Question:
Any/All, This is just a quick overview of my personal story, should you doubt my veracity as a survivor. I was molested at age 5 by my uncle. I was continuously molested by my step brother until I was about 12. I repressed all of this until I was 15. I was thereafter moved repeatedly, usually by my mother into various sh**holes with such gems as a drug-dealer and an alcoholic. Physical abuse could and did occur, sometimes at my mother’s urging. I had serious problems all throughout the teenage years but assumed they were due to my unnaceptable life-style. I self mutilated alot to cope with dissociation. When I was 15, I saw my uncle in my checkout line. I recalled everything in the worst most horrifying flashback I have ever experienced. I also noted he had two small girls with him. Immediately follwing this incident I started therapy, where I was diagnosed with chronic PTSD. My therapist attempted to give me drugs, I declined and found a therapist willing to work with me in drug-free ways. I also found a lawyer willing to work pro-bono to sue my uncle. It concerned me that he had two girls in his home. I broke down at about 18, to the point where I could not speak, eat or leave the house. My therapist resorted to drugs, but only long enough to get me "jump-started". I then seriously worked on healing myself. When I was 21 I joined the Guard. They knew all about my past and the therapist they had me see was impressed with how far I had come. He had no problems with my being in. When I was 22 I was getting close to my day in Court and had alot of flashbacks. I debated taking drugs to cope with them. My military Dr’s and my therapist helped me to decide it was still not an option for me. When I was 24, I finally felt well enough (and had enough money 
to begin school. I also had my day in Court (I lost but there was a HUGE article in the paper that named my uncle. Now other parents know who not to have as a baby-sitter. Still feel bad I couldn’t help HIS kids tho.) Many of my symptoms intensified greatly in the days leading up to the Court battle, but after I confronted him, they abated to the point where I can barely remember what they were like. The only symptoms that bother me now is insomnia and sometimes hypervigilance (but no startle problems.) I don’t even have therapy anymore. My therapist deemed me to be a "true survivor" and cut me loose. I have been there, done that. I have lived and thrived. It is possible. What does not kill me makes me stronger. I refuse to lie down & die. I know it’s a hard road, but *none* of you should look at PTSD as a life sentence. No one should write off health & happiness. It’s harder to get to for us, and yes PTSD will always be with you in some small form, but you *can* determine the course of your fate. No, I do not see those of you who are not functioning on this level as weak willed, I just see you as being in a point I too was once at. I see you as being on the right path, and progressing. Just the fact that you are in this group shows your decision and commitment to health. Hope this helps you to see that you *can* improve an enormous amount. And I *am* going to be a police officer in order to catch the people who victimize others. I can’t think of anything else more noble & wonderful & necessary. My thanks to those of you who have been supportive. You have a wonderful group, and I appreciate your positive feedback. Hope this seves to help some of you & sends a positive message. Cass
Response:
> As for the rest of your post. I am sorry that you see yourself as >being so limited
I do not see myself as being limited, but I do know WHAT my limits are, and I can spot a story teller when I see one. You are lying, or stretching the truth here. Luanne
Response:
Luanne You miss the point. As you have reminded others so many times over the last few months, this is a support newsgroup. It is not up to you or anyone else to determine if someone is telling the truth or not. Your fanatic belief that PTSD is the be-all and end-all of someone’s health is too narrow to its reality. If you don’t believe her, fine. But the rest of us don’t want to see another individual put down or their dreams attacked just because it doesn’t fit into your blinded view of the illness. Cassie could be lying through her teeth for all I care, but her words emcompass the spirit of this newsgroup. And that is what matters. Lesleyanne The one and only chech @ http://home.thezone.net/~chech Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ Before you buy.
Response:
>t is not up to you or >anyone else to determine if someone is telling the truth or not.
