophrenia and acute bipolar mania, the latter of which, many of the symptoms i appear to have…although not enough to dx me with it. anyway, my pdoc’s thought was that it -might- help even out my moods some where nothing else was working, and get me back to the place where i was at least functioning again. fwiw, we were considering treatment of the depression only, not the dissociation. several months ago, i resisted being put on this or another drug he suggested because of the stigma and because of possible side effects. during the ensuing months, i just went downhill. things got progressively and seriously worse…and on top of everything, my support system crashed, so i had no one to talk to about anything. when i went in to see my pdoc about 3 weeks or so ago, it was even evident to my pdoc that i was declining. and i told him that he had to do something, or i was not going to make it. i consider the z*prexa, in my case, a last ditch effort, short of hospitalization. and i truly don’t believe hospitalization would have helped me. we aren’t taking it to "turn off" the voices. and it doesn’t. we’re taking it to even out my mood. and it -does-!!! it actually, in combination with my eff*xor, allows me to sleep, to feel energetic when i wake up, and to get things done during the day. i’ve never felt like this before. the pdoc and i have had long talks about did (yes, he believes we are) and the effects of this medicine. he really expects little in the way of side effects, but is putting us on a "trial" dose before we start taking it for good. he thinks it’s very importnat that we work through the issues that are underlying the bulk of our depression so that we will eventually be free from it. i hate meds. but i know what i’m like when i don’t take them. i have seizures and i can’t function because of the depression. it’s not the dissociation we’re treating with the drug…it’s the depression and all the crap that goes along with it. diane, of Ravensong "If you feel bad, blow bubble stuff or watch the snails after it rains. That always makes me feel better." – Katy, of Ravensong
Response:
Hi, trill. Thanks for all of this. I agree with you. And yes, rsprdl is an antipsychotic. Yuck. So is the CPZ. My t started me on it in April sometime. A very tiny dose. He’d been reading something in a new book, and suggested we try it. I told him I wasn’t psychotic, and he replied that I do have psychotic symptoms, which is true. although only in response to unimaginable things. REal things. Not psychosis. I know that and he knew it too. BUt the symptoms were problematic. I’ve been drugless all along. years ago when nobody knew what to do with me, or what was wrong with me, drugs were tried. I had awful reactions to them, terrified me. and I refused them ever since. Until April. Chl*pr*m*z*ne is an old drug, and the t said he’d like to give a teeny dose a try to see if I could get some "real sleep". He gave me a half of the smallest they make. And after looking at the bottle for a couple of days, I tried it. He was not ignorant of what I am nor how I function. He was, however, aware that I didn’t sleep properly, was always on guard all night, even. And that my ability to guard against any closeness with him was all tied up in my PTSD surges of adrenal*ne and ability to keep the muscles tensed up in fear and defense. He made it clear, as I knew anyway, that if for any reason I didn’t want to take this stuff, even if I never did try it, it would be okay. he was not pushing. Only wishing for some relief for me. He was concerned that it not zonk out my insiders, and it didn’t. Calmed things down some, and I do sleep. after a few weeks on it, he told me he thought i was finally losing my fear of him. and I think he was right. our tpy had been stalled for a very long time, and the last two sessions we ever had, ever will have, things were getting started up again. I’m glad of that. the cpz was/is doing only good for me. it might be a horrid one for someone else. it was, after how many years, five, maybe?, allowing me to relax in his presence and talk more normally to him. and the world seemed more real. and I can sleep. all the way asleep. Amazing. The rsperdl was horrid. For me, anyway. while the cpz made me feel happy and real, this stuff did the opposite. I wasn’t sleeping and I was getting lost in unreality. fortunately the specialist guy didn’t give me any grief about continuing to use it. I’d have fought him on it. I was to the crying stage. Just crying and crying because it was making everything so awful. not nice. and the insiders seemed to be submerged, which is not good. I am not a person in favour of drugs for me. but darned if this one, the cpz isn’t helping. I’m hoping that if I do ever find another t, it will help me to communicate with him more normally too. maybe he won’t send us away if we can do this. jane who appreciates trill’s support on this – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hey, jane and everyone, isn’t rsprdl an anti-psychotic? I think it is. I don’t know what the other drug is that you’ve been taking, jane, I mean I don’t know to what class of medication it belongs. But, having read two posts from you in this thread, I’m compelled to respond with my opinion on the application of anti-psychotics