Question:
Hi all, I haven’t written in with a problem in a long time and was beginning to think that I was getting to be like some of the "old timers", ready to give support or a kind word here or there. Guess not. Last week my T and I were discussing how I reacted to anger, frustration, mild annoyance, etc. It usually was with heart pounding and knowing that this person is through with me forever. He was explaining that it had to do with experiences of ab*se. I could see where he was coming from, and completely agreed with him. The *next* problem is, what do I do about it? It is so ingrained in me, that at the slightest hint of conflict I want to run for the hills. I told him that I had seen a few ppl write in about the very same problem in the ng. He said that he wasn’t surprised. That it was very common among ppl who were ab*sed as children. At about the same time a friend of mine suggested that I read E.Sue Blume’s book. I had been meaning to get it, so I bought it the next day. After the first three chapters which didn’t mean too much to me, as it was how and when she wrote the book, each page after that was "written to me". I was fascinated. I was obsessed. I couldn’t put the book down. Somewhere, I knew that this wasn’t good, but I just couldn’t help myself. I got to a part where she talks about the "loss of childhood", loss of what I/we might of developed into, it became too much. I heard this HUGE voice in my head telling me to k*ll myself. To take a kitchen kn*fe and st*ck it in my ch*st. The insiders were running for cover they were so frightened, Louise who is the strongest came out and said "Get Out Of Here". The VOICE just rolled right over her. I was so scared that I took a handful of tranquilizers and kept walking and walking around the apartment. I didn’t go into the kitchen. Finally, I got so tired that I fell asleep. When I woke up the VOICE was gone. But, I’m so afraid that it’ll come back. I went to the T, and he said that the book was a trigger for what we had been discussing just prior to my buying it. He told me to put it into the mail to him, and that we would discuss it after he read it in small increments. I feel like a baby. I can’t even read a book. HE’S going to discuss it with me as HE sees fit? I do have to say that when I called him, he was there for me, and called after to see if I was all right until our next appointment. I’m sorry if I’m all over the place with this, but this experience has scared me badly. I thought that I was doing so well, and then this to drop out of the sky. I also want to make it very clear that there is nothing wrong with E.Sue’s book. It is a fine book. Many people have read it and have gotten a lot of help from it. It came highly recommended. I guess it was just at the wrong time for me. Nahanton
Response:
Nahanton, Please, please take care of yourself. I know that your therapist’s request to let him hold the book for oyu made you feel as if you were not able to do that, but if you can think of the offer as someone offering to help you do that (and, after all, have you the "taking care of" that you needed before this?) then that might help. It is normal to feel overwhelmed when too much pain happens too fast, and the ones inside who take care of you wanted to help you escape from overwhelming pain. The only way they know to do it is to take you out of the pain through suicide. They can learn a new way, but in the meantime YOU SHOULD NOT BE READING MY BOOK. I am really glad someone was able to save you. Please go slowly with the material you are dealing with in therapy. It is human to have limits and you have to respect yours. Please accept your T’s help, now, as you are in a dangerous place if you push yourself. I care aobut what happens to you, and I care about the one inside who wanted so badly to die. ESue – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi all, I haven’t written in with a problem in a long time and was beginning to think that I was getting to be like some of the "old timers", ready to give support or a kind word here or there. Guess not. Last week my T and I were discussing how I reacted to anger, frustration, mild annoyance, etc. It usually was with heart pounding and knowing that this person is through with me forever. He was explaining that it had to do with experiences of ab*se. I could see where he was coming from, and completely agreed with him. The *next* problem is, what do I do about it? It is so ingrained in me, that at the slightest hint of conflict I want to run for the hills. I told him that I had seen a few ppl write in about the very same problem in the ng. He said that he wasn’t surprised. That it was very common among ppl who were ab*sed as children. At about the same time a friend of mine suggested that I read E.Sue Blume’s book. I had been meaning to get it, so I bought it the next day. After the first three chapters which didn’t mean too much to me, as it was how and when she wrote the book, each page after that was "written to me". I was fascinated. I was obsessed. I couldn’t put the book down. Somewhere, I knew that this wasn’t good, but I just couldn’t help myself. I got to a part where she talks about the "loss of childhood", loss of what I/we might of developed into, it became too much. I heard this HUGE voice in my head telling me to k*ll myself. To take a kitchen kn*fe