Question:
I’m really flipping out right now. I haven’t talked to my mom since May and din’t intend to any time soon. Well, she just called. My dad and brother had been pestering me to talk to her again, but she styill doesn’t belive me or support me. Well, she called and I said what I could. Once again I had to leave out so much because she believes none of it. I don’t know what to say, what to do, wheere to go, or who to turn to. I’m so lost and can hardl even type. What do I do?
Hi Karin, One is you talk about how you feel, what you feel, when you feel. You talk as long as one person will listen and when you wear them down find another who will listen. You type as best you can in here. You share what it is you are feeling and share and share. You will find us listening – you will find us caring and wishing you well. You will find us crying also for you when you can not. You will find someone who has endured everything you’ve endured who will share with you what they learned. you will find you are not alone. You will uncover a strength you do not know you have. and my guess, you will find that in your need to talk, in your need to share, in your need for comfort, you will touch someone like me who needs to hear your story to know what I did hurt my daughter, to help me change who I am and stay away from what I had become. You will find in your need that you can and have helped others. You are not alone in your pain, you have strengthen me and my resolve to never do again what Chuck did. I can not make your confusion or pain go away. I can tell you I hear it. I can tell you how your struggles and your sharing those struggles have helped me. Hopefully that helps you to understand that out of bad and hurt does come some good. Hopefully it helps you to bear the pain a bit more. I am truly sorry … for my behavior and the pain it caused… Thanks for reminding me …. Peter B
Response:
I’m really flipping out right now. I haven’t talked to my mom since May and din’t intend to any time soon. Well, she just called. My dad and brother had been pestering me to talk to her again, but she styill doesn’t belive me or support me. Well, she called and I said what I could. Once again I had to leave out so much because she believes none of it. I don’t know what to say, what to do, wheere to go, or who to turn to. I’m so lost and can hardl even type. What do I do? —
//// Karin, you will notice that you are doing everything for other people, and not doing anything for yourself. I would get upset and pissed also if I was doing that to me. I have found out a long time ago that I can not please people, it is impossible to do. I can only please myself, those other people are still upset, but at least one person in the world is happier and that is ME!! So, if you want to know what to do, do what makes your heart happy. You are not happy talking to mommie dearest, so don’t talk. It is common for people early in their recovery to termporarily divorce their parents and family for a while. This they get some strength, hope, boundaries around them, takes a few months to do this, sometimes a few years depending on the PTSD issues and working though them. And tell you Dad and brother that you are running you life and not them and do not appreciate their unsoliceted opinions about mom and you. That is for you and mom to work out. Say, have you read that book by Barbara De’Angelis on "How to Make Love all the Time. Margaret and Jordan Paul wrote a great stomach puncher of a book called "Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You" – I wonder if that book title fits what is happening in your life. Hang in there, go hide for a while, take a private vacation. I have been where you are at, you will get out of it, you will be ok, just work your program and trust your wisdom in your body. Your reaching out, talking, if you are not 12 steping in an ACA or CoDa group think about the wisdom of doing so, you need an oasis of sanity in the world you have around you right now. Bear Hugs to you sweetie. Alan posted and mailed for communication security — Alan Brainiac Mac Farlane Disclaimer, don’t need no stinkin disclaimer. I am on a Macintosh !
