Trauma – PTSD

Question:

>… but from what I read … some people are > actually relieved to be diagnosed … for me it’s like being dragged out of > the closet …

I am one of the ones who was relieved to be diagnosed. I just knew there was something wrong with me and I was very frightened by it. I was not diagnosed with OCD until my mid 30’s (I was diagnosed with depression about 5 years before that). Suddenly everything fell into place and a lot of things made sense. Before that, I was terrified by my thoughts and feelings- now I can say "that’s my OCD". Ida

Response:

Was diagnosed with Dysthymia (chronic low level depression) about 5 years ago, by my GP. Started on Luvox, did way better — depression-wise, anyhow. Figured it out OCD myself. Saw Brain Lock and started reading on an impulse. Talked to GP, he said go see Psych, talked to Psych, he said yup. Hey, I can relax — there really is something wrong with me, and it’s not my fault!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That diagnosis was a load off my chest. — I’m not GOING crazy, I’m already there!!!! Ida Kern <clooney…@mindspring.com> wrote in message

news:7uv53q$12e$1@nntp4.atl.mindspring.net… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> >… but from what I read … some people are > > actually relieved to be diagnosed … for me it’s like being dragged out > of > > the closet … > I am one of the ones who was relieved to be diagnosed. > I just knew there was something wrong with me and I was very frightened by > it. I was not diagnosed with OCD until my mid 30’s (I was diagnosed with > depression about 5 years before that). > Suddenly everything fell into place and a lot of things made sense. Before > that, I was terrified by my thoughts and feelings- now I can say "that’s my > OCD". > Ida

Response:

maybe I should join a chat-room … since I seem to have the gift of gab today ….

Response:

In article <3XmQ3.290$cz3.15…@nnrp1.uunet.ca>, Chev <cheva…@execulink.com> writes >maybe I should join a chat-room … since I seem to have the gift of gab >today ….

Hi Mo, the newsgroup is having one its fallow periods. I imagine people are still reading, just not posting. It’s usually much busier than this. I read nearly all your posts in the Deja news archives back when there was all the  confusion about you and was wondering how you got diagnosed with OCD. Obviously I can understand the ‘PTSD’ (grief) but why OCD? Yours, — simon —

Response:

Actually I’m wondering the same thing … the PTSD has been a lifelong problem that I am continually updating with newer traumas all the time … I’m trauma-prone … and each is worse than the last … some are beyond my control … others I seem to invite … as for the OCD … after my twin died I basically fell apart … and then my sister-in-law committed suicide followed by the sudden death of a close friend and another brother-in-law … I began acting very strangely … full of rage … isolated myself … spending endless hours alone (by my choice) … purposely fighting with everyone to keep them away from me … one by one I cut everyone off … until there was no one left but me … and I hate me … most of the time anyway … I’m very confused at the moment … my doctor who is a very good and well-intentioned person … panicked at the sight of me and began prescribing medication and issuing diagnosis right left and centre … I’m terrified … everytime I see him I leave with a new diagnosis … which leads me to believe there probably is no ‘me’ … I’m just a bunch of symptoms … most of which I haven’t even admitted to yet … and I know they are distructive … but ya know … if I let them go … there will be nothing of me left … I am defined by my illness(es) and I know for a fact that the minute my twin died … there was little left of me … we were that closely intertwined … and now nothing … nothing …. nothing … I’ll tell you about my OCD once I can admit it all to myself … and finally … since my latest incident … I am having to deal with alot of memories that have been repressed … frightening … haven’t even mentioned these to the doc yet … can you imagine … so I think I plan to treat myself first … and dump it all on the professionals once I get a handle on it … I must be in control here … it’s all I have left … which is why I sound so pathetic … I’m out of my field here … but I shall educate myself … I have no choice … sorry Simon … but you did ask … – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -simon smith wrote in message … >In article <3XmQ3.290$cz3.15…@nnrp1.uunet.ca>, Chev ><cheva…@execulink.com> writes >>maybe I should join a chat-room … since I seem to have the gift of gab >>today …. >Hi Mo, the newsgroup is having one its fallow periods. I imagine people >are still reading, just not posting. It’s usually much busier than this. >I read nearly all your posts in the Deja news archives back when there >was all the  confusion about you and was wondering how you got diagnosed >with OCD. Obviously I can understand the ‘PTSD’ (grief) but why OCD? >Yours, >– >simon >–

Response:

Ha … no … I inherited the name when I married my hubby … his (our) last name is Chevanel … it’s french canadian … Yeah I’m a perfectionist too … which leads me to the point that I did NOT deliberately try to kill myself … because someone like me would have succeeded … I will admit to perhaps ’self-medication gone awry’ … combined with a bout of ’seratonin syndrome’ … ‘major depression’ … and lately ‘ocd’ … by the way … how come I don’t read anything about people being absolutely devastated to learn that they in fact have this illness … I mean I recognize my obsessions and compulsions … and have to some extent for a very long time … nasty little secret … but that’s my point … it was my secret and I thought I was handling it very well and very privately … it was an absolute shock to my system when my doctor came right out and identified what I thought I was so successfully concealing … and now I have to take the next step and admit the depth of my illness as well as perhaps additional illnesses … but from what I read … some people are actually relieved to be diagnosed … for me it’s like being dragged out of the closet … and I am NOT amused by anything that has happened … it’s all too too much … JMass11162 wrote in message

<19991023205859.13563.00000…@ng-fq1.aol.com>… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->x-no-archive: yes >>From: "Chev" >>. but man … the endless >>self-critisism … nobady has to tell me off … I do an endless job of that >>myself … and on it goes … I am becoming a wee bit obsessed with this ng >Hi Monica,the self critisism seems to go along alot of times with ocd,I know >exactly how you feel on this one I am my biggest critic and At one point was >unable to make any progress with this monster due to the fact I was always >beating myself up!,I also am a perfectionist which drives me crazy,so try not >to be to hard on yourself,remember you didn’t ask to have mental illness’s,its >best to look at it as any other illness because in fact it is.hey whats with >the name,are you a chevy lover? >              take care  "CHEV", >                   Joe

Response:

I like your insights … I don’t find that you ramble … and I’m pretty good at rambling myself … it is frightening and fascinating at the same time … it’s as if I am standing outside of myself … watching … but unable to control my behavior … and there is alot of guilt in that I find … because then I think I should be able to stop it .. or else control it at least … and I can’t … and I find myself accusing myself of doing thisgs on purpose … which I’m not … but man … the endless self-critisism … nobady has to tell me off … I do an endless job of that myself … and on it goes … I am becoming a wee bit obsessed with this ng … I’m lurking here every chance I get and I tend to do it while hiding … I don’t know why  … I’m spiralling downwards, helplessly watching my own descent … I tried to explain what it’s like to my husband … and I think I scared him … but I think he’s starting to see how real this is … but now he wants be to sleep all the time … which I want too with the help of my valium … but when the manic edge appears … I want to explore … but I was always come out on the short end of my analysis … how’s that for rambling insights … Monica – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -kbeth wrote in message <3812289a.656…@news.asan.com>… >Hi Chev, >I’m very trauma-prone too. >I’ve also isolated myself from people. >When I screw up it’s the end of world. I deserve hell-fire when I err. >I just wish I could be without thought and emotion sometimes. The pain >is too much for me to cope with. >I hope you’re feeling better. Sorry for rambling. >Take care, >-kbeth

Response:

Hi Chev, I’m very trauma-prone too. I’ve also isolated myself from people. When I screw up it’s the end of world. I deserve hell-fire when I err. I just wish I could be without thought and emotion sometimes. The pain is too much for me to cope with. I hope you’re feeling better. Sorry for rambling. Take care, -kbeth

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