and st*ck it in my ch*st. The insiders were running for cover they were so frightened, Louise who is the strongest came out and said "Get Out Of Here". The VOICE just rolled right over her. I was so scared that I took a handful of tranquilizers and kept walking and walking around the apartment. I didn’t go into the kitchen. Finally, I got so tired that I fell asleep. When I woke up the VOICE was gone. But, I’m so afraid that it’ll come back. I went to the T, and he said that the book was a trigger for what we had been discussing just prior to my buying it. He told me to put it into the mail to him, and that we would discuss it after he read it in small increments. I feel like a baby. I can’t even read a book. HE’S going to discuss it with me as HE sees fit? I do have to say that when I called him, he was there for me, and called after to see if I was all right until our next appointment. I’m sorry if I’m all over the place with this, but this experience has scared me badly. I thought that I was doing so well, and then this to drop out of the sky. I also want to make it very clear that there is nothing wrong with E.Sue’s book. It is a fine book. Many people have read it and have gotten a lot of help from it. It came highly recommended. I guess it was just at the wrong time for me. Nahanton
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi all, I haven’t written in with a problem in a long time and was beginning to think that I was getting to be like some of the "old timers", ready to give support or a kind word here or there. Guess not. Last week my T and I were discussing how I reacted to anger, frustration, mild annoyance, etc. It usually was with heart pounding and knowing that this person is through with me forever. He was explaining that it had to do with experiences of ab*se. I could see where he was coming from, and completely agreed with him. The *next* problem is, what do I do about it? It is so ingrained in me, that at the slightest hint of conflict I want to run for the hills. I told him that I had seen a few ppl write in about the very same problem in the ng. He said that he wasn’t surprised. That it was very common among ppl who were ab*sed as children. At about the same time a friend of mine suggested that I read E.Sue Blume’s book. I had been meaning to get it, so I bought it the next day. After the first three chapters which didn’t mean too much to me, as it was how and when she wrote the book, each page after that was "written to me". I was fascinated. I was obsessed. I couldn’t put the book down. Somewhere, I knew that this wasn’t good, but I just couldn’t help myself. I got to a part where she talks about the "loss of childhood", loss of what I/we might of developed into, it became too much. I heard this HUGE voice in my head telling me to k*ll myself. To take a kitchen kn*fe and st*ck it in my ch*st. The insiders were running for cover they were so frightened, Louise who is the strongest came out and said "Get Out Of Here". The VOICE just rolled right over her. I was so scared that I took a handful of tranquilizers and kept walking and walking around the apartment. I didn’t go into the kitchen. Finally, I got so tired that I fell asleep. When I woke up the VOICE was gone. But, I’m so afraid that it’ll come back. I went to the T, and he said that the book was a trigger for what we had been discussing just prior to my buying it. He told me to put it into the mail to him, and that we would discuss it after he read it in small increments. I feel like a baby. I can’t even read a book. HE’S going to discuss it with me as HE sees fit? I do have to say that when I called him, he was there for me, and called after to see if I was all right until our next appointment. I’m sorry if I’m all over the place with this, but this experience has scared me badly. I thought that I was doing so well, and then this to drop out of the sky. I also want to make it very clear that there is nothing wrong with E.Sue’s book. It is a fine book. Many people have read it and have gotten a lot of help from it. It came highly recommended. I guess it was just at the wrong time for me. Nahanton
Dear Nahanton, I think that your t is only trying to help you. He wants to read to understand how the book affected you, because he knows you well. NOT to make you feel like a baby. To help you. I think that he means to discuss it with you when you are ready, not when he is ready. I hope that he will work with you and that e.sue’s book will eventually be helpful in your t’py. I bought her book, too, a little while ago, and I have not been able to read it. When things are too much for me, the meaning of the words just stops! That is what happened to esue’s book, and some others that I have tried to read. I could look at all the words, and not understand any of it. Just my way of not taking in too much, I think. From what you have said in your post, I think I had better wait a while before trying again. I think that the lost childhood issue will be a huge one for me, too. And I have a voice who can tell me awful things, like yours did. I’m sorry that you had such a hard time of it. I’m glad that your t is so understanding, and it sounds as if he is. I think that he wants to help you, and to go more slowly about these topics. You are a good friend to me here. Take care of you please. Jane Before you buy.
Response:
Hi Nahanton – I think it is important to remember that books, music, poetry, and movies represent human experience distilled and amplified. For some reason people tend to treat them as amusements, and think that we can easily choose how much to be influenced by them. I think you and the t are prudent to treat this book as a potent drug, since it clearly has such an effect on you. pong Hi Pong, I think that you’re absolutely right. I had forgotten the effect that certain things can have on me. Usually, my affect is quite contained and I don’t feel very much, so when something like this happens, it takes me by surprise. Thank you for reminding me of this. Nahanton
Response:
Hi Nahanton – I think it is important to remember that books, music, poetry, and movies represent human experience distilled and amplified. For some reason people tend to treat them as amusements, and think that we can easily choose how much to be influenced by them. I think you and the t are prudent to treat this book as a potent drug, since it clearly has such an effect on you. pong
Response:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 Nahonton, We hope you are feeling better. Some of what you have described rings true for us also. We also have problems putting the books down once we start….and also wind up overloading. The urge you had……. how we can relate to that. Knifes scare us now…..we don’t trust ourselves to handle them anymore. As recently whilst we were chopping vegies……a voice started screaming at us…..it wanted us to turn the blade around and stab her in the stomache. We had to throw the knife into the sink…and leave the kitchen. A few days later….she was hit with the feeling that the "dark one" was taking over. He told her that his time is yet to come. Said that he was going to stab knifes into her stomach again & again. We are not sure if reading has triggered us at all…as we have been reading many books about childhood ab*se and such. Sue E’s Secret Survivors is one of them. Anyway we all …hope your T is able to help you through this. Sending warm thoughts your way :o) Diananaaa – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi all, I haven’t written in with a problem in a long time and was beginning to think that I was getting to be like some of the "old timers", ready to give support or a kind word here or there. Guess not. Last week my T and I were discussing how I reacted to anger, frustration, mild annoyance, etc. It usually was with heart pounding and knowing that this person is through with me forever. He was explaining that it had to do with experiences of ab*se. I could see where he was coming from, and completely agreed with him. The *next* problem is, what do I do about it? It is so ingrained in me, that at the slightest hint of conflict I want to run for the hills. I told him that I had seen a few ppl write in about the very same problem in the ng. He said that he wasn’t surprised. That it was very common among ppl who were ab*sed as children. At about the same time a friend of mine suggested that I read E.Sue Blume’s book. I had been meaning to get it, so I bought it the next day. After the first three chapters which didn’t mean too much to me, as it was how and when she wrote the book, each page after that was "written to me". I was fascinated. I was obsessed. I couldn’t put the book down. Somewhere, I knew that this wasn’t good, but I just couldn’t help myself. I got to a part where she talks about the "loss of childhood", loss of what I/we might of developed into, it became too much. I heard this HUGE voice in my head telling me to k*ll myself. To take a kitchen kn*fe and st*ck it in my ch*st. The insiders were running for cover they were so frightened, Louise who is the strongest came out and said "Get Out Of Here". The VOICE just rolled right over her. I was so scared that I took a handful of tranquilizers and kept walking and walking around the apartment. I didn’t go into the kitchen. Finally, I got so tired that I fell asleep. When I woke up the VOICE was gone. But, I’m so afraid that it’ll come back. I went to the T, and he said that the book was a trigger for what we had been discussing just prior to my buying it. He told me to put it into the mail to him, and that we would discuss it after he read it in small increments. I feel like a baby. I can’t even read a book. HE’S going to discuss it with me as HE sees fit? I do have to say that when I called him, he was there for me, and called after to see if I was all right until our next appointment. I’m sorry if I’m all over the place with this, but this experience has scared me badly. I thought that I was doing so well, and then this to drop out of the sky. I also want to make it very clear that there is nothing wrong with E.Sue’s book. It is a fine book. Many people have read it and have gotten a lot of help from it. It came highly recommended. I guess it was just at the wrong time for me. Nahanton Dear Nahanton, I think that your t is only trying to help you. He wants to read to understand how the book affected you, because he knows you well. NOT to make you feel like a baby. To help you. I think that he means to discuss it with you when you are ready, not when he is ready. I hope that he will work with you and that e.sue’s book will eventually be helpful in your t’py. I bought her book, too, a little while ago, and I have not been able to read it. When things are too much for me, the meaning of the words just stops! That is what happened to esue’s book, and some others that I have tried to read. I could look at all the words, and not understand any of it. Just my way of not taking in too much, I think. From what you have said in your post, I think I had better wait a while before trying again. I think that the lost childhood issue will be a huge one for me, too. And I have a voice who can tell me awful things, like yours did. I’m sorry that you had such a hard time of it. I’m glad that your t is so understanding, and it sounds as if he is. I think that he wants to help you, and to go more slowly about these topics. You are a good friend to me here. Take care of you please. Jane Before you buy.
Response:
Dianaa, I am starting to feel better. I know that a lot of it is due to the many posts and emails that I’ve received. To know that people *understand* means so much. After thinking it over, I realized that I was being childish thinking that my T was treating me like a baby. (that was the baby in me reacting) The best thing I did was to put that book in the mail and get it out of the house where I couldn’t obscess on it any longer. I have been very fortunate to have the T I have. He is caring and hard working. He called in-between sessions to find out if I was OK., and told me to call him if necessary. I haven’t needed to do that, but it does feel good to have that option. I think that I’ve figured out who that VOICE belongs to. The p*rp. in my case was a female, and the VOICE is male. So I was confused. After thinking on it, I realized that the phrasing and also the orders that she/he gave were the p*erps’ of long ago, except disguised in a male voice. It was terrifying, but maybe not as much now that I’ve figured out what it is. When the VOICE explodes in my head, I walk around my apartment yelling back, "NO NO NO". I stay out of the kitchen where the knives are. (My neighbors are probably getting up a petition to evict me for noise.) I’m especially afraid at night when it’s time to go to sleep (I live alone) I do sometimes sleepwalk. The T suggested that I take an extra dose of sedative. I did that last night and except for some very bad nightmares, I didn’t leave the bed. Tomorrow I’ll see the T again and of course we’ll talk about all of this. We’ll also talk about how ch*ld ab*se causes the loss of ch*ldhood, which, I think was a precipitant to all of this. I’m not looking forward to that, just the thought is very painful, but I guess it’s essential. Thank you for your good thoughts, (they were appreciated & needed) Nahanton
Response:
protect yourselves… if the time isnt right dont read it i had a similar experience it makes thing too vivid. hope you are ok now laura Laura, That is certainly a lesson I learned all too well. Vivid is a very good word to describe it. Feeling a little better now. All of your posts help a lot. Thanks so much, Nahanton
Response:
I am starting to feel better. I know that a lot of it is due to the many posts and emails that I’ve received. To know that people *understand* means so much.