I see your point, Lesley. Perhaps it will better if I respond to the posts I can relate to rather than the ones that I don’t. I respect you and will follow your advice. I have a very difficult time with the sincerity of one’s story if there are a lot of ‘holes’ in it. In this case, I will ignore the person. Best, Luanne
Response:
In article <19991023132708.25596.00000…@ng-cg1.aol.com>, luan…@aol.comeandgo (LuanneP) wrote: I > can spot a story teller when I see one. You are lying, or stretching the truth > here. > Luanne
Well, Luanne, you apparently haven’t been in the military for a while. They did in fact accept me. Granted, I had to sit for a 2 hr long psychological evaluation, but as I said they had no problem with my history. So check your facts on that. These last 5 years of honorable service haven’t been imaginary. I don’t even have it in me to be angry with you. You seem so hopeless and negative that I only see all your personal attacks on me as your being threatened by the idea that you might actually be capable of healing. Some people would rather hide safely inside their diagnosis, that way they never have to face the world & its challenges again. There is no lying/story telling going on here. I can’t even tell you how it is that I have done so well for myself. I don’t understand why it is, but it *is* and I am grateful to be accomplishing things. The whole point of all of this is that *yes* PTSD can be overcome. I only posted to begin with to send that message. I have no idea why you have spent so much energy on attacking me. I’ve tried to figure it out and all I can think of is jealousy and fear. I’m sorry if my success threatens you in some way, but I can assure you it *is* real. You can talk all day about what your friends say; what PD’s say; I know the truth and I have shared it. A special thank you to LesleyAnne, Christina and Tracy for empathizing and supporting me. Cass PS Luanne, don’t you think all this angry energy might be better spent on healing yourself instead of trying to drag people down to your level? Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ Before you buy.
Response:
> Others are now telling Cassie to ignore me.
Actually I decided that myself. I have a brain too, you know. It’s not a tough call to make. I called her bluff – the Military, > INCLUDING the National Guard will not let someone join if > they are on ANY PSYCHOLOGICAL RELATED DRUGS OR HAVE A HISTORY OF PSYCHOLOGICAL > ILLNESS – PERIOD!!!
Well apparently you’re mistaken on that one. Although I was not on drugs at the time. And since all I have posted is true, there is no bluff to call. > I am appearing to be the ‘big bad bitch’ here,
But when has that stopped you? but I know the truth, Again, apparently not. You’ve had the truth in my posts and created your own convoluted reality. and there > is no way in hell that she can join the Police Force with her medical
history. We’ll see. I passed the Civil Service Exam with a 93. Gotta wait for the list to distributed to the various PD’s. Then there’s the wait to get an interview. I’m not worried. > I can spot someone who is not telling the truth when I see one.
Guess again. I’m not stupid, I know that. and I think that you also see the light on this one, too. Only if it’s an imaginary light 
> Many on my list have written to me privately,
I somehow doubt that. to tell me that they also see > this, but are too fearful to post it here.
Because I may flame them? Not gonna happen. I have only defended myself in regards to your attacks. I have no desire to create the dissension you have. I lack your nastiness. I also lack the kind of time you apparently have on your hands to dream all this up. Luanne, everything I have said is true. There’s no point to continuing to post to you because of your paranoia and outright refusal to accept the truth. You just refuse to accept reality. I think it scares you that I have faced PTSD and essentially overcome it. I never tried to minimize anyone’s PTSD or make them feel small because they have not done as well as I have. I am not negating anyone else’s experiences. I just want everyone to realize that life can & will get better, that PTSD is not a life sentence, that there *is* hope. Cass Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ Before you buy.
Response:
>I don’t even have it in me to be angry with you. You seem so >hopeless and negative that I only see all your personal attacks on me >as your being threatened by the idea that you might actually be capable >of healing.
I would appreciate if if you filter me out of any future posts and I will do the same for you. I know what I am talking about, and unless you actually showed me ‘proof’ of being in the service and ‘proof’ of your PTSD and ‘being a police officer when I grow up’ I don’t believe you. Please, please filter me out. You piss me off. Luanne
Response:
> Actually I decided that myself. I have a brain too, you know. It’s >not a tough call to make. > I called her bluff – the Military,
You did NOT call my bluff. I was IN the military myself. I have two friends who were turned down because they were on meds – one was on anti-depressants and one was on anti-seizure drugs. If you got in, you are probably one of those who ’slipped through the cracks.’ As for ‘being a police officer’ – I will believe it when I see it. I’ll say it again. I do not believe the law enforcement will accept someone with a history of mental illness. Now, if you would stop switching email addresses…now you are using a Hotmail one, I could block you out. I believe you are lying. I do not care what you say, and you are really pissing me off by dragging this out. Yes, I do believe that people can ‘get better’ and get their symptoms under control, but I highly doubt that they will be accepted at the Police Academy. I would not want to have a cop in my neighborhood who might ‘get triggered’ if they arrested a man who resembled their attacker, or accidently fired a gun because they got ’startled.’ No way in hell. >Although I was not >on drugs at the time. And since all I have posted is true, there is no >bluff to call.
