Question:
Hi everyone, We in Family of Promise are feeling somewhat better but very tired. Yesterday we had a very confusing, disconnected, abreactive, VERY nasty day. It seems we have one or more Family Members who really want out badly, and they carry bad memories. They aren’t going away. I want to start a thread here. The subject has probably been addressed many times in the past. However, we can’t be the only ones here who are having intrusive PTSD abreactions in their systems, and I’m sure many newbies would benefit from a discussion. Here goes: What practical suggestions do you all have for riding out the really bad days? The kind of days when you are feeling really out-of-control, having bad body memories and/or flashbacks, etc? What devices do you use to help get through the confusion and disorientation? Our counselor taught us grounding. The process whereby you reorient yourself with the present day reality. It involves focussing on the immediate environment, looking at familiar things around you, feeling the floor underneath you, reminding yourself that it is July 1996, and you are in your home, counselor’s office, wherever. Our counselor suggested that we put up little signs throughout the house, saying "My name is (hostname) and this is my house." I thought this wasn’t a very good suggestion because most of us do not have the body name, and that would just mix things up more! Another suggestion she had was that we imagine a remote control where we can just click off the bad memories, (this helps some but is not always successful), and say "NO, I will wait to deal with this until later." Then there is the doll the counselor gave to No One, with a blanket the counselor made for her herself. This has helped No One, but the rest of the littles don’t feel it belongs to them. Calling the counselor is an option, but it is not one that we want to use very often. We did contact her and she was reassuring and helpful. I am perplexed when I consider our situation yesterday. It seems that if I can maintain myself as the one OUT, we can eventually calm everyone down some. But then it’s like the ones who are carrying the bad stuff are knocking ceaselessly at a door in the back of the house, and you hear them, and try to ignore them hoping they will understand you can’t take any more right now. But then, well… I know that they must need our help pretty badly or they wouldn’t be knocking on and on. I am trying very hard to understand the balance we need to forge. Sometimes the ones who are hurting and needing out come on like an avalanche. Sometimes I feel, as a inner helper, like I am holding my fingers and toes in a dike that just won’t be held back. I know there is a massive amount of PTSD contained in different Family of Promise Members. They have seen some of us being helped and they want their turn. It’s like Niagra Falls. It disrupts our functioning terribly. I want to see everyone in here be helped and healed. Some of us inside have their whole purpose around trying to bring comfort and calm and stability to the littles we know. Well, I guess this wound up being a chance for me to discuss our situation. If anyone has comments on how to ride out the storm, or just a response to what I am sharing, please write here or email. Our response time to emails and posts may be prolonged if we continue to have intrusive abreactions rolling in. Thanks Eileen — For more information about this service, send e-mail to:
Response:
So this is the first time that I contribute to this group. I am Fan and usually prefer to stay hidden, as I carry most of the emotions. I am 16 years old. (Viktoria joins me later on.) I feel very sorry that you are having such a hard time, Eileen. Thank you for sharing. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi everyone, We in Family of Promise are feeling somewhat better but very tired. Yesterday we had a very confusing, disconnected, abreactive, VERY nasty day. It seems we have one or more Family Members who really want out badly, and they carry bad memories. They aren’t going away. I want to start a thread here. The subject has probably been addressed many times in the past. However, we can’t be the only ones here who are having intrusive PTSD abreactions in their systems, and I’m sure many newbies would benefit from a discussion. Here goes: What practical suggestions do you all have for riding out the really bad days? The kind of days when you are feeling really out-of-control, having bad body memories and/or flashbacks, etc? What devices do you use to help get through the confusion and disorientation?
Up to now, all the devices that seemed helpful failed in the situation. Our counselor taught us grounding. The process whereby you reorient yourself with the present day reality. It involves focussing on the immediate environment, looking at familiar things around you, feeling the floor underneath you, reminding yourself that it is July 1996, and you are in your home, counselor’s office, wherever. Our counselor suggested that we put up little signs throughout the house, saying "My name is (hostname) and this is my house." I thought this wasn’t a very good suggestion because most of us do not have the body name, and that would just mix things up more!
To us, this does not help either. The date and our home are just empty words without meaning in our head. There is a mix-up of realities: the traumatic past-reality is real, and the present-day-reality feels like wishing us away to a safe place, when in fact, nothing is safe. Does this make sense? Another suggestion she had was that we imagine a remote control where we can just click off the bad memories, (this helps some but is not always successful), and say "NO, I will wait to deal with this until later."
An imagined remote control can only be helpful if there is a person connected with present day reality out and this person must be able to stay out and be willing and strong enough to help. Seems we cant do this because of the mix-up of realities mentioned above. Then there is the doll the counselor gave to No One, with a blanket the counselor made for her herself. This has helped No One, but the rest of the littles don’t feel it belongs to them.
We also have a stuffed animal belonging to our therapist, and this cat lives with us. When we hold the cat and try to connect with the good feelings for our therapist in a crisis situation, they get easily destroyed with the words: If this woman really cared, she would be there for us NOW and not only twice a week. If she cared, she would not want us to deal with this situation all alone. Her being not there is the evidence that she dont care. Sometimes I am strong enough to battle these words as I know our therapist really cares. But most of the times I am not. Calling the counselor is an option, but it is not one that we want to use very often. We did contact her and she was reassuring and helpful.
I still have to call her from time to time to prove that she is THERE and dont want us to deal with this stuff all alone. Seems that her voice turnes the realities back where they belong. Dont want to need her voice to do this, but everything else has failed most of the times up to now. I am perplexed when I consider our situation yesterday. It seems that if I can maintain myself as the one OUT, we can eventually calm everyone down some. But then it’s like the ones who are carrying the bad stuff are knocking ceaselessly at a door in the back of the house, and you hear them, and try to ignore them hoping they will understand you can’t take any more right now. But then, well… I know that they must need our help pretty badly or they wouldn’t be knocking on and on. I am trying very hard to understand the balance we need to forge.
Very hard job. You are very strong. Sometimes the ones who are hurting and needing out come on like an avalanche. Sometimes I feel, as a inner helper, like I am holding my fingers and toes in a dike that just won’t be held back. I know there is a massive amount of PTSD contained in different Family of Promise Members. They have seen some of us being helped and they want their turn. It’s like Niagra Falls. It disrupts our functioning terribly. I want to see everyone in here be helped and healed. Some of us inside have their whole purpose around trying to bring comfort and calm and stability to the littles we know.
Yes, Niagara Falls. Feels this way. I also want to see everyone in here helped and healed, like this expression. I get overwhelmed too soon. Feeling love and care brings up too much pain. Well, I guess this wound up being a chance for me to discuss our situation. If anyone has comments on how to ride out the storm, or just a response to what I am sharing, please write here or email. Our response time to emails and posts may be prolonged if we continue to have intrusive abreactions rolling in. Thanks Eileen
What helps us is writing. This keeps us grounded quite often. We write and write. We have long periods of handwriting (for us alone and/or for our therapist), and now we have a long period of computer writing. This somehow keeps us grounded. We post a lot these days and are so glad to have found this group. I know we would have a big crisis at the moment, if we had not discovered this group. Too much happens inside and outside, too much overwhelming stuff. Two days ago I felt this dragging inside, like losing consciousness, and this dragging is always a signal that body memories are coming up. And with these body memories a complete loss of reality. Viktoria even thought about going to hospital. But Mary said: No crisis, I dont want the system to be in crisis. We cannot afford crisis at the moment, support system on holiday and conflicts with friends… hospital not safe enough. So we sit in front of the computer and post and post to asd. Answering to other people and feeling compassion with you helps us connecting with our own compassion for ourselves. Dont know if this was helpful, what we wrote. We are holding you in our thoughts and heart and wish you all the strength you need to go on dealing with these difficult memories. Love, Fan and Viktoria of Chiquitita — For more information about this service, send e-mail to:
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – What practical suggestions do you all have for riding out the really bad days? The kind of days when you are feeling really out-of-control, having bad body memories and/or flashbacks, etc? What devices do you use to help get through the confusion and disorientation? we usually don’t do it very well. what works best for us (overwhelming it by doing our thing we do to turn everything off) is not a good or healthy thing to be doing. on those rare occasions that we have been able to ride it out without resorting to that other thing is calling our therapist (you don’t have to be very organized to press the first button on the preprogrammed set), or (if it is daytime) just showing up at our therp’s office and hanging out in the cooldown room or waiting room bugging her office staff (they’re cool 
). sometimes, it has helped to let whoever is going through this draw the feelings or the memory, or write it out (depending on what they prefer to do). or go to our therp’s office and draw or write. pink bunnies
You _do_ that?!? Just show up at your therapist’s office and hang out abit? Man!! I’m stunned and amazed and impressed and all of that! I’ve gotten to where I can think about calling my therapist, maybe even find his phone number and look at it, several times I’ve actually called and listened to his answering machine, and twice I even left him a message (and told him to _not_ call me back), but my mind boggles at the idea of going to his office and being in his waiting room at this time. I don’t think I’d ever leave Oh yeah, once I drove _past_ his building and looked at it… What a concept! I’ll have to mention it to him… wonder if I could take pictures and just look at those instead Rainbow Colors (Jill, who thinks maybe a video tape of the office would be like listening to the voice on the answering machine:) — I choose to post non-anon because my abusers are afraid. They would have to admit something happened in order to confront me; this they will never do. They are the only people who will be upset if they know who I am, and they are too afraid to admit to what they did. Black of Rainbow Colors
Response:
What practical suggestions do you all have for riding out the really bad days? The kind of days when you are feeling really out-of-control, having bad body memories and/or flashbacks, etc? What devices do you use to help get through the confusion and disorientation?
we usually don’t do it very well. what works best for us (overwhelming it by doing our thing we do to turn everything off) is not a good or healthy thing to be doing. on those rare occasions that we have been able to ride it out without resorting to that other thing is calling our therapist (you don’t have to be very organized to press the first button on the preprogrammed set), or (if it is daytime) just showing up at our therp’s office and hanging out in the cooldown room or waiting room bugging her office staff (they’re cool ). sometimes, it has helped to let whoever is going through this draw the feelings or the memory, or write it out (depending on what they prefer to do). or go to our therp’s office and draw or write. pink bunnies / ~ ) All conditions are temporary `o’_* — For more information about this service, send e-mail to:
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – What practical suggestions do you all have for riding out the really bad days? The kind of days when you are feeling really out-of-control, having bad body memories and/or flashbacks, etc? What devices do you use to help get through the confusion and disorientation? we usually don’t do it very well. what works best for us (overwhelming it by doing our thing we do to turn everything off) is not a good or healthy thing to be doing. on those rare occasions that we have been able to ride it out without resorting to that other thing is calling our therapist (you don’t have to be very organized to press the first button on the preprogrammed set), or (if it is daytime) just showing up at our therp’s office and hanging out in the cooldown room or waiting room bugging her office staff (they’re cool ). sometimes, it has helped to let whoever is going through this draw the feelings or the memory, or write it out (depending on what they prefer to do). or go to our therp’s office and draw or write. pink bunnies You _do_ that?!? Just show up at your therapist’s office and hang out abit? Man!! I’m stunned and amazed and impressed and all of that!
yup and we’re not the only ones. sometimes it can get pretty crowded there. it’s not just her clients–there are about 5 therapists in the office, two of them work mostly with dissociation, and it’s us dissociatives who seem to use it the most. but it is prolly available to any client there. they include it as an option of things to do when falling apart–you know, when they are talking about how to cope and giving a list of things you can do…well, that is one of them. so no one has to actually think it up and ask if it is okay to do, they’ve already given their permission. and the office staff are pretty good with crisis calls (like when therp is in session and not immediately available), and often suggest coming down. so that’s kind of just how they run their office. and the cooldown room gots toys an colerboks an stuffies an blankies an stuffs :):) an pilos an craons I’ve gotten to where I can think about calling my therapist, maybe even find his phone number and look at it, several times I’ve actually
ours is programmed into the phone called and listened to his answering machine, and twice I even left him a message (and told him to _not_ call me back), but my mind boggles at the idea of going to his office and being in his waiting room at this time. I don’t think I’d ever leave Oh yeah, once I
well, eventually, it *does* get boring…..then you know you’ve been there long enough and the crisis is passed :) drove _past_ his building and looked at it… What a concept! I’ll have to mention it to him… wonder if I could take pictures and just look at those instead
so what’d he say???? Rainbow Colors (Jill, who thinks maybe a video tape of the office would be like listening to the voice on the answering machine:)
pink bunnies / ~ ) All conditions are temporary `o’_* — For more information about this service, send e-mail to:
Response:
What practical suggestions do you all have for riding out the really bad days?
Hi pink bunnies and family of promises ( sorry I had to cut some of post it wouldn’t take. I hate that. I can use some of that practical sufggestion’s myself tonight. guess whats to like. I also know to heal we must go through them. But It is so hard. Sometimes I forget how to swim. having bad body memories and/or flashbacks, etc? What devices do you use to help get through the confusion and disorientation? we usually don’t do it very well. what works best for us (overwhelming it by doing our thing we do to turn everything off) is not a good or healthy thing to be doing.
Sometimes what helps me is I like music. I have special cds that really help me allot. I play them over and over. I do relaxation and hypnosis. Don’t forget I cry allot too!!!! on those rare occasions that we have been able to ride it out without resorting to that other thing is calling our therapist (you don’t have to be very organized to press the first button on the preprogrammed set), or
Thats right! (if it is daytime) just showing up at our therp’s office and hanging out this draw the feelings or the memory, or write it out (depending on
Writing helps me allot. It helps to get my feelings out. I keep a journel. they prefer to do). or go to our therp’s office and draw or write. pink bunnies
I also can’t beleive you can just show up at his office. Whow!!. Like tonight I probrably would of of gone back after my appointment. Thats what i wanted to do so bad. I feel so safe there. She helps me so much. I do call now . I am getting better but it took over 2 years to do it. I as well use to look at her card and stare at it for hours . Like an obsession. But I was to scared to call. I never reached out for help to anyone before. Calling her and reaching for help is all new for me. It took time. Even now sometimes I get afraid. Once she told me when I don’t call I will become further away and alone. I think of that all the time now when I am in need. Now Like tonight I know I could call her but I reached to you all instead. The ng has helped me so much. I am starting to reach to you all when I am in need and late at night. I love when I get mail with the wonderful responses and advice and freindship and caring. We are all special. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -You _do_ that?!? Just show up at your therapist’s office and hang out abit? Man!! I’m stunned and amazed and impressed and all of that! I’ve gotten to where I can think about calling my therapist, maybe even find his phone number and look at it, several times I’ve actually called and listened to his answering machine, and twice I even left him a message (and told him to _not_ call me back), but my mind boggles at the idea of going to his office and being in his waiting room at this time. I don’t think I’d ever leave Rainbow Colors (Jill, who thinks maybe a video tape of the office would be like listening to the voice on the answering machine:) —
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