Question:
In article <369538b7.1678…@news.asan.com>, kb…@asan.com wrote: > Well, if you read my previous post you’ll know what this is about. > She screamed at me for about an hour and that if I go to the OCD > meeting in that "other house of worship" it will HARM her. That I’m > not allowed to have a sexual relationship with anyone from another > faith… That I have to keep the dietary restrictions of HER religion > or I won’t get well. That there are ‘mystical reasons’ that I don’t > understand but are ‘TRUTH’ whether I want to believe them or not. When > she says that it makes me feel soooo powerless and mentally and > spritually violated… spiritually RAPED! > I spent that hour curled up on my bed, with my hands over my ears, > shaking my leg like a jackhammer. > I’m calmer now. But when it was happening I wanted to die.
I read your other post as well.. Your mother’s behavior is very harmful to you. You must get away from her as soon as possible. I’ve also had these obsessions sometimes that my thoughts can harm someone. My parents and my friends all tell me that my ocd-thoughts can’t harm anyone. That is what any sane parent would say. Your mother is a sick, superstitious woman with a twisted religion she’s invented herself. There isn’t a religion in the world that world support what your mother is saying. There is no use saying another word to that woman. Leave now! /Tom ———–== Posted via Deja News, The Discussion Network ==———- http://www.dejanews.com/ Search, Read, Discuss, or Start Your Own
Response:
kbeth wrote: > You’re making alot of sense. I shouldn’t have told her. > Maybe I wanted to see if she loved me more than her stupid religion.
Yes, I went through that as well. I thought if I tell my parents a got an A in a course they’ll be proud of me but instead I get, ’so, what is it that you are studying again …?’ The whole of my point went whoosh! right over their heads – It would eat me alive that I was getting the support I wanted from my parents. Finally, I came to realize that even if I became the prime minister of Canada they would find a way to make me feel 12 years old. I can’t change them but I can change how *I* deal with them. This has meant I say little about these areas of my life to my parents – I don’t expect their support any longer. Perhaps this is what you need to do too. Accept that your mother is incapable of giving you the type of support and love that you are longing for right now. You need to find it elsewhere until your mother (and you as well) gets her shit together. It is very sad and a very hard thing to accept and do but in my very personal – totally unprofessional (major disclaimer here – OCD fear on my part) opinion you need to change the way you relate with your mother. You need to quit *reacting* to her – you need to *act* on your own accord. I don’t want to sound like a meanie (cause I’m not one – I truly care) but you need to hear this -> You are 29!!! You are a grown woman!!! You need to cut the apron strings and move on!!! Make a plan and get on with YOUR life – quit living your life for your mother. You seem like a very bright woman who has an idea of what you want in life – so go get it! — Monkey http://pages.hotbot.com/health/sillychickens/ mon…@gilligansisland.net (to email me axe ‘gilligans’) —
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On 8 Jan 1999 22:16:59 GMT, shaynuh…@aol.com (ShAyNuH512) wrote: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Geez!!! Your mother is starting to make ME mad, I can’t even imagine how angry >you are. My suggestion is pretty simple…the moment she opens her mouth and >starts badmouthing you, look her right in her eyes, stand up, walk to the front >door, and get the hell out of that house! Some people may say that you are >running away from your problems, but the truth is, you are walking to a more >peaceful place (which right now seems to be anywhere away from your mother). Do >you have any friends that you could stay with? Any relatives? There are >shelters that would be more of a stable place than with your mother. And if you >can’t leave…stand up to her! Raise your voice! Stand tall! Tell her you won’t >let her belittle you! Talk over her! You are an adult! You’re not a little girl >anymore…let her know it! Be strong! Don’t go in your room and cover your ears >and try to forget what happened! Go to HER room, tell her how you feel, tell >her how she makes you feel, say it over and over and over until she listens! >Don’t leave until it is stuck in her head so far that she can’t help but listen >to you! And if she doesn’t listen, then it’s not your fault. Don’t let her get >you down. You don’t need an abusive person pulling you further and further into >your OCD. You need a strong person to help pull you out of it!!! Try to talk to >her, put your heart forward, and all of your strenghth with it, and MAKE her >listen. That’s what I do, and boy does it work.
