Trauma – PTSD

Question:

Hi Windy! > I just wanted to let this out of my system

Welcome!  I am sorry that you seem to qualify. > Thanks for listening

You are welcome! Isn’t it amazing how ‘where ever I go, there I am!’? Smile and there will be something to smile about! Nancy

Response:

Hi bushbabe, Sometimes it’s amazing how much we’re willing to put up with when we’re unable to walk away from it.  I can imagine how difficult it was for you to leave, especially when you couldn’t take your animals with you.  Often in abusive relationships, our animals are the only ones who we can confide in, who love us unconditionally and help us to literally stay alive. The important thing is that you finally got out of that relationship and it sounds as though you’re on the way to healing yourself and developing a better sense of self esteem.  Welcome to the group and Good for you! Z55

Response:

Hi all, I just wanted to let this out of my system MY PTSD goes back about 15 years when I was 18… I met my first husband.. I thought he was great, being a bit of a rebel…. I had a very sheltered childhood and had very little attention paid to me by my dad, which is probably one of the reasons why I fell for the first man to show me any affection…. The ex would fly off the handle at the littlest thing – he hit me twice, the first time he kicked me in the thigh and the second time he slapped me so hard that he knocked my glasses off and sent one of the lenses flying – that was a week before our wedding.. I think if I had more self confidence I would have ditched him then and there, but I was too busy thinking about all the money spent already (mind you it wasn’t much but it seemed like a lot)… Our relationship was rocky – he would always be flirting with other girls, then when I said something – he would blow up because I was being jealous (and I was pretty jealous -but I overcame that)… Cut a long story short.. it was like living with a bomb that would go off for usually no reason at all.. He would kick the cat, beat the dog and yell at me.. 3 weeks after my mum died we went away on a holiday… we got 5,000km away from home and he had been controllling the money – so I wouldn’t spend too much (even though I worked)… we were at a camp ground and he said my family were hopeless and that the only nice person well kinda was my mum but now she’s dead the rest of my family were like scum.. I lost it and locked myself in the car!  He picked up a large rock, threw it at the car, I started the car, he jumped on the bonnet and I drove off (no iead what I was doing….) he then proceeded to smash his way through the windscreen with his fist… We stopped when he got through the windscreen..I was covered with glass, he had huge scars on his arm… naturally he came up with  a story of a tree branch coming through the windscreen.. I had to drive him 80km to a hospital.. I was terrified and in shock etc… I knew afterwards I should have dobbed him into the hospital, even when they found out what had happened.. I was so overwelmed.. anyway we get home and he goes to see a physciatrist… comes out of it, blaming the entire situation on me… This wasn’t the first fight we had had… and it wasn’t the last, but after 10 years of this I fled in the middle of the day, packing what I could into the car and leaving… I’ve spent 5 years dealing with all these emotions of those 10 years, plus all the guilt of staying too long, leaving my dogs and cat behind and having to start again… I have also had to deal with the fact that I let him get out of the settlment more than what I got (even though we both contributed equally), just so I could feel safe… Even now, I have moved states so many times I can’t remember, and have spent most of my time hiding from him… To top off this crap that I had at home, my work life was filled full of crap as well.. I won’t mention where I worked for but they treated me like crap – I lost all my self esteem at home and at work.. I wanted to crawl into a ball and die, but instead I got mad and made it out alive, scarred but alive… Thanks for listening

Response:

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