Question:
he told me kids came to school smelling like urine and worse. I went to social services and asked to speak to some one about the kids. A very nice social worker told me that they were in foster care again, and were going to be institutionalized as they were pretty messed up psychologically.
She told me that the little girl now about 4 and a half, was performing oral sex liked to "hump" anyone that held her etc. MY BABY DID NOT DO THIS WHEN SHE WAS WITH ME!!! imo she had to have witnessed this or ben taught this.
I doubt very seriously any kind of trained professional would go into such great detail about two children whom you are no longer foster parenting. States are VERY particular about privacy issues, especially when the children have already been replaced with their parents. I said yes and was willing to get back with hubby to get the kids back. So
You know something? Getting children who are already in a bad situation and moving them into another bad situation won’t help them at all. If you and your husband cannot stay together for any other reason other than a child or two, perhaps you should rethink the whole reproductive/adoptive thing. My advice? Take care of your own child…I already see some problems ahead for you. For good or bad, the biological family is sacrosanct, and there is really not much anybody can do about it if the state doesn’t think there’s a need. It seems to me, given all that you describe, that criminal charges should have been brought against the parents. Since you know so much detail about the abuses that the children have received, how come there is no information on that? MEH "It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood."
Response:
I’d like some fedback…but no flames!! Please. Got married at 19, wanted a baby bad. Told couldn’t have any. Became a foster parent to a bi-racial brother and sister. (I’m white) Very young and naive, didn’t know what bi-racial was. Little boy 4, girl 2. Severely abused. Girl had "white" legs due to scarring by being placed in hot tub of water. Boy had been in and out of foster homes, girl pretty much her whole 2 years in foster homes. The problem: No one told me that I was gonna fall in love with these kids. Little boy going to pre-school, I would help him learn colors, shapes, etc. I would get very frustrated as he could not retain. After all was said and done I found out he was retarded due to repeated head injuries. Kids allowed 1 or 2 (can’t remember) supervised visits with parents every week. Social services goal was to "re-unite". Talked to ONE honest social worker who said parents only wanted kids back so they could receive welfare. Visits moved up to unsupervised over night. Little boy would tell me about knife fights, drinking, drugging etc. I told social worker I wanted to testify in court as to why I thought these kids should NOT be returned to the parents. Told that was not allowed as foster parents were biased. I wanted to adopt them if they were relinquished. Told this was probably not going to happen cuz they didn’t look like me and my husband even though bio. mom was white. As often times happens I became pg shortly after the kids came to me. Didn’t matter to me I still wanted them. One month after my bio baby was born, kids returned to parents. Hubby and I split. Not long after, he was at the houde getting some of his things and social services called and wanted to know if we’d take them back as the father had just thrown the boy through a door, I said yes and was willing to get back with hubby to get the kids back. Social worker said he would call later. Never called, I called him. Nothing was done as the peson who reported the incidence was too scared to come forward. Hubby and I split again. Few years later I run into boy’s teacher at my place of work. This is when I found out he was retarded. She told me kids came to school smelling like urine and worse. I went to social services and asked to speak to some one about the kids. A very nice social worker told me that they were in foster care again, and were going to be institutionalized as they were pretty messed up psychologically. She told me that the little girl now about 4 and a half, was performing oral sex liked to "hump" anyone that held her etc. MY BABY DID NOT DO THIS WHEN SHE WAS WITH ME!!! imo she had to have witnessed this or ben taught this. I was pretty messed up myself when I left her office. I still think about these kids every day, and even though I have a wonderful daughter that I love more than anything, these children will always be my first babies (in my heart).My question: Should I try and see what has happened with them? I am afraid I won’t like what I’ll hear. Also, I am scared that they have turned out to be people that I probably won’t want in my life. I just love them so much and don’t know what to do. I want them to know that I love them, think about them every day even after 14 years, pray for them, and tell them how sorry I am that I couldn’t help them escape their lives of hell. This tears at me so much. Have been seeing the on going things written about PTSD, and if that’s not what I have, give me another name but it is emotinally damaging no matter what you call it. And if this has made my life hell, what about my poor babies? I’d like some feed back on this issue of mine. Please note also that the term "boy" is not meant in anyway to be derrogatory. Just didn’t want to use names. Thanks for letting me vent. This is the first time I’ve told this in 14 years. Even my own mother who herself is an adoptee can’t underdatnd why I just can’t get over it. It’s terrible.
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