Yeah, walking out of the house sounds like a good move… I just have to muster up the strength to do it. Talking back to her won’t help, though, it’ll just get her more enraged and I’m too vulnerable to my guilt and doubt. When she gets me on partial truths…and my real faults my head starts spinning. Answering her back just makes her go on longer. I don’t have the stregnth to battle both my doubt and guilt, and her too. I’ll take your advice on walking out of the house till things cool down. Thank you, -kbeth
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Geez!!! Your mother is starting to make ME mad, I can’t even imagine how angry you are. My suggestion is pretty simple…the moment she opens her mouth and starts badmouthing you, look her right in her eyes, stand up, walk to the front door, and get the hell out of that house! Some people may say that you are running away from your problems, but the truth is, you are walking to a more peaceful place (which right now seems to be anywhere away from your mother). Do you have any friends that you could stay with? Any relatives? There are shelters that would be more of a stable place than with your mother. And if you can’t leave…stand up to her! Raise your voice! Stand tall! Tell her you won’t let her belittle you! Talk over her! You are an adult! You’re not a little girl anymore…let her know it! Be strong! Don’t go in your room and cover your ears and try to forget what happened! Go to HER room, tell her how you feel, tell her how she makes you feel, say it over and over and over until she listens! Don’t leave until it is stuck in her head so far that she can’t help but listen to you! And if she doesn’t listen, then it’s not your fault. Don’t let her get you down. You don’t need an abusive person pulling you further and further into your OCD. You need a strong person to help pull you out of it!!! Try to talk to her, put your heart forward, and all of your strenghth with it, and MAKE her listen. That’s what I do, and boy does it work. >Well, if you read my previous post you’ll know what this is about. >She screamed at me for about an hour and that if I go to the OCD >meeting in that "other house of worship" it will HARM her. That I’m >not allowed to have a sexual relationship with anyone from another >faith… That I have to keep the dietary restrictions of HER religion >or I won’t get well. That there are ‘mystical reasons’ that I don’t >understand but are ‘TRUTH’ whether I want to believe them or not. When >she says that it makes me feel soooo powerless and mentally and >spritually violated… spiritually RAPED! >I spent that hour curled up on my bed, with my hands over my ears, >shaking my leg like a jackhammer. >I’m calmer now. But when it was happening I wanted to die.
Shana "I’m not crazy…I’m neurochemically challenged!"
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Hi Monkey, You’re making alot of sense. I shouldn’t have told her. Maybe I wanted to see if she loved me more than her stupid religion. But, she honestly believes that if I go into that "other house of worship" I’ll be harmed and she’ll be harmed. This is something she’s been taught. She didn’t care if I had to go out of my way to a meeting somewhere else. But I didn’t want to restrict myself from going to the one nearest me because of her beliefs. I didn’t want to be manipulated by her religion again. I’m also scared to go to the meeting, I wanted her encouragement, too, I guess. It’s the 12 step OCD meeting. Many 12 step meetings are held in rooms in… ( I’m trying not to say the names of the types of houses of worship because I don’t want to stir trouble with either religions. Maybe I’m being compulsive about it. ) She knows 12 meetings are held in these places. It’s not like me to go out of the house other than to the corner store, and this meeting is in the evening. She would have wanted details as to where I was going and even a phone number if possible. If I went out all the time I could have gotten away with it. I wish I just wasn’t so afraid of things, I could do so much more. I wish I didn’t have to feel I needed her help. I’m very insecure about doing things on my own. I’m too dependent on her. That’s my fault. It’s not even the things I’m afraid of that hold me back, it’s the fear of my minds reaction, the panic and painful emotions. I’m afraid of myself more than anything. When I’m around people and I’m talking to them I feel I have to watch every word I say, every inflection in my voice because I have this fear that people will look down on me or reject me based on the most subtle body language. It’s not as bad since