I’m glad that you’re feeling better. I wanted to reiterate that it doesn’t matter what your triggers are, if you can’t process them productively (and I usually can’t), it makes sense to get rid of them if possible. I’m really glad that you did. I hope that you’ll be able to process the book productively, in a way that helps you heal. But if you can’t, big deal. Why repeatedly expose yourself to a known trigger just bc some other ppl can handle it? If any of us could handle our triggers the way most other ppl could, they wouldn’t be triggers, right? I say yay for being wise enough to avoid it. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -After thinking it over, I realized that I was being childish thinking that my T was treating me like a baby. (that was the baby in me reacting) The best thing I did was to put that book in the mail and get it out of the house where I couldn’t obscess on it any longer. I have been very fortunate to have the T I have. He is caring and hard working. He called in-between sessions to find out if I was OK., and told me to call him if necessary. I haven’t needed to do that, but it does feel good to have that option. I think that I’ve figured out who that VOICE belongs to. The p*rp. in my case was a female, and the VOICE is male. So I was confused. After thinking on it, I realized that the phrasing and also the orders that she/he gave were the p*erps’ of long ago, except disguised in a male voice. It was terrifying, but maybe not as much now that I’ve figured out what it is. When the VOICE explodes in my head, I walk around my apartment yelling back, "NO NO NO". I stay out of the kitchen where the knives are. (My neighbors are probably getting up a petition to evict me for noise.)
Yeah. It helps me to realize that the perps aren’t around anymore. And that most of the time even the internalized perps are trying to help me in their own deranged, often psychotic way. ;) Oy. Such fun. They are parts of me now, whether I like it or not so I may as well try to accept them and try to figure out how we can work together. (You like jokes, Nahanton. Have you ever heard of "getting in touch with your psychotic introject?" It’s kind of like getting in touch with your inner child. <g It helps to laugh sometimes.) I’m especially afraid at night when it’s time to go to sleep (I live alone) I do sometimes sleepwalk. The T suggested that I take an extra dose of sedative. I did that last night and except for some very bad nightmares, I didn’t leave the bed.
I know ppl who lock up all their sharps and other harmful objects in a locking toolbox and give the key and the toolbox to a friend. Or, if you don’t want to explain, just give the key to a friend and tell them it’s a duplicate and you want to make sure you don’t lose it. That way you can relax while you’re at home. When you can’t relax, it just ratchets up the stress, which makes it easier to go over the edge, which increases the stress, etc. You need to do something to break the cycle. I think it helps to make your house as safe as possible so that at least you can sleep, cook, watch TV, etc. Tomorrow I’ll see the T again and of course we’ll talk about all of this. We’ll also talk about how ch*ld ab*se causes the loss of ch*ldhood, which, I think was a precipitant to all of this. I’m not looking forward to that, just the thought is very painful, but I guess it’s essential.
Why now? It seems to me that you need to stabilize, not process things. Unless you can process it in one session and then stabilize. But the loss of childhood seems to big for that. Ymmv. Thank you for your good thoughts, (they were appreciated & needed)
Good luck! e — For info about this service, see http://www.twwells.com/anon/ or e-mail:
Response:
e, It’s hard for me to believe that what we’re talking about is "mundane" to you. We’re talking about wanting to drown oneself, stab oneself, suffocate…….how can this be mundane to you???? I saw my T today and he worked very hard with me to help me understand that the VOICE was in my head, and couldn’t hurt me. All it could do was to insinuate ways in which I could hurt myself. I keep saying, NO NO NO. This is a voice that I have always obeyed in the past, and if i didn’t, there was dire consequences to follow. I know the T is right. Another friend from the ng wrote an email and said "Remember one thing….all of YOUs have already lived through the abuse. What is happening now is the FEELING part you couldn’t handle as a kid, You are safe and strong and you don’t have to listen to any ‘no’ but now you can!!!!!! I keep reading that part over and over. It’s true, it makes sense. I’m so glad that I have it to read. Yet, e, I must confess, that I felt so sh*tty when I got home from the T, the voice was so loud, that I took some pills and went to sleep for the afternoon. If i had my druthers, that’s exactly what i would do for an indefinite amount of time. How cowardly, huh?? Nahanton
Response:
Hi e, <snippers I’ve been trying to work up a sentence where I can interject "getting in touch with your psychotic introject?"
