Question:
I’m doing very well most of the time and have many techniques for dealing with flashbacks that work well. (Thank you for all your helpful suggestions–one can always use new ideas!) I’m worried I will get blindsided– dissociate, then kill myself (because that was part of my trauma being told to do it, it would make things better for others, and more). I have been in this "state" 2 times–both wihtout a therapist–only psychiatrists. I believe I was in danger of "accidentally" killing myself. Once I got "right" I was not depressed, did not want to die, did not want to kill myself. Each of the two incidents involved stress over job and health over a period of time–several weeks. It was like I got into the "right" stew and then got set off or blind sided. It’s not practical and I no longer want therapy–which would be one answer to this monitoring thing. Do any of you have ways of monitoring yourself during "dangerous" periods. Part of the problem is that my perception of dangerous for me is mostly discounted by mental health professionals: so I would have to be clear on what was happening, how to say it. I can see a need a written script ready for use. But still unsure WHEN I should really be scared instead of the usual constant nervousness, which I’ve sort of given up on with age and it feels great to. Thanks for your help. Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ Share what you know. Learn what you don’t.
Response:
One thing that seems to be key in monitoring oneself when one is in crisis is to seek out the company of others–stable, healthy people. You don’t have to tell them you’re having a crisis, either. Just don’t isolate yourself. During a crisis, try not to reinforce negative/harmful impulses by journaling (although journaling can be helpful, but I don’t think it’s helpful during a crisis like you’ve described) or self-medicating. You mentioned a written script; I think that’s a very good idea. Could you make a list of positive distractions (I call mine my "suicide-prevention list"), if only to read them and know that there is light at the end of the tunnel, to remind yourself that you do not want to hurt yourself, and that you will be "right" again? I know it’s terrifying, because it’s happened to me, too. FWIW, I think you have a lot going for yourself. I’m rooting for you, kiddo! :-)
Response:
Greetings, And you wrote–>I’m worried I will get blindsided– dissociate, then kill myself For me, when I dissassociate, its not like I turn into another person or will do anything harmful to myself. The dissassociation for me is a survival technique. When I "check out" ( my term for it) it is because something has triggered memories or an event has occured and my mind can not at that time handle the overload. Its like I short circuit and split for awhile and allow my brain to make sense of whats going on. You asked >Do any of you have ways of monitoring yourself during "dangerous" >periods.
For me I stay inside the house and I have a checklist of things I can do to help overcome the feelings I am having. But I have to admit I do not have suicidal thoughts. Mine is more extreme agitation and frustation. Having a million thoughts going through my head and not being able to shut down the thoughts. When it gets really bad, I sometimes hallucinate and or hear things. I hope you find what you need. You said you did not want therapy and that would be the only suggestion I wouldd have for you. Sounds pretty severe with the depression and suicidal thoughts. Takle care, Jeannie
Response:
Depression and medication. Like playing Russian roulette with your life or placing a loaded gun in a childs hands and leaving the room. I had a cousin two years ago who I tried to help. She bordered on Sczitzophrenia (still can’t spell this word properly) Depression was a problem. Much of it was also medication induced. She began skimping on money and took her psychiatric medications sporadically. something you should never never do. Medication misuse, caused her depression and she killed herself with an overdose almost two years ago. I don’t think she even realized what she was doing as the medication caused her to be almost zombie trance like. I used to believe medications were the answer, now I’m not sure what to think I’m suspecting medication killed her. . Today if I personally had to choose between psychiatric medication and pumping up nutrition and exercise, I’d first try alternative medicine to mind altering drugs. Looking at life from both sides of the fence. Stephanie – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -OtherPaths wrote: > x-no-archive: yes > Still haven’t switched readers, can’t adjust to new system. Anyone have any > spare neurons they aren’t using? LOL > Hello, > Thanks for the courage to post about a difficult subject. I found some good > advice in this thread. I never wanted to admit to my therapist that I had this > low-level self-destruct tape playing, nor the times I was impulsive about > following the message. I found the messages became less frequent as I put in > place other supports, especially the sleep, good food, mediatation stuff, hard > work as it is for me to reprogram bad habits. Sometimes I would say the tapes > out loud, and then I would hear it and be able to revoke it easier. Other times > I use music without lyrics to quiet my mind. Comes down to experimentation, for > me, tracking symptoms and figuring out how different factors come in to play. > Trying to minimize the other impulsive behaviors in my life also helped. I went > there too easily. Nothing wrong with calling a 1-800 anon. mental health > hotline for some instant support either, even if it’s just for a connection > with a human voice. Oh, one last trick. A word game I play. I changed "I want > to k*** myself" To "I want to heal myself." Took practice, but I am beginning > to believe it. Even still, I wouldn’t have been able to make those steps > without intensive therapy and meds. I really feel for you. > Thanks for the post and the replies. Made me think. > best wishes, > elsie
Response:
The important thing is that you have found what works for you. I used to also have freuqent periods of suidical ideation. Boy does that shit out loud!!! May yours become less and fade away. In the meantime you seem to be very responsible and resourceful in handling. Thank you for your advice. Best wishes. Avoice In article <7p4saa$b3…@nnrp1.deja.com>, La Chech <la_ch…@my-deja.com> wrote: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I agree with Jeannie. I think you don’t have to worry about > disassociation leading to suicide. And I also believe that if you are > having any suicidal ideation, that you should find a good thearipist – > they are out there. > I have frequent periods of suicidal ideation. Luckily I have e-mail > contact with my pdoc, so if I am feeling really bad I can write what I’m > feeling and just hit ’send’. It helps in two ways – my pdoc knows whats > going through my head and writing it out (which would normally be > virtually impossible) helps deal with the thoughts. > I also keep busy…but that becomes addictive and exhauting. Since > April I have landscaped my land (half acre), spreading 9 loads of > topsoil, planted a vegtable garden, built up the interior of my new > storage barn and built a 32′ x 22′ deck. I haven’t stopped. I know > that as long as I am busy I don’t have ‘those’ thoughts. > I fear the day when I will run out of things to do. > Take Care > LA Chech > The one and only chech just spent 8 hours putting the railing on her > deck! > Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ > Share what you know. Learn what you don’t.
Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ Share what you know. Learn what you don’t.
Response:
Thank you Jeanne. It’s sounds like you have a good understanding of your situation. I think mine is different in that I "remember" being tortured to kill myself if I remembered–so when I remember… Yes, sometimes I really want to kill myself–but this doesn’t happen often, especially not lately. I’ve had lots and lots and lots of therapy. I’m not sure I want to go to that well to drink again. However, I would not discourage others from doing so. I grieve at your suffering and know it is real. I encourage you to keep looking for what is right for you and doing what you can to make your life better. I know for you and for me this is courage. Best wishes. Avoice. In article <19990814105907.10520.00000…@ng-cn1.aol.com>, jst42da…@aol.com (Jeannie) wrote: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Greetings, > And you wrote–>I’m worried I will get blindsided– dissociate, then kill > myself > For me, when I dissassociate, its not like I turn into another person or will > do anything harmful to myself. > The dissassociation for me is a survival technique. > When I "check out" ( my term for it) it is because something has triggered > memories or an event has occured and my mind can not at that time handle the > overload. Its like I short circuit and split for awhile and allow my brain to > make sense of whats going on. > You asked >Do any of you have ways of monitoring yourself during "dangerous" > >periods. > For me I stay inside the house and I have a checklist of things I can do to > help overcome the feelings I am having. > But I have to admit I do not have suicidal thoughts. > Mine is more extreme agitation and frustation. Having a million thoughts going > through my head and not being able to shut down the thoughts. > When it gets really bad, I sometimes hallucinate and or hear things. > I hope you find what you need. You said you did not want therapy and that would > be the only suggestion I wouldd have for you. Sounds pretty severe with the > depression and suicidal thoughts. > Takle care, > Jeannie
Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ Share what you know. Learn what you don’t.
Response:
Thank you very much. The idea of "not isolating" strikes me as very helpful and may explain why I got into so much trouble the two times this happened. All of your suggestions are very good. I feel like I’ve taken action by asking you all for advice and now can follow thru. My best wishes to. Avoice. In article <7p1vag$83…@mud1.walkabout.org>, "MR Mice" <fill…@lakeshore.net> wrote: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> One thing that seems to be key in monitoring oneself when one is in crisis > is to seek out the company of others–stable, healthy people. You don’t have > to tell them you’re having a crisis, either. Just don’t isolate yourself. > During a crisis, try not to reinforce negative/harmful impulses by > journaling (although journaling can be helpful, but I don’t think it’s > helpful during a crisis like you’ve described) or self-medicating. > You mentioned a written script; I think that’s a very good idea. Could you > make a list of positive distractions (I call mine my "suicide-prevention > list"), if only to read them and know that there is light at the end of the > tunnel, to remind yourself that you do not want to hurt yourself, and that > you will be "right" again? > I know it’s terrifying, because it’s happened to me, too. FWIW, I think you > have a lot going for yourself. I’m rooting for you, kiddo! :-)
Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ Share what you know. Learn what you don’t.
Response:
I agree with Jeannie. I think you don’t have to worry about disassociation leading to suicide. And I also believe that if you are having any suicidal ideation, that you should find a good thearipist – they are out there. I have frequent periods of suicidal ideation. Luckily I have e-mail contact with my pdoc, so if I am feeling really bad I can write what I’m feeling and just hit ’send’. It helps in two ways – my pdoc knows whats going through my head and writing it out (which would normally be virtually impossible) helps deal with the thoughts. I also keep busy…but that becomes addictive and exhauting. Since April I have landscaped my land (half acre), spreading 9 loads of topsoil, planted a vegtable garden, built up the interior of my new storage barn and built a 32′ x 22′ deck. I haven’t stopped. I know that as long as I am busy I don’t have ‘those’ thoughts. I fear the day when I will run out of things to do. Take Care LA Chech The one and only chech just spent 8 hours putting the railing on her deck! Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ Share what you know. Learn what you don’t.
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