Question:
It is just really hard to slow down the spinning in my head sometimes.
maybe this will help 1. physical sensations–I feel cold 2. opinion-"I feel that goverment is too big" 3. emotional experience-I feel happy 4. evaluation- I feel that it is awful the word and connotation of "feeling" is used differently for each perameter distinction of use is different-when your head spins it is because you are overloading it with Feelings that are within each of these perameters we become descriptively deficient-label the emotion and place it within one of the perameters-you can clarify the affective referent-what is spinning? the thoughts of what-you not having control? You being sad-something awful break it down-just like I said steps-just like the heirarchy-steps-it doesn’t matter if your sloppy with this you won’t be graded-but break things down into manageable sizes-then you won’t get overwhelmed. I was being facetious about your headaches LM
Response:
I agree with you on all points. It is just really hard to slow down the spinning in my head sometimes. I don’t need to know why to learn to cope with things without making myself avoid life in general. My headaches come when I get stressed over issues…so I think like you said, if I overwhelm myself, I do no favors….just make it worse no wonder you get headaches-if I crammed this amount of worry into my head it would hurt too…one step at a time-you cannot answer the global questions of why and how come and what and where to everything that is before you and behind you-it is overwhelming and will make you feel so one step- you don’t ignore things but you take the static away and distill one thought or problem at a time pick one –any one and work on that this is why you have problems with a heirarchy-beside what you write isn’t written into stone tablets-you can change them or disregaurd some-it is just approaching a goal a starting point-you know that first step.
My hierarchy was a flop in many ways….the first thing therapist saw was that I had things very out of order….harder things before easier things, and even before some things I have been doing. I guess I wrote it in order of importance to me, rather than logical steps start with the most fearful thing and go down to less all the way as far as you want to go-you will start with the least and progress upward slowly and painstakingly but it is a start- a step
Man it is hard to do that stuff though. To me the most frightening thing is setting all this up on a timetable where I feel pressured to comply by a certain time. I have some issues that *I* want resolved faster that I might not really be READY to cope with yet. I am working on this….Thanks for all your input! It helps tremendously! R LM
Robin Don’t sweat the small stuff…and it’s ALL small stuff!
Response:
Just read and don’t say a word…LOL — Clowns to the left of me Jokers to the right Here I am Stuck in the middle with you.
<Snipped the best read in days and <snipped insightful things (((((((Robin)))))) and ((((Cheryl)))), Im glad I took the time to read. You were very helpful to me. I know its not my post but by golly I sure used it;-) Love, Charla
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Well, I have been working (for about a month now through missed appointments and reschedules and migranes etc) on avoiding the actual DOING of my homework. I was supposed to sit down and write out a hierarchy of goals that I feel I need to aim toward while in therapy. These are basic, simple things…but it just was a daunting task to me. In part I think it was the HORROR of actually having to write out such simple things that I would figure most people would have no trouble accomplishing but seem to overwhelm me easily. Knowing that many of you have such phobias and limits makes it easy to discuss here, but it is scary to hand over a written list of stumbling blocks….ya know? Wes was supposed to help me with it, and he read through and said I pretty much got all he could think of. I know there is a TON more work than just what I have written down, but GOOD grief it was hard to think. Anyone else have any experience with this type of thing in therapy? I try really hard NOT to ‘put on a face’ in therapy, but I think in some ways I go into PUBLIC MODE and am not completely myself. Not to mention with all that goes on in our heads it seems IMPOSSIBLE to try to keep someone up to date on our lives one day a week in a one hour time frame. There is at least 15 minutes of just ?????’s and a few comments. Then the ‘how have you been’ starts and damn if I don’t forget EVERY time the many things I have planned to discuss. With me, writing them down doesn’t help, I just forget or think ‘we’ll get to that’ and it never works. Any suggestions on how to MAKE things stay focused on some issues with my recovery? I get frustrated when we have an overwhelming week with bills and stuff, and when I try to explain all my fears, the therapists say "those are things that you will have to deal with as they come" and that just isn’t working. I know their job is to help deal with the PTSD etc…but how do they really expect me to be able to just tune out not having food in the house, electric and utility cut off notices…stuff like that has been day to day life for us this past year. Even though some things are looking better for us, it is still a worry on me. I can’t STOP thinking of our LIFE to sit down and discuss bleach each week or something like that. I like my therapist, don’t get me wrong, he has actually worked in the department that I was in (DOCorrections) and understands that type of job better than most therapists….BUT How do I leave my emotions and fears OUT of what is basically a problem with emotions and fears? Am I supposed to ignore the things like our plans to have a baby? Is that not supposed to have some strain on my mind just because it isn’t conducive to my recovery? Am I not supposed to feel hurt when I have an argument with my aunt over having missed a truck payment? Sure, it is supposedly something that we can’t do anything about so why stress? WHY? Becau
