Question:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -I really dont know what to say, I am 30 yrs old married going on 9 yrs and have 3 children 9,7 and 4 yrs old. We (my wife and I) got married 10 months after our eldest was born. We were living with my dad at that time untill about 2 months after were married and then moved into our own place. She intentionally got pregnant and let me know that was her intent. I guess I was young and dumb and really was NOT thinking when I let this happen. I was having a hard time finding a good job (I was 20 yrs old) and being able to make ends meet for the next few yrs. we have been thru alot together and she has always been right there by my side but not with the same attitude that I would consider to be appropriate. She will argue with me constantly and disregards what ever I have to say, would never keep the house picked up, we had the state come out MANY times over the last 8 yrs, had the kids (all 3) removed for neglect for 10 months during this past 2 yrs. We went thru parenting classes and Marriage counciling via court order. Had physoc evalutaions done which showed she suffered from depression and multi-personality disorder. She was on Prozak a few times over the last 5 yrs and it hasnt really solved much though it does help. I am really stressed when I am around her and start to have severe chest pains very often. I had to go thru stress tests and a bunch of blood work just to find out it was my marriage casuing this to happen. I really feel bad for wanting to end my marriage, I mean I really wanted this to happen she still says she wants to work it out, but I dont see any hope of any changes ever happening. The apartment is ALWAYs a mess she doesnt appear to ever watch the kids properly they take stuff from one end of the apartment to the other, and I mean everything, I found a suicide slicer (for cutting french fries) in the boys bedroom and other things that could serious hurt of even kill them on their bedroom floor. I fear for my childrens safty but the state did NOTHING to help this situation as I was ONE of the people who called this in before trying to get her into some help. I guess I am really frustrated to this whole thing. I am tired of arguing, the apartement being upside down (dirty clothes from one end of the apartment to the other popcorn all over the living room floor pen all over the fresh paint! dirty dishes all over and the counter all sticky and in need of being wipped up…that just for starters..) I cant go on living like that, she is a "stay at home" mom who does nothing BUT stay at home and do NOTHING….everytime I confront her about this (everyday) I get nothing but negative feedback.. and that its the kids doing it. The other morning I found my alarm clock that I use to get up with in the living room with my 7 yr old playing with it, and this was 2 HOURS after I was supposed to be woke up by it.. this is HER fault not the 7 yr olds, she allowed him to play with it to listen to the radio and this was a BIG NO NO with me and she knew that I had repeatedly told her that he is NOT to play with it because this would happen he is not old to know when he or is not allowed to play with it, and frankly he shouldnt. I found my flashlight ($35 maglite steel case) in peices all over his bedroom amoung all his toys ALL over his room, beds not made, clothes piled on TOP of the dresser and some hanging out of the drawers.. I would be willing to work on this marriage and stay if I knew that she could make some changes become ALOT more faithful, get organized and clean the place up, I dont expect it to be spotless but I do expect it to be good enough so that I dont have the fear of varmits coming into the place or having to listen to the neighbors and their comments. I do everything within my power to help where and when I can, but I can NOT clean the house alone with working 7 days 10 to 14 hrs a day.. I just dont have the time even if I had the energy. I bought her a BRAND new washer and dryer set, make sure she has cleaning equipment and anything she needs to get organized, shelf, coat rack..ect.. but they never get used, only abused and broken.. anyone else that is or was in a similiar situation??? I want to here from you. At this point I think I am taking the Marriage Councilors suggestion and going to seek an attorney and start to file for a divorce. I really dont see how I could possibly live like this for even another month let alone the rest of my life. If your asking where she spends her time..LOL.. its on the internet in the chat rooms talking sexual to males AND females, YES you read that right, I just found out she is a Bi-sexual.. I about fell over, she has been unfaithful to me with at least 8 to 10 other men, now she is doing it with women as well.. I cant take this!!! she has met and had sexual relations with at least 4 off the internet.. and that took the cake. I guess I am answering my own question here arent I? I need to get the divorce there is no way around that.. but anyone with comments please share them. sorry for running my mouth, but I guess the moral issues have really got the best of me, I am 100% against divorce but dont see that as really an unavoidable option at this time..as the marriage was over before it began.
Actually your marriage may have been doomed from the beginning through no fault of either of you. I would be willing to bet that your wife was SEVERELY abused during childhood and your wife was so damaged by this she can’t figure out how to get out. I have found few people who truly wanted to do bad things. But I have met many people so overwhelmed with pain, anger, betrayal, confusion, hurt that they are out of control. Your wife sounds like one of these people. Even the split personalities fits. Under extreme abuse the personality can split so one of the other "personalities" takes the abuse and retains the horror and/or memory of it. Depending on the severity of her multiple personality disorder she simply may not be aware of some/many/all of the things you are telling her she is doing. Can you imagine how scary it is for her to have you tell her she did something she has absolutely no memory of? This may help you understand – http://www.trauma-pages.com/pg2.htm http://www.dartmouth.edu/dms/ptsd/Survivors.html I offer this more as a possible clue to where your wife may be coming from rather than an excuse for her behavior. She needs professional help. I think your first concern must be for your children. PLEASE, don’t divorce your wife if it means leaving your helpless children with this woman! You are their buffer and safety. If you leave they will have nothing. Your children have to get away from her behavior, if they are to have a chance in life. And since they have had such a rough start in life they need to know that their world can be safe and happy. BUT you need to find out first what you can and can not do. What are the divorce/custody laws of your area? Document everything. Write it down along with time, date, and any witnesses and put it in a place you know she won’t find it. The more information you have the better. Victoria Lee
Response:
God Robert! For awhile there I thought you were just totally fed up with her lazy about the infidelity! Don’t feel bad about wanting out, this seems unsolvable, just to many dark facets in this relationship. Do what you know you must. Robert M. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I really dont know what to say, I am 30 yrs old married going on 9 yrs and have 3 children 9,7 and 4 yrs old. We (my wife and I) got married 10 months after our eldest was born.
Response:
I’m afraid your relationship is finished. Having just been separated myself one week ago, I must tell you that you are both in for tremendous pain and stress. Just remember that you’re far from being alone, as most of the people in this group have gone through this, and will be here for support. Listen to your head, and suppress irrational actions, but express your feelings. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I really dont know what to say, I am 30 yrs old married going on 9 yrs and have 3 children 9,7 and 4 yrs old. We (my wife and I) got married 10 months after our eldest was born. We were living with my dad at that time untill about 2 months after were married and then moved into our own place. She intentionally got pregnant and let me know that was her intent. I guess I was young and dumb and really was NOT thinking when I let this happen. I was having a hard time finding a good job (I was 20 yrs old) and being able to make ends meet for the next few yrs. we have been thru alot together and she has always been right there by my side but not with the same attitude that I would consider to be appropriate. She will argue with me constantly and disregards what ever I have to say, would never keep the house picked up, we had the state come out MANY times over the last 8 yrs, had the kids (all 3) removed for neglect for 10 months during this past 2 yrs. We went thru parenting classes and Marriage counciling via court order. Had physoc evalutaions done which showed she suffered from depression and multi-personality disorder. She was on Prozak a few times over the last 5 yrs and it hasnt really solved much though it does help. I am really stressed when I am around her and start to have severe chest pains very often. I had to go thru stress tests and a bunch of blood work just to find out it was my marriage casuing this to happen. I really feel bad for wanting to end my marriage, I mean I really wanted this to happen she still says she wants to work it out, but I dont see any hope of any changes ever happening. The apartment is ALWAYs a mess she doesnt appear to ever watch the kids properly they take stuff from one end of the apartment to the other, and I mean everything, I found a suicide slicer (for cutting french fries) in the boys bedroom and other things that could serious hurt of even kill them on their bedroom floor. I fear for my childrens safty but the state did NOTHING to help this situation as I was ONE of the people who called this in before trying to get her into some help. I guess I am really frustrated to this whole thing. I am tired of arguing, the apartement being upside down (dirty clothes from one end of the apartment to the other popcorn all over the living room floor pen all over the fresh paint! dirty dishes all over and the counter all sticky and in need of being wipped up…that just for starters..) I cant go on living like that, she is a "stay at home" mom who does nothing BUT stay at home and do NOTHING….everytime I confront her about this (everyday) I get nothing but negative feedback.. and that its the kids doing it. The other morning I found my alarm clock that I use to get up with in the living room with my 7 yr old playing with it, and this was 2 HOURS after I was supposed to be woke up by it.. this is HER fault not the 7 yr olds, she allowed him to play with it to listen to the radio and this was a BIG NO NO with me and she knew that I had repeatedly told her that he is NOT to play with it because this would happen he is not old to know when he or is not allowed to play with it, and frankly he shouldnt. I found my flashlight ($35 maglite steel case) in peices all over his bedroom amoung all his toys ALL over his room, beds not made, clothes piled on TOP of the dresser and some hanging out of the drawers.. I would be willing to work on this marriage and stay if I knew that she could make some changes become ALOT more faithful, get organized and clean the place up, I dont expect it to be spotless but I do expect it to be good enough so that I dont have the fear of varmits coming into the place or having to listen to the neighbors and their comments. I do everything within my power to help where and when I can, but I can NOT clean the house alone with working 7 days 10 to 14 hrs a day.. I just dont have the time even if I had the energy. I bought her a BRAND new washer and dryer set, make sure she has cleaning equipment and anything she needs to get organized, shelf, coat rack..ect.. but they never get used, only abused and broken.. anyone else that is or was in a similiar situation??? I want to here from you. At this point I think I am taking the Marriage Councilors suggestion and going to seek an attorney and start to file for a divorce. I really dont see how I could possibly live like this for even another month let alone the rest of my life. If your asking where she spends her time..LOL.. its on the internet in the chat rooms talking sexual to males AND females, YES you read that right, I just found out she is a Bi-sexual.. I about fell over, she has been unfaithful to me with at least 8 to 10 other men, now she is doing it with women as well.. I cant take this!!! she has met and had sexual relations with at least 4 off the internet.. and that took the cake. I guess I am answering my own question here arent I? I need to get the divorce there is no way around that.. but anyone with comments please share them. sorry for running my mouth, but I guess the moral issues have really got the best of me, I am 100% against divorce but dont see that as really an unavoidable option at this time..as the marriage was over before it began.