LOL. Yeh, it’s worth working on, isn’t it? I wish more people would get in touch with their psychotic introjects, instead of letting them loose in the neighbourhood. That’s all. Hope you don’t mind this interjection. 
Lionheart — For info about this service, see http://www.twwells.com/anon/ or e-mail:
Response:
Hi e, You make a lot of sense when you wrote that it doesn’t matter what the triggers are: if you can’t handle them, get rid of them, at least temporarily. I tend to want to crash into things and "do" them and get them behind me. The problem is, they don’t _stay_ behind me. I read Courage to Heal without any problems. I realized as I was formulating this, that I was detached when I read it, as I usually am. Because of some ‘happenings’ in the system, I haven’t been detached as usual. Now I understand why this happened to me. I was "wide open", which I never am. Funny, how this just came to me as I was writing this. I’m still going to avoid the book until I get back to what for me is normal. (I can hear them say, "that’s normal?") You mentioned that the internalized perps are trying to help? Oy vey!! What does that mean? I want them ousted!!! I’ve been trying to work up a sentence where I can interject "getting in touch with your psychotic introject?" I work very hard at having my friends think that I’m somewhat normal, with just a touch of neurotic tendencies, OCD, etc., nothing that they can’t handle. I don’t know if that sentence will have them looking at me strangely. Your idea of locking up the harmful objects at night is a good one and I plan to implement it tonight. As I write this, my thoughts are all over the place. I keep thinking, "you are terrified of a d*mn hallucination." That’s really what it is. How can a hallucination cause harm? I know it can, because as soon as it gives me orders, I immediately want to carry them out just like I did so many years ago. I KNOW that this is not real, that I do not have to obey, that I’m not a child, that I’m a grown woman……why do I want to go into the kitchen and…… Sh*t. Thank you for writing to me. Your ideas are always good as are your thoughts. Nahanton
Response:
Hi Catherine, Thanks for writing. I don’t mind your "horning" in at all. The more the merrier. Since this VOICE has started in my head, one of the things that seems to help is to communicate via asd. These ppl are the _only_ ones who have a clue to what I’m talking about. So, unlike me, I find myself typing, typing, typing. I’m ordinarily reticent, afraid that what I have to say is not pertinent, but that seems to be overshadowed by the VOICE. T tells me that it has a lot to do with PTSD and not to try to shout it down, but to "laugh" it away. Sort of "brush it off". If it doesn’t mean anything, it should disappear. The problem is the fear. It tells me to do such horrendous things to h*rt, k*ll myself. How do I "laugh" that away? When I take pills to go to sleep, it relieves me of all of that for about 4 hours, then I’m usually so groggy for a while, that the VOICE doesn’t come back in full measure until then. At this point, I don’t care if it *is* cowardice, it is helping. albeit for a short time. Thank you for caring. It is much appreciated. Nahanton
Response:
Hi, Nahanton (again, it seems) This is my day to try to talk to you, I suppose. Your "bad" for posting such interesting stuff *smile*. Hope you don’t mind my horning in: Yet, e, I must confess, that I felt so sh*tty when I got home from the T, the voice was so loud, that I took some pills and went to sleep for the afternoon. If i had my druthers, that’s exactly what i would do for an indefinite amount of time. How cowardly, huh??
I feel that way a *LOT* of the time. I don’t have pills to take, which is probably an ok-thing, but I just ache for oblivion, expecially after a difficult day at work. I’m not sure what that’s about – maybe having been medicated in the past. Maybe, as you say, cowardice. Although I don’t know about that last part – I think about James Harriott’s books, and how when he had no medication to give an animal that was clearly very ill (physically, of course), he found it helpful to sedate the animal for a short time and ‘let nature take over’. That’s how I feel – that I want to be just able to withdraw from everything and rest completely and fully. Thanks for the opportunity to vent, Catherine. Nahanton
* Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!