no wonder you get headaches-if I crammed this amount of worry into my head it would hurt too…one step at a time-you cannot answer the global questions of why and how come and what and where to everything that is before you and behind you-it is overwhelming and will make you feel so one step- you don’t ignore things but you take the static away and distill one thought or problem at a time pick one –any one and work on that this is why you have problems with a heirarchy-beside what you write isn’t written into stone tablets-you can change them or disregaurd some-it is just approaching a goal a starting point-you know that first step. start with the most fearful thing and go down to less all the way as far as you want to go-you will start with the least and progress upward slowly and painstakingly but it is a start- a step LM
Response:
Hi, Robin, Hope your appt is productive tomorrow. Could you put down a list of things to talk about with the therapist and give it to him/her and let them be the one to bring up the subjects? They seem to have a way with knowing what question to ask at the right time and probably could look at the list and make more sense of it than we are able to since they are completely objective to us… smiles, elise
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Well, I have been working (for about a month now through missed appointments and reschedules and migranes etc) on avoiding the actual DOING of my homework. I was supposed to sit down and write out a hierarchy of goals that I feel I need to aim toward while in therapy. These are basic, simple things…but it just was a daunting task to me. In part I think it was the HORROR of actually having to write out such simple things that I would figure most people would have no trouble accomplishing but seem to overwhelm me easily. Knowing that many of you have such phobias and limits makes it easy to discuss here, but it is scary to hand over a written list of stumbling blocks….ya know? Wes was supposed to help me with it, and he read through and said I pretty much got all he could think of. I know there is a TON more work than just what I have written down, but GOOD grief it was hard to think. Anyone else have any experience with this type of thing in therapy? I try really hard NOT to ‘put on a face’ in therapy, but I think in some ways I go into PUBLIC MODE and am not completely myself. Not to mention with all that goes on in our heads it seems IMPOSSIBLE to try to keep someone up to date on our lives one day a week in a one hour time frame. There is at least 15 minutes of just ?????’s and a few comments. Then the ‘how have you been’ starts and damn if I don’t forget EVERY time the many things I have planned to discuss. With me, writing them down doesn’t help, I just forget or think ‘we’ll get to that’ and it never works. Any suggestions on how to MAKE things stay focused on some issues with my recovery? I get frustrated when we have an overwhelming week with bills and stuff, and when I try to explain all my fears, the therapists say "those are things that you will have to deal with as they come" and that just isn’t working. I know their job is to help deal with the PTSD etc…but how do they really expect me to be able to just tune out not having food in the house, electric and utility cut off notices…stuff like that has been day to day life for us this past year. Even though some things are looking better for us, it is still a worry on me. I can’t STOP thinking of our LIFE to sit down and discuss bleach each week or something like that. I like my therapist, don’t get me wrong, he has actually worked in the department that I was in (DOCorrections) and understands that type of job better than most therapists….BUT How do I leave my emotions and fears OUT of what is basically a problem with emotions and fears? Am I supposed to ignore the things like our plans to have a baby? Is that not supposed to have some strain on my mind just because it isn’t conducive to my recovery? Am I not supposed to feel hurt when I have an argument with my aunt over having missed a truck payment? Sure, it is supposedly something that we can’t do anything about so why stress? WHY? Because my family is involved….how do you NOT worry about those things when they are affecting a close family to a degree that it causes some really hurtful things? How am I supposed to NOT be trying to return to work? It is the only thing I have an option for now….so when everyone says, "just focus on getting better" like I have somehow forgotten that I have a problem and I am just blowing it off~? What is that? I AM focused on getting better. Been focused for so long that I have LOST focus on what I actually WANT to achieve. Do I want to return to DOC? Yes…. Is it a logical option at this point? NO….so I just am supposed to stop thinking about it How do you go from life to therapy without letting it get confused? The therapy is FOR my life, just because it is due to an accident at work, should that mean that the panic attacks I have over non work related issues aren’t important? Just babbling, venting I guess. That way when I go to see my therapist, we can obsess over the hierarchy without going OFF TOPIC to my world LOL R Robin Don’t sweat the small stuff…and it’s ALL small stuff!
Response:
The therapy is FOR my life, just because it is due to an accident at work, should that mean that the panic attacks I have over non work related issues aren’t important? Just babbling, venting I guess. That way when I go to see my therapist, we can obsess over the hierarchy without going OFF TOPIC to my world LOL R Robin
Dear Robin, I have no answers for you on how to deal with everything. Perhaps you can ask your therapists these same questions and then the two of you could come to some mutual agreement about discussing your personal life while at the same time working towards recovery. As much as you don`t want to write the hierarchy of goals, do it, you have nothing to lose by doing it. Take care!! Jackie
Response:
Well, I have been working (for about a month now through missed appointments and reschedules and migranes etc) on avoiding the actual DOING of my homework. I was supposed to sit down and write out a hierarchy of goals that I feel I need to aim toward while in therapy. These are basic, simple things…but it just was a daunting task to me. In part I think it was the HORROR of actually having to write out such simple things that I would figure most people would have no trouble accomplishing but seem to overwhelm me easily. Knowing that many of you have such phobias and limits makes it easy to discuss here, but it is scary to hand over a written list of stumbling blocks….ya know? Wes was supposed to help me with it, and he read through and said I pretty much got all he could think of. I know there is a TON more work than just what I have written down, but GOOD grief it was hard to think. Anyone else have any experience with this type of thing in therapy? I try really hard NOT to ‘put on a face’ in therapy, but I think in some ways I go into PUBLIC MODE and am not completely myself. Not to mention with all that goes on in our heads it seems IMPOSSIBLE to try to keep someone up to date on our lives one day a week in a one hour time frame. There is at least 15 minutes of just ?????’s and a few comments. Then the ‘how have you been’ starts and damn if I don’t forget EVERY time the many things I have planned to discuss. With me, writing them down doesn’t help, I just forget or think ‘we’ll get to that’ and it never works. Any suggestions on how to MAKE things stay focused on some issues with my recovery? I get frustrated when we have an overwhelming week with bills and stuff, and when I try to explain all my fears, the therapists say "those are things that you will have to deal with as they come" and that just isn’t working. I know their job is to help deal with the PTSD etc…but how do they really expect me to be able to just tune out not having food in the house, electric and utility cut off notices…stuff like that has been day to day life for us this past year. Even though some things are looking better for us, it is still a worry on me. I can’t STOP thinking of our LIFE to sit down and discuss bleach each week or something like that. I like my therapist, don’t get me wrong, he has actually worked in the department that I was in (DOCorrections) and understands that type of job better than most therapists….BUT How do I leave my emotions and fears OUT of what is basically a problem with emotions and fears? Am I supposed to ignore the things like our plans to have a baby? Is that not supposed to have some strain on my mind just because it isn’t conducive to my recovery? Am I not supposed to feel hurt when I have an argument with my aunt over having missed a truck payment? Sure, it is supposedly something that we can’t do anything about so why stress? WHY? Because my family is involved….how do you NOT worry about those things when they are affecting a close family to a degree that it causes some really hurtful things? How am I supposed to NOT be trying to return to work? It is the only thing I have an option for now….so when everyone says, "just focus on getting better" like I have somehow forgotten that I have a problem and I am just blowing it off~? What is that? I AM focused on getting better. Been focused for so long that I have LOST focus on what I actually WANT to achieve. Do I want to return to DOC? Yes…. Is it a logical option at this point? NO….so I just am supposed to stop thinking about it How do you go from life to therapy without letting it get confused? The therapy is FOR my life, just because it is due to an accident at work, should that mean that the panic attacks I have over non work related issues aren’t important? Just babbling, venting I guess. That way when I go to see my therapist, we can obsess over the hierarchy without going OFF TOPIC to my world LOL R Robin Don’t sweat the small stuff…and it’s ALL small stuff!
