Question:
Hi Wildflower, Thanks for your insightful letter. >Music has held many of the pieces of the puzzle for me. A few years ago, >I went through a period where I kept having different songs from the past >pop into my mind, almost one by one – songs >I’d loved – and I felt driven to find out why. I didn’t consciously >remember any of the lyrics, or even what each song was about, but when I >listened to the songs (it seemed for the first time) and realized what they >were about, I could see why each one had had so much impact on me.
Did you do this on your own, or were you guided through any of it with either a therapist or other support person? I’m thinking that this might be very useful information, even down the road when there might be greater perspective. Did you journal about this? If so, has that been helpful in shedding even more insight? Just curious. If you feel comfortable sharing about this that would be great. If not, that’s OK too. >I have two kinds of "lost" memories. The first are the repressed ones based >on childhood abuse, things that occurred before the major trauma. The >second kind is the lost memories of everyday things that happened after the >major trauma, where I think I numbed out so much that not much registered >or stuck with me, so I’m not sure the information is even there to >retrieve. I wonder if that’s a similar thing with lyrics for you.
About a week ago I experienced the oddest kinds of flashbacks — like something popping in my brain offering only the briefest glimpses of terror. I have learned that it is OK for certain memories not to surface yet. As my immune system strengthens through healthier behaviors all around, I find that I am more able to access some of the long supressed memories. My ability to see even glimspes of my past for brief periods (during which I do not fall apart) is directly proportional to how physically healthy and strong I am. This seem so obvious now…but certainly wasn’t obvious for years and years. >I’m really glad anything I said might have helped. Take good care, and >thanks for your good wishes. My best to you, too. >wildflower
You too, Wildflower. : ) Take care. `Wishing you peace. Anne
Response:
Hi Anne, > >A few years ago, > >I went through a period where I kept having different songs from the past > >pop into my mind, almost one by one – songs > >I’d loved – and I felt driven to find out why. > Did you do this on your own, or were you guided through any of it with either a > therapist or other support person? > I’m thinking that this might be very useful information, even down the road > when there might be greater perspective. Did you journal about this? If so, > has that been helpful in shedding even more insight?
I started out working with a therapist, but eventually got to the point where I could do it on my own. At first I couldn’t believe how obvious the connections were and needed to have them validated. And yes, I journal pretty much everything, so after each conversation/session I’d write it all down, and in the process I could find even more insight into my past. And it’s interesting, even my choice of words usually portrays more than I can originally see. > About a week ago I experienced the oddest kinds of flashbacks — like something > popping in my brain offering only the briefest glimpses of terror. I have > learned that it is OK for certain memories not to surface yet.
That’s how mine started out, too. Split second flashes. Some eventually got longer and more clear, but some are still only body memories with a black visual. They all have terror attached to them, though. > As my immune system strengthens through healthier behaviors all around, I find > that I am more able to access some of the long supressed memories. > My ability to see even glimspes of my past for brief periods (during which I do > not fall apart) is directly proportional to how physically healthy and strong I > am. > This seem so obvious now…but certainly wasn’t obvious for years and years.
It took me a long time to see that, too. It’s a relief to just let it all be, isn’t it. Take care, Anne. wildflower
Response:
Hi Wildflower, >I started out working with a therapist, but eventually got to the point >where I could do it on my own. At first I couldn’t believe how obvious the >connections were and needed to have them validated. And yes, I journal >pretty much everything, so after each conversation/session I’d write it all >down, and in the process I could find even more insight into my past. And >it’s interesting, even my choice of words usually portrays more than I can >originally see.
How wonderