Question:
Friends, I finally escaped an emotionally abusive marriage after ten years. The first year after we separated, my ex disappeared and travelled and ran around with women — that was GREAT! he was out of my life for a while. This year, he appears to have decided that suddenly he is going to be Wonder Dad to the kids, and now I struggle daily with sharing our little community with this man. It was sustained emotional abuse for many years, manipulation, control and brainwashing. I’m in therapy to help, but I hope for shared experiences or ideas from here as well. It’s like an icepick through the heart when other families (our kids’ friends) accept him now. They don’t know what I went through… I know I can’t expect them to understand, though I’m sure that if they did, they wouldn’t be interested in being nice to him. Still, it is painful to have to endure his ingratiating behavior to the kids’ teachers and other parents… his self-glorification and that Mr. Happy/Huggy act he puts on for everyone’s benefit. Can you help? I’ll tell more later if needed… I’m just kind of sad this morning. Thank you. Email welcome.
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I finally escaped an emotionally abusive marriage after ten years. The first year after we separated, my ex disappeared and travelled and ran around with women — that was GREAT! he was out of my life for a while. This year, he appears to have decided that suddenly he is going to be Wonder Dad to the kids, and now I struggle daily with sharing our little community with this man. It was sustained emotional abuse for many years, manipulation, control and brainwashing. I’m in therapy to help, but I hope for shared experiences or ideas from here as well. See? This is *your* problem. You have to let your anger go. Not as an act of self soul-murder, "get over it" no, not that. But as an act of self-preservation. Forget what the town thinks, it doesn’t matter, just stay neutral with your kids, let them decide for themselves what they think. You will be vindicated by them if you LET IT GO. But if you hang on to your hurts and attitudes, and the kids pick up the scent of your bitterness, they will be torn by divided loyalties. Colin ( a prayer: if he is a creep, may time expose that fact ) I said " time" not YOU! : )
Hello, Might I just add here (however cliche it might sound) that living WELL is the best "revenge?" That doesn’t necessarily mean (as I’ve discovered myself) having the best of everything…but merely being the best *you* can be. If you succumb to these negative emotions (as Colin has pointed out–it is *your* problem), then you allow this man further CONTROL over you. You took back that control (cheers you on!)–now hang onto it. If you give up that control, you are once again allowing him to dictate who you are. Ask yourself–is that truly who you wish to be? Be strong–hang on! Respectfully, Breece P.S. I’m a newsgroup-newbie…please be patient with me. *smile*
Response:
Dear Thank You. I can relate to the confusion and ill gut feelings with this guy and the small town with all its gossip. Of all things – this guy is showing you your shadow – that’s in the gut part cuase there is some truth to it. And tis the toxic part of it in him and in you - which will be passed down to the children if you guys chose to remain unconscious about this. Since you are the healtier one of the two – you have to do all of the fricking work. He ain’t gonna help much, has his own adgenda. Oh poor me. Anyhow – you gonna have to eventually untie this in the body – the gut stuff – to be free of it and him as well as the past for a better future. Traditional Accupuncture – Biofeedback and Rosenberg/Rand Integrative Body Psychotherapy and the like work best for this kind of disease in the psychophysiology … you guys have a lot of PTSD stuff going on. This is a simple process that hurts like hell – cause you are setting straight the broken heart. Keep up the good work babe – stay in the fellowship. sumbuddie said dis In article – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Friends, I finally escaped an emotionally abusive marriage after ten years. The first year after we separated, my ex disappeared and travelled and ran around with women — that was GREAT! he was out of my life for a while. This year, he appears to have decided that suddenly he is going to be Wonder Dad to the kids, and now I struggle daily with sharing our little community with this man. It was sustained emotional abuse for many years, manipulation, control and brainwashing. I’m in therapy to help, but I hope for shared experiences or ideas from here as well. It’s like an icepick through the heart when other families (our kids’ friends) accept him now. They don’t know what I went through… I know I can’t expect them to understand, though I’m sure that if they did, they wouldn’t be interested in being nice to him. Still, it is painful to have to endure his ingratiating behavior to the kids’ teachers and other parents… his self-glorification and that Mr. Happy/Huggy act he puts on for everyone’s benefit. Can you help? I’ll tell more later if needed… I’m just kind of sad this morning. Thank you. Email welcome. This is exactly your problem. Time is the only true measure against a consummate actor. It might wear him down if his is a tiring act. And if he does not blow his lines? You might have to live alongside the snake who is Well-Loved by the Whole Damn Town. See? This is *your* problem. You have to let your anger go. Not as an act of self soul-murder, "get over it" no, not that. But as an act of self-preservation. Forget what the town thinks, it doesn’t matter, just stay neutral with your kids, let them decide for themselves what they think. You will be vindicated by them if you LET IT GO. But if you hang on to your hurts and attitudes, and the kids pick up the scent of your bitterness, they will be torn by divided loyalties. Colin ( a prayer: if he is a creep, may time expose that fact ) I said " time" not YOU! : )
Response:
hi…debster here
I know exactly how you feel… Can you help?
hmmm..help?? dunno…listen?? you bet…. Email welcome.
my email is open if you get the urge peace, debster * Straight up what did you hope to learn about here * * If I was someone else would this all fall apart * * Strange where were you when we started this gig * * I wish the real world would just stop hassling me. *
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