Question:
Most of the nightmares I have seem to center around the short-term scary events that have happened to me. I have nightmares about when my
Dear Lord, how awful. Does anything in particular cause your flashbacks? Or, do they just come out of the blue? Can anyone suggest how to get past flashbacks? Mine, for various things just faded with time. They must be quite disabling to you. fare thee well, Eric Verwijs "It’s not the sharpness of the blade, or how much light it shows It’s more the way the wisdom’s used, than just how much one knows" Arctic Rose by Susan Aglukark
Response:
Hi Summer, I’m Tracy… I’m so sorry you’re having to go through all this, I know how ‘off centered’ it can make you feel. I would agree that talking about your abuse can help kinda release things, although I’ve found I have be in a really safe place to do that; not easy when your already feeling all that fear from the nightmares and flashbacks. I also find some of the simplest things will trigger memories. A couple weeks ago I was pumping gas into my car and heard a mans voice behind me that sounded similar to my ex’s…BOOM instant fear, anxiety, flight reaction out of the blue. I’ve done some EMDR work that definately helped for a time. But due to having to deal w/my ex in Court, etc just pushes everything back up to the surface so it’s been a continuing struggle. Are you in the same house where you said your ex lives right down the street? If so, I would definately consider that to be a real problem for you. Hang in there, the only thing I know for sure that has helped me is breathe – breathe – breathe. Tracy
Response:
old friends ugh – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I treat the flashbacks as red flags or arrows, pointing to something I need to examine. I welcome them as old friends now rather than enemies, for in looking at what they point to I grow. Embrace them as friends is what I’m saying, for in a way they are just that. Good luck in your healing process, J
Response:
Yup, you bet it’s hard as doodoo Ms. wog. Didn’t say it was easy, just that I’d got there and it can be done. I couldn’t do it though until a friend "gave" me the concept. Once it hit, it was easy as pie for some reason. Just clicked. Took me a long time to get there to be sure. Work it every day some way or other. Jan sounds good, but hard as doodoo polly wog I treat the flashbacks as red flags or
arrows, pointing to something I need to examine. I welcome them as old friends
now rather than enemies, for in looking at what they point to I grow. Embrace them as friends is what I’m saying,
for in a way they are just that. Good luck in your healing process, J
Response:
I treat the flashbacks as red flags or arrows, pointing to something I need to examine. I welcome them as old friends now rather than enemies, for in looking at what they point to I grow. Embrace them as friends is what I’m saying, for in a way they are just that. Good luck in your healing process, J
Response:
sounds good, but hard as doodoo polly wog
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I treat the flashbacks as red flags or arrows, pointing to something I need to examine. I welcome them as old friends now rather than enemies, for in looking at what they point to I grow. Embrace them as friends is what I’m saying, for in a way they are just that. Good luck in your healing process, J
Response:
i go through stages. they come in waves…. like right now. sometimes i’m quiet for a period of time and i’m like thank god it’s over and then it’s back. i agree with polly. talk talk talk. maybe it’s desensitization. maybe it’s just that your mind has nothing more to say about it so why bother. a – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Most of the nightmares I have seem to center around the short-term scary events that have happened to me. I have nightmares about when my ex-bf broke in, about when I was beaten and r*ped as a teenager, and about when my ex-h used to put his gun to my head. We (me and exh) lived in a very isolated rural area at the time, our house was in the middle of the woods and no one around for miles. He had guns, but everyone did around there. I only stayed with him for 2 months after we got married, he was too dangerous. He didn’t beat me but he put that loaded cocked .38 to my head a few times and constantly made comments about if he killed me he would put my body in the septic tank and put bacteria in there so they would eat me and no one would ever find me, and until death do us part (he said that constantly). I was more "in fear of my life" with him than with anyone else. Things got totally worse after I left him and filed for divorce (he was also cheating on me and tried to move his ex-girlfriend’s whole family into our home, that was also a big reason why I left). I left with the kids and the clothes on my back and I got none of my stuff back, but in the divorce I did get a monetary judgement against him for my things he refused to give back and he was ordered to pay all my legal fees. 6 months after I filed for divorce