Response:
Hi Catherine, I love your saying == a cocktail party inside your head. I got a giggle out of that, as is such a great way to think about the goings on inside my head sometimes. However, I think mine sometimes– get drunk and rowdy too. :o) Safari
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi, Nahanton, I know what you mean about ‘typing, typing’ …. somehow support here (in cyberspace) short-circuits my 3D defenses (which are considerable) and can actually help. Reaches the heart of the matter, so to speak. And sleep to quiet the voices – ohyeahboy, I hear that. It sounds like a cocktail party in my head most of the time, so I can relate to a kind of general noisiness and confusion that we have to focus through. But malevolent voices – ouch. What has worked for me in the past about threatening and frightening inside voices is to *assume* that the speaker is a terrified child, no matter how they may look or feel or seem on my interior landscape. Doesn’t make them any less dangerous – in some ways, it makes them *more* dangerous, at least to me – but it does set the discussion in a framework that I can understand. Kind of like actually seeing the monster under the bed, which is never as horrible as *not* seeing the monster, if you know what I mean. I hope you find some peace, Nahanton. I’ve been there – hearing the voices urge us to hurt the body – and it is, shall we say, not fun. I’ll likely be there again, if the past is any predictor. But for right now, the voices are quieter. So I can listen, if you’d like to talk … Best, Catherine. * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!
Response:
Hi, Nahanton, I know what you mean about ‘typing, typing’ …. somehow support here (in cyberspace) short-circuits my 3D defenses (which are considerable) and can actually help. Reaches the heart of the matter, so to speak. And sleep to quiet the voices – ohyeahboy, I hear that. It sounds like a cocktail party in my head most of the time, so I can relate to a kind of general noisiness and confusion that we have to focus through. But malevolent voices – ouch. What has worked for me in the past about threatening and frightening inside voices is to *assume* that the speaker is a terrified child, no matter how they may look or feel or seem on my interior landscape. Doesn’t make them any less dangerous – in some ways, it makes them *more* dangerous, at least to me – but it does set the discussion in a framework that I can understand. Kind of like actually seeing the monster under the bed, which is never as horrible as *not* seeing the monster, if you know what I mean. I hope you find some peace, Nahanton. I’ve been there – hearing the voices urge us to hurt the body – and it is, shall we say, not fun. I’ll likely be there again, if the past is any predictor. But for right now, the voices are quieter. So I can listen, if you’d like to talk … Best, Catherine. * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!
Response:
Hi Catherine, Thanks for writing. I don’t mind your "horning" in at all. The more the merrier.
I agree with that. Don’t you wish that 3 or 4 ppl would talk to each other on most posts? It would be so interesting and helpful. Since this VOICE has started in my head, one of the things that seems to help is to communicate via asd. These ppl are the _only_ ones who have a clue to what I’m talking about. So, unlike me, I find myself typing, typing, typing. I’m ordinarily reticent, afraid that what I have to say is not pertinent, but that seems to be overshadowed by the VOICE.
LOL in recognition. Not bc of a voice bc I’m a singleton but often (like my "this post is futile" post) bc I can’t stand what’s going on with me for another minute and I’m truly desperate. That sounded better in my head. <g I mean that I’m so glad that you all are here and will indulge me and accept me. That I can be my desperate self and it’s ok with you. Muchas gracias. T tells me that it has a lot to do with PTSD and not to try to shout it down, but to "laugh" it away. Sort of "brush it off". If it doesn’t mean anything, it should disappear. The problem is the fear. It tells me to do such horrendous things to h*rt, k*ll myself. How do I "laugh" that away?
I do. It works most of the time. I thought about telling you about that but that seemed too much like I’d be getting into me instead of you (when I’m not even multiple so maybe it didn’t apply). And my examples of laughing it off were pretty strange, even for me. 
It does work most of the time. However, it doesn’t work for me all the time, esp when the thoughts and urges are intense, which is just when I really want it to work. 
