Question:
Hi TQQTs! > I’m sorry if my post sounded ominous. It wasn’t ,meant that way. You’re > right, I’ve been on the edge. I didn’t like it. It’s precisly because I can > see myself starting in that direction again. It’s kind of a two year cycle for > me, and it gets worse each time. Each time, I get some relief by running away > to a new circumstance and making a new start.
You are talking about survivor techniques, IMO. > Last time, I really came close. Running from it cost me everything. This > time, I’ll have little to lose and I know that if I let this thing get to that > stage, I’ll succeed in that permanent goodbye.
IMO, a permanent good-bye is nothing more than ‘Congratulations, you win!’ from me to the perpetrator(s). There’s gotta be a better way! > In my post, when I said I would not be here, I meant that I may be staying in > the hospital for a while. I have a three p.m. appointment with the VA PTSD > clinic. Except for a quick trip (10 minutes) for meds to help me keep > together, this will be my first visit with a therapist. The whole idea is to > get started in some way with getting my life back. Not letting myself get all > the way down. I’m scared, but I’ve got hope. Several people have told me it > won’t be as hard as it seems.
They are correct, in my experience. But … it’s gonna take longer than you want it to. 
> Depending on how things go, if it’;s appropriate, I’m going to ask for intense > therapy. I’ve got nothing but time right now, so therapy as an in-patient is a > good option for me if it’s nevessary. Kind of like a kick start or something.
There is a 10-week PTSD in-patient program at the VA in my area … the guys (most of them. anyway) seem to enjoy it and learn a lot about ‘living’, as opposed to survival. I see them once a week at my Tai Chi class. Smile and there will be something to smile about! Nancy
Response:
In article <19981112093623.24587.00000…@ng150.aol.com>, tq…@aol.com (TQQTs) writes: >In my post, when I said I would not be here, I meant that I may be staying in >the hospital for a while. I have a three p.m. appointment with the VA PTSD >clinic. Except for a quick trip (10 minutes) for meds to help me keep >together, this will be my first visit with a therapist. The whole idea is to >get started in some way with getting my life back. Not letting myself get >all >the way down. I’m scared, but I’ve got hope. Several people have told me it >won’t be as hard as it seems.
Take care of yourself, this NG will be here when you return. ITC 55
Response:
> I know that you said to not respond to you personally, obviously I’m >going to, anyway. Somehow I got the feeling that your post was more of a >"goodbye" sort of post. What concerns me is that I sure hope you aren’t >planning a permanent goodbye. I seem to recall from one of your other posts >that you’ve been in the planning stage before for a permanent goodbye.
*snipped tp end* >Gay Marie
I’m sorry if my post sounded ominous. It wasn’t ,meant that way. You’re right, I’ve been on the edge. I didn’t like it. It’s precisly because I can see myself starting in that direction again. It’s kind of a two year cycle for me, and it gets worse each time. Each time, I get some relief by running away to a new circumstance and making a new start. Last time, I really came close. Running from it cost me everything. This time, I’ll have little to lose and I know that if I let this thing get to that stage, I’ll succeed in that permanent goodbye. In my post, when I said I would not be here, I meant that I may be staying in the hospital for a while. I have a three p.m. appointment with the VA PTSD clinic. Except for a quick trip (10 minutes) for meds to help me keep together, this will be my first visit with a therapist. The whole idea is to get started in some way with getting my life back. Not letting myself get all the way down. I’m scared, but I’ve got hope. Several people have told me it won’t be as hard as it seems. Depending on how things go, if it’;s appropriate, I’m going to ask for intense therapy. I’ve got nothing but time right now, so therapy as an in-patient is a good option for me if it’s nevessary. Kind of like a kick start or something. So please forgive me for not being more sensitive in what I wrote. I’m not at the end of a journey…. I’m just now at the beginning of one. At least I hope so. Les
Response:
In article <19981112015531.19914.00000…@ng152.aol.com>, tq…@aol.com (TQQTs) wrote: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->You guys, please don’t respond to me personally. I think I won’t be here to >see your responses. I just want to take a minute to tell you all that PTSD is >real and it’s valid, no matter what the trauma was. I’ve been mostly lurking >here since my first post a few days ago. What I’ve learned is that PTSD is a >personal reaction. >Everyone is different, and everyone reacts differently to different events. If >you experienced great fear, horror, or helplessness (among others) then you are >a candidate for PTSD. If you have certain symptoms which persist, then you got >it. Even if you think you don’t. Even if your neighbor went through the same >thing with no problem. >I’m like a sponge the last few days, soaking up whatever I find about PTSD. >One of the most important things I found to remember is that feelings of >guilt, shame or humiliation about having these symptoms is laughably common. >We all feel that way. I feel that way. Felt that way for thirty years. I was >not there long enough, I was not hurt bad enough. I don’t ‘deserve’ to have >PTSD. (funny way to put it, I know). If you feel that way about yourself, >please do yourself a favor. Look into it. Ask your doctor. Read some of the >websites. Give yourself permission to feel your emotions and get help from >anywhere you can. >Then, maybe as you start on the uphill slope, you might just reach out once in >a while to someone else who is like you. Your particular story is not as >important as just letting someone else know that they are not alone. That’s >meant the world to me. Thanks to you who gave me an encouraging word. >OK, I’m off now to start my own journey. Y’all take care. I’ll check in when I >know something. >Les Smith >1/502 Inf 101 ABN >RVN ‘67-’68
I know that you said to not respond to you personally, obviously I’m going to, anyway. Somehow I got the feeling that your post was more of a "goodbye" sort of post. What concerns me is that I sure hope you aren’t planning a permanent goodbye. I seem to recall from one of your other posts that you’ve been in the planning stage before for a permanent goodbye. If you are, please reconsider. You’re right, it is real. And, there truly is hope of recovery. You can recover your life. Don’t check out now. Somewhere, somehow there is reason to stick around. Take some time and look for that. Instead of planning something that can’t ever be changed. You may think it will end the pain. Maybe it will end yours, but, it will be just the beginning of someone else’s pain. You can do something about your pain, what about the pain that will you will inevitably be causing some else? You don’t want to do that. You wouldn’t have sent this post if you did. I would feel pain, surely others in this ng would feel pain, too. Just knowing that there’s someone out there that checked out because they didn’t think there was any other way would be painful. On the other hand, if I’m way off base, and, this is not your intention: Sorry. But, that sure is how your post reads to me. Write back. Tell us about your pain. It does help. We’ve all been there. We are no strangers to pain. Stick around for awhile. To quote an old saying: "Hang in there". Gay Marie
Response:
You guys, please don’t respond to me personally. I think I won’t be here to see your responses. I just want to take a minute to tell you all that PTSD is real and it’s valid, no matter what the trauma was. I’ve been mostly lurking here since my first post a few days ago. What I’ve learned is that PTSD is a personal reaction. Everyone is different, and everyone reacts differently to different events. If you experienced great fear, horror, or helplessness (among others) then you are a candidate for PTSD. If you have certain symptoms which persist, then you got it. Even if you think you don’t. Even if your neighbor went through the same thing with no problem. I’m like a sponge the last few days, soaking up whatever I find about PTSD. One of the most important things I found to remember is that feelings of guilt, shame or humiliation about having these symptoms is laughably common. We all feel that way. I feel that way. Felt that way for thirty years. I was not there long enough, I was not hurt bad enough. I don’t ‘deserve’ to have PTSD. (funny way to put it, I know). If you feel that way about yourself, please do yourself a favor. Look into it. Ask your doctor. Read some of the websites. Give yourself permission to feel your emotions and get help from anywhere you can. Then, maybe as you start on the uphill slope, you might just reach out once in a while to someone else who is like you. Your particular story is not as important as just letting someone else know that they are not alone. That’s meant the world to me. Thanks to you who gave me an encouraging word. OK, I’m off now to start my own journey. Y’all take care. I’ll check in when I know something. Les Smith 1/502 Inf 101 ABN RVN ‘67-’68
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