Response:
Just read and don’t say a word…LOL — Clowns to the left of me Jokers to the right Here I am Stuck in the middle with you. TC3
Well, I have been working (for about a month now through missed appointments and reschedules and migranes etc) on avoiding the actual DOING of my homework. I was supposed to sit down and write out a hierarchy of goals that I feel I need to aim toward while in therapy. These are basic, simple things…but it just was a daunting task to me. In part I think it was the HORROR of actually having to write out such simple things that I would figure most people would have no trouble accomplishing but seem to overwhelm me easily.
Same here. I just get overwhelmed and sit here and log on… this is my overwhelmed pill..this computer..the bane of my existence as we know it..*sigh* Knowing that many of you have such phobias and limits makes it easy to discuss here, but it is scary to hand over a written list of stumbling blocks….ya know? Wes was supposed to help me with it, and he read through and said I pretty much got all he could think of. I know there is a TON more work than just what I have written down, but GOOD grief it was hard to think.
Listen to me, I went on a ng that is all about clutter, they were fantastic.. when you go into your room/any room…pick ONE thing to focus on that irritates you and fix it. Do the same the next day until you get into a rhythm, this has helped me very much… Next a timer, set it for five minutes to do a chore then increase your time, this also helped me clean out my hutch. The oasis thing, I cleaned out all of my books from the couch area, made my coffee table clear of everything but a teapot and a candle and my atlas and I enjoy sitting there now at night to clear my mind, I also put all my unread crap in a basket by the couch. Anyone else have any experience with this type of thing in therapy? I try really hard NOT to ‘put on a face’ in therapy, but I think in some ways I go into PUBLIC MODE and am not completely myself. Not to mention with all that goes on in our heads it seems IMPOSSIBLE to try to keep someone up to date on our lives one day a week in a one hour time frame. There is at least 15 minutes of just ?????’s and a few comments. Then the ‘how have you been’ starts and damn if I don’t forget EVERY time the many things I have planned to discuss. With me, writing them down doesn’t help, I just forget or think ‘we’ll get to that’ and it never works.
I wish I could help you here, I have had shitty therapy…I felt worse after I left but do know there are ways to beat all this…when I had a frenzy of shit to tell Arlene I just had to focus on what stuck out in my mind the worst..and went from there..not that her handing my bills midsentence did me much good.. But honestly, it did focus me. Any suggestions on how to MAKE things stay focused on some issues with my recovery? I get frustrated when we have an overwhelming week with bills and stuff, and when I try to explain all my fears, the
Robin BILLS WILL ALWAYS BE THERE unless you are a lucky sucker(and I don’t believe in luck) and win the lottery then you will have bigger bills. Here is what I did, I gave them ALL to Ted and picked up one of his daily jobs.. (I take care of something else..simpler, not overwhelming so he can do the whole bill thing) Give it up..we have no money either, we live pay to pay and by the grace of God we manage and so do you, even in your WORST unheated moment, you ended up with heat! YOU will make it NO ONE has ever died of bills. Forget the small shit, listen to your sig. My mother said to me once when I got nuts over money(which is rare for me) "you were born taking a brown bag to work ,you will die that way" and it’s kinda mean but true so I don’t have much in the money/house financial well off kind of thought, I focus on this sentence every day of my life, Thank you God for my roof and for the health (even on my worst dialysis days I said this) You have way to many distractions…Trust me, I can relate to you. therapists say "those are things that you will have to deal with as they come" and that just isn’t working. I know their job is to help deal with the PTSD etc…but how do they really expect me to be able to just tune out not having food in the house, electric and utility cut off notices…stuff like that has been day to day life for us this
Robin, we have to make whatever is handed to us our day to day. I had to make a life for three years being hooked to a machine and even though that is a rare kind of thing for anyone to endure…I managed barely but did it. I had no choice and neither do you. I wish the whole food/heat thing could change, I wish all kinds of good stuff for you but right now you have to do this. Ted and I are budgeting food for the first time ever thanks to our health insurance increase…I never had to do it and I am forever shutting the heat off so we can cut costs.. it’s sucking big time but you are not alone! past year. Even though some things are looking better for us, it is still a worry on me. I can’t STOP thinking of our LIFE to sit down and discuss bleach each week or something like that. I like my therapist, don’t get me wrong, he has actually worked in the department that I was in (DOCorrections) and understands that type of job better than most therapists….BUT How do I leave my emotions and fears OUT of what is basically a problem with emotions and fears? Am I supposed to ignore the things like our plans to have a baby? Is that not supposed to have some strain on my mind just because it isn’t conducive to my recovery?
