Trauma – PTSD

Question:

Hi.  I hope I am doing this right. I am new to the newsgroup scene. I also have come to the conclusion that I am borderline.  I have been treated psychologically off and on for depression, anxiety, etc.  But, have began to study BPD and it is so descriptive that I am fairly sure this is what I have. I don’t know yet what to do with it. I can’t afford to get into therapy right now.  I am I guess pretty high functioning, I work full time and have a family. I’d appreciate any input anyone wants to give me on this. One question I have is does anyone here seem to have a problem with lying? Do you make up a past for yourself that did not exist? Thanks, Delashaundra "Angelo" <angelo_ma…@my-deja.com> wrote in message

news:932m22$tig$1@nnrp1.deja.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> In article <9324ke$cn…@nnrp1.deja.com>, >   Nagasaki Doll <hklui…@yahoo.com> wrote: > > Hello, > > I’m new here. I used to post in the selfharm group, but I recently was > > diagnosed with Borderline, so I think this place is more appropriate. > <gentle snip because I seem to have raved on a bit…> > >Just don’t know what to do anymore with my hate. I love them in a way. > > That’s what makes it so hard… > > Luv, Helga > Hi Helga > Welcome to ASP. The love/hate thing is pretty common I think – even > amongst the so-called normal. Hope you find your way through it. In a > way knowing how you got that way is only a small part of the puzzle – > the question I keep asking myself is "where to from here?". > I had a visionary experience last year. A shining white feminine > presence appeared  to me and we had a wee chat. She first appeared in a > therapy session. Thank goodness my therpist is easy going because I had > to ask her to shut up while I talked to the vision Anyway a few > days later I was feeling desparate and called out to her again asking > what to do about all my problems, and I was thinking particularly about > these people that were mean to me. The last time I tried to reconcile > our differences I ended up back in major depression and having to take > more meds. So my vision says to me: "LOVE". And there was this enormous > almost physical pressure behind it so that I caught a glimpse of sort > of, devine love I suppose, with no strings, no holding back. > I think the message to me was to allow my love to grow, to learn to > love myself, to allow the love that I had for these people to wim out > over the hatred. I remember groaning and feeling my knees go a bit > weak – it seemed like a VERY BIG ASK! It seemed beyond me. But having > had a bit of time think about it I see that that is what I have to do. > However it is a process, it will take time. > The key part of this seems to be to love myself and this is where being > BPD makes it difficult. Cos I love/hate myself too – especially I hate > myself quite a lot. > Sorry for the rave, but you reminded me that I haven’t thought about > this for a while, and it seemed relevant. > Welcome once again. > Angelo > Sent via Deja.com > http://www.deja.com/

Response:

In article <9324ke$cn…@nnrp1.deja.com>,   Nagasaki Doll <hklui…@yahoo.com> wrote: > Hello, > I’m new here. I used to post in the selfharm group, but I recently was > diagnosed with Borderline, so I think this place is more appropriate.

<gentle snip because I seem to have raved on a bit…> >Just don’t know what to do anymore with my hate. I love them in a way. > That’s what makes it so hard… > Luv, Helga

Hi Helga Welcome to ASP. The love/hate thing is pretty common I think – even amongst the so-called normal. Hope you find your way through it. In a way knowing how you got that way is only a small part of the puzzle – the question I keep asking myself is "where to from here?". I had a visionary experience last year. A shining white feminine presence appeared  to me and we had a wee chat. She first appeared in a therapy session. Thank goodness my therpist is easy going because I had to ask her to shut up while I talked to the vision Anyway a few days later I was feeling desparate and called out to her again asking what to do about all my problems, and I was thinking particularly about these people that were mean to me. The last time I tried to reconcile our differences I ended up back in major depression and having to take more meds. So my vision says to me: "LOVE". And there was this enormous almost physical pressure behind it so that I caught a glimpse of sort of, devine love I suppose, with no strings, no holding back. I think the message to me was to allow my love to grow, to learn to love myself, to allow the love that I had for these people to wim out over the hatred. I remember groaning and feeling my knees go a bit weak – it seemed like a VERY BIG ASK! It seemed beyond me. But having had a bit of time think about it I see that that is what I have to do. However it is a process, it will take time. The key part of this seems to be to love myself and this is where being BPD makes it difficult. Cos I love/hate myself too – especially I hate myself quite a lot. Sorry for the rave, but you reminded me that I haven’t thought about this for a while, and it seemed relevant. Welcome once again. Angelo Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/

Response:

Hello, I’m new here. I used to post in the selfharm group, but I recently was diagnosed with Borderline, so I think this place is more appropriate. My name is Helga, 22, from the Netherlands. I think I may have had Borderline since I was about 17 and I’m now trying to find out why I’ve got it. Since October I’m in psychotherapy, once every week, one to one, not a group. My brother was a big bastard and used to pick on my younger sister a lot. When he became a teenager he started beating us. He’d only do that when my father was at work and my mother didn’t know how to deal with it, so she kind of ignored it. I tried to protect my sister, so often I took it instead of her, and now I hate my brother soooo much! Even though he’s changed for the good. He’ll get married this year, he’s got a job, a house, a lovelife and I hate him for ruining my life so much! But I also hate my mother sometimes, for not acting. Also my parents never asked me about how I felt. I never learnt to speak about my emotions so I kept it all inside for so long. And now they don’t understand what’s happening to me, but they never ask me either. Just don’t know what to do anymore with my hate. I love them in a way. That’s what makes it so hard… Luv, Helga — *I’ve finally found my feet so come and run with me* http://www.envy.nu/tangst Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/

Response:

Hi and welcome.  There are several borderlines here, including myself, and several people with other personality disorders and depression and schizophrenia and PTSD type disorders…all sorts.  Glad you are here. –Tez On Thu, 04 Jan 2001 15:25:13 GMT, Nagasaki Doll <hklui…@yahoo.com> wrote: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Hello, >I’m new here. I used to post in the selfharm group, but I recently was >diagnosed with Borderline, so I think this place is more appropriate. >My name is Helga, 22, from the Netherlands. I think I may have had >Borderline since I was about 17 and I’m now trying to find out why I’ve >got it. Since October I’m in psychotherapy, once every week, one to >one, not a group. >My brother was a big bastard and used to pick on my younger sister a >lot. When he became a teenager he started beating us. He’d only do that >when my father was at work and my mother didn’t know how to deal with >it, so she kind of ignored it. >I tried to protect my sister, so often I took it instead of her, and >now I hate my brother soooo much! Even though he’s changed for the >good. He’ll get married this year, he’s got a job, a house, a lovelife >and I hate him for ruining my life so much! >But I also hate my mother sometimes, for not acting. Also my parents >never asked me about how I felt. I never learnt to speak about my >emotions so I kept it all inside for so long. And now they don’t >understand what’s happening to me, but they never ask me either. >Just don’t know what to do anymore with my hate. I love them in a way. >That’s what makes it so hard… >Luv, Helga

Response:

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