I met W. (I had moved back in my mom’s in the city and exh had moved right down the street from us) Exh went crazy then, started following us everywhere and harassing all my relatives and my best friend. I stopped hanging around most of my friends because he was driving them crazy harassing them and pumping them for information about me. He always would come up on me when I had the kids, he blocked me in the parking lot at my son’s school and was throwing things at me and screaming at me, he would wait for me in the parking lot of the day care when I picked my son up and scream things at me. He sent his girlfriend up to my work to harass me, he chased me in my truck and ran me off the road. I got a restraining order against him but this just made him harass me more and the police would not enforce the order because he was friends with a few of them. Most of my flashbacks have to do with things my ex-bf did (the one who broke into my house). He was very violent. By that I mean he broke my nose, my upper plate of my jaw, my right hand and arm (three times), and knocked a piece of bone out of my eye socket. I had scars on my face for a while (especially under my eye) but they have faded a lot. I was 5 months pregnant by him and he beat me so bad I lost our baby. He was on crack and he would steal my purse and my car while I was asleep to go get crack. Then I started hiding my purse and keys and he would beat the crap out of me because I wouldn’t tell him where it was at. Or he would beat me just to beat me. Sometimes my mom would be drunk and would try to egg him on. That usually made him stop. lol
Response:
Eric, It’s been nearly a decade and a half since I was last abused and I still can get flashbacks. They have faded with time, but I still get them if I watch a battered women’s movie and haven’t prepared myself to watch it. If I do flashback, and my hubby is home, he assures me that it’s not really happening and that I am safe and that seems to help, but that’s the only thing that I know of that might avert a flashback. Love, Michele
I had repeated flashbacks or something for a few years after being sexually assaulted. They only went away after I dealt effectively with what happened to me. Until I did, they just kept coming, sometimes with a vengeance. The last flashbacks I had were shortly after my son William was born. I don’t know why, but just holding him, feeding him and taking care of him made me nearly seize up. I really don’t know what he was triggering, but it too went away. So far, Michelle hasn’t triggered anything. all the best, Eric Verwijs "It’s not the sharpness of the blade, or how much light it shows It’s more the way the wisdom’s used, than just how much one knows" Arctic Rose by Susan Aglukark
Response:
for me they are just fading over time. the more i talk about them the less power they have. polly wog
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Most of the nightmares I have seem to center around the short-term scary events that have happened to me. I have nightmares about when my Dear Lord, how awful. Does anything in particular cause your flashbacks? Or, do they just come out of the blue? Can anyone suggest how to get past flashbacks? Mine, for various things just faded with time. They must be quite disabling to you. fare thee well, Eric Verwijs "It’s not the sharpness of the blade, or how much light it shows It’s more the way the wisdom’s used, than just how much one knows" Arctic Rose by Susan Aglukark
Response:
is there a possibility of gettin out of the house into another place? polly wog
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – They usually are triggered by small things, the most recent one I had a few weeks ago was a bad one, it was triggered by a comment W made to me. Actually it was a threat he made to me, but what he threatened to do to me had almost been done to me several years ago by someone else. I didn’t have the flashback right then, but about 3 days later, at night, I seem to have problems at night and I can’t sleep most of the time. I initially did not know *where* it came from and it had me freaked out for a few days. I considered it a *lightbulb moment* once I figured out Hey, I know what brought this on. Just that knowledge made me feel better. Sometimes I don’t even know what triggers them. And that’s kinda scary. I think my flashbacks would ease up if I was not in this house. Take Care, Summer Most of the nightmares I have seem to center around the short-term scary events that have happened to me. I have nightmares about when my Dear Lord, how awful. Does anything in particular cause your flashbacks? Or, do they just come out of the blue? Can anyone suggest how to get past flashbacks? Mine, for various things just faded with time. They must be quite disabling to you. fare thee well, Eric Verwijs "It’s not the sharpness of the blade, or how much light it shows It’s more the way the wisdom’s used, than just how much one knows" Arctic Rose by Susan Aglukark
Response:
Summer, Have you ever been diagnosed as having PTSD? some of the symptoms are nightmares, paranoia, trouble with stress, anxiety, fear…. it’s a very real thing and I actually had PTSD since I was 16 but I was ok until I got married and my ex r*ped me…. that aggravated it. I’m now able to handle it lots better…. in fact, sometimes I feel like I don’t have it unless I see flashing lights or even a guy that looks similar to my ex in stature and build. Kathryn – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Most of the nightmares I have seem to center around the short-term scary events that have happened to me. I have nightmares about when my ex-bf broke in, about when I was beaten and r*ped as a teenager, and about when my ex-h used to put his gun to my head. We (me and exh) lived in a very isolated rural area at the time, our house was in the middle of the woods and no one around for miles. He had guns, but everyone did around there. I only stayed with him for 2 months after we got married, he was too dangerous. He didn’t beat me but he put that loaded cocked .38 to my head a few times and constantly made comments about if he killed me he would put my body in the septic tank and put bacteria in there so they would eat me and no one would ever find me, and until death do us part (he said that constantly). I was more "in fear of my life" with him than with anyone else. Things got totally worse after I left him and filed for divorce (he was also cheating on me and tried to move his ex-girlfriend’s whole family into our home, that was also a big reason why I left). I left with the kids and the clothes on my back and I got none of my stuff back, but in the divorce I did get a monetary judgement against him for my things he refused to give back and he was ordered to pay all my legal fees. 6 months after I filed for divorce I met W. (I had moved back in my mom’s in the city and exh had moved right down the street from us) Exh went crazy then, started following us everywhere and harassing all my relatives and my best friend. I stopped hanging around most of my friends because he was driving them crazy harassing them and pumping them for information about me. He always would come up on me when I had the kids, he blocked me in the parking lot at my son’s school and was throwing things at me and screaming at me, he would wait for me in the parking lot of the day care when I picked my son up and scream things at me. He sent his girlfriend up to my work to harass me, he chased me in my truck and ran me off the road. I got a restraining order against him but this just made him harass me more and the police would not enforce the order because he was friends with a few of them. Most of my flashbacks have to do with things my ex-bf did (the one who broke into my house). He was very violent. By that I mean he broke my nose, my upper plate of my jaw, my right hand and arm (three times), and knocked a piece of bone out of my eye socket. I had scars on my face for a while (especially under my eye) but they have faded a lot. I was 5 months pregnant by him and he beat me so bad I lost our baby. He was on crack and he would steal my purse and my car while I was asleep to go get crack. Then I started hiding my purse and keys and he would beat the crap out of me because I wouldn’t tell him where it was at. Or he would beat me just to beat me. Sometimes my mom would be drunk and would try to egg him on. That usually made him stop. lol
Response:
Eric, It’s been nearly a decade and a half since I was last abused and I still can get flashbacks. They have faded with time, but I still get them if I watch a battered women’s movie and haven’t prepared myself to watch it. If I do flashback, and my hubby is home, he assures me that it’s not really happening and that I am safe and that seems to help, but that’s the only thing that I know of that might avert a flashback. Love, Michele – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Most of the nightmares I have seem to center around the short-term scary events that have happened to me. I have nightmares about when my Dear Lord, how awful. Does anything in particular cause your flashbacks? Or, do they just come out of the blue? Can anyone suggest how to get past flashbacks? Mine, for various things just faded with time. They must be quite disabling to you. fare thee well, Eric Verwijs "It’s not the sharpness of the blade, or how much light it shows It’s more the way the wisdom’s used, than just how much one knows" Arctic Rose by Susan Aglukark
Response:
They usually are triggered by small things, the most recent one I had a few weeks ago was a bad one, it was triggered by a comment W made to me. Actually it was a threat he made to me, but what he threatened to do to me had almost been done to me several years ago by someone else. I didn’t have the flashback right then, but about 3 days later, at night, I seem to have problems at night and I can’t sleep most of the time. I initially did not know *where* it came from and it had me freaked out for a few days. I considered it a *lightbulb moment* once I figured out Hey, I know what brought this on. Just that knowledge made me feel better. Sometimes I don’t even know what triggers them. And that’s kinda scary. I think my flashbacks would ease up if I was not in this house. Take Care, Summer – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Most of the nightmares I have seem to center around the short-term scary events that have happened to me. I have nightmares about when my Dear Lord, how awful. Does anything in particular cause your flashbacks? Or, do they just come out of the blue? Can anyone suggest how to get past flashbacks? Mine, for various things just faded with time. They must be quite disabling to you. fare thee well, Eric Verwijs "It’s not the sharpness of the blade, or how much light it shows It’s more the way the wisdom’s used, than just how much one knows" Arctic Rose by Susan Aglukark
Response:
My worst triggers came in seeing the face of my stepdad places. On somoene elses body. In pictures. Outside the window. Floating up in the safe cornor. Just to to think that "he" might be there was enough to send me over the edge. I eventually resorted to some woierd things to at least make sleeping a little better. I still see him sometimes. But my mind is more aware now then it was before
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – They usually are triggered by small things, the most recent one I had a few weeks ago was a bad one, it was triggered by a comment W made to me. Actually it was a threat he made to me, but what he threatened to do to me had almost been done to me several years ago by someone else. I didn’t have the flashback right then, but about 3 days later, at night, I seem to have problems at night and I can’t sleep most of the time. I initially did not know *where* it came from and it had me freaked out for a few days. I considered it a *lightbulb moment* once I figured out Hey, I know what brought this on. Just that knowledge made me feel better. Sometimes I don’t even know what triggers them. And that’s kinda scary. I think my flashbacks would ease up if I was not in this house. Take Care, Summer Most of the nightmares I have seem to center around the short-term scary events that have happened to me. I have nightmares about when my Dear Lord, how awful. Does anything in particular cause your flashbacks? Or, do they just come out of the blue? Can anyone suggest how to get past flashbacks? Mine, for various things just faded with time. They must be quite disabling to you. fare thee well, Eric Verwijs "It’s not the sharpness of the blade, or how much light it shows It’s more the way the wisdom’s used, than just how much one knows" Arctic Rose by Susan Aglukark
Response:
Oh, Summer. I’m so sorry you went through this and keep revisiting it in your head. I can’t tell you when, but I promise the nightmares will lessen and maybe even go away all together. If you ever need an ear… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Most of the nightmares I have seem to center around the short-term scary events that have happened to me. I have nightmares about when my ex-bf broke in, about when I was beaten and r*ped as a teenager, and about when my ex-h used to put his gun to my head. We (me and exh) lived in a very isolated rural area at the time, our house was in the middle of the woods and no one around for miles. He had guns, but everyone did around there. I only stayed with him for 2 months after we got married, he was too dangerous. He didn’t beat me but he put that loaded cocked .38 to my head a few times and constantly made comments about if he killed me he would put my body in the septic tank and put bacteria in there so they would eat me and no one would ever find me, and until death do us part (he said that constantly). I was more "in fear of my life" with him than with anyone else. Things got totally worse after I left him and filed for divorce (he was also cheating on me and tried to move his ex-girlfriend’s whole family into our home, that was also a big reason why I left). I left with the kids and the clothes on my back and I got none of my stuff back, but in the divorce I did get a monetary judgement against him for my things he refused to give back and he was ordered to pay all my legal fees. 6 months after I filed for divorce I met W. (I had moved back in my mom’s in the city and exh had moved right down the street from us) Exh went crazy then, started following us everywhere and harassing all my relatives and my best friend. I stopped hanging around most of my friends because he was driving them crazy harassing them and pumping them for information about me. He always would come up on me when I had the kids, he blocked me in the parking lot at my son’s school and was throwing things at me and screaming at me, he would wait for me in the parking lot of the day care when I picked my son up and scream things at me. He sent his girlfriend up to my work to harass me, he chased me in my truck and ran me off the road. I got a restraining order against him but this just made him harass me more and the police would not enforce the order because he was friends with a few of them. Most of my flashbacks have to do with things my ex-bf did (the one who broke into my house). He was very violent. By that I mean he broke my nose, my upper plate of my jaw, my right hand and arm (three times), and knocked a piece of bone out of my eye socket. I had scars on my face for a while (especially under my eye) but they have faded a lot. I was 5 months pregnant by him and he beat me so bad I lost our baby. He was on crack and he would steal my purse and my car while I was asleep to go get crack. Then I started hiding my purse and keys and he would beat the crap out of me because I wouldn’t tell him where it was at. Or he would beat me just to beat me. Sometimes my mom would be drunk and would try to egg him on. That usually made him stop. lol
Response:
(((care))) Those kinds of movies trigger me, too. So does watching America’s Most Wanted, sometimes when they do the re-creations, that triggers me big time. I can’t watch that show any more. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Eric, It’s been nearly a decade and a half since I was last abused and I still can get flashbacks. They have faded with time, but I still get them if I watch a battered women’s movie and haven’t prepared myself to watch it. If I do flashback, and my hubby is home, he assures me that it’s not really happening and that I am safe and that seems to help, but that’s the only thing that I know of that might avert a flashback. Love, Michele Most of the nightmares I have seem to center around the short-term scary events that have happened to me. I have nightmares about when my Dear Lord, how awful. Does anything in particular cause your flashbacks? Or, do they just come out of the blue? Can anyone suggest how to get past flashbacks? Mine, for various things just faded with time. They must be quite disabling to you. fare thee well, Eric Verwijs "It’s not the sharpness of the blade, or how much light it shows It’s more the way the wisdom’s used, than just how much one knows" Arctic Rose by Susan Aglukark
Response:
Most of the nightmares I have seem to center around the short-term scary events that have happened to me. I have nightmares about when my ex-bf broke in, about when I was beaten and r*ped as a teenager, and about when my ex-h used to put his gun to my head. We (me and exh) lived in a very isolated rural area at the time, our house was in the middle of the woods and no one around for miles. He had guns, but everyone did around there. I only stayed with him for 2 months after we got married, he was too dangerous. He didn’t beat me but he put that loaded cocked .38 to my head a few times and constantly made comments about if he killed me he would put my body in the septic tank and put bacteria in there so they would eat me and no one would ever find me, and until death do us part (he said that constantly). I was more "in fear of my life" with him than with anyone else. Things got totally worse after I left him and filed for divorce (he was also cheating on me and tried to move his ex-girlfriend’s whole family into our home, that was also a big reason why I left). I left with the kids and the clothes on my back and I got none of my stuff back, but in the divorce I did get a monetary judgement against him for my things he refused to give back and he was ordered to pay all my legal fees. 6 months after I filed for divorce I met W. (I had moved back in my mom’s in the city and exh had moved right down the street from us) Exh went crazy then, started following us everywhere and harassing all my relatives and my best friend. I stopped hanging around most of my friends because he was driving them crazy harassing them and pumping them for information about me. He always would come up on me when I had the kids, he blocked me in the parking lot at my son’s school and was throwing things at me and screaming at me, he would wait for me in the parking lot of the day care when I picked my son up and scream things at me. He sent his girlfriend up to my work to harass me, he chased me in my truck and ran me off the road. I got a restraining order against him but this just made him harass me more and the police would not enforce the order because he was friends with a few of them. Most of my flashbacks have to do with things my ex-bf did (the one who broke into my house). He was very violent. By that I mean he broke my nose, my upper plate of my jaw, my right hand and arm (three times), and knocked a piece of bone out of my eye socket. I had scars on my face for a while (especially under my eye) but they have faded a lot. I was 5 months pregnant by him and he beat me so bad I lost our baby. He was on crack and he would steal my purse and my car while I was asleep to go get crack. Then I started hiding my purse and keys and he would beat the crap out of me because I wouldn’t tell him where it was at. Or he would beat me just to beat me. Sometimes my mom would be drunk and would try to egg him on. That usually made him stop. lol
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