I can see/understand your anger here. I think being a mom would be wonderful for you…a completion..being a step mom is good but you would feel more focused, empowered to have a bit of normalcy, I can relate. Am I not supposed to feel hurt when I have an argument with my aunt over having missed a truck payment? Sure, it is supposedly something that we can’t do anything about so why stress? WHY? Because my family is involved….how do you NOT worry about those things when they are affecting a close family to a degree that it causes some really hurtful things?
I know this hurts, you feel, WHY aren’t they being more fair? They are MY FAMILY~! I did this all through dialysis…I turned off my thinking of they owed me any shred of empathy…and I had a tough time of it.. I know what to expect now and face it with a yada yada..don’t fight with her, just listen, say okay and then get off the phone and scream at that damn possum outside. Families will not change. How am I supposed to NOT be trying to return to work? It is the only thing I have an option for now….so when everyone says, "just focus on getting better" like I have somehow forgotten that I have a problem and I am just blowing it off~? What is that?
Wait. Focus on "getting better" is just a nice umbrella term for people to say to you to get you off of their back or to shut you up. You focus on baby steps. You focus on your faith, yourself, your husband, the kids, the day and that is IT just that day. YOU know you are thinking of getting better just let it go..I don’t think anyone wants to suffer. People just don’t know what to do with very complicated, emotional people like us Robin, probably why you and I spar occasionally, we are very open and honest and just vastly into every aspect of every nitpicking shit thing in our and everyone else’s life. I am not sure it’s a good thing or not..LOL I AM focused on getting better. Been focused for so long that I have LOST focus on what I actually WANT to achieve. Do I want to return to DOC? Yes…. Is it a logical option at this point? NO….so I just am supposed to stop thinking about it
To see the Ocean you have to get past the shoobies, the tourists..turn it into I can see the vast sky above the ocean and will eventually get to the water’s edge…let me enjoy the boardwalk, the smells of cocobutter, the people, the sand, the blankets, the kids then let me rock with the ocean when I get there. BABY STEPS. How do you go from life to therapy without letting it get confused? The therapy is FOR my life, just because it is due to an accident at work, should that mean that the panic attacks I have over non work related issues aren’t important?
I think this, since I have learned to know you well and we do seem to think a like in matter, do you go and think of what YOU think you need to cover, and do you talk about things that you think your therapist wants to hear? If so therapy won’t work. I have found in the better therapists I went to that I ended up somewhere in a place where I never ventured by letting my true self come out. Not planning obsessing or thinking of "HE/SHE NEEDS TO FIX FOR ME when I go" I don’t know, maybe you don’t do this. I just know I put on LOUD rock on my way, sang, did not THINK and when I sat my butt on the couch/chair and in some cases a barn(don’t ask) I let loose surprising myself. Just babbling, venting I guess. That way when I go to see my therapist, we can obsess over the hierarchy without going OFF TOPIC to my world LOL
Fuck the hierarchy, obviously it is not helping if it’s hindering..think about that. xoxo You are not alone…just do the babysteps thing and get a fucking fish to hang around your neck to remember! LOLOL and stop beating yourself for being addictive to a fun thing, the computer is fun, just get to that when it’s time. I will try to stop thinking of it negatively. xo Cheryl – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – R Robin Don’t sweat the small stuff…and it’s ALL small stuff!