to us dissoids. I think that it is ill-advised and stupidly ignorant of the origins and function of what sometimes disables us but at other times serves us. Imo, perhaps, even, the most dangerous thing about applying anti-psychotics to us, is something that is practiced by mh pros for their own convenience — to quiet us, keep us out of the way Here’s the thing, for me anyway: If it is the case, as has been explained to me by many mh pros and in many essays, articles, and books on the subject, that during sustained periods of intense injury during early childhood development, we developed dissociative barriers in our minds in order to compartmentalize various forms of knowledge for the purpose of protecting at least one (if not more) aspect(s) of our consciousness from "knowing" and remembering what was/had happening/happened so that we could function — get through a school day, socialize and make friends, continue to trust our parents as the primary care providers and mediators between us and the rest of the world that they were (no matter how h*rrble they may have been), develop and maintain any semblance of the self-confidence necessary to accomplish any particular goal that we may have set for ourselves; and if it is the case that later in life those barriers began to interfere with our self-confidence and life skills; and if it is also the case that at some point in our lives we began to hear and see through those barriers, albeit in a disorganized, confusing, and often terrifying fashion such as via nightmares, flashbacks, dissociative fugues, time loss, hearing "the other voices" in our heads, etc. then, (in my extremely lay opinion, but even more extremely personalized experiences of all listed above and more) by hearing those voices and accessing memories, sensations, and perceptions that we had previously, successfully blocked ourselves (with "ourselves" meaning the main, functioning, central ego identity or persona that we presented to ourselves, as well as others, and used to perform our work and fulfill our responsibilities and goals), we are in the process of taking apart those barriers, even if brick by brick or crumb by crumb. And we seem to need to do that, at some point. It appears to me, mostly from reading at asd, and also from thrpy and group thrpy work during my single beneficial hsptlzation, that at some point we all start to lose the ability to maintain the thin veneer of that one aspect of ourselves — the so-called "host" or "core identity" or "central ego persona." The nightmares come more and more frequently. The flashbacks begin and as they continue they intensify. And we hear, through the barriers, what we comprehend as voices of others within us who tell us their opinions about current circumstances and also provide verbal narratives to us of memories that were otherwise lost to us. And I think that all of that, as excruciatingly painful as it can be (and usually is), is necessary. I think that by (dare I use this term, uh…. well…. yeah) "deconstructing" the dissociative barriers in our minds that we don’t _only_ face some of or all of our t*rr*rs, but we open ourselves up to be able to use more of our minds, to "metasociate" (if I can get away with quoting myself) and have the methodology of perception and behavior of different parts of ourselves, or alters, or other personalities (whatever) associate with one another across or through the barriers, or even via the total dissolution of those barriers. And, difficult as that task or evolution may be for us, because to do it means remembering the really rough stuff and derationalizing it from the concept of ourselves as bad and deserving of the *bse inflicted upon us, or worse, thinking that we provoked the harm done to us (and hence continue to deserve to be treated badly by others) — that it is/was all "our" fault, we must go through it in order to be able to think clearly and not be troubled and hindered by parts of our mind that are otherwise perceived as some sorts of poltergeists. However, I’ve encountered many an mh pro who prefers to quiet the voices and memories, and to stop the nightmares by _drugging_ us, although they call it "medicating" us. I do not think we need medication, and I sure as sugar don’t want to be drugged. I think that we need wise and kind and gentle guides to help us through the process of establishing sound foundations of internal communication and the consequent full, ongoing, self-consiousness with the ability to choose and control (more than we were able to do so with the barriers up and in tact) our emtional responses and behaviors to/in various situations. I also think that from any mh pro’s perspective we are quite an handful to deal with. I know from my own experience in thrpy that various questions that I later recognized as reasonable and practical questions of me and about me, triggered me at the time that they were asked. I know that I responded to those triggers with behaviors and verbalizations that aggravated and sometimes frightened the various mh pros from whom I’ve sought help. And, ime, when that phenonmenon occurred the particular mh pro would attempt to get me on a drug or a cocktail of drugs. To this day I am sorry that I was eventually worn down and persuaded to take