Yes, but how do we know it is true? I have seen nothing to prove you have been in them military. Only your words, which I have my doubts about. Your words are not proof. Why not scan your DD214 and post it? Then I might believe you. Tell me, do you know what a DD214 is? >We’ll see. I passed the Civil Service Exam with a 93. Gotta wait >for the list to distributed to the various PD’s. Then there’s the wait >to get an interview. I’m not worried.
I’m worried…..for the people in your neighborhood that you will be paid to protect. Luanne
Response:
In article <19991023210831.22532.00000…@ng-fi1.aol.com>, luan…@aol.comeandgo (LuanneP) wrote: > You did NOT call my bluff. I was IN the military myself. I have two friends > who were turned down because they were on meds –
Note: as I keep saying, I was NOT on meds, except for a brief period. > If you got in, you are probably one of > those who ’slipped through the cracks.’
Believe what you like That two hour eval in Basic (Lackland) might have had something to do with it. > As for ‘being a police officer’ – I will believe it when I see it. I’ll say it > again. I do not believe the law enforcement will accept someone with a history > of mental illness.
Well, as I said, your opinion is not going to dissuade me from pursuing a career in Law Enforcement. None of the police I currently attend school with, or meet through my Security job have a problem with it. > Now, if you would stop switching email addresses…now you are using a Hotmail > one, I could block you out.
It’d be a blessing. I switched because I have a computer now, shall I apologize for that as well? I have noted positive things seem to upset you. > I believe you are lying.
My goodness, what a surprise. > I do not care what you say, and you are really > pissing me off by dragging this out.
Oh I *am* sorry, I didn’t know I was put on Earth to cater to you. Well, I replied to someone else’s post originally and *you* are the one who has badgered me. If sticking up for myself is wrong, I *do* apologize. Just don’t expect me to put up with your b.s. I am not intimidated by bullies. > Yes, but how do we know it is true? I have seen nothing to prove you have been > in them military. Only your words, which I have my doubts about. Your words > are not proof. Why not scan your DD214 and post it? Then I might believe you. > Tell me, do you know what a DD214 is?
DD214, Dept of Def form, ya get it when ya get out, right? I don’t have one as I am *still* in (still serving my original term.) If it helps I am a SRA (e-4) and I was a 3A031. I just got back from Sheppard AFB (crosstraining into a new field.) Luanne, you of *all* people should not be so delusional as to think I am going to post private and personal information. After all, some angry woman like *you* might take advantage of it. Perhaps my shot record? LoL I don’t have to prove myself to a bully like you. It may suprise you and irritate you to no end, but I care very little what *you* think of me. I agree that the flame war should end. So quit badgering me and I will stop replying. Cass — ~~~Would you *really* want to be judged by 12 people who weren’t smart e Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ Before you buy.
Response:
In article <19991023203512.23700.00000…@ng-ch1.aol.com>, luan…@aol.comeandgo (LuanneP) wrote: > I would appreciate if if you filter me out of any future posts and I will do > the same for you.
As soon as I figure out how to do that, I assure you I *will*. >I know what I am talking about,
That’s disputable as evidenced by this flame war. I also haven’t noted an M.D. following your name. >and unless you actually > showed me ‘proof’ of being in the service
Whaddaya want? My record? No way. My ribbons? My uniform? LOL Really, you *are* being silly. > and ‘proof’ of your PTSD
Really Luanne, like I save this stuff. This would neccessitate my getting in touch with the therapist, getting personal files, all for one single paranoid bully to whom I would not release it anyway. So if we apply *your* "logic", how do we know *you* are who you say you are and not a troll? How do we know *you* were in the military? Hmmm? >and ‘being a > police officer when I grow up’ I don’t believe you.
I have noted that your opinion on that is irrelevant to me. > Please, please filter me > out.
Trust me, the *second* I know how…. > You piss me off.
Funny, you have the same effect on me. Cass — ~~~Would you *really* want to be judged by 12 people who weren’t smart e Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ Before you buy.
