Question:
hi, me again…. small steps, sent my last post and then cleared some of crap shoved up my side of the bed. filled a bin and i’m NOT going to check it again. next step will be the landing- the rubbish there is piled so high…. Gail – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Gail wrote in message <7b60r4$79…@news4.svr.pol.co.uk>… >hoarding… oh yes…know about that one. my husband and i are both >culprits. it’s got to the stage now where i haven’t got the time or energy >to tackle. our house is a permanent mess cos of all the stuff in it, and the >kids are getting just as bad. when i go to work cleaning other peoples >houses i get really envous of their neat and tidy homes. >when we moved 3 years ago we cleared just about everything we didn’t need. >it was hard. we had a pile in the yard for rubbish and a pile for the animal >rescue charity shop. we put the rubbish pile out on the road the night befor >we left and i literally spent hours going out again and again to sort >through the rubbish in case i’d chucked anything by mistake. needless to say >a lot of stuff got taken back in the house, and for a long time after that i >used to go through our bin bags to check them…. >let’s hope we move house again soon to have another purge… >Gail >Trevor Lampre wrote in message <36D4F083.61CED…@camtech.net.au>… >>My wife does this. It appears to be linked to her obsession with money. >>By not throwing things out she thinks we can save. I finally got her to >>throw out her used toothbrush collection the other day, 30 horrible >>grotty toothbrushes she was keeping ‘just in case’. I tried to clean out >>our house a bit then too. I ordered a ‘blue bin’ – a big dumpster style >>of thing we get to use for 4 days. In 3 hours I had filled it and felt >>like I hadn’t scratched the surface. I managed to get her to go through >>some 12 year old boxes of old computer printouts. She managed to throw >>out a few papers after reading *all* of them. We have 28 chairs in our >>house and extra beds and tables that are of no use. I gave some of the >>excess furniture to the Salvation Army, they wouldn’t take it all >>because it was too useless! But even after all that I can barely move. I >>cleaned out 2 rooms and ‘gave’ them to our kids. They have never had >>their own bedrooms until now because they were used as storerooms. The >>kids slept in our bed because she was too frightened to let them sleep >>alone. I slept on the floor. >>I’m resting now after trying to tidy up. I feel like it’s futile. My >>wife knows we don’t need all this stuff but she can’t part with it. >>Still, she no longer runs in from outside because the wasps are going to >>get her and she doesn’t mop the floors at midnight and the bucket of >>waste vegetable matter she used to keep in the kitchen ‘to fertilize the >>garden with’ has gone. This bucket sat next to the food preparation area >>and stank like hell even though it contradicted her fear of germs. >>She didn’t like touching doorknobs when we first met and would wait for >>other people to open the door and follow. Her worst problem though was >>the need to control people, me especially and then the kids. She could >>abuse me emotionally for hours or even days to get her own way. My son >>has fears of abandonment. She has seen a psychologist only twice now >>and is not officially diagnosed. >>But enough of my whining, go and see a psychologist or psychiatrist and >>discuss the problem. These sort of behaviours may not be OCD, PTSD can >>have similar symptoms. My wife was sexually molested for about 5 years >>at around age 8 so PTSD is a possibility. I’m not sure what her problem >>is, it may something else entirely but it took an emotional collapse >>from the stress on my part and 3 months separation to get her take some >>responsibility for herself. You are lucky to be self aware, don’t leave >>it until things get that bad. >>Regards, >>Trevor >>Jessica Curry wrote: >>> I’m new to this bulletin board, and was drawn to it because I seem to >>> have a lot of OCD symptoms — Hair twisting, obsessional ideas about >>> religion and health, but the worst one is hoarding. My husband and I >>> live in a small apartment and neither of us can seem to bring ourselves >>> to tackle sorting and throwing out the horrible piles of junk and >>> clothes we’ve accumulated. Today a maintenance man came in our ap’t and >>> I can tell he was very put off by the mess. I keep obsessing that we >>> will get thrown out of our ap’t yet after countless attempts to try to >>> clear out the place we both find it extremely hard to throw things away >>> and get overwhelmed by the sheer volume of stuff we’ve hoarded over 14 >>> years in this ap’t. My friends are baffled as to why we can’t "just do >>> it" and no one I know has this problem — so feel alone and greatly >>> shamed by this problem. Does anyone else on this board relate to this? >>> Would greatly appreciate hearing from anyone >>> who does. >>> ————————————————————— >>> Jessica Curry
Response:
Hi, Would like to thank everyone with the helpful replies, now I have a few resources to deal with this. I have been seeing therapists and psychiatrists for 30 years about other problems but none of them specialiized in OCD. I am especially glad to find a newsgroup that deals specifically with clutter, thanks so much, Marc! And again, thanks to everyone who replied, what a nice bunch of people here. Sincerely, Jessica
