Question:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -(snip) Things are about to come full circle; the beginning is seeping closer, in reverse. I’ve been having such a sense of foreboding (sp?) and death lately. Like something is about to end. I don’t know if it’s my life, my desires, or my soul. Hi Mike, I’m answering your post anyway in case someone else is in the same boat. Forboding indeed, since suicide is not an option I sometimes think that some kind of self-destruct mechanism is being triggered, some kind of systems shutdown. I seem to be waiting for the other shoe to drop. I am not sure if it is the begining of something bad or the end. Getting screwed up in my thoughts. Take care. Andre —
I don’t mean to go all new age or anything, but I’ve been looking up (because I love the show Millinium) more about the serpent Ouroboros. He seems to appear in the histories of many different culture. Anyway Ouroboros is the snake that survives by devouring itself. The constant renewal and destruction of live and all that jazz. I think the point of the prevailence of the ledgend however is the recognition that there will be terrible times and there will be good times. Both are part of the cycle. For everyone, no exceptions granted. But what this means is when things are at their very worse, if you give it a chance, it will get better. The cycle will come around again. One of the big things that I have always believed in was the concept of karma. You keep trying to add to it and good things will come, if you keep draining your karma, it will come around and bite the living daylights out of you. I’ve both experienced it and seen it action. All of this is just a long winded of saying that feeling of change in the air is not neccesarily the portants of bad things to come. You could be just reaching the turning point in the the cycle. I’d hold on if for no other reason to see what the road up is like. (I am curious after all these years and dying to know!) Cup’oJoe it’s just my opinion I might be wrong… Cup’oJoe Visit:http://personal.atl.bellsouth.net/~coj recently updated (Also rated PG at worst)
Response:
writes: I think I remember reading somewhere that there is often a sense of foreboding & doom with depression. It would make sense, if the theory that a lack of serotonin makes it difficult for us to perceive positive things.
Really? I didn’t know that. Golly. On the other hand, change is often seen as a death or loss. Loss of identity that you thought was "set". Loss of familiarity. Loss of predictability. Is it possible that there could be some change that your subconscious has been working on and is about to spring you….?
Yea, that was actually the case. An acceptance. A final acceptance of my situation and a compromise to solve it. Pretty keen perceptions, Wombn! I’ve had those feelings through the years. Different reasons. PTSD after the ‘89 earthquake in SF. Times when my subconscious is telling me through my body that someone is about to break up with me, or that a relationship has turned that corner. Times when dreams are trying to tell me of coming changes… etc.
Wow. I’ve had strange dreams (mostly nightmares, actually), but very fortunately none of those ever came true. The PTSD is a strange phenomenon that I don’t really have a grip on. My therapist listened to me go on and on for weeks and then finally put a name to it. It definitely was PTSD. It had a very different quality than the times when I have subconsciously collected clues that indicate something is going to happen.
Um, maybe I’m just being dense, but what’s PTSD? – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – The grinding total hopelessness is the kind of foreboding that depression has put me through. It also has a different quality. When I "listen" quietly to my "insides" and no clues point to a specific cause, even after a couple of weeks of soft listening and gentle probing, then I know it’s depression speaking. The foreboding & fear without the hopelessness is the PTSD. I think. And then of course, there’s the healthy kind of foreboding… (the plane is shaking and tossing in the air currents and one’s heartbeat speeds up a instinct. It usually takes me quite awhile to determine which kind it is. Days, weeks, even a month or two sometimes. I’ve become so tuned into my moods that I always know something is up, but can’t always figure out what. *That* is very frustrating.
That’s cool that you at least know when something is up though. Don’t bother replying. It’s not going to help anyways. I’m beyond help, I’m afraid. I know my posting looks like a cry for help. But I think well, too bad, dear. :-D Whenever you post here, there is at least a 50-50 chance that someone will *have* to say something about it, if only to butt and take the opportunity to talk about oneself… like I did. :-O
Heh heh… yea, I gotta learn to keep my big mouth shut sometimes. – Mike "There’s an inverse relationship between how good something is for you, and how much fun it is." :Calvin & Hobbes
Response:
Please don’t reply to this post. I’m a hypocrite that way. I like giving help, but when it comes time for me to take it, I just can’t. And I hate myself for it.
Hi Mike, Most depressed people hate themselves, their past, present and how they see the future. I’m going to reply anyway…so tough :) [snip] I’ve always seen certain things about myself set in concrete, and others fluid and adaptable. My live as a paradox is concrete–I have actual ambitions and desires to excel in certain things. My skills are adaptable–I’m always learning new things everyday. My death is concrete–not by my own hand, but by my own intention.
Maybe you’re just tired of the way things are in your life now and are subconciously (sp) seeking to change them. Things are about to come full circle; the beginning is seeping closer, in reverse. I’ve been having such a sense of foreboding (sp?) and death lately. Like something is about to end. I don’t know if it’s my life, my desires, or my soul.