Response:
In article <7utbq2$94…@nnrp1.deja.com>, La Chech <Lesleya…@thezone.net> wrote: > Luanne > You miss the point. As you have reminded others so many times over >the > last few months, this is a support newsgroup. It is not up to you or > anyone else to determine if someone is telling the truth or not. > Your fanatic belief that PTSD is the be-all and end-all of someone’s > health is too narrow to its reality.> > If you don’t believe her, fine. But the rest of us don’t want to see > another individual put down or their dreams attacked just because it > doesn’t fit into your blinded view of the illness.
I appreciate that, thank you, Lesleyanne. It’s nice to see there *is* support here > Cassie could be lying through her teeth for all I care, but her words > emcompass the spirit of this newsgroup. > And that is what matters.> > Lesleyanne
I was *really* glad to read this. Thank you. Cass — Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ Before you buy.
Response:
i’m confused reading this thread. in a previous post to lesley, you saw her point that it isn’t up to you to determine who is telling the truth and you thought maybe it would be better to respond to posts that you could relate to rather than those you can’t. now you’re asking cassie for proof to determine the validity of her story??? i guess all good intentions go by the wayside when the contest is to see who can have the last word.
Response:
Luanne Quit it NOW! Nobody should have the face the indignity of having to PROVE themselves here. I faced that last summer and it stinks!!! If you can’t handle the truth, then filter them. It’s not up to you whether they "have" to filter you. Lesleyanne The one and only chech @ http://home.thezone.net/~chech Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ Before you buy.
Response:
Emma, Cassie’s referral to a ‘less functional’ individual was her response to Luanne’s flame. She was by no means making a general assumption. You’re statistics are interesting. It’s like depression. After one bout, and individual is 60% more likely to have a second bout and after that it’s a 70% chance of a third bout and on. And people who have/had a bout of depression are four times more likely to have a heart attack. Statistics are a great guide, but by no means a reason to plan your future. Being a police officer in New York City is completely different than being a cop in, say, small town California. As well, working the street is not the only job. If she does that and finds it overwhelming, there are other ways to fight crime and help society as a police officer. The military gave me back my full medical profile after I was diagnosed with PTSD and had be hospitalized twice with it. They were willing to give me a chance. Unfortunately, after a further year, I knew I couldn’t. I believe Cassie has put a great deal of thought into her decision and has functioned well in the Air National Guard. I believe she is all to aware of the future problems that may occur. I hope she continues to post to let us know how it’s going – that is, if she can post without further insults and accusations – and we can support her. After all, this is a support ng. Lesleyanne The one and only chech @ http://home.thezone.net/~chech
Response:
In article <38143CE9.327C4…@thezone.net>, lesleya…@thezone.net wrote: > Emma,
I still can’t seem to view this person’s posts. Is Deja com a good way of accessing the ng or can someone recommend a better one? > Cassie’s referral to a ‘less functional’ individual was her response
to Luanne’s flame. She was by no means > making a general assumption.
That’s true and I’m sorry if someone took it the wrong way. <snipped for brevity> I was glad to hear I was not the only one the military took a chance on. I’d like to see a more positive military in the future > I believe Cassie has put a great deal of thought into her decision
and has functioned well in the Air National > Guard. I believe she is all to aware of the future problems that may
occur. I hope she continues to post I am *trying* but all these abusive ppl really get to me. >to > let us know how it’s going – that is, if she can post without further
insults and accusations I am trying that too but I don’t appreciate being attacked and I don’t want to see anyone else attacked either. Bullies make me *very* angry. >- and we can > support her.
I appreciate that and I am doing my best to be supportive to the more positive members. > After all, this is a support ng. > Lesleyanne
I am trying to ignore all the jerks, I really am…and I don’t mean ppl who disagree with me, I mean the abusive trolls. I’m thinking it might have been a mistake to ever post in the first place, but I figure maybe there is just an initial adjustment period after delurking & if I "tough it out" it’ll end being a positive experience. Cass — Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ Before you buy.
Response:
>I am *trying* but all these abusive ppl really get to me.
You best get used to it. You’re gonna me a lot of abusive people if/when you become a cop. Lu
Response:
> I am *trying* but all these abusive ppl really get to me.
You best get used to it. You’ll meet a lot of abusive field when you become a cop. Lu
Response:
<< I am *trying* but all these abusive ppl really get to me. You best get used to it. You’re gonna me a lot of abusive people if/when you become a cop. >> AMEN. I was thinking the same thing. ~*J0J0 ~* I must be in the circus because I’m SURROUNDED by you clowns…….