anti-depressants and anxiolytics, not to mention an anti-convulsant. I am now drug free, except for the new "meds" that I take for the pain and degeneration of my body as it is attacked by its own immune system. I work with a t who agrees with my theory that dissociation is one way to think, although it tends to become cumbersome when one is to function as an adult in a complex and sophisticated social structure that is larger than the _foo _ structure in which we learned to dissociate, yet is based on the _foo_structure as the normative model of social interaction (and hence is a perverse culture of a sense of possession of human beings by other human beings and a practice of asserting power over human beings by other human beings). Those of us who do not comply with the norm are pressured in various ways to do so. And, should our manner of non-compliance be something that the mh system gains the opportunity to judge and label, then one of the ways that some might attempt to force us to comply would be to put us on stupifying drugs. I do believe that there are serious, organic brain disorders that require medications in order for the people who suffer from those disorders of
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Response:
Hi jill. not looking for horror stories. Just a little worried about the tardive thingy that can happen with cpz. This drug has only made things better for me. my t’s choice, and you can read more about that in my reply to trill. It is like a miracle for me, too. and drugs don’t always get used for what they were invented to do. I don’t exactly know what to keep an eye out for regarding this tardive dys… stuff. too lazy to get the book out. sorry. Very tired. Would there be warning symptoms? so far there has been only good sleep, for the first time in my life, and muscles relaxed so I am not so defended all the time, which was allowing me to speak with my t more normally for the first time. It mades me feel happier, although right now nothing is very happy. Yeah. i am on the dose for a baby, cause my t understood that I react hugely to anything. Respected that and gave me half of the smallest he could find. Even that makes me sleepy sometimes, but not so sleepy that I can’t function okay past it. But if I got a chance for a nap, I’d be out in seconds! This cpz makes me feel real, too, which is something I don’t understand, but will accept. for me, this is a very good thing, this drug. I’m not advocating it for the world, but glad my t read about and tried it. Know what? I wrote my regrets in my journal last week. the journal I have been keeping since he di*d. I have two. First that we didn’t get to finish our work together. I know it meant a lot to him. And second, that I didn’t ever look at him yet. that one is bothering me mightily. and i wonder if, with this drug, i might have soon been able to. makes me sad. jane – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Of course you are going to hear horror stories about any drug if you go looking for them. As a t’pist I had a client on your drug of choice *grin* and she did wonderfully. It was like a miracle drug for her. I also knew of another client who was hosp with very very severe side effects from it. I’d say it’s like anything else. You weigh the risks and decide if the benefits are worth it and then watch carefully to see how your body is reacting to it. You are on a very low dose so the risks are less, but it is easy enough to keep an eye open for side effects and deal with them then. Rainbow Colors (Jill) Hi all. Just an update if anyone is interested. Last week when I saw the expert one, he changed my med. Remember how much the first med helped me? Well… he put me on r*spr*l and I’ve had a horrible week. Not sleeping, getting anxious and tired and spacey and just worse each day. Called him on Monday to ask about this, and if the drug would accumulate. He told me it would for a week, and I tried to hang in there. Made it six days and couldn’t function today. Couldn’t go to the gym. Couldn’t stay awake. Terrible nausea. Lots more stuff. The SO told me to call him and I was afraid to do that. Afraid he would be angry or tell me I had no choice. He had said this was a safer drug, for which I am grateful. But it made everything lots worse. When I called he was not there, but a lovely message left on his machine helped. I left my short tale of woe and he called back shortly. And didn’t even ask for details. Just offered to call in presc. for the old drug. Thank goodness. i couldn’t have defended the selfs. Just knowing I don’t have to take the stuff any more has made me feel some better. And now I can go back to my dangerouser but less awful drug. Anyone have troubles with chl*rpr*m*z*n*? I’m on a very low dose. Half of a .25 twice a day. It makes me feel calm and happier. And I sleep. which is why my t put me on it. I was getting less afraid, too.I know there can be troubles with it, but has anyone had them? Feeling better that I will feel better soon. jane
Response:
okay. i respect your ability to understand your own mind and emotions and research the info about the meds and make a deliberate and informed decision. and i respect taht in everybody. jane, too. sorry, i should ahve maybe siad what i said more in the mode of "i" staements, you know? i guess i was just talking about me and my relatioship to the drugs. anyway eeryone i ever saw onzyprexa just slept and drooled a lot. but for one person, the borg woman, who took it routinely and told me that it mad ehre feel calm and lik e she was floating on soft waves in teh ocean, soe i guess it must do something goodg for some people. and also i absolutleyty do not mean to compare you to the borg woman, okay. i’m just asaying that she told me she felt good from taking the drug.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hey, jane and everyone, isn’t rsprdl an anti-psychotic? hi trill, we want to respond to this, not ’cause we’re taking r*speridol, but because we recently made the decision to take z*prexa, which is also classed as an anti-ps*chotic, and we just want to explain why we did, for a different pov. we totally agree with the notion about ant-ps*chotics not being appropriate for people with did…that the voices we hear are not anything to be quieted…they have the right to be heard, and that did is in a completely different ballpark from anything like sch*zophrenia. our pdoc approached us with z*prexa, which is one of the newer, atypical drugs, because our depression has proven to be treatment resistant and this drug is going to be marketed as an adjunct to eff*xor (which we already take) for severe depression. it’s currently given for sch*zophrenia and acute bipolar mania, the latter of which, many of the symptoms i appear to have…although not enough to dx me with it. anyway, my pdoc’s thought was that it -might- help even out my moods some where nothing else was working, and get me back to the place where i was at least functioning again. fwiw, we were considering treatment of the depression only, not the dissociation. several months ago, i resisted being put on this or another drug he suggested because of the stigma and because of possible side effects. during the ensuing months, i just went downhill. things got progressively and seriously worse…and on top of everything, my support system crashed, so i had no one to talk to about anything. when i went in to see my pdoc about 3 weeks or so ago, it was even evident to my pdoc that i was declining. and i told him that he had to do something, or i was not going to make it. i consider the z*prexa, in my case, a last ditch effort, short of hospitalization. and i truly don’t believe hospitalization would have helped me. we aren’t taking it to "turn off" the voices. and it doesn’t. we’re taking it to even out my mood. and it -does-!!! it actually, in combination with my eff*xor, allows me to sleep, to feel energetic when i wake up, and to get things done during the day. i’ve never felt like this before. the pdoc and i have had long talks about did (yes, he believes we are) and the effects of this medicine. he really expects little in the way of side effects, but is putting us on a "trial" dose before we start taking it for good. he thinks it’s very importnat that we work through the issues that are underlying the bulk of our depression so that we will eventually be free from it. i hate meds. but i know what i’m like when i don’t take them. i have seizures and i can’t function because of the depression. it’s not the dissociation we’re treating with the drug…it’s the depression and all the crap that goes along with it. diane, of Ravensong "If you feel bad, blow bubble stuff or watch the snails after it rains. That always makes me feel better." – Katy, of Ravensong
Response:
Sounds like you have a very good handle on why you take the meds and what to expect from them 
*big grin* after so many years of being treated like we’re stupid by our doctors, and nearly being k*lled because they would overd*se us ’cause they didn’t know how to prescribe the p*lls they were giving us, we have to be this way. we have a nursing degree, which helps, but we also believe that everybody needs to advocate for hirself(ves) when it comes to medicine. and mostly, the info is out there. so…long-winded response to say…yes. thanks for noticing. Ravensong "If you feel bad, blow bubble stuff or watch the snails after it rains. That always makes me feel better." – Katy, of Ravensong
Response:
okay. i respect your ability to understand your own mind and emotions and research the info about the meds and make a deliberate and informed decision. and i respect taht in everybody. jane, too.
thanks. sorry, i should ahve maybe siad what i said more in the mode of "i" staements, you know? i guess i was just talking about me and my relatioship to the drugs.
yeah. i know. anyway eeryone i ever saw onzyprexa just slept and drooled a lot.
hm…well, it does make you sleep really well. that’s why i’m taking it instead of one of the other newer ones. i’m not drooling, though. ;-) and that’s a really rare side effect…i wonder if it really was the z*prexa, or if they might have been on something else causing that? but for one person, the borg woman, who took it routinely and told me that it mad ehre feel calm and lik e she was floating on soft waves in teh ocean, soe i guess it must do something goodg for some people. and also i absolutleyty do not mean to compare you to the borg woman, okay. i’m just asaying that she told me she felt good from taking the drug.