Jessica Curry
Response:
hello- You may want to take a look at this newsgroup: alt.recovery.clutter Best of luck- Marc
Response:
hoarding… oh yes…know about that one. my husband and i are both culprits. it’s got to the stage now where i haven’t got the time or energy to tackle. our house is a permanent mess cos of all the stuff in it, and the kids are getting just as bad. when i go to work cleaning other peoples houses i get really envous of their neat and tidy homes. when we moved 3 years ago we cleared just about everything we didn’t need. it was hard. we had a pile in the yard for rubbish and a pile for the animal rescue charity shop. we put the rubbish pile out on the road the night befor we left and i literally spent hours going out again and again to sort through the rubbish in case i’d chucked anything by mistake. needless to say a lot of stuff got taken back in the house, and for a long time after that i used to go through our bin bags to check them…. let’s hope we move house again soon to have another purge… Gail – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Trevor Lampre wrote in message <36D4F083.61CED…@camtech.net.au>… >My wife does this. It appears to be linked to her obsession with money. >By not throwing things out she thinks we can save. I finally got her to >throw out her used toothbrush collection the other day, 30 horrible >grotty toothbrushes she was keeping ‘just in case’. I tried to clean out >our house a bit then too. I ordered a ‘blue bin’ – a big dumpster style >of thing we get to use for 4 days. In 3 hours I had filled it and felt >like I hadn’t scratched the surface. I managed to get her to go through >some 12 year old boxes of old computer printouts. She managed to throw >out a few papers after reading *all* of them. We have 28 chairs in our >house and extra beds and tables that are of no use. I gave some of the >excess furniture to the Salvation Army, they wouldn’t take it all >because it was too useless! But even after all that I can barely move. I >cleaned out 2 rooms and ‘gave’ them to our kids. They have never had >their own bedrooms until now because they were used as storerooms. The >kids slept in our bed because she was too frightened to let them sleep >alone. I slept on the floor. >I’m resting now after trying to tidy up. I feel like it’s futile. My >wife knows we don’t need all this stuff but she can’t part with it. >Still, she no longer runs in from outside because the wasps are going to >get her and she doesn’t mop the floors at midnight and the bucket of >waste vegetable matter she used to keep in the kitchen ‘to fertilize the >garden with’ has gone. This bucket sat next to the food preparation area >and stank like hell even though it contradicted her fear of germs. >She didn’t like touching doorknobs when we first met and would wait for >other people to open the door and follow. Her worst problem though was >the need to control people, me especially and then the kids. She could >abuse me emotionally for hours or even days to get her own way. My son >has fears of abandonment. She has seen a psychologist only twice now >and is not officially diagnosed. >But enough of my whining, go and see a psychologist or psychiatrist and >discuss the problem. These sort of behaviours may not be OCD, PTSD can >have similar symptoms. My wife was sexually molested for about 5 years >at around age 8 so PTSD is a possibility. I’m not sure what her problem >is, it may something else entirely but it took an emotional collapse >from the stress on my part and 3 months separation to get her take some >responsibility for herself. You are lucky to be self aware, don’t leave >it until things get that bad. >Regards, >Trevor >Jessica Curry wrote: >> I’m new to this bulletin board, and was drawn to it because I seem to >> have a lot of OCD symptoms — Hair twisting, obsessional ideas about >> religion and health, but the worst one is hoarding. My husband and I >> live in a small apartment and neither of us can seem to bring ourselves >> to tackle sorting and throwing out the horrible piles of junk and >> clothes we’ve accumulated. Today a maintenance man came in our ap’t and >> I can tell he was very put off by the mess. I keep obsessing that we >> will get thrown out of our ap’t yet after countless attempts to try to >> clear out the place we both find it extremely hard to throw things away >> and get overwhelmed by the sheer volume of stuff we’ve hoarded over 14 >> years in this ap’t. My friends are baffled as to why we can’t "just do >> it" and no one I know has this problem — so feel alone and greatly >> shamed by this problem. Does anyone else on this board relate to this? >> Would greatly appreciate hearing from anyone >> who does. >> ————————————————————— >> Jessica Curry
Response:
My wife does this. It appears to be linked to her obsession with money. By not throwing things out she thinks we can save. I finally got her to throw out her used toothbrush collection the other day, 30 horrible grotty toothbrushes she was keeping ‘just in case’. I tried to clean out our house a bit then too. I ordered a ‘blue bin’ – a big dumpster style of thing we get to use for 4 days. In 3 hours I had filled it and felt like I hadn’t scratched the surface. I managed to get her to go through some 12 year old boxes of old computer printouts. She managed to throw out a few papers after reading *all* of them. We have 28 chairs in our house and extra beds and tables that are of no use. I gave some of the excess furniture to the Salvation Army, they wouldn’t take it all because it was too useless! But even after all that I can barely move. I cleaned out 2 rooms and ‘gave’ them to our kids. They have never had their own bedrooms until now because they were used as storerooms. The kids slept in our bed because she was too frightened to let them sleep alone. I slept on the floor. I’m resting now after trying to tidy up. I feel like it’s futile. My wife knows we don’t need all this stuff but she can’t part with it. Still, she no longer runs in from outside because the wasps are going to get her and she doesn’t mop the floors at midnight and the bucket of waste vegetable matter she used to keep in the kitchen ‘to fertilize the garden with’ has gone. This bucket sat next to the food preparation area and stank like hell even though it contradicted her fear of germs. She didn’t like touching doorknobs when we first met and would wait for other people to open the door and follow. Her worst problem though was the need to control people, me especially and then the kids. She could abuse me emotionally for hours or even days to get her own way. My son has fears of abandonment. She has seen a psychologist only twice now and is not officially diagnosed. But enough of my whining, go and see a psychologist or psychiatrist and discuss the problem. These sort of behaviours may not be OCD, PTSD can have similar symptoms. My wife was sexually molested for about 5 years at around age 8 so PTSD is a possibility. I’m not sure what her problem is, it may something else entirely but it took an emotional collapse from the stress on my part and 3 months separation to get her take some responsibility for herself. You are lucky to be self aware, don’t leave it until things get that bad. Regards, Trevor – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Jessica Curry wrote: > I’m new to this bulletin board, and was drawn to it because I seem to > have a lot of OCD symptoms — Hair twisting, obsessional ideas about > religion and health, but the worst one is hoarding. My husband and I > live in a small apartment and neither of us can seem to bring ourselves > to tackle sorting and throwing out the horrible piles of junk and > clothes we’ve accumulated. Today a maintenance man came in our ap’t and > I can tell he was very put off by the mess. I keep obsessing that we > will get thrown out of our ap’t yet after countless attempts to try to > clear out the place we both find it extremely hard to throw things away > and get overwhelmed by the sheer volume of stuff we’ve hoarded over 14 > years in this ap’t. My friends are baffled as to why we can’t "just do > it" and no one I know has this problem — so feel alone and greatly > shamed by this problem. Does anyone else on this board relate to this? > Would greatly appreciate hearing from anyone > who does. > ————————————————————— > Jessica Curry
Response:
A doctor spoke about this problem on a local radio show. He saw a patient once a week and asked patient to bring into his office each visit a plastic shopping bag containing items "easiest to let go of." Wasn’t at all easy at first, but became increasingly easier. Dr. claims the patient eventually was able to clean it all out and was happy to work on other problems. Of course the weekly drop-off was only a part of the course of treatment. The doctor mentioned his belief the patient derived a sense of comfort and security from the accumulation. I do know of more than one elderly (older than I) person who save every egg carfon and jelly glass from years past. Each of these persons lived through the Depression of the 1930’s when it only made good sense such items to save. Jim (Not a neatnik)
Response:
Hi Jessica and welcome. My son has this obsession. He can’t even part with old worn out socks that have holes in them. He would even dig things out of the garbage after I had thrown them away. His other obsession is with germs and contamination so you can imagine how hard that was for him. Now I don’t throw any of his things away. We just box them and put them in the attic. I can sympathise with you. Mary
Response:
I’m new to this bulletin board, and was drawn to it because I seem to have a lot of OCD symptoms — Hair twisting, obsessional ideas about religion and health, but the worst one is hoarding. My husband and I live in a small apartment and neither of us can seem to bring ourselves to tackle sorting and throwing out the horrible piles of junk and clothes we’ve accumulated. Today a maintenance man came in our ap’t and I can tell he was very put off by the mess. I keep obsessing that we will get thrown out of our ap’t yet after countless attempts to try to clear out the place we both find it extremely hard to throw things away and get overwhelmed by the sheer volume of stuff we’ve hoarded over 14 years in this ap’t. My friends are baffled as to why we can’t "just do it" and no one I know has this problem — so feel alone and greatly shamed by this problem. Does anyone else on this board relate to this? Would greatly appreciate hearing from anyone who does.
Jessica Curry
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