Question:
…i’m gonna remove all my controls that limit how much i write. 
frightening, yes? hmm…if not, it should be. i’ve *never* written without any controls on how much I write. :) what’s up? ppl still being hesitant cuz of the furor a couple months back? has the art of lurking run rampant? did ppl just out-and-out quit the group because of the tension? or has everyone’s lives straightened out and are now running smoothly? :-D give a shout if you’re still hanging out, k? happiness to all… jt — "It is astonishing, really, how many thoroughly mature, well-adjusted grown-ups harbor a teddy bear — which is perhaps why they are thoroughly mature and well-adjusted." — Joseph Lempa
Response:
Why do you think fall is a tough season for so many ppl? it’s definately hitting us *extremely*hard this year. don’t even know why. not ever before aseasonal depress*on person. seems the older i get the harder life gets. fall aint helping. but i havent been writing jt bc i’ve been just so out of it. daily responsibilities are becoming ovewhelming again and i know what that means. The big D word. had a falling out w/hubby recently and it was bc the duaghter visited and w/e switched and lost info that she and i had made wonderful amends and w/e fell back into old patterns and visit was ruined and he became irate w/me and t said i have alwyas blown stuff out of perportion when it came to her and that put him on hubby’s side and made them both unsafe for us in a trusting way. we didnt realize till after the damage that we switched and ruiend the visit. now i’m devistated and t and hubby aint there inside to help us feel safe and we feel sick bc we are co-dep. and wish for independant wealth and would leave his a$$. sick of not being able to remember half of what i need to to keep my life straight. :(….. tired of trying. really made a mess this time and everyone lost bc of m/e. but t wont listen that there’s some real issues w/them, he just says we dont see reality for what it really is bc of the DID. that HURTS (but i know its true, that’s exactly what happened, issues or not). hard to live this way. cant tell when we’re screwing it all up half the time till it’s too late. and i fe*r we’ll never heal enough to live n*rmal. i dont want to be this way anymore. i wish i could remember clearly day-to-day what i’m doing/supposd to be doing. dayzie – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – hey jt, we think it is just that time of year…….fall is a tough season for lots of people. it may be that they are feeling the pain of the season more deeply and not able to reach out. for us, it is that we are so sad we are afraid to reach out, because we do not want to make things worse for others. we have been having some really hard times–and been dissociating more than usual–and not co-conscious, so we have tried to distract ourselves from these things–we’ve posted at tv newsgroups for charmed, law & order and er–cuz we can ignore real life when we talk about them. we, also, been trying to keep us going–and been sleeping lots and lots and lots which ain’t good cuz we are scared when we do that. anyway, we are often afraid of bothering folks here–and not sure what to say. sometimes when we write it seems like it doesn’t sound like much–and won’t sound like much to others, even if it is to us–to others it will sound stupid or silly–so we stay away. rose (of michelle & the rest) — ~*~*~Blessed Be!~*~*~
Response:
Maybe a lot of people are really messed up right now and it isn’t easy to write? Maybe a lot of complicated things are happening in some people’s lives and it isn’t easy to write. Maybe some people have become disaffected for one reason or another. Maybe some people have begun to descend into a seasonal depression. Just a few suggestions, all of which more or less apply to me – in addition to which, I have had computer problems, which seem to be solved, now, at least for the moment. Also – there seems to be a lot of kind of back and forth sadness and comforting kind of exchange – which is fine – but which maybe doesn’t engage everyone as much as more substantive discourse might? What I mean is – maybe if there were both. But then – even when there are substantive issues brought up, I often find I don’t have the energy to get my mind together to answer, to interact. And blah blah blah. Beauty. — To email me, remove "nospam" from my address. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – …i’m gonna remove all my controls that limit how much i write. frightening, yes? hmm…if not, it should be. i’ve *never* written without any controls on how much I write. :) what’s up? ppl still being hesitant cuz of the furor a couple months back? has the art of lurking run rampant? did ppl just out-and-out quit the group because of the tension? or has everyone’s lives straightened out and are now running smoothly? :-D give a shout if you’re still hanging out, k? happiness to all… jt — "It is astonishing, really, how many thoroughly mature, well-adjusted grown-ups harbor a teddy bear — which is perhaps why they are thoroughly mature and well-adjusted." — Joseph Lempa
Response:
*kind thoughts* i understand these things. you do bring up a lot of good points. i wasn’t trying to single anyone out or try to make anyone feel guilty. i’m sorry if i did. *fond thoughts* jt
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Maybe a lot of people are really messed up right now and it isn’t easy to write? Maybe a lot of complicated things are happening in some people’s lives and it isn’t easy to write. Maybe some people have become disaffected for one reason or another. Maybe some people have begun to descend into a seasonal depression. Just a few suggestions, all of which more or less apply to me – in addition to which, I have had computer problems, which seem to be solved, now, at least for the moment. Also – there seems to be a lot of kind of back and forth sadness and comforting kind of exchange – which is fine – but which maybe doesn’t engage everyone as much as more substantive discourse
might? What I mean is – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – - maybe if there were both. But then – even when there are substantive issues brought up, I often find I don’t have the energy to get my mind together to answer, to interact. And blah blah blah. Beauty. — To email me, remove "nospam" from my address. …i’m gonna remove all my controls that limit how much i write. frightening, yes? hmm…if not, it should be. i’ve *never* written without any controls on how much I write. :) what’s up? ppl still being hesitant cuz of the furor a couple months back? has the art of lurking run rampant? did ppl just out-and-out quit the group because of the tension? or has everyone’s lives straightened out and are now running smoothly? :-D give a shout if you’re still hanging out, k? happiness to all… jt — "It is astonishing, really, how many thoroughly mature, well-adjusted grown-ups harbor a teddy bear — which is perhaps why they are thoroughly mature and well-adjusted." — Joseph Lempa
Response:
hey jt, we think it is just that time of year…….fall is a tough season for lots of people. it may be that they are feeling the pain of the season more deeply and not able to reach out. for us, it is that we are so sad we are afraid to reach out, because we do not want to make things worse for others. we have been having some really hard times–and been dissociating more than usual–and not co-conscious, so we have tried to distract ourselves from these things–we’ve posted at tv newsgroups for charmed, law & order and er–cuz we can ignore real life when we talk about them. we, also, been trying to keep us going–and been sleeping lots and lots and lots which ain’t good cuz we are scared when we do that. anyway, we are often afraid of bothering folks here–and not sure what to say. sometimes when we write it seems like it doesn’t sound like much–and won’t sound like much to others, even if it is to us–to others it will sound stupid or silly–so we stay away. rose (of michelle & the rest) — ~*~*~Blessed Be!~*~*~
Response:
Have lots and lots to respond to but am just exhausted tonight so it’s gonna have to wait til tomorrow night… then I’ll post lots… goin’ to bed now.. nite nite Rainstar – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – …i’m gonna remove all my controls that limit how much i write. frightening, yes? hmm…if not, it should be. i’ve *never* written without any controls on how much I write. :) what’s up? ppl still being hesitant cuz of the furor a couple months back? has the art of lurking run rampant? did ppl just out-and-out quit the group because of the tension? or has everyone’s lives straightened out and are now running smoothly? :-D give a shout if you’re still hanging out, k? happiness to all… jt — "It is astonishing, really, how many thoroughly mature, well-adjusted grown-ups harbor a teddy bear — which is perhaps why they are thoroughly mature and well-adjusted." — Joseph Lempa
– To e-mail remove extra from address
Response:
weee know yous not talkingggg to uss cuzz weee are jusstt dustttspekcss and itttt doenttt matterrrr ifff wee are hereee orrr nottt or anyuwheerre beceuasee wee knwo that we aree nottt impppprotatn and youur nottt talkingg boutt uss anywayw butttt hereee is wwhere we are. studddying studyinggg and reading and sstuudddying so so hard that the informationnn is filling upp thhhhe whoileee brainnnnn and the heaaaad ttthrrobbbbs and we keepp dreaamingg about thhee informatiiiiiion evenn and someeeeoneee who is sstuydyingg iss takingg overr the wholee headdd aabndd makingg everyboody oobbsessed with thtttee informmmationnn and makingg sure itts alllll in there and wworrrriinggg thattt thee informationn wontt all bee thereee wheeen we go take the testtss so the head justtttt keeppss focusinnnnnng on all thheeee inforrrmation all the timmmee and boom, boomm it pounds inside andddd it is weeeeridd to studddy so so harrdd. and dovee doenttt remmebemr being like thiiis beforeeee shee wentt to coolllllegeee anndd got those otherrrr degreeeeees . so thattttttt wheree we aree we canttt bbe hereee aaas much untiiiiil tthheeseee classese are done. ttt sayss its okay nottttt to gett A, buuttt someoneeee in heree sayss we have tooo,, buttttt itssss dkay that wyou wereentt talkinggg too ussssss anwayyyyy cuzz weeee allwwaayss knowww that we areednttt everrrrr immprotatnt or ssspeiccil and thattts reallly okayy – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – ….i’m gonna remove all my controls that limit how much i write. frightening, yes? hmm…if not, it should be. i’ve *never* written without any controls on how much I write. what’s up? ppl still being hesitant cuz of the furor a couple months back? has the art of lurking run rampant? did ppl just out-and-out quit the group because of the tension? or has everyone’s lives straightened out and are now running smoothly? 
give a shout if you’re still hanging out, k? happiness to all… jt — "It is astonishing, really, how many thoroughly mature, well-adjusted grown-ups harbor a teddy bear — which is perhaps why they are thoroughly mature and well-adjusted." — Joseph Lempa
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Response:
good. :) *fond thoughts* jt
Not feeling guilty. That’s a concept I reject. One of the words I have on a list that I think should be expunged as not useful. Like "talent." I can’t remember the others right now. I actually did start
writing them down in a – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – notebook at one point. Anyhow, guilt is at the top of the list of things not to believe in. Beauty. — To email me, remove "nospam" from my address. *kind thoughts* i understand these things. you do bring up a lot of good points. i wasn’t trying to single anyone out or try to make anyone feel guilty. i’m sorry if i did. *fond thoughts* jt message Maybe a lot of people are really messed up right now and it isn’t easy to write? Maybe a lot of complicated things are happening in some people’s lives and it isn’t easy to write. Maybe some people have become disaffected for one reason or another. Maybe some people have begun to descend into a seasonal depression. Just a few suggestions, all of which more or less apply to me – in addition to which, I have had computer problems, which seem to be solved, now, at least for the moment. Also – there seems to be a lot of kind of back and forth sadness and comforting kind of exchange – which is fine – but which maybe doesn’t engage everyone as much as more substantive discourse might? What I mean is – maybe if there were both. But then – even when there are substantive issues brought up, I often find I don’t have the energy to get my mind together to answer, to interact. And blah blah blah. Beauty. — To email me, remove "nospam" from my address. …i’m gonna remove all my controls that limit how much i write. frightening, yes? hmm…if not, it should be. i’ve *never* written without any controls on how much I write. :) what’s up? ppl still being hesitant cuz of the furor a couple months back? has the art of lurking run rampant? did ppl just out-and-out quit the group because of the tension? or has everyone’s lives straightened out and are now running smoothly? :-D give a shout if you’re still hanging out, k? happiness to all… jt — "It is astonishing, really, how many thoroughly mature, well-adjusted grown-ups harbor a teddy bear — which is perhaps why they are thoroughly mature and well-adjusted." — Joseph Lempa
Response:
Hi, just want to say that I’m sorry for going so quiet for so long, after having only joined some months ago. I’ve not been unwell as such, but just very quiet and withdrawn a lot. Not taking much in at all. My thoughts are with all the lovely, friendly, caring people here! Love, Polly —
<snipped – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – what’s up? ppl still being hesitant cuz of the furor a couple months back? has the art of lurking run rampant? did ppl just out-and-out quit the group because of the tension? or has everyone’s lives straightened out and are now running smoothly? :-D give a shout if you’re still hanging out, k? happiness to all… jt — "It is astonishing, really, how many thoroughly mature, well-adjusted grown-ups harbor a teddy bear — which is perhaps why they are thoroughly mature and well-adjusted." — Joseph Lempa
Response:
I’m here. :O) Haven’t had too much to say. Trying very hard to keep my world under control. I think what Beauty said about ppl dialoguing with support and comfort is right on target, and is certainly appropriate, but I don’t feel that I have much to offer in the "touchy-feely" area. I know that it’s very helpful for some ppl, but I’m sort of at a loss with that stuff. I’m very interested in topics and/or experiences on how to deal with DID and related things. Nahanton – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -…i’m gonna remove all my controls that limit how much i write. frightening, yes? hmm…if not, it should be. i’ve *never* written without any controls on how much I write. :) what’s up? ppl still being hesitant cuz of the furor a couple months back? has the art of lurking run rampant? did ppl just out-and-out quit the group because of the tension? or has everyone’s lives straightened out and are now running smoothly? :-D give a shout if you’re still hanging out, k? happiness to all… jt
Response:
well i know i dont post on a regular basis or anything but i’m quiet because life is once again springer-like. if i wrote about it, it would take forever to explain and quite frankly i try to forget about it because it is overwhelming. i live it every day and it is real. to write it would make it real to others and for some reason, i cant make it real for others. no one would ever believe it all anyway. but it is entertaining. it’d be lots more entertaining, however, if it were someone else’s life and not mine. know what i mean? i can write about the rain, which i wish would stop. rivers more than 100 ft out of their banks. lots of flooding. much more rain coming tonight. and its cold here today. not ready for coldness. especially not coldness and rain together. but gotta be out there working in it no matter what. kennel is full this week. so lotsa dogs. rains been washing hill down into kennel area so yesterday had to improvise a retaining wall to prevent further erosion. horses have settled in and are happy now and come when they are called. they werent being taken care of by the people who had them before. they caught on to the concept of ‘treats’ real fast they tell me that ‘treats’ implies more than one (apple, apple wafer, carrot, whatever) and they are quickly coming to the conclusion that two isn’t much better than one. fell off one of ‘em and my *ss turned purple. need to get the barn built for them–well okay it is more for us cuz they are country horses and have never ever had a shelter of any kind and probably wont use it. but it will be there if they want to. got corral panels and have to move the horses around (and panels) every couple of days. it only took them a week to eat all the grass in their pasture. sure is a labor-intensive way to get the grass mowed. bottle-raising 3 bloodhound pups. got a 3 month old german shepherd at home. so cute. chasing the 3 cats all over the house. so im on the cats’ list for bringing home another dog……. tired all the time–falling asleep at the drop of a hat. fighting to ward off a major depression that is threatening to sink down on top of me and all the time im fighting im wondering what the heck im fighting for….. alright i guess ive probably bored/entertained enough…..and i didnt even write about the springer-like parts *whew* domino – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – …i’m gonna remove all my controls that limit how much i write. frightening, yes? hmm…if not, it should be. i’ve *never* written without any controls on how much I write. :) what’s up? ppl still being hesitant cuz of the furor a couple months back? has the art of lurking run rampant? did ppl just out-and-out quit the group because of the tension? or has everyone’s lives straightened out and are now running smoothly? :-D give a shout if you’re still hanging out, k? happiness to all… jt — "It is astonishing, really, how many thoroughly mature, well-adjusted grown-ups harbor a teddy bear — which is perhaps why they are thoroughly mature and well-adjusted." — Joseph Lempa
Response:
I’m here. :O) Haven’t had too much to say. Trying very hard to keep my world under control. I think what Beauty said about ppl dialoguing with support and comfort is right on target, and is certainly appropriate, but I don’t feel that I have much to offer in the "touchy-feely" area. I know that it’s very helpful for some ppl, but I’m sort of at a loss with that stuff. I’m very interested in topics and/or experiences on how to deal with DID and related things. Nahanton
Hi Nahanton! Had to smile when I read your post only bc we have talked before about how you and I are similar in this area. You are so much like me and not afraid to admit it. I appreciate your example of honesty even though I’ve been as forthright about my lack of ‘touchy-feely’ stuff too. I do have some subjects I’m about to broach here if I can just get our heads out of the fog! Good to see you (and everyone!). Dayzie – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I’m here. :O) Haven’t had too much to say. Trying very hard to keep my world under control. I think what Beauty said about ppl dialoguing with support and comfort is right on target, and is certainly appropriate, but I don’t feel that I have much to offer in the "touchy-feely" area. I know that it’s very helpful for some ppl, but I’m sort of at a loss with that stuff. I’m very interested in topics and/or experiences on how to deal with DID and related things. Nahanton …i’m gonna remove all my controls that limit how much i write. frightening, yes? hmm…if not, it should be. i’ve *never* written without any controls on how much I write. :) what’s up? ppl still being hesitant cuz of the furor a couple months back? has the art of lurking run rampant? did ppl just out-and-out quit the group because of the tension? or has everyone’s lives straightened out and are now running smoothly? :-D give a shout if you’re still hanging out, k? happiness to all… jt
Response:
Not feeling guilty. That’s a concept I reject. One of the words I have on a list that I think should be expunged as not useful. Like "talent." I can’t remember the others right now. I actually did start writing them down in a notebook at one point. Anyhow, guilt is at the top of the list of things not to believe in. Beauty. — To email me, remove "nospam" from my address. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – *kind thoughts* i understand these things. you do bring up a lot of good points. i wasn’t trying to single anyone out or try to make anyone feel guilty. i’m sorry if i did. *fond thoughts* jt Maybe a lot of people are really messed up right now and it isn’t easy to write? Maybe a lot of complicated things are happening in some people’s lives and it isn’t easy to write. Maybe some people have become disaffected for one reason or another. Maybe some people have begun to descend into a seasonal depression. Just a few suggestions, all of which more or less apply to me – in addition to which, I have had computer problems, which seem to be solved, now, at least for the moment. Also – there seems to be a lot of kind of back and forth sadness and comforting kind of exchange – which is fine – but which maybe doesn’t engage everyone as much as more substantive discourse might? What I mean is – maybe if there were both. But then – even when there are substantive issues brought up, I often find I don’t have the energy to get my mind together to answer, to interact. And blah blah blah. Beauty. — To email me, remove "nospam" from my address. …i’m gonna remove all my controls that limit how much i write. frightening, yes? hmm…if not, it should be. i’ve *never* written without any controls on how much I write. :) what’s up? ppl still being hesitant cuz of the furor a couple months back? has the art of lurking run rampant? did ppl just out-and-out quit the group because of the tension? or has everyone’s lives straightened out and are now running smoothly? :-D give a shout if you’re still hanging out, k? happiness to all… jt — "It is astonishing, really, how many thoroughly mature, well-adjusted grown-ups harbor a teddy bear — which is perhaps why they are thoroughly mature and well-adjusted." — Joseph Lempa
Response:
…i’m gonna remove all my controls that limit how much i write. frightening, yes?
hmm…if not, it should be. i’ve *never* written without any controls on how much I write. :)
You are so far from what I consider excessive you better get busy! what’s up? ppl still being hesitant cuz of the furor a couple months back? has the art of lurking run rampant? did ppl just out-and-out quit the group because of the tension? or has everyone’s lives straightened out and are now running smoothly? :-D
Yep, that’s it. We are all ‘cured’ *really huge grin* give a shout if you’re still hanging out, k?