I’ve been taking my medicine, but it still effects me. This is a problem I’ve been obsessed with since I’m a teenager. When I was a child, the other kids teased me alot and it traumatised me. When I got to high school I couldn’t take the pain of the lonliness and teasing and I became hyper-self conscious. This is why I hide in my house. This is why I’m afraid of people. Look, I’m not a perfect angel either. My mother has had alot to deal with having to parent an emotionally disturbed child, and all that went on with that. I think my suicide attempt ten years ago traumatised her terribly. For that I am deeply sorry. I feel somewhat resposible for her condition, that if I didn’t have all my problems she wouldn’t have become the way she is. -kbeth On Fri, 08 Jan 1999 04:48:38 -0800, monkey – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -<mon…@gilligansisland.net> wrote: >Hi kbeth, >I’ve been reading your posts and all the responses to them. You are >receiving great suggestions about what you can do to help yourself. I >don’t really have much to add except this – can you not tell your mother >about your plans to get help? She obviously doesn’t not understand you nor >is willing to support you. By telling her about your meetings and >appointment you are perhaps (unwittingly) setting up situations in which >your mother can sabotage you and your desire to get well. Can you simply >tell her you are going to a movie or whatever when you go to an OCD >meeting? I guess technically it’s ‘lying’ but realize, as Louis said, it’s >not ‘your mother talking, its the ocd’ – think of it as lying to your >mom’s OCD. >Don’t give your mother (and her OCD) the opportunity to do this to you >anymore. I’m sure it will be hard. I had to do with my mother a few times. >I don’t discuss my work or schooling with her because she simply can not >wrap her brain around the choices I’ve made in my life. When I have told >her stuff she says things to ‘belittled’ me. Then I’d feel like crap. I >decided to stop telling her the details of parts of my life and so she no >longer has the opportunity to get under my skin. I get along quite well >with my mom now and I get support from other sources. Does this make any >sense to you? *You* need to take charge here – don’t be a target for your >mom to shoot at anymore. I might be way off base here – what do you think >kbeth?
Response:
Hi kbeth, I’ve been reading your posts and all the responses to them. You are receiving great suggestions about what you can do to help yourself. I don’t really have much to add except this – can you not tell your mother about your plans to get help? She obviously doesn’t not understand you nor is willing to support you. By telling her about your meetings and appointment you are perhaps (unwittingly) setting up situations in which your mother can sabotage you and your desire to get well. Can you simply tell her you are going to a movie or whatever when you go to an OCD meeting? I guess technically it’s ‘lying’ but realize, as Louis said, it’s not ‘your mother talking, its the ocd’ – think of it as lying to your mom’s OCD. Don’t give your mother (and her OCD) the opportunity to do this to you anymore. I’m sure it will be hard. I had to do with my mother a few times. I don’t discuss my work or schooling with her because she simply can not wrap her brain around the choices I’ve made in my life. When I have told her stuff she says things to ‘belittled’ me. Then I’d feel like crap. I decided to stop telling her the details of parts of my life and so she no longer has the opportunity to get under my skin. I get along quite well with my mom now and I get support from other sources. Does this make any sense to you? *You* need to take charge here – don’t be a target for your mom to shoot at anymore. I might be way off base here – what do you think kbeth? kbeth wrote: > Well, if you read my previous post you’ll know what this is about. > She screamed at me for about an hour and that if I go to the OCD > meeting in that "other house of worship" it will HARM her. That I’m > not allowed to have a sexual relationship with anyone from another > faith… That I have to keep the dietary restrictions of HER religion > or I won’t get well. That there are ‘mystical reasons’ that I don’t > understand but are ‘TRUTH’ whether I want to believe them or not. When > she says that it makes me feel soooo powerless and mentally and > spritually violated… spiritually RAPED! > I spent that hour curled up on my bed, with my hands over my ears, > shaking my leg like a jackhammer. > I’m calmer now. But when it was happening I wanted to die.