If it doesn’t work it’s often like I’ve pissed the urge off by insulting it and deprecating it. Not good. Maybe that’s just me, though. When I take pills to go to sleep, it relieves me of all of that for about 4 hours, then I’m usually so groggy for a while, that the VOICE doesn’t come back in full measure until then. At this point, I don’t care if it *is* cowardice, it is helping. albeit for a short time.
I agree. Go, Nahanton! I think it’s prudence, not cowardice, fwiw. Besides, the voice sounds boring. Does it always say the same thing? Geez, get a new line, dood. Thank you for caring. It is much appreciated.
Good luck, Nahanton. Keep posting if you need to. e ps From the other post: This is mundane and often a source of amusement or laughter to me bc it’s so common since I started therapy 6+ years ago. Just like blizzards are mundane to ppl in Fairbanks, Alaska. I hope this stops for you before then. It sounds like your T is helping and so are the ppl here. Yay! :) Maybe you should keep re-reading the email that helped you: "Remember one thing….all of YOUs have already lived through the abuse. What is happening now is the FEELING part you couldn’t handle as a kid, You are safe and strong and you don’t have to were a kid you couldn’t say ‘no’ but now you can!!!!!!" — For info about this service, see http://www.twwells.com/anon/ or e-mail:
Response:
Hi e, I want to quote you, "I’m so glad that you all are here and will indulge me and accept me. That I can be my desperate self and its ok with you. Muchas gracias" I can’t say it any better than that. ppl are you listening???? OK, I’m going to try to brush it off. 14 of Itchy said to think of it as a child as did Catherine. Maybe you all have something. I’ll try it. I’ll also try the pills!!!! Sleep is good. e, as sh*tty as I feel, you can still crack me up!! "Besides the voice sounds boring. Does it always say the same thing? Geez, get a new line dood." heeheeeheee.LOLLOL This is getting mundane, I’ll try to liven things up in the future. I expect the same from you, e. Thanks, Nahanton ps From the other post, "Remember one thing… all of YOUS have already lived through the abuse. What is happening now is the FEELING part you couldn’t handle as a kid. You are safe and strong and you don’t have to listen to any voices that say to hurt yourself….When you were a kid you couldn’t say ‘no’
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I wish I could get a handful of tranquilizers and some sleeping pills, too. Nobody’ll give em to me. They think I can’t be safe with em, but sometimes I can’t be calm or get to sleep w/out em. you who have em are lucky * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!
Response:
trill, I am not big on meds– I guess always in the back of my mind if you got em in the house, you might want to do something bad with them. For me I have found sometime Valerian Root helps me to sleep. It is a herbal pill that you can get in most vitamin section of the store. Safari
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I wish I could get a handful of tranquilizers and some sleeping pills, too. Nobody’ll give em to me. They think I can’t be safe with em, but sometimes I can’t be calm or get to sleep w/out em. you who have em are lucky * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!
Response:
I wish I could get a handful of tranquilizers and some sleeping pills, too. Nobody’ll give em to me. They think I can’t be safe with em, but sometimes I can’t be calm or get to sleep w/out em. you who have em are lucky Trill, We who have them are running out of them very quickly 
Re: Your last post about s*xu*lity, I must be obtuse, I didn’t get it at all. (Only the part of your "happy" marriage") Nahanton * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * The fastest and easiest way to search
Response:
Hi Ya all Sorry to tell you this girls but I have got tranquillisers, sleeping pills uppers you name it …. Seems they would give me anything to make me go away…. unfortunately I don’t like what they do to me…. We know we are not suicidal wonder why we keep them…. Jessica
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – trill, I am not big on meds– I guess always in the back of my mind if you got em in the house, you might want to do something bad with them. For me I have found sometime Valerian Root helps me to sleep. It is a herbal pill that you can get in most vitamin section of the store. Safari I wish I could get a handful of tranquilizers and some sleeping pills, too. Nobody’ll give em to me. They think I can’t be safe with em, but sometimes I can’t be calm or get to sleep w/out em. you who have em are lucky * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!
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