I, for one, hope it’s not your life, Mike. Do you often get preminitions that come true? Anyway, If things are bad for you, maybe a change will be good for you, no? I’m so thankful for the kind individuals who talk and e-mail me, you cheer me up so much. I didn’t want to bring the conversations down with these kinds of dark thoughts.
No worries. ((((((((((Mike)))))))))) Don’t bother replying. It’s not going to help anyways. I’m beyond help, I’m afraid. I know my posting looks like a cry for help. But I think it’s more of a grasp for longevity, for a record of my existence. I’ve always aspired to make a mark, to stand out from the crowd. In a small way, this rant is my way of putting my thoughts down somewhere to be recorded. That’s all.
I understand. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to waste your time.
Don’t be silly, you’re not wasting my time. Rant all you want to…if it makes you feel better, or if you want to just talk…just send me an email. Warmest thoughts sent in your direction. Veronica – Mike
– ANTI SPAM: If you see REMOVETHIS in my email address please do so before replying. Thanks. Veronica
Response:
(snip) Things are about to come full circle; the beginning is seeping closer, in reverse. I’ve been having such a sense of foreboding (sp?) and death lately. Like something is about to end. I don’t know if it’s my life, my desires, or my soul.
Hi Mike, I’m answering your post anyway in case someone else is in the same boat. Forboding indeed, since suicide is not an option I sometimes think that some kind of self-destruct mechanism is being triggered, some kind of systems shutdown. I seem to be waiting for the other shoe to drop. I am not sure if it is the begining of something bad or the end. Getting screwed up in my thoughts. Take care. Andre —
Response:
Please don’t reply to this post. I’m a hypocrite that way. I like giving help, but when it comes time for me to take it, I just can’t. And I hate myself for it.
Hi Mike, Please have a seat. This time you will be on the receiving end. You’ve been on the giving end for me so often, turn about is fair play. I just want to scream.
You go right ahead and scream, rant, rave whatever you have to do to get it out of your system. (SPOILER: Random thoughts, probably hard to follow. You’ll get a headache if you read this all through, I’m warning you.)
No problem, I’ve got good drugs for headaches, not that I believe you could ever give me a headache. I’ve always seen certain things about myself set in concrete, and others fluid and adaptable. My live as a paradox is concrete–I have actual ambitions and desires to excel in certain things. My skills are adaptable–I’m always learning new things everyday.
Yes, you have alot of art left to create Things are about to come full circle; the beginning is seeping closer, in reverse. I’ve been having such a sense of foreboding (sp?) and death lately. Like something is about to end. I don’t know if it’s my life, my desires, or my soul.
Maybe the depression is coming to an end. You have to much to give, and to much left you want to do for you to come to an end. Besides think of all the children you wanted to father. Think of how lucky those unborn children will be to have you as a father. I’m so thankful for the kind individuals who talk and e-mail me, you cheer me up so much. I didn’t want to bring the conversations down with these kinds of dark thoughts.
Talking to you is one of the few pleasures I have. Don’t bother replying.
Mike, you know I have to reply. – Mike "No happy ending like they always promised, there’s got to be something left for me…" :Geoff Tate
-Sunny "Blind you search for the truth. I see myself in you, parallel lives.Winding at light speed through time. No time to rest yet." -also Geoff Tate (Mike you know everyone else is reading these quotes saying…huh?)
Response:
((((((((((((((((((((((Mike)))))))))))))))))))))))))))) (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Mike)))))))))))))))))))))))))) Hang in there. Please? Rie Headache free ((((((((((((((((((((ASD))))))))))))))))))))) Rie : ) To learn more about me check out http://members.aol.com/DannysRie/index.html
Response:
Please don’t reply to this post. I’m a hypocrite that way. I like giving help, but when it comes time for me to take it, I just can’t. And I hate myself for it. I just want to scream. (SPOILER: Random thoughts, probably hard to follow. You’ll get a headache if you read this all through, I’m warning you.) I’ve always seen certain things about myself set in concrete, and others fluid and adaptable. My live as a paradox is concrete–I have actual ambitions and desires to excel in certain things. My skills are adaptable–I’m always learning new things everyday. My death is concrete–not by my own hand, but by my own intention. Things are about to come full circle; the beginning is seeping closer, in reverse. I’ve been having such a sense of foreboding (sp?) and death lately. Like something is about to end. I don’t know if it’s my life, my desires, or my soul. I’m so thankful for the kind individuals who talk and e-mail me, you cheer me up so much. I didn’t want to bring the conversations down with these kinds of dark thoughts. Don’t bother replying. It’s not going to help anyways. I’m beyond help, I’m afraid. I know my posting looks like a cry for help. But I think it’s more of a grasp for longevity, for a record of my existence. I’ve always aspired to make a mark, to stand out from the crowd. In a small way, this rant is my way of putting my thoughts down somewhere to be recorded. That’s all. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to waste your time. – Mike "No happy ending like they always promised, there’s got to be something left for me…" :Geoff Tate
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