Response:
I really dont know what to say, I am 30 yrs old married going on 9 yrs and have 3 children 9,7 and 4 yrs old. We (my wife and I) got married 10 months after our eldest was born. We were living with my dad at that time untill about 2 months after were married and then moved into our own place. She intentionally got pregnant and let me know that was her intent. I guess I was young and dumb and really was NOT thinking when I let this happen. I was having a hard time finding a good job (I was 20 yrs old) and being able to make ends meet for the next few yrs. we have been thru alot together and she has always been right there by my side but not with the same attitude that I would consider to be appropriate. She will argue with me constantly and disregards what ever I have to say, would never keep the house picked up, we had the state come out MANY times over the last 8 yrs, had the kids (all 3) removed for neglect for 10 months during this past 2 yrs. We went thru parenting classes and Marriage counciling via court order. Had physoc evalutaions done which showed she suffered from depression and multi-personality disorder. She was on Prozak a few times over the last 5 yrs and it hasnt really solved much though it does help. I am really stressed when I am around her and start to have severe chest pains very often. I had to go thru stress tests and a bunch of blood work just to find out it was my marriage casuing this to happen. I really feel bad for wanting to end my marriage, I mean I really wanted this to happen she still says she wants to work it out, but I dont see any hope of any changes ever happening. The apartment is ALWAYs a mess she doesnt appear to ever watch the kids properly they take stuff from one end of the apartment to the other, and I mean everything, I found a suicide slicer (for cutting french fries) in the boys bedroom and other things that could serious hurt of even kill them on their bedroom floor. I fear for my childrens safty but the state did NOTHING to help this situation as I was ONE of the people who called this in before trying to get her into some help. I guess I am really frustrated to this whole thing. I am tired of arguing, the apartement being upside down (dirty clothes from one end of the apartment to the other popcorn all over the living room floor pen all over the fresh paint! dirty dishes all over and the counter all sticky and in need of being wipped up…that just for starters..) I cant go on living like that, she is a "stay at home" mom who does nothing BUT stay at home and do NOTHING….everytime I confront her about this (everyday) I get nothing but negative feedback.. and that its the kids doing it. The other morning I found my alarm clock that I use to get up with in the living room with my 7 yr old playing with it, and this was 2 HOURS after I was supposed to be woke up by it.. this is HER fault not the 7 yr olds, she allowed him to play with it to listen to the radio and this was a BIG NO NO with me and she knew that I had repeatedly told her that he is NOT to play with it because this would happen he is not old to know when he or is not allowed to play with it, and frankly he shouldnt. I found my flashlight ($35 maglite steel case) in peices all over his bedroom amoung all his toys ALL over his room, beds not made, clothes piled on TOP of the dresser and some hanging out of the drawers.. I would be willing to work on this marriage and stay if I knew that she could make some changes become ALOT more faithful, get organized and clean the place up, I dont expect it to be spotless but I do expect it to be good enough so that I dont have the fear of varmits coming into the place or having to listen to the neighbors and their comments. I do everything within my power to help where and when I can, but I can NOT clean the house alone with working 7 days 10 to 14 hrs a day.. I just dont have the time even if I had the energy. I bought her a BRAND new washer and dryer set, make sure she has cleaning equipment and anything she needs to get organized, shelf, coat rack..ect.. but they never get used, only abused and broken.. anyone else that is or was in a similiar situation??? I want to here from you. At this point I think I am taking the Marriage Councilors suggestion and going to seek an attorney and start to file for a divorce. I really dont see how I could possibly live like this for even another month let alone the rest of my life. If your asking where she spends her time..LOL.. its on the internet in the chat rooms talking sexual to males AND females, YES you read that right, I just found out she is a Bi-sexual.. I about fell over, she has been unfaithful to me with at least 8 to 10 other men, now she is doing it with women as well.. I cant take this!!! she has met and had sexual relations with at least 4 off the internet.. and that took the cake. I guess I am answering my own question here arent I? I need to get the divorce there is no way around that.. but anyone with comments please share them. sorry for running my mouth, but I guess the moral issues have really got the best of me, I am 100% against divorce but dont see that as really an unavoidable option at this time..as the marriage was over before it began.
