Question:
I can never figure this out. But do you think these are dissociative behaviours? Or does everybody do this? 1) 50 times in the past couple of months during the day I have "asked" and "promised myself" to see (for the 30th time) Benny and Joon. Then night time comes and I "decide" I don’t really want to see it yet again. (Tomorrow night I promise I will watch it!) 2) We have trouble concentrating when we are talking to people. But if the person is somebody close we catch ourselves phasing out a lot in the conversation, just disappearing, not thinking of anything for a few seconds, vapor locking. It takes a deep concentration to stay with the person we are talking to. Even about important stuff. (This happened a lot this week: we lost a step brother and had to visit with our F*th*r a lot.) 3) We can’t remember about people close to us being sick or dying. We can’t remember who in our family is alive or dead about half the time. I mean some people yes, but people we really should know about, aunts and uncles and cousins and stuff we don’t. And why do you suppose when we get into really stressful situations the same one of us seems to be in control? Why wouldn’t one of us who was better able to deal with the situation handle it? And then after (I’m thinking of something we do at least once a week that has to do with being around people a lot, a lot. Either it’s luthe or me or maybe both of us freaks really bad. The Leutenant could handle it so much better.) then after why is it always me that’s out? nicky — For more information about this posting service, contact: If you want an anonymous account, visit our sign-up page: https://asarian-host.net/cgi-bin/signup.cgi
Response:
I can never figure this out. But do you think these are dissociative behaviours? Or does everybody do this? 1) 50 times in the past couple of months during the day I have "asked" and "promised myself" to see (for the 30th time) Benny and Joon. Then night time comes and I "decide" I don’t really want to see it yet again. (Tomorrow night I promise I will watch it!)
This sounds like ambivalence *blech* 2) We have trouble concentrating when we are talking to people. But if the person is somebody close we catch ourselves phasing out a lot in the conversation, just disappearing, not thinking of anything for a few seconds, vapor locking. It takes a deep concentration to stay with the person we are talking to. Even about important stuff. (This happened a lot this week: we lost a step brother and had to visit with our F*th*r a lot.)
Yeah, that sounds like dissociation. In this example probly anxiety induced. 3) We can’t remember about people close to us being sick or dying. We can’t remember who in our family is alive or dead about half the time. I mean some people yes, but people we really should know about, aunts and uncles and cousins and stuff we don’t.
Oh man, do you have that problem too? It can get really annoying! Like I can remember _some_ people but then I can’t remember _when_ and when it’s someone like your own parent, people look at you strangely! *sheesh* I think I have a handle on _who_ finally, now I just have to try to remember the when part of it. I dunno if this is dissociation or not. And why do you suppose when we get into really stressful situations the same one of us seems to be in control? Why wouldn’t one of us who was better able to deal with the situation handle it? And then after (I’m thinking of something we do at least once a week that has to do with being around people a lot, a lot. Either it’s luthe or me or maybe both of us freaks really bad. The Leutenant could handle it so much better.) then after why is it always me that’s out? nicky
I dunno why this happens but it sounds annoying! Rainbow Colors (Jill) — The colors blend, the edges soften. Swirling and mixing we are becoming white light.
Response:
Jill (RC) wrote [about not remember really important stuff about really close people; i.e. d*c*as*d relatives]: Oh man, do you have that problem too? It can get really annoying! Like I can remember _some_ people but then I can’t remember _when_ and when it’s someone like your own parent, people look at you strangely! *sheesh* I think I have a handle on _who_ finally, now I just have to try to remember the when part of it. I dunno if this is dissociation or not.