yeah, i understand. my pdoc said that it sometimes changes people’s lives so incredibly much that they go from complete nonfunctioning to being able to function in society again. diane, of Ravensong – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hey, jane and everyone, isn’t rsprdl an anti-psychotic? hi trill, we want to respond to this, not ’cause we’re taking r*speridol, but because we recently made the decision to take z*prexa, which is also classed as an anti-ps*chotic, and we just want to explain why we did, for a different pov. we totally agree with the notion about ant-ps*chotics not being appropriate for people with did…that the voices we hear are not anything to be quieted…they have the right to be heard, and that did is in a completely different ballpark from anything like sch*zophrenia. our pdoc approached us with z*prexa, which is one of the newer, atypical drugs, because our depression has proven to be treatment resistant and this drug is going to be marketed as an adjunct to eff*xor (which we already take) for severe depression. it’s currently given for sch*zophrenia and acute bipolar mania, the latter of which, many of the symptoms i appear to have…although not enough to dx me with it. anyway, my pdoc’s thought was that it -might- help even out my moods some where nothing else was working, and get me back to the place where i was at least functioning again. fwiw, we were considering treatment of the depression only, not the dissociation. several months ago, i resisted being put on this or another drug he suggested because of the stigma and because of possible side effects. during the ensuing months, i just went downhill. things got progressively and seriously worse…and on top of everything, my support system crashed, so i had no one to talk to about anything. when i went in to see my pdoc about 3 weeks or so ago, it was even evident to my pdoc that i was declining. and i told him that he had to do something, or i was not going to make it. i consider the z*prexa, in my case, a last ditch effort, short of hospitalization. and i truly don’t believe hospitalization would have helped me. we aren’t taking it to "turn off" the voices. and it doesn’t. we’re taking it to even out my mood. and it -does-!!! it actually, in combination with my eff*xor, allows me to sleep, to feel energetic when i wake up, and to get things done during the day. i’ve never felt like this before. the pdoc and i have had long talks about did (yes, he believes we are) and the effects of this medicine. he really expects little in the way of side effects, but is putting us on a "trial" dose before we start taking it for good. he thinks it’s very importnat that we work through the issues that are underlying the bulk of our depression so that we will eventually be free from it. i hate meds. but i know what i’m like when i don’t take them. i have seizures and i can’t function because of the depression. it’s not the dissociation we’re treating with the drug…it’s the depression and all the crap that goes along with it. diane, of Ravensong "If you feel bad, blow bubble stuff or watch the snails after it rains. That always makes me feel better." – Katy, of Ravensong
"If you feel bad, blow bubble stuff or watch the snails after it rains. That always makes me feel better." – Katy, of Ravensong
Response:
Hi jill. not looking for horror stories. Just a little worried about the tardive thingy that can happen with cpz. This drug has only made things better for me. my t’s choice, and you can read more about that in my reply to trill. It is like a miracle for me, too. and drugs don’t always get used for what they were invented to do. I don’t exactly know what to keep an eye out for regarding this tardive dys… stuff. too lazy to get the book out. sorry. Very tired. Would there be
You actually probly won’t notice it if it happens. Other people around you will. Things like, your mouth will move in a very slightly odd way (at first it will all be very subtle) or your tongue will. That you _might_ notice… The stuff will be subtle and easy to ignore or blow off or atribute to other things. I have the tongue thingee myself. It is do to a combination of stress/anxiety reactions over my life (it has changed my brain in some way) and ADD.This is why I am slightly worried that you find someone to work with (drug wise) asap so that there is a consistent person in your life who sees you often enough to recognize the symptoms. I did that as the t’pist part of a drug study I was in. My job was to talk to the clients once a week (more if they wanted it) and to monitor for side effects as they can be very subtle and slide up on the person very slowly. In your case, having your so know what to look for and a pdoc you see at least once a month would be a good idea. Even if the pdoc did nothing but monitor you for TD. But then your so can do this as well. Just find the symptoms list and have him become aware of them. _You_ won’t notice them because they will be very subtle and will come and go and will start so slowly that you won’t ever really become aware of them before they get more obvious (this is unless they come on like gangbusters but then you will notice them very clearly and so will other people around you. That would include extreme mouth movements, difficulty talking, drooling excessively, hands shaking, etc). warning symptoms? so far there has been only good sleep, for the first time in my life, and muscles relaxed so I am not so defended all the time, which was allowing me to speak with my t more normally for the first time. It mades me feel happier, although right now nothing is very happy. Yeah. i am on the dose for a baby, cause my t understood that I react hugely to anything. Respected that and gave me half of the smallest he could find. Even that makes me sleepy sometimes, but not so sleepy that I can’t function okay past it. But if I got a chance for a nap, I’d be out in seconds! This cpz makes me feel real, too, which is something I don’t understand, but will accept. for me, this is a very good thing, this drug. I’m not advocating it for the world, but glad my t read about and tried it.
