Question:
New WWW site for victims and survivors of child abuse: http://users.aol.com/radiotoy/radiotoy.htm Help us build this site for everyone.
Response:
Need suggestions, you might want to give hypno-therapy a try. My husband is a therapist and he has worked with many cases like yours in the past and the patients have been greatly helped. Just be careful how you select the hypno-therapist. Some will make you feel all the pain and trama and others like my husband will allow you to take a 3rd person position to the events. If you would like more information you can e-mail me. Good Luck
Response:
Be carefull with this one. I was told by police (Ontario) that it is harder to get a conviction based on information if it was remembered under hypnosis first. Just MHO. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Need suggestions, you might want to give hypno-therapy a try. My husband is a therapist and he has worked with many cases like yours in the past and the patients have been greatly helped. Just be careful how you select the hypno-therapist. Some will make you feel all the pain and trama and others like my husband will allow you to take a 3rd person position to the events. If you would like more information you can e-mail me. Good Luck
Response:
I am looking for suggesstions on some ways to get to the truth of these little wisps of memory that dart around my head like those annoying little gnats. I’m in a state of extreme anxiety, and I know that whatever is lurking is going to have to come out before I can get past this point. But how?
Hi, GypsySwann — Do you have a regular therapist? This is stuff you should really do into in therapy. And it should be a good *trauma specialist* therapist, someone who knows about PTSD and dissociation. What you are starting to get, from your description, is bits of flashbacks, little memory bytes that you can’t fit into a pattern yet. I’ve been getting memories for 7 years, and there are some abuse memories that I’ve always had. The ones that return after a long time are weird and elusive. The brain just doesn’t cooperate on this stuff, and it’s important not to force the brain. There are reasons not to hurry the process. Though part of us is in a hurry to get our personal power back after the abuse took it away, we (and I’m speaking of survivors in general) have a tendency to want to replay the abuse over and over in our heads, as if to ‘fix’ it by so doing. As a way back to your memories, you might try contacting the *feelings* you experience when those little bytes are nipping at your gray-cells. How do you feel? Not, "what is that memory – who did it, when, where?" That stuff is all very interesting, but the *main* thing is *your feelings* about what happened and how you *process* it (or re-process it) in the present. Actually, going after memories for more clarity is kind of putting the cart before the horse. Ideally, memories should come forth when we are really ready for them. If they come up too soon, we can get retraumatized. Some would disagree – and there are hypnotherapists who will accept large fees to ‘help’ people recover abuse memories. I personally don’t think that’s very wise, but it’s just my opinion. Scenario (as generic as possible): about a year ago I had a dream that brought back some memories from early childhood indicating abuse. Within a day or so, they were completely gone. Didn’t think about it since, too busy dealing with the breakup of my marriage. Then a few days ago I visited with an uncle I hadn’t seen in years, and WHAM. But nothing is clear. Don’t know if it was him, or someone he reminds me of, and since I don’t have any concrete memory, part of me is beating me up for even thinking this.
It’s that "wham" that is the important thing here, not the details (not just yet, anyway). If you deal with those upsetting feelings now, and that means taking care of yourself and feeling as safe as possible with those scarey feelings, then sooner or later the specific details will (possibly, not definitely) emerge on their own. You’re right to avoid that uncle and his family – you said it perfectly, you don’t feel safe with any of them. So you are already taking care of yourself by not being around them. Good for you! Congratulations. That’s a huge realization and an important setting of protective boundaries for yourself. Can’t think of anyone in the family that it would be safe to approach. My mother is truly mentally ill and I can’t trust anything she might tell me as the truth. But I’ve got to do something with this. I’ve been able to deal with other issues in my life, but this has me at a standstill.
Just a thought – I wonder if your mother’s mental illness has a lot to do with these memories. Maybe there are other feelings about her that are coming up. I can’t stress enough having a good, I mean a *really* good therapist. This stuff is really much too terrifying to deal with alone, and a good therapist can provide important strategies, skills, validation, and empowering support in your process. I’ve been with my therapist for 6+ years and she’s been great. Sorry so long – any help would be appreciated.
Long? Not really! Anyway, continue to take good care of yourself – it’s a long road and you really need to allow yourself time. "Slower is faster" – or something like that. best wishes to you, Rick
Response:
(GypsySwann) writes: I am looking for suggesstions on some ways to get to the truth of these little wisps of memory that dart around my head like those annoying little gnats. I’m in a state of extreme anxiety, and I know that whatever is lurking is going to have to come out before I can get past this point. But how?
Gypsy, you may not like my response but IMHO it is best to let the memories come forward when they are ready. This way you will be sure in the past that these are the true ones and not feel so much like you could have created them. Ways in which memory comes back for me are several 1. I go back to the area where I live and go remember what i do know scanning that memory for any signs of abuse. 2. write about your childhood from infancy to adult hood and then think about it in relationship to your current feelings. Trust your gut if it signals that the uncle is not safe then dont go to him alone or unless there are otherpeople there. Try to give your body the message that its ok.
Response:
Don’t push them. You’ll just end up wondering what is real and what you invented to fill in the blanks. They will come in there own time. Best thing to do is to find a safe place and talk about it. This will often triger more in a domino effect. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Just found this group, & I gotta say there’s an incredible amount of pain going on & more attacking than supporting. But whatever. Please don’t take offense, it’s just an observation. I am looking for suggesstions on some ways to get to the truth of these little wisps of memory that dart around my head like those annoying little gnats. I’m in a state of extreme anxiety, and I know that whatever is lurking is going to have to come out before I can get past this point. But how? Scenario (as generic as possible): about a year ago I had a dream that brought back some memories from early childhood indicating abuse. Within a day or so, they were completely gone. Didn’t think about it since, too busy dealing with the breakup of my marriage. Then a few days ago I visited with an uncle I hadn’t seen in years, and WHAM. But nothing is clear. Don’t know if it was him, or someone he reminds me of, and since I don’t have any concrete memory, part of me is beating me up for even thinking this. Can’t think of anyone in the family that it would be safe to approach. My mother is truly mentally ill and I can’t trust anything she might tell me as the truth. But I’ve got to do something with this. I’ve been able to deal with other issues in my life, but this has me at a standstill. Sorry so long – any help would be appreciated.
Response:
Just found this group, & I gotta say there’s an incredible amount of pain going on & more attacking than supporting. But whatever. Please don’t take offense, it’s just an observation. I am looking for suggesstions on some ways to get to the truth of these little wisps of memory that dart around my head like those annoying little gnats. I’m in a state of extreme anxiety, and I know that whatever is lurking is going to have to come out before I can get past this point. But how? Scenario (as generic as possible): about a year ago I had a dream that brought back some memories from early childhood indicating abuse. Within a day or so, they were completely gone. Didn’t think about it since, too busy dealing with the breakup of my marriage. Then a few days ago I visited with an uncle I hadn’t seen in years, and WHAM. But nothing is clear. Don’t know if it was him, or someone he reminds me of, and since I don’t have any concrete memory, part of me is beating me up for even thinking this. Can’t think of anyone in the family that it would be safe to approach. My mother is truly mentally ill and I can’t trust anything she might tell me as the truth. But I’ve got to do something with this. I’ve been able to deal with other issues in my life, but this has me at a standstill. Sorry so long – any help would be appreciated.
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