Yes! I have that problem horribly bad. At least I should say Luthe and I do. It’s really embarrasing. And about wanting to watch the movie during the day and not at night, Jill, I don’t see how that could be ambivalence because I really, really want to see it during the day and really, really don’t at night. Sometimes I think it’s more than Luthe and the Leutenant who confuse Another One Of Us and me. Sometimes I’m not so sure either. Does that kind of confusion ever happen to you? I mean did it when you weren’t I-ed? nicky — For more information about this posting service, contact: If you want an anonymous account, visit our sign-up page: https://asarian-host.net/cgi-bin/signup.cgi
Response:
yes. :) do keep in mind that a certain amount of dissociation *is* normal. jt
I can never figure this out. But do you think these are dissociative behaviours? Or does everybody do this? 1) 50 times in the past couple of months during the day I have "asked" and "promised myself" to see (for the 30th time) Benny and
Joon. Then night time – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – comes and I "decide" I don’t really want to see it yet again. (Tomorrow night I promise I will watch it!) 2) We have trouble concentrating when we are talking to people. But if the person is somebody close we catch ourselves phasing out a lot in the conversation, just disappearing, not thinking of anything for a few seconds, vapor locking. It takes a deep concentration to stay with the person we are talking to. Even about important stuff. (This happened a lot this week: we lost a step brother and had to visit with our F*th*r a lot.) 3) We can’t remember about people close to us being sick or dying. We can’t remember who in our family is alive or dead about half the time. I mean some people yes, but people we really should know about, aunts and uncles and cousins and stuff we don’t. And why do you suppose when we get into really stressful situations the same one of us seems to be in control? Why wouldn’t one of us who was better able to deal with the situation handle it? And then after (I’m thinking of something we do at least once a week that has to do with being around people a lot, a lot. Either it’s luthe or me or maybe both of us freaks really bad. The Leutenant could handle it so much better.) then after why is it always me that’s out? nicky — For more information about this posting service, contact: If you want an anonymous account, visit our sign-up page: https://asarian-host.net/cgi-bin/signup.cgi
Response:
I agree with silver(s), Just Pete: Wow! I don’t understand it all but "Wow!" anyway. Where *did* you get this? This sounds like something I’d like to get Luthe to read. Thanks to all of you guys. nicky same thing happens here, or so i’m told. it’s historically been distinctly repetitive according to my wife. lesser states of dissociation
have also been disturbingly repetitive but then they should be as each is in response to similar triggers. i think there’s an answer in some work done on structural dissociation of the personality by a dr. enijenhuis. kinda interesting. essentially he posits a primary structural dissociation as that involved in the creation through trauma of an ‘emotional person’ fixated in the
trauma and an ‘apparently normal person’ fixated in avoidance of the trauma-related intrusive memories, and the ‘emotional persons’ associated with them. i’ve heard and read this also being described as a dissociated observing ego acting unconsciously in response to an intrusive dissociated ego state
associated with a past trauma triggered by something in the environment. i’m not entirely sure trauma itself has to be involved, i seem to recall that extreme anxiety can bring about this state as well and purely from internal thought processes. i think i got the terminology right. secondary structural dissociation he defines as a fragmentation of the ‘emotional person’ and which he associates with complex ptsd, for example.
in both primary and secondary structural dissociation the observing ego is present although relatively distant in the latter. tertiary structural dissociation is the state he defines as that where the ‘apparently normal person’ fragments, removing the observing ego from
consciousness, leaving behind the fragmented ‘emotional person’ as the only source of external behavior. tertiary dissociation he links with did and posits as resulting not from the trauma itself but from the association of inescapable aspects of
everyday life with the past trauma or when the functioning of the ‘apparently normal person’ is so low that chronic dissociation becomes one’s daily response to one’s life. so after all that, it would seem that whatever aspect of life triggers some level of structural dissociation of the personality, the particular
‘emotional person’ fixated in that triggered intrusive memory of past trauma becomes the externalized ego state left to deal with the situation that, in did, essentially drove away the observing ego in response. apparently this is also possible without direct linkage to any trauma if chronic dissociation becomes too severe in that the observing ego can
dissociate away, leaving behind whatever ‘emotional person’ was floating along, itself dissociated, in the unconscious as a result of some train of thought. if i got that intepretation correct anyway… but i’m hardly an expert and could easily have misinterpreted something in his work, or in its relation to other, perhaps more mainstream work. others
here would certainly know more than i and hopefully will jump in and clear things up if need be. regardless, it socks. wish i had an adverb adequate to the task… Just us, Just Pete wow!! pete – where did you read this???? intrigued, silver(s)
– For more information about this posting service, contact: If you want an anonymous account, visit our sign-up page: https://asarian-host.net/cgi-bin/signup.cgi
Response:
just readin what just pete wrote for the first time in this message…
I agree with silver(s), Just Pete: Wow! I don’t understand it all but "Wow!" anyway. Where *did* you get this? This sounds like
something I’d like to get Luthe to read. Thanks to all of you guys. nicky same thing happens here, or so i’m told. it’s historically been distinctly repetitive according to my wife. lesser
states of dissociation have also been disturbingly repetitive but then they
should be as each is in response to similar triggers. i think there’s an answer in some work done on
structural dissociation of the personality by a dr. enijenhuis. kinda interesting. essentially he posits a primary structural dissociation as that involved in the creation through trauma of an ‘emotional person’ fixated in the trauma and an ‘apparently normal person’ fixated in avoidance of the trauma-related intrusive memories, and the ‘emotional persons’ associated with them. i’ve heard and read this also being described as a
dissociated observing ego acting unconsciously in response to an intrusive
dissociated ego state associated with a past trauma triggered by something in
the environment. i’m not entirely sure trauma itself has to be involved, i seem to recall that extreme anxiety can bring about this state as well and
purely from internal thought processes. i think i got the terminology right. secondary structural dissociation he defines as a
fragmentation of the ‘emotional person’ and which he associates with complex ptsd, for example. in both primary and secondary structural dissociation the observing ego is present although relatively distant in the latter. tertiary structural dissociation is the state he
defines as that where the ‘apparently normal person’ fragments, removing the observing ego from consciousness, leaving behind the fragmented ‘emotional person’ as the only source of external behavior. tertiary dissociation he links with did and posits as resulting not from the trauma itself but from the association of
inescapable aspects of everyday life with the past trauma or when the functioning of the ‘apparently normal person’ is so low that chronic
dissociation becomes one’s daily response to one’s life.