Yes, like I said, when it works it can be like a miracle. It means that for whatever reason your brain chemistry is helped by this particular drug in a beneficial way. Hopefully it will continue to be this way over time. Know what? I wrote my regrets in my journal last week. the journal I have been keeping since he di*d. I have two. First that we didn’t get to finish our work together. I know it meant a lot to him. And second, that I didn’t ever look at him yet. that one is bothering me mightily. and i wonder if, with this drug, i might have soon been able to. makes me sad. jane
Yeah 
Rainbow Colors (Jill) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Of course you are going to hear horror stories about any drug if you go looking for them. As a t’pist I had a client on your drug of choice *grin* and she did wonderfully. It was like a miracle drug for her. I also knew of another client who was hosp with very very severe side effects from it. I’d say it’s like anything else. You weigh the risks and decide if the benefits are worth it and then watch carefully to see how your body is reacting to it. You are on a very low dose so the risks are less, but it is easy enough to keep an eye open for side effects and deal with them then. Rainbow Colors (Jill) Hi all. Just an update if anyone is interested. Last week when I saw the expert one, he changed my med. Remember how much the first med helped me? Well… he put me on r*spr*l and I’ve had a horrible week. Not sleeping, getting anxious and tired and spacey and just worse each day. Called him on Monday to ask about this, and if the drug would accumulate. He told me it would for a week, and I tried to hang in there. Made it six days and couldn’t function today. Couldn’t go to the gym. Couldn’t stay awake. Terrible nausea. Lots more stuff. The SO told me to call him and I was afraid to do that. Afraid he would be angry or tell me I had no choice. He had said this was a safer drug, for which I am grateful. But it made everything lots worse. When I called he was not there, but a lovely message left on his machine helped. I left my short tale of woe and he called back shortly. And didn’t even ask for details. Just offered to call in presc. for the old drug. Thank goodness. i couldn’t have defended the selfs. Just knowing I don’t have to take the stuff any more has made me feel some better. And now I can go back to my dangerouser but less awful drug. Anyone have troubles with chl*rpr*m*z*n*? I’m on a very low dose. Half of a .25 twice a day. It makes me feel calm and happier. And I sleep. which is why my t put me on it. I was getting less afraid, too.I know there can be troubles with it, but has anyone had them? Feeling better that I will feel better soon. jane
– The colors blend, the edges soften. Swirling and mixing we are becoming white light.
Response:
Sounds like you have a very good handle on why you take the meds and what to expect from them Rainbow Colors (Jill, who started taking meds once after several years of refusing. I took them for a few years and then stopped needing them) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hey, jane and everyone, isn’t rsprdl an anti-psychotic? hi trill, we want to respond to this, not ’cause we’re taking r*speridol, but because we recently made the decision to take z*prexa, which is also classed as an anti-ps*chotic, and we just want to explain why we did, for a different pov. we totally agree with the notion about ant-ps*chotics not being appropriate for people with did…that the voices we hear are not anything to be quieted…they have the right to be heard, and that did is in a completely different ballpark from anything like sch*zophrenia. our pdoc approached us with z*prexa, which is one of the newer, atypical drugs, because our depression has proven to be treatment resistant and this drug is going to be marketed as an adjunct to eff*xor (which we already take) for severe depression. it’s currently given for sch*zophrenia and acute bipolar mania, the latter of which, many of the symptoms i appear to have…although not enough to dx me with it. anyway, my pdoc’s thought was that it -might- help even out my moods some where nothing else was working, and get me back to the place where i was at least functioning again. fwiw, we were considering treatment of the depression only, not the dissociation. several months ago, i resisted being put on this or another drug he suggested because of the stigma and because of possible side effects. during the ensuing months, i just went downhill. things got progressively and seriously worse…and on top of everything, my support system crashed, so i had no one to talk to about anything. when i went in to see my pdoc about 3 weeks or so ago, it was even evident to my pdoc that i was declining. and i told him that he had to do something, or i was not going to make it. i consider the z*prexa, in my case, a last ditch effort, short of hospitalization. and i truly don’t believe hospitalization would have helped me. we aren’t taking it to "turn off" the voices. and it doesn’t. we’re taking it to even out my mood. and it -does-!!! it actually, in combination with my eff*xor, allows me to sleep, to feel energetic when i wake up, and to get things done during the day. i’ve never felt like this before. the pdoc and i have had long talks about did (yes, he believes we are) and the effects of this medicine. he really expects little in the way of side effects, but is putting us on a "trial" dose before we start taking it for good. he thinks it’s very importnat that we work through the issues that are underlying the bulk of our depression so that we will eventually be free from it. i hate meds. but i know what i’m like when i don’t take them. i have seizures and i can’t function because of the depression. it’s not the dissociation we’re treating with the drug…it’s the depression and all the crap that goes along with it. diane, of Ravensong "If you feel bad, blow bubble stuff or watch the snails after it rains. That always makes me feel better." - Katy, of Ravensong
– The colors blend, the edges soften. Swirling and mixing we are becoming white light.
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