– Monkey http://pages.hotbot.com/health/sillychickens/ mon…@gilligansisland.net (to email me axe ‘gilligans’) —
Response:
Yep, my exwife would go outside, pray at he trees to ward off an infestation of borers. Pray at the car to remove the demons that caused the break down. Pray at the next door neighbors for their demons hurting us. Pray at me – finally got it all to stop. Moved out , got my own rat hole and divorced her. Mother abusive too. Physicaly and mentaly up untill I went into the military. Hey, military life was easy compared to home life – basic training was an R&R. Have had OCD pretty much as far back as I can remember and was only diagnosed about 3-4 months ago. Kbeth, I won’t get into the religeous aspects of this, but you are being abused by your mother. Please, Please, Please, vote with your feet and get out of that place as it is slowly draining the life and spirit from you. Your pain leaps off the page and I want to help you. Do you know anyone you can trust to help you? Take care. Kirk Louis Johnson <ad…@freenet.hamilton.on.ca> wrote in message
news:773tk1$h74$3@mohawk.hwcn.org… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Greendoggy (greendo…@aol.com) wrote: >: It really isn’t my place to intervene, but this is starting to sound like the >: movie "Carrie". This is going from mother-daughter disagreements >: to borderline emotional abuse. If you don’t break this cycle you could really >: end up getting hurt. I think it is time for you to take action in a peaceful >: way. She is not helping you your condition, ore anything else for that matter. >: Thank You, >: -Green >agreed. beth, is there any way you can excise yourself out of >this situation? do you have aplace to stay esp. someone aware of >your plight who can understand and know of the difficulty? >what is your age bracket? >call the social assistance people and anyone else. >do you have any assets you can pawn and get a toe-hold into >other accomodations? >talk to a school counsellor. tell them your condition >and emphasize things can get worse if left to stew. >dont let *anyone* demolish that gentle wise inner child. >do scenario planning, find out your options and write down >what could go wrong and how to counteract obstacles. >start now with a plan of action, but get the bloody blue out >of there before it hits the papers. >can you get your mother committed? do you have a cassette >recorder or videotape machine you can switch on in secret >at the next blowup? you cannot let anything inhibit you >from acting to maintain your survival and quality of life. >this isnt even your mother talking, its the ocd. >come on you people, anybody been in this situation? >– >————– >why are there so many drivers who act as if >pedestrians are some sort of >self propelled pylon? >————–
Response:
Greendoggy (greendo…@aol.com) wrote:
: It really isn’t my place to intervene, but this is starting to sound like the : movie "Carrie". This is going from mother-daughter disagreements : to borderline emotional abuse. If you don’t break this cycle you could really : end up getting hurt. I think it is time for you to take action in a peaceful : way. She is not helping you your condition, ore anything else for that matter. : Thank You, : -Green agreed. beth, is there any way you can excise yourself out of this situation? do you have aplace to stay esp. someone aware of your plight who can understand and know of the difficulty? what is your age bracket? call the social assistance people and anyone else. do you have any assets you can pawn and get a toe-hold into other accomodations? talk to a school counsellor. tell them your condition and emphasize things can get worse if left to stew. dont let *anyone* demolish that gentle wise inner child. do scenario planning, find out your options and write down what could go wrong and how to counteract obstacles. start now with a plan of action, but get the bloody blue out of there before it hits the papers. can you get your mother committed? do you have a cassette recorder or videotape machine you can switch on in secret at the next blowup? you cannot let anything inhibit you from acting to maintain your survival and quality of life. this isnt even your mother talking, its the ocd. come on you people, anybody been in this situation? — ————– why are there so many drivers who act as if pedestrians are some sort of self propelled pylon? ————–
Response:
Kbeth I am not a doctor or shrink or anything really. I was just thinking about your situation. Anxiety is said to come from a fear of loss of control. Depression comes from anger turned inward. Do you fear the loss of control with your mother and your living situation? Are you angery about it but do not wish to express it. Expressing it here is probably a start. I wouldn’t do anything rash, just seek help and try to explain the best way you know how what is going on in your life. Perhaps getting out of the controlling environment is a good step.