um. that’s us. "inescapable aspects of everyday life" like everything that i might get y*lled at for if i were still a kid at home. "chronic dissociation becomes one’s daily response to one’s life." yup. that’s us, too. knew this about us when i was 10 or 11 or so. didn’t have the right terms for it. understood the concept very well. i didn’t understand all the rest of what was said here. but i read the stuff in the paragraph just above, n my tummy started hurting real bad. jen (jt) so after all that, it would seem that whatever aspect of life triggers some level of structural dissociation of the
personality, the particular ‘emotional person’ fixated in that triggered intrusive
memory of past trauma becomes the externalized ego state left to deal with the situation that, in did, essentially drove away the observing ego in response. apparently this is also possible without direct linkage to any trauma if chronic dissociation becomes too severe in that the observing ego can dissociate away, leaving behind whatever ‘emotional
person’ was floating along, itself dissociated, in the unconscious as a result of some train of thought. if i got that intepretation correct anyway… but i’m hardly an expert and could easily have
misinterpreted something in his work, or in its relation to other, perhaps more
mainstream work. others – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – here would certainly know more than i and hopefully will jump in and clear things up if need be. regardless, it socks. wish i had an adverb adequate to the task… Just us, Just Pete wow!! pete – where did you read this???? intrigued, silver(s) — For more information about this posting service, contact: If you want an anonymous account, visit our sign-up page: https://asarian-host.net/cgi-bin/signup.cgi
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Jill (RC) wrote [about not remember really important stuff about really close people; i.e. d*c*as*d relatives]: Oh man, do you have that problem too? It can get really annoying! Like I can remember _some_ people but then I can’t remember _when_ and when it’s someone like your own parent, people look at you strangely! *sheesh* I think I have a handle on _who_ finally, now I just have to try to remember the when part of it. I dunno if this is dissociation or not. Yes! I have that problem horribly bad. At least I should say Luthe and I do. It’s really embarrasing. And about wanting to watch the movie during the day and not at night, Jill, I don’t see how that could be ambivalence because I
really, really want to see it during the day and really, really don’t at night. Sometimes I think it’s more than Luthe and the Leutenant who confuse Another One Of Us and me. Sometimes I’m not so sure either. Does that kind of
confusion ever happen to you? I mean did it when you weren’t I-ed? nicky
um, this type of "ambivalence" is what eventually led me to figure out that i was multiple before i had any clue what to call it. like, early-to-mid teens. all i could figure out was that what was important to me *now* was NOT likely to remain important to me consistently, no matter HOW important it was to me NOW. i knew that at some point in the future, whatever it was would become an issue "i told myself i would *not* eat a chocolate bar today. *chocolate bar moves inexorably towards mouth*" (mostly i just wanted to use the word "inexorably".) (don’t mind me. i’m weird.) <gah. who’s on first? we haven’t said that line in a *long* time. but we used to say it all the time. feels sorta Glo-ish. Glo, u on first? {oh, sure. Confuse me, why don’tcha??? um…this is weird. why’d we, like, suddenly shwoomph back into the body when we tried to figure out if i were on first??? and how’s it ten to 11 already? and what have i been doing for the last several hours? well, ok…i can *see* what i did, but…there’s a layer missing. like, it was missing the whole time. it’s missing again now. kewl. :)} what was i talking about? i feel like i’m sposta go up and look to see what it was. i don’t even know what post i’m responding to without looking. someone asked if Glo were on first…someone said "don’t mind me. i’m just weird" or something similar…<oh, just look. {what? and spoil all my fun???} … clearly we need more chocolate. jt – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – — For more information about this posting service, contact: If you want an anonymous account, visit our sign-up page: https://asarian-host.net/cgi-bin/signup.cgi
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Jill (RC) wrote [about not remember really important stuff about really close people; i.e. d*c*as*d relatives]: Oh man, do you have that problem too? It can get really annoying! Like I can remember _some_ people but then I can’t remember _when_ and when it’s someone like your own parent, people look at you strangely! *sheesh* I think I have a handle on _who_ finally, now I just have to try to remember the when part of it. I dunno if this is dissociation or not. Yes! I have that problem horribly bad. At least I should say Luthe and I do. It’s really embarrasing. And about wanting to watch the movie during the day and not at night, Jill, I don’t see how that could be ambivalence because I really, really want to see it during the day and really, really don’t at night. Sometimes I think it’s more than Luthe and the Leutenant who confuse Another One Of Us and me.
I must have read what you wrote differently than you meant. As I read it I thought that it sounded ambivalent but as you write it now it doesn’t. Sometimes I’m not so sure either. Does that kind of confusion ever happen to you? I mean did it when you weren’t I-ed? nicky
Not exactly. I think you all are a bit more co-con or co-aware for the most part than we were until we went from many to blended pretty quickly. For most of our lives we just all existed in little compartments, tucked away from each other for the most part so we didn’t influence each other or at least didn’t know about it if it happened. Rainbow Colors (Jill) — The colors blend, the edges soften. Swirling and mixing we are becoming white light.
If you like this post and would like to receive updates from this blog, please subscribe our feed.