I’m still here, always have been, always will be I reckon. Rainbow Colors (Jill) — The colors blend, the edges soften. Swirling and mixing we are becoming white light.
Response:
hi, you guys are important to all of us. hope you are not studying too hard. what classes are you taking? good luck with the tests….. take care of all of yourselves {{{{{safe hugs}}}}} if okay rose & the rest
Response:
Violet and Hope and all of dove, you are all very important to me, and I hope you write lots more here, and I hope the stuff you’re doing in your life is going well. -Nancy
Response:
busy and exhausted with good reason. that’s my excuse. and, btw, my excuse is now 8 1/2 months old. all he wants to do now is explore, explore, explore. he’s crawling and pulling himself up to a stand in his crib and playpen. he’s bound to start cruising, soon. my bet is that he’ll be walking by 10 months. ack! let’s hope he’s not a climber, with all these bookshelves. he’s started to use a few signs consistently he actually stops doing something when you say "no!" if your tone is right. of course, he goes back to doing it after a brief pause. he’s now got a tooth. he actually wasn’t quite as miserable as we were expecting with teething. maybe we were expecting the worst… he loves poi. he hates bananas and anything with bananas in it. he likes most other fruit. he even likes some vegetables. but he’ll eat poi like jill will eat chocolate. he still doesn’t know what to do with anything with any consistency. he usually gags and spits it out, although the other day he was willing to tolerate a tiny piece of pancake drenched in maple syrup 
he’s still got the sweetest, most even disposition. he’ll crank if we put him in his playpen when he wants to explore, but that’s to be expected. most of the time, after a few minutes, he’ll forget to crank and start playing with toys. he’s learning to be gentle with the animals and with books. he loves to drum his heels on the floor or walls or any other vertical surface. he loves to pound on c’s keyboard and bang his keyboard drawer open and closed. he likes to open and close drawers. he loves to take *long* baths. he loves to ride in the car and sit in shopping carts looking at everything. he loves to be bounced and sung to and tickled. he loves to growl, and he loves when we growl. he’s really easy to get started giggling. ok. gotta go back to work…. — astri – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – …i’m gonna remove all my controls that limit how much i write. frightening, yes? hmm…if not, it should be. i’ve *never* written without any controls on how much I write. :) what’s up? ppl still being hesitant cuz of the furor a couple months back? has the art of lurking run rampant? did ppl just out-and-out quit the group because of the tension? or has everyone’s lives straightened out and are now running smoothly? :-D give a shout if you’re still hanging out, k? happiness to all… jt — "It is astonishing, really, how many thoroughly mature, well-adjusted grown-ups harbor a teddy bear — which is perhaps why they are thoroughly mature and well-adjusted." — Joseph Lempa
Response:
astri, your little 8 and a half month old "excuse" sounds adorable. Hope you are having lots of fun in between getting exhausted. -Nancy
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Don’t write much here because like Nahanton, I’m not much of a touchy feely kinda person. I usually don’t know what to say, I try to think of words I’d like to hear in a similar circumstance but they all sounds so dumb, so I set here and read, send good energy to those who need it and keep my mouth shut most of the time. I also have a problem disclosing things about myself for fear of it being used later as ammunition, in pubic or private. I’m much the loner and very closed off from the world, mostly for self-protection. The other thing is I never learned how to chit chat so holding a conversation is quit the chore for me, takes a lot of energy and wares me out. I’m envious of those who can write in daily and have so much to chit chat about. So that’s my 2 cents worth 14
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – …i’m gonna remove all my controls that limit how much i write. frightening, yes? hmm…if not, it should be. i’ve *never* written without any controls on how much I write. :) what’s up? ppl still being hesitant cuz of the furor a couple months back? has the art of lurking run rampant? did ppl just out-and-out quit the group because of the tension? or has everyone’s lives straightened out and are now running smoothly? :-D give a shout if you’re still hanging out, k? happiness to all… jt — "It is astonishing, really, how many thoroughly mature, well-adjusted grown-ups harbor a teddy bear — which is perhaps why they are thoroughly mature and well-adjusted." — Joseph Lempa
Response:
Okay.. we’re very good-naturedly jealous over here.. But am glad that you are enjoying him so much. He sounds like a joy. Rainstar – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – busy and exhausted with good reason. that’s my excuse. and, btw, my excuse is now 8 1/2 months old. all he wants to do now is explore, explore, explore. he’s crawling and pulling himself up to a stand in his crib and playpen. he’s bound to start cruising, soon. my bet is that he’ll be walking by 10 months. ack! let’s hope he’s not a climber, with all these bookshelves. he’s started to use a few signs consistently he actually stops doing something when you say "no!" if your tone is right. of course, he goes back to doing it after a brief pause. he’s now got a tooth. he actually wasn’t quite as miserable as we were expecting with teething. maybe we were expecting the worst… he loves poi. he hates bananas and anything with bananas in it. he likes most other fruit. he even likes some vegetables. but he’ll eat poi like jill will eat chocolate. he still doesn’t know what to do with anything with any consistency. he usually gags and spits it out, although the other day he was willing to tolerate a tiny piece of pancake drenched in maple syrup he’s still got the sweetest, most even disposition. he’ll crank if we put him in his playpen when he wants to explore, but that’s to be expected. most of the time, after a few minutes, he’ll forget to crank and start playing with toys. he’s learning to be gentle with the animals and with books. he loves to drum his heels on the floor or walls or any other vertical surface. he loves to pound on c’s keyboard and bang his keyboard drawer open and closed. he likes to open and close drawers. he loves to take *long* baths. he loves to ride in the car and sit in shopping carts looking at everything. he loves to be bounced and sung to and tickled. he loves to growl, and he loves when we growl. he’s really easy to get started giggling. ok. gotta go back to work…. — astri …i’m gonna remove all my controls that limit how much i write. frightening, yes? hmm…if not, it should be. i’ve *never* written without any controls on how much I write. :) what’s up? ppl still being hesitant cuz of the furor a couple months back? has the art of lurking run rampant? did ppl just out-and-out quit the group because of the tension? or has everyone’s lives straightened out and are now running smoothly? :-D give a shout if you’re still hanging out, k? happiness to all… jt — "It is astonishing, really, how many thoroughly mature, well-adjusted grown-ups harbor a teddy bear — which is perhaps why they are thoroughly mature and well-adjusted." — Joseph Lempa
– To e-mail remove extra from address
Response:
Hey Dayzie…….Down below, please… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -I’m here. :O) Haven’t had too much to say. Trying very hard to keep my world under control. I think what Beauty said about ppl dialoguing with support and comfort is right on target, and is certainly appropriate, but I don’t feel that I have much to offer in the "touchy-feely" area. I know that it’s very helpful for some ppl, but I’m sort of at a loss with that stuff. I’m very interested in topics and/or experiences on how to deal with DID and related things. Nahanton Hi Nahanton! Had to smile when I read your post only bc we have talked before about how you and I are similar in this area. You are so much like me and not afraid to admit it. I appreciate your example of honesty even though I’ve been as forthright about my lack of ‘touchy-feely’ stuff too. I do have some subjects I’m about to broach here if I can just get our heads out of the fog! Good to see you (and everyone!). Dayzie
Good to see you too, Dayzie. Please do "get your heads out of the fog"……and broach!!! :O) Nahanton – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I’m here. :O) Haven’t had too much to say. Trying very hard to keep my world under control. I think what Beauty said about ppl dialoguing with support and comfort is right on target, and is certainly appropriate, but I don’t feel that I have much to offer in the "touchy-feely" area. I know that it’s very helpful for some ppl, but I’m sort of at a loss with that stuff. I’m very interested in topics and/or experiences on how to deal with DID and related things. Nahanton …i’m gonna remove all my controls that limit how much i write. frightening, yes? hmm…if not, it should be. i’ve *never* written without any controls on how much I write. :) what’s up? ppl still being hesitant cuz of the furor a couple months back? has the art of lurking run rampant? did ppl just out-and-out quit the group because of the tension? or has everyone’s lives straightened out and are now running smoothly? :-D give a shout if you’re still hanging out, k? happiness to all… jt
Response:
Oh, but you are very important to us. You are *not* dustspecks. You are very special people. You mean lots to us and we really enjoy reading your posts. Studying is hard and can take a lot out of you. We hope that you are doing something nice for yourself to counteract all the stress that can cause. *hugs if okay* Rainstar – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – weee know yous not talkingggg to uss cuzz weee are jusstt dustttspekcss and itttt doenttt matterrrr ifff wee are hereee orrr nottt or anyuwheerre beceuasee wee knwo that we aree nottt impppprotatn and youur nottt talkingg boutt uss anywayw butttt hereee is wwhere we are. studddying studyinggg and reading and sstuudddying so so hard that the informationnn is filling upp thhhhe whoileee brainnnnn and the heaaaad ttthrrobbbbs and we keepp dreaamingg about thhee informatiiiiiion evenn and someeeeoneee who is sstuydyingg iss takingg overr the wholee headdd aabndd makingg everyboody oobbsessed with thtttee informmmationnn and makingg sure itts alllll in there and wworrrriinggg thattt thee informationn wontt all bee thereee wheeen we go take the testtss so the head justtttt keeppss focusinnnnnng on all thheeee inforrrmation all the timmmee and boom, boomm it pounds inside andddd it is weeeeridd to studddy so so harrdd. and dovee doenttt remmebemr being like thiiis beforeeee shee wentt to coolllllegeee anndd got those otherrrr degreeeeees . so thattttttt wheree we aree we canttt bbe hereee aaas much untiiiiil tthheeseee classese are done. ttt sayss its okay nottttt to gett A, buuttt someoneeee in heree sayss we have tooo,, buttttt itssss dkay that wyou wereentt talkinggg too ussssss anwayyyyy cuzz weeee allwwaayss knowww that we areednttt everrrrr immprotatnt or ssspeiccil and thattts reallly okayy ….i’m gonna remove all my controls that limit how much i write. frightening, yes? hmm…if not, it should be. i’ve *never* written without any controls on how much I write. what’s up? ppl still being hesitant cuz of the furor a couple months back? has the art of lurking run rampant? did ppl just out-and-out quit the group because of the tension? or has everyone’s lives straightened out and are now running smoothly? give a shout if you’re still hanging out, k? happiness to all… jt — "It is astonishing, really, how many thoroughly mature, well-adjusted grown-ups harbor a teddy bear — which is perhaps why they are thoroughly mature and well-adjusted." — Joseph Lempa — For info about this service, see http://anon.twwells.com/help/ or e-mail:
– To e-mail remove extra from address
Response:
Good to see you too, Dayzie. Please do "get your heads out of the fog"……and broach!!! :O) Nahanton
LOL! Okay. for a warm up, I’m going to do the yellow and red leaves with the gold trim wreath broach that I got at WalM*rt for $5.99. Hahahaha! Gosh, where’d all this joy come from? Seriously though, I want to touch on a transition we seem to be in, which involves an increasing level of co-c which is causing a sort of awareness of amnesia vs. the old kind of amnesia. What would happen before (and still does but on a much smaller scale) was, when we realized we had lost time, the old scurry to hunt-for-clues as to what had transpired during that time might have been necessary to appear ‘in touch’ to co-workers or whoever. Well, now that we are becoming more co-c, I am finding that I am not only ‘observing’ like before during co-c, but now I’m sure that it is "me" who is in control of the mouth/body many times when it’s *not* even though I have the new ’sense’ that it is. What I’m trying to say is… It’s like being co-c, except that I am not aware that a part is out (I think it’s *me*) and I am not aware that they lack knowledge/memory/skills in areas and it’s not till after I look back on the damage, embarassing behavior, faulty reactions, inability to judge surroundings with accuracy, or the strange purchases etc. that I see that it wasn’t *me* again. It ‘feels like’ we cannot seem to access eachothers information, yet we are more co-c as far as not losing time. OR… I am having other mental problems and my ability to process reality and thoughts and ppl’s actions and correct responses have fell off the end of the scale and I don’t know it. Being way more co-c is extremely intimidating (since I’ve never truly been before now). And, maybe I just keep blocking my own memory of the (intimidating) reality of life around me rather than diss’ing it into parts? I can’t tell (yet). This is all new. I’m more in touch with minute to minute life, I can see (almost) all of it lately, yet I can’t seem to put everything (every/one) together enough to make it all run smoothly like the next (singular) guy does it w/o even thinking about it. I have to work *very* hard to put all the pieces of life together in front of me and still can’t seem to manage an appropriate and concerted balanced and reality-based observation/reaction most of the time anymore. I always feel lost. Anyone else know what I’m going thru? Is this progress or is my ‘disorder’ something beyond diss*ciating? I am more co-c, yet I am way more scattered in my mind than ever. I’m having great difficulty putting 2 and 2 together to make 4. This scares me. Dayzie (sorry for the wordiness) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hey Dayzie…….Down below, please… I’m here. :O) Haven’t had too much to say. Trying very hard to keep my world under control. I think what Beauty said about ppl dialoguing with support and comfort is right on target, and is certainly appropriate, but I don’t feel that I have much to offer in the "touchy-feely" area. I know that it’s very helpful for some ppl, but I’m sort of at a loss with that stuff. I’m very interested in topics and/or experiences on how to deal with DID and related things. Nahanton Hi Nahanton! Had to smile when I read your post only bc we have talked before about how you and I are similar in this area. You are so much like me and not afraid to admit it. I appreciate your example of honesty even though I’ve been as forthright about my lack of ‘touchy-feely’ stuff too. I do have some subjects I’m about to broach here if I can just get our heads out of the fog! Good to see you (and everyone!). Dayzie Good to see you too, Dayzie. Please do "get your heads out of the fog"……and broach!!! :O) Nahanton I’m here. :O) Haven’t had too much to say. Trying very hard to keep my world under control. I think what Beauty said about ppl dialoguing with support and comfort is right on target, and is certainly appropriate, but I don’t feel that I have much to offer in the "touchy-feely" area. I know that it’s very helpful for some ppl, but I’m sort of at a loss with that stuff. I’m very interested in topics and/or experiences on how to deal with DID and related things. Nahanton …i’m gonna remove all my controls that limit how much i write. frightening, yes? hmm…if not, it should be. i’ve *never* written without any controls on how much I write. :) what’s up? ppl still being hesitant cuz of the furor a couple months back? has the art of lurking run rampant? did ppl just out-and-out quit the group because of the tension? or has everyone’s lives straightened out and are now running smoothly? :-D give a shout if you’re still hanging out, k? happiness to all… jt