Response:
How you doing Sherolyn? Quite an ear full! I, too, am in the same catagory as you (ACoA). Its interesting how our parents only remember the things that they want to remember, and how they manage to justify the things they do remember. I wonder why that is? Dennis (Bermy)
Response:
Look at the footer you’ve set up for each and every single one of your message and ask yourself why you put it there. Believe in yourself and find the peace and focus of your life. You’ve got so much love in yourself and NOW it’s the time to release it. The first recipient SHOULD be yourself. Good luck and take good care… Franky I’m really flipping out right now. I haven’t talked to my mom since May and din’t intend to any time soon. Well, she just called. My dad and * * * of it. I don’t know what to say, what to do, wheere to go, or who to turn to. I’m so lost and can hardl even type. What do I do? —
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – So this is love….hmmmmhmmmmm…..so this is what makes life devine…… ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ____ * ***** ***** | o o | o o ) ***** ***** ~~ ;`. / ,’. v .’; /~/~/ ***** ***** ." __ ) ( __ "./ / / ***** ***** ; aP""Y,_,P""Ya ; / ***** ***** `,;,; ._d’cinderella `b_. ;,;,’ ***** ***** `"""""""""""""""""""""’ ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *** *** ** ** *
Response:
I’m really flipping out right now. I haven’t talked to my mom since May and din’t intend to any time soon. Well, she just called. My dad and brother had been pestering me to talk to her again, but she styill doesn’t belive me or support me. Well, she called and I said what I could. Once again I had to leave out so much because she believes none of it. I don’t know what to say, what to do, wheere to go, or who to turn to. I’m so lost and can hardl even type. What do I do?
Karin, You be yourself. You be honest and forthcoming. Just say whatever is in your heart! "Damn the torpedos, full steam ahead!" Take a deep breath, in and out, in and out, and Good luck. Only you can descide if your mother deserves to know such a wonderful person. Dennis (Bermy)
Response:
I’m really flipping out right now. I haven’t talked to my mom since May and din’t intend to any time soon. Well, she just called. My dad and brother had been pestering me to talk to her again, but she styill doesn’t belive me or support me. Well, she called and I said what I could. Once again I had to leave out so much because she believes none of it. I don’t know what to say, what to do, wheere to go, or who to turn to. I’m so lost and can hardl even type. What do I do?
Wow! My mother called today too! Fortunately, I didn’t have to speak to her but my husband was on the phone with her for 40 minutes. I haven’t talked to her since March – no, let me rephrase that, she hasn’t talked to me since I wrote her and my dad a letter each. She can’t stand that I would address them separately. She wants to be ‘we’. She said if we were asking her to choose between her husband and her girls [my sister and I - she never mentions her illegitimate daughter who I now know about], then she would always choose him. No one asked her to choose! But she sets it up as us against the world, so no one can doubt her sincerity and loyalty. I finally broke through to my sister when I started talking about ACoA [adult children of alcoholics] with her. I’ve read some of the material and it helps to identify some of the patterns or roles of members in a dysfunctional family. Suddenly my sister realized that she didn’t have to make the choice that my mother was insisting on – her or me. My sister and I need to discover how to be sisters. I was her ‘mother’, she was my ‘daughter’, my mother was her’ ’sister’, etc. etc. I was the heroine, my sister was the enabler. It goes on’ and on. You don’t have to solve this with you mother alone. It could be that everyone is part of the dysfunctional family and your roles are cast in stone [I always see my role as cast in concrete for some reason]. When any one wants to seek change, they become the outcast – but maybe they can be the one who starts to talk about a functional family [which, apparently, is flexible, communicative, responsive, ...]. My mother says I am selfish [for going to therapy, for accusing them of neglect and abuse, for not taking care of my own family, etc.] She says ’someone’ is filling my head with lies. It goes on. I just wrote and erased, "I wish you luck with your mother" – what I really want to say is that she is causing you pain now and in the past. You have a right to say no. No one can make you stay in a dysfunctional family. Sherolyn
Response:
I’m really flipping out right now. I haven’t talked to my mom since May and din’t intend to any time soon. Well, she just called. My dad and brother had been pestering me to talk to her again, but she styill doesn’t belive me or support me. Well, she called and I said what I could. Once again I had to leave out so much because she believes none of it. I don’t know what to say, what to do, wheere to go, or who to turn to. I’m so lost and can hardl even type. What do I do? — So this is love….hmmmmhmmmmm…..so this is what makes life devine…… ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ____ * ***** ***** | o o | o o ) ***** ***** ~~ ;`. / ,’. v .’; /~/~/ ***** ***** ." __ ) ( __ "./ / / ***** ***** ; aP""Y,_,P""Ya ; / ***** ***** `,;,; ._d’cinderella `b_. ;,;,’ ***** ***** `"""""""""""""""""""""’ ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *** *** ** ** *
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