(Moving out or making a agreement with your mom) Do not fear moving out though. It can be scary to think about it let alone do it. Perhaps if you reach this point you will see that you can make competant decisions and live your life the way you want to. Mistakes may be made along the way but you will be able to live with them. It wouldn’t be the end of the world. Maybe the end of the world as you know it.;-) Hopefully you will be able to have more choices on what to do. A good support network/group can be vital to do this. Perhaps a pdoc or a tharapest will be a good start. Someone on your side. How old are you? What support can you find for someone your age? For me peace and feeling great was acheivable. I wish the same for you. Perry pseudo everthing – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -kbeth wrote: > On Thu, 07 Jan 1999 16:34:46 -0800, Mynx <M…@ix.netcom.com> wrote: > >Kbeth, > >Please, please, make that appointment with the psychiatrist. If he won’t > >see you right away call any local mental health facility you can find, and > >ask for help. You have to take the first step soon. You deserve to have > >some happiness, and piece or mind. > >Please, do it today…or first thing in the morning. > >Stay safe > >Mynx :O) > Hi Minx, > I called my shrink and left him a message to call me back that I > needed an appointment. I’m still waiting to hear from him. > I wish I could just put myself into a hospital, but I have terrible > PTSD from a hospitalization from when I was 18 years old for which > when I was 19, I overdosed on tylenol from the flashbacks and > obsessions over. It was very traumatic, I was in a child and > adolescent facility. I wasn’t even suicidal. I put myself in to run > away from my parents and the pressures, and I needed medication. > It was a punitive, highly structured and disciplined environment. I > went in on the suggestion of a psychiatrist who interpreted my school > phobia, disobedience and irresponsibility( not cleaning my room, being > unrealistic, cutting class, hysterics) as a lack of parental > discipline and not ADHD or OCD. He didn’t recognize the OCD because I > didn’t exhibit the typical observable rituals. He was a stupid shmuck. > I wish there were a place I could run to for help. I just don’t want > to end up more powerless and trapped and tormented than I am now. > -kbeth
Response:
On Thu, 07 Jan 1999 16:34:46 -0800, Mynx <M…@ix.netcom.com> wrote: >Kbeth, >Please, please, make that appointment with the psychiatrist. If he won’t >see you right away call any local mental health facility you can find, and >ask for help. You have to take the first step soon. You deserve to have >some happiness, and piece or mind. >Please, do it today…or first thing in the morning. >Stay safe >Mynx :O)
Hi Minx, I called my shrink and left him a message to call me back that I needed an appointment. I’m still waiting to hear from him. I wish I could just put myself into a hospital, but I have terrible PTSD from a hospitalization from when I was 18 years old for which when I was 19, I overdosed on tylenol from the flashbacks and obsessions over. It was very traumatic, I was in a child and adolescent facility. I wasn’t even suicidal. I put myself in to run away from my parents and the pressures, and I needed medication. It was a punitive, highly structured and disciplined environment. I went in on the suggestion of a psychiatrist who interpreted my school phobia, disobedience and irresponsibility( not cleaning my room, being unrealistic, cutting class, hysterics) as a lack of parental discipline and not ADHD or OCD. He didn’t recognize the OCD because I didn’t exhibit the typical observable rituals. He was a stupid shmuck. I wish there were a place I could run to for help. I just don’t want to end up more powerless and trapped and tormented than I am now. -kbeth
Response:
It really isn’t my place to intervene, but this is starting to sound like the movie "Carrie". This is going from mother-daughter disagreements to borderline emotional abuse. If you don’t break this cycle you could really end up getting hurt. I think it is time for you to take action in a peaceful way. She is not helping you your condition, ore anything else for that matter. Thank You, -Green
Response:
Kbeth, Please, please, make that appointment with the psychiatrist. If he won’t see you right away call any local mental health facility you can find, and ask for help. You have to take the first step soon. You deserve to have some happiness, and piece or mind. Please, do it today…or first thing in the morning. Stay safe Mynx :O) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -kbeth wrote: > Well, if you read my previous post you’ll know what this is about. > She screamed at me for about an hour and that if I go to the OCD > meeting in that "other house of worship" it will HARM her. That I’m > not allowed to have a sexual relationship with anyone from another > faith… That I have to keep the dietary restrictions of HER religion > or I won’t get well. That there are ‘mystical reasons’ that I don’t > understand but are ‘TRUTH’ whether I want to believe them or not. When > she says that it makes me feel soooo powerless and mentally and > spritually violated… spiritually RAPED! > I spent that hour curled up on my bed, with my hands over my ears, > shaking my leg like a jackhammer. > I’m calmer now. But when it was happening I wanted to die.
Response:
Well, if you read my previous post you’ll know what this is about. She screamed at me for about an hour and that if I go to the OCD meeting in that "other house of worship" it will HARM her. That I’m not allowed to have a sexual relationship with anyone from another faith… That I have to keep the dietary restrictions of HER religion or I won’t get well. That there are ‘mystical reasons’ that I don’t understand but are ‘TRUTH’ whether I want to believe them or not. When she says that it makes me feel soooo powerless and mentally and spritually violated… spiritually RAPED! I spent that hour curled up on my bed, with my hands over my ears, shaking my leg like a jackhammer. I’m calmer now. But when it was happening I wanted to die.
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