Response:
But then she’ll have a gun! 
~~~~~~~~ Lesleyanne The one and only chech chokes on that one and goes home @ http://home.thezone.net/~chech Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ Before you buy.
Response:
In article <19991025195528.25599.00001…@ng-cg1.aol.com>, luan…@aol.comeandgo (LuanneP) wrote: > > I am *trying* but all these abusive ppl really get to me. > You best get used to it. You’ll meet a lot of abusive field when you become a > cop. > Lu
What’s the matter, Lulu? Jealous? Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ Before you buy.
Response:
Luanne, <long exasperated sigh> I was only on drugs briefly. If you read the post again you will see that. I never had a diagnosis of depression, only PTSD. BTW it was the AF Air Nat’l Guard. As for the rest of your post. I am sorry that you see yourself as being so limited. I have obviously been able to be more functional. No one has ever excluded me because of my PTSD. It’s pretty obvious that I am functioning on a high level now. Could you *please* stop trying to limit/discourage me? It’s to no purpose. If I was going to accept limitations, I would still be nowhere. I am not giving up on your say so. I am a great candidate for the Academy, and I truly feel I won’t have any problems other than what faces a "normie" candidate. I am *not* responding again. Posting replies to you is useless. You just find more reasons to *try* to make me as miserable as you are. Cass
Response:
>Cassie, >I am concerned about your decision to become a police officer. It seems clear >that a history of trauma, especially childhood trauma, makes one more >susceptible to PTSD, and that police work is likely to involve traumatic
Emma: Others are now telling Cassie to ignore me. I called her bluff – the Military, INCLUDING the National Guard or the Coast Guard will not let someone join if they are on ANY PSYCHOLOGICAL RELATED DRUGS OR HAVE A HISTORY OF PSYCHOLOGICAL ILLNESS – PERIOD!!! I am appearing to be the ‘big bad bitch’ here, but I know the truth, and there is no way in hell that she can join the Police Force with her medical history. I can spot someone who is not telling the truth when I see one. I’m not stupid, and I think that you also see the light on this one, too. Many on my list have written to me privately, to tell me that they also see this, but are too fearful to post it here. Best, Luanne
Response:
Luanne Reread the post. She was not taking medication when she joined the Guard (and even as a Canadian I figure she is referring to the National Guard). You are generalizing too much when it comes to PTSD and other individuals and if it doesn’t fit your idea, you publically decide that you don’t believe it. You said that an individual could not get a gun because on the application for it asks if you have a mental illness – PTSD is not the "mental" illness to which they are referring and in Cassie’s case, since she doesn’t appear to be suicidal – I don’t think she would have a problem getting a weapon. For my part, Cassie, I believe 100% and I believe that you will make a fine officer. You are where I intend to be once I finish with the military. I’m not sitting around feeling sorry for myself and looking for sympathy and attention despite the severity of my symptoms. If you check my website, you’ll see a picture of my backyard – I spent the summer turning that from just rock to what you see, including building the deck completely by myself. I decided I could do it, and it was done, even if it took three months. Good Luck Cassie! Lesleyanne The one and only chech @ http://home.thezone.net/~chech Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ Before you buy.
Response:
Just ignore her, Cassie. We know the truth. You are a strong woman. Don’t let her creepy thinking sabotage you. You are a success story and will continue to be one.
Response:
>When I was 21 I joined the Guard. They knew all about my past and >the therapist they had me see was impressed with how far I had come.
I’m sorry, but I have a lot of difficulty believing this. Do you mean "The Coast Guard?" I know for a fact that they take nobody with a history of mental health disorders. That’s the reason that I get VA Comp – because my problems BEGAN with the military, being that I was assaulted there. The military will NOT, I repeat NOT let in people who are on any kind of medications for depression. As I recall, one of the killers who was involved in the shootings in CO had been turned down by the military because he was on Prozac. There is NO WAY the military would let you join if you were on psychological drugs of any kind – PERIOD! My therapist has told me this herself and she should know…she works for the VA. Cassie…I am sorry, your story is very hard for me to believe. As I said yesterday, with a past mental illness/disorder history, the Force will not allow you to join. Best, Luanne
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