Response:
You are certainly struggling with answers to all of this, Robin. It boggled my mind just reading your post, but gee, I have certainly felt as confused and questioning. Things are getting better for you Robin, and once you see things changing, a lot of these questions will just disappear. Hang in there! Take care, Liz – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Well, I have been working (for about a month now through missed appointments and reschedules and migranes etc) on avoiding the actual DOING of my homework. I was supposed to sit down and write out a hierarchy of goals that I feel I need to aim toward while in therapy. These are basic, simple things…but it just was a daunting task to me. In part I think it was the HORROR of actually having to write out such simple things that I would figure most people would have no trouble accomplishing but seem to overwhelm me easily. Knowing that many of you have such phobias and limits makes it easy to discuss here, but it is scary to hand over a written list of stumbling blocks….ya know? Wes was supposed to help me with it, and he read through and said I pretty much got all he could think of. I know there is a TON more work than just what I have written down, but GOOD grief it was hard to think. Anyone else have any experience with this type of thing in therapy? I try really hard NOT to ‘put on a face’ in therapy, but I think in some ways I go into PUBLIC MODE and am not completely myself. Not to mention with all that goes on in our heads it seems IMPOSSIBLE to try to keep someone up to date on our lives one day a week in a one hour time frame. There is at least 15 minutes of just ?????’s and a few comments. Then the ‘how have you been’ starts and damn if I don’t forget EVERY time the many things I have planned to discuss. With me, writing them down doesn’t help, I just forget or think ‘we’ll get to that’ and it never works. Any suggestions on how to MAKE things stay focused on some issues with my recovery? I get frustrated when we have an overwhelming week with bills and stuff, and when I try to explain all my fears, the therapists say "those are things that you will have to deal with as they come" and that just isn’t working. I know their job is to help deal with the PTSD etc…but how do they really expect me to be able to just tune out not having food in the house, electric and utility cut off notices…stuff like that has been day to day life for us this past year. Even though some things are looking better for us, it is still a worry on me. I can’t STOP thinking of our LIFE to sit down and discuss bleach each week or something like that. I like my therapist, don’t get me wrong, he has actually worked in the department that I was in (DOCorrections) and understands that type of job better than most therapists….BUT How do I leave my emotions and fears OUT of what is basically a problem with emotions and fears? Am I supposed to ignore the things like our plans to have a baby? Is that not supposed to have some strain on my mind just because it isn’t conducive to my recovery? Am I not supposed to feel hurt when I have an argument with my aunt over having missed a truck payment? Sure, it is supposedly something that we can’t do anything about so why stress? WHY? Because my family is involved….how do you NOT worry about those things when they are affecting a close family to a degree that it causes some really hurtful things? How am I supposed to NOT be trying to return to work? It is the only thing I have an option for now….so when everyone says, "just focus on getting better" like I have somehow forgotten that I have a problem and I am just blowing it off~? What is that? I AM focused on getting better. Been focused for so long that I have LOST focus on what I actually WANT to achieve. Do I want to return to DOC? Yes…. Is it a logical option at this point? NO….so I just am supposed to stop thinking about it How do you go from life to therapy without letting it get confused? The therapy is FOR my life, just because it is due to an accident at work, should that mean that the panic attacks I have over non work related issues aren’t important? Just babbling, venting I guess. That way when I go to see my therapist, we can obsess over the hierarchy without going OFF TOPIC to my world LOL R Robin Don’t sweat the small stuff…and it’s ALL small stuff!
– There is always music amongst the trees in the garden but our minds must be very still to hear it. ASAP Gardening Site: http://www.chickadee.com/asapgardens
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