Response:
Robert, I’m so sorry you’re going through so much turmoil right now, but you are right, you did answer your own question. Your wife doesn’t sound like she is the kind of person to admit she was wrong, she isn’t watching your children, they are in danger, you owe it to them to get them out of that situation. The sooner the better. Good Luck. Daisy Visit the ASD "Who’s Who" Web page at: http://www.geocities.com/SouthBeach/Cape/6475/ To include yourself send picture and brief biography to: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I really dont know what to say, I am 30 yrs old married going on 9 yrs and have 3 children 9,7 and 4 yrs old. We (my wife and I) got married 10 months after our eldest was born. We were living with my dad at that time untill about 2 months after were married and then moved into our own place. She intentionally got pregnant and let me know that was her intent. I guess I was young and dumb and really was NOT thinking when I let this happen. I was having a hard time finding a good job (I was 20 yrs old) and being able to make ends meet for the next few yrs. we have been thru alot together and she has always been right there by my side but not with the same attitude that I would consider to be appropriate. She will argue with me constantly and disregards what ever I have to say, would never keep the house picked up, we had the state come out MANY times over the last 8 yrs, had the kids (all 3) removed for neglect for 10 months during this past 2 yrs. We went thru parenting classes and Marriage counciling via court order. Had physoc evalutaions done which showed she suffered from depression and multi-personality disorder. She was on Prozak a few times over the last 5 yrs and it hasnt really solved much though it does help. I am really stressed when I am around her and start to have severe chest pains very often. I had to go thru stress tests and a bunch of blood work just to find out it was my marriage casuing this to happen. I really feel bad for wanting to end my marriage, I mean I really wanted this to happen she still says she wants to work it out, but I dont see any hope of any changes ever happening. The apartment is ALWAYs a mess she doesnt appear to ever watch the kids properly they take stuff from one end of the apartment to the other, and I mean everything, I found a suicide slicer (for cutting french fries) in the boys bedroom and other things that could serious hurt of even kill them on their bedroom floor. I fear for my childrens safty but the state did NOTHING to help this situation as I was ONE of the people who called this in before trying to get her into some help. I guess I am really frustrated to this whole thing. I am tired of arguing, the apartement being upside down (dirty clothes from one end of the apartment to the other popcorn all over the living room floor pen all over the fresh paint! dirty dishes all over and the counter all sticky and in need of being wipped up…that just for starters..) I cant go on living like that, she is a "stay at home" mom who does nothing BUT stay at home and do NOTHING….everytime I confront her about this (everyday) I get nothing but negative feedback.. and that its the kids doing it. The other morning I found my alarm clock that I use to get up with in the living room with my 7 yr old playing with it, and this was 2 HOURS after I was supposed to be woke up by it.. this is HER fault not the 7 yr olds, she allowed him to play with it to listen to the radio and this was a BIG NO NO with me and she knew that I had repeatedly told her that he is NOT to play with it because this would happen he is not old to know when he or is not allowed to play with it, and frankly he shouldnt. I found my flashlight ($35 maglite steel case) in peices all over his bedroom amoung all his toys ALL over his room, beds not made, clothes piled on TOP of the dresser and some hanging out of the drawers.. I would be willing to work on this marriage and stay if I knew that she could make some changes become ALOT more faithful, get organized and clean the place up, I dont expect it to be spotless but I do expect it to be good enough so that I dont have the fear of varmits coming into the place or having to listen to the neighbors and their comments. I do everything within my power to help where and when I can, but I can NOT clean the house alone with working 7 days 10 to 14 hrs a day.. I just dont have the time even if I had the energy. I bought her a BRAND new washer and dryer set, make sure she has cleaning equipment and anything she needs to get organized, shelf, coat rack..ect.. but they never get used, only abused and broken.. anyone else that is or was in a similiar situation??? I want to here from you. At this point I think I am taking the Marriage Councilors suggestion and going to seek an attorney and start to file for a divorce. I really dont see how I could possibly live like this for even another month let alone the rest of my life. If your asking where she spends her time..LOL.. its on the internet in the chat rooms talking sexual to males AND females, YES you read that right, I just found out she is a Bi-sexual.. I about fell over, she has been unfaithful to me with at least 8 to 10 other men, now she is doing it with women as well.. I cant take this!!! she has met and had sexual relations with at least 4 off the internet.. and that took the cake. I guess I am answering my own question here arent I? I need to get the divorce there is no way around that.. but anyone with comments please share them. sorry for running my mouth, but I guess the moral issues have really got the best of me, I am 100% against divorce but dont see that as really an unavoidable option at this time..as the marriage was over before it began.
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