Response:
Yeah, I guess that was what I was trying to say – that the kind of back and forth of hurt-and-comfort thing isn’t where I’m at right now – isn’t what I’m able to do or want to be doing, just can’t be there right now. I mean – it’s a good and needed thing for those who do need and can do it – but I am not one of them. So. I haven’t had much to contribute, is what I mean. Beauty. — To email me, remove "nospam" from my address. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I’m here. :O) Haven’t had too much to say. Trying very hard to keep my world under control. I think what Beauty said about ppl dialoguing with support and comfort is right on target, and is certainly appropriate, but I don’t feel that I have much to offer in the "touchy-feely" area. I know that it’s very helpful for some ppl, but I’m sort of at a loss with that stuff. I’m very interested in topics and/or experiences on how to deal with DID and related things. Nahanton …i’m gonna remove all my controls that limit how much i write. frightening, yes? hmm…if not, it should be. i’ve *never* written without any controls on how much I write. :) what’s up? ppl still being hesitant cuz of the furor a couple months back? has the art of lurking run rampant? did ppl just out-and-out quit the group because of the tension? or has everyone’s lives straightened out and are now running smoothly? :-D give a shout if you’re still hanging out, k? happiness to all… jt
Response:
Why do you think fall is a tough season for so many ppl? it’s definately hitting us *extremely*hard this year. don’t even know why. not ever before aseasonal depress*on person. seems the older i get the harder life gets. fall aint helping.
== hi dayzie, from people we’ve met fall is always hard. lots of them had r*t*al ab*se involved and the fall season is/was a big time for when some of those r*t*als took place–around h*llow**n, or equ*nox, and such days–which are frquently observed in some c*lts that think they are imitating real r*l*gions that do honor those days. so, for those people, the late septemeber and october/november times are rough. add to that the stress of all the h*l*days–whether one observes them as r*l*giously or just secularly–it is a lot. even "normal" people experience additional stress during this time of the year–add that to depression, dissociation, ptsd, etc and it is a whole lot to deal with! but i havent been writing jt bc i’ve been just so out of it. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – daily responsibilities are becoming ovewhelming again and i know what that means. The big D word. had a falling out w/hubby recently and it was bc the duaghter visited and w/e switched and lost info that she and i had made wonderful amends and w/e fell back into old patterns and visit was ruined and he became irate w/me and t said i have alwyas blown stuff out of perportion when it came to her and that put him on hubby’s side and made them both unsafe for us in a trusting way. we didnt realize till after the damage that we switched and ruiend the visit. now i’m devistated and t and hubby aint there inside to help us feel safe and we feel sick bc we are co-dep. and wish for independant wealth and would leave his a$$.
== we are sorry that things have gone so bad–and that your t did not provide you support when you needed it. it is really difficult to feel safe and be able to trust, if you are not certain that support will be there. sick of not being able to remember half of what i need to to keep my life straight. :(….. tired of trying. really made a mess this time and everyone lost bc of m/e. but t wont listen that there’s some real issues w/them, he just says we dont see reality for what it really is bc of the DID.
== while did may influence how you see things and interact, there can still be valid and real issues that need to be explored and discussed to maintain safety in the relationships for everyone. we hope you will try to convince your t of the issues concerning you. that HURTS (but i know its true, that’s exactly what happened, issues or not). hard to live this way. cant tell when we’re screwing it all up half the time till it’s too late. and i fe*r we’ll never heal enough to live n*rmal. i dont want to be this way anymore. i wish i could remember clearly day-to-day what i’m doing/supposd to be doing. dayzie
== it is difficult never knowing what happens–or not being sure. is it possible that all of the insiders could talk and possibly start writing notes for one another? we have started typing notes during the day in word; or making notes on a pad, so if we go inside and someone else is out, they have an idea of what is happening–it also gives us a good basis for th*r*py when we see our t–cause we have a sort of listing of what has been happening–even if we don’t remember. just a thought. == hoping things get better for you all…. rose & the rest — ~*~*~Blessed Be!~*~*~
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