Trauma – PTSD

Question:

This is my intro, and is not very graphic, but I will spoiler it for general content 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 hi, My name is Lindsay. I am 14, and have bipolar disorder and A LOT of dissociation. Officially I have severe PTSD, but my therapist is not really sure.She does know that I dissociate a lot. I live with my mom. My dad is gone. My sister, Mary, who was 16 killed herself last summer. She had been severely depressed for many years, due a lot to our dad’s early sexual abuse, I think. My mom also suffers from very bad depression, and we have both been hospitalized before. In January, while my mom was in the hospital, I was in a foster home temporarily and got raped while walking home from school. There was no one around that I trusted, so I didn’t tell anyone until I finally told my doctor about a week later. This event has caused me tremendous stress, including a lot of fear about being out in the world, and now I am experiencing a lot of time loss and disoriented feelings. I am finding this really stressful because I can’t remember anything, and it is interfering with my life. It makes me feel really disconnected from myself, and I am just not sure who I am anymore. There is also a lot of noise in my head all the time, which makes it hard to concentrate on anything for very long. I don’t know if this will sound strange here or not, but I feel like I am losing my very self. Lindsay — For more information about this service, send e-mail to:

Response:

HI Lindsay, Welcome to asdis.  Your message was very well written and clear.  That is really good.  I am sorry for all the bad stuff that has happened to you and your f*mily and I hope things get better soon.  This is a good place to look for support and healing.  Make sure you let your T know what you write about here.  You probably don’t need to keep copies; just a general idea.  So you don’t "hide" anything from hir. Again, welcome and hope goes out to you, mare – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – This is my intro, and is not very graphic, but I will spoiler it for general content 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 hi, My name is Lindsay. I am 14, and have bipolar disorder and A LOT of dissociation. Officially I have severe PTSD, but my therapist is not really sure.She does know that I dissociate a lot. I live with my mom. My dad is gone. My sister, Mary, who was 16 killed herself last summer. She had been severely depressed for many years, due a lot to our dad’s early sexual abuse, I think. My mom also suffers from very bad depression, and we have both been hospitalized before. In January, while my mom was in the hospital, I was in a foster home temporarily and got raped while walking home from school. There was no one around that I trusted, so I didn’t tell anyone until I finally told my doctor about a week later. This event has caused me tremendous stress, including a lot of fear about being out in the world, and now I am experiencing a lot of time loss and disoriented feelings. I am finding this really stressful because I can’t remember anything, and it is interfering with my life. It makes me feel really disconnected from myself, and I am just not sure who I am anymore. There is also a lot of noise in my head all the time, which makes it hard to concentrate on anything for very long. I don’t know if this will sound strange here or not, but I feel like I am losing my very self. Lindsay — For more information about this service, send e-mail to:

Response:

Lindsay, this does not sound strange to us at all. What amazes us is your ability to reach out to others and for yourself at 14. We hope your T can help with all that you have been thru. You are welcome to write here. You seem to have such a good understanding of what you feel and what you need. How about in your community~are there support groups for teens that might help you feel a little better and make friends with other teens that can relate? We feel very bad about your ab’se and your s’st’r. Please keep reaching out so you will not feel alone. We’ve noticed you have already reached out to others. That means you are very compassionate. Don’t forget to ask for help if you need it. We are glad you have a T and a doc. Keep writing. You are not alone.                                       Songbird Sometimes

Response:

Welcome to the group! I’d also like to add that I’m _very_ impressed with your ability to write such a great first post! All the right spoilers, you’ve figured out twwells and so on! WOW!! – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – This is my intro, and is not very graphic, but I will spoiler it for general content 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 hi, My name is Lindsay. I am 14, and have bipolar disorder and A LOT of dissociation. Officially I have severe PTSD, but my therapist is not really sure.She does know that I dissociate a lot.

I’m very glad to hear that you are seeing a t’pist. I’ve always wondered what my life would have been like if the person I talked to in high school had a clue what to do with everything I told her. All she wanted to talk about was what college I was going to and stuff. I live with my mom. My dad is gone. My sister, Mary, who was 16 killed herself last summer. She had been severely depressed for many years, due a lot to our dad’s early sexual abuse, I think. My mom also suffers from very bad depression, and we have both been hospitalized before.

Wow! Quite a lot to deal with! I’m _very_ glad you are strong enough to be getting support and help for your healing!!!! In January, while my mom was in the hospital, I was in a foster home temporarily and got raped while walking home from school. There was no one around that I trusted, so I didn’t tell anyone until I finally told my doctor about a week later. This event has caused me tremendous stress,

Yep. Sorry this happened to you, and I agree this would cause tremendous stress in _anyone_. I’m glad you were able to finally tell someone and I’m honored you are able to tell the group now. including a lot of fear about being out in the world, and now I am experiencing a lot of time loss and disoriented feelings. I am finding this really stressful because I can’t remember anything, and it is interfering with my life. It makes me feel really disconnected from myself, and I am just not sure who I am anymore. There is also a lot of noise in my head all the time, which makes it hard to concentrate on anything for very long.

Man, does this sound familiar!!! Here’s just abit of what it was like for me when I was 14. Maybe we are alike? When I was 14 I regularly lost time and felt like I was dreaming, even when I was awake. I tried to talk to people about it. I usually felt like I was either not real or that the outside world wasn’t real. I regularly heard noise in my head that sometimes was so loud I couldn’t hear the outside world. I felt very different from others and very cut off from everyone. I tried drugs and alcohol sometimes to try to block it all out. It didn’t help. School was very difficult because of this. Again, I’d like to stress how good it is that you are talking to a t’pist who accepts that you dissociate! I had to wait until I was about 22 before I found someone who understood. I don’t know if this will sound strange here or not, but I feel like I am losing my very self. Lindsay

Nope, not strange at all! It _will_ get better. As you talk here, as you realize you aren’t so different and alone. As you tell your t’pist things and as you heal. Your path won’t be easy, but you are starting on your healing early enough in life that you _will_ see the end of all of this and you will be able to go on with your life. Just so you know who I am abit, so you can decide if I’m worth talking to *grin* I’m 36, a t’pist who works with kids with severe behavior problems, a special ed teacher, and a ‘blended’ multiple (by this I mean I’m not totally integrated yet but close enough that there are no longer separate insiders). I think I’d be labeled DDNOS now. I see a t’pist myself, and have since 1992. My dad was my primary abuser, but there were others as well. My mother is a very neglectful and cold person who did a lot of emotional damage to me and my siblings (there are five of us all together). Once again, welcome to the group! Rainbow Colors (Jill) —      The colors blend, the edges soften. Swirling and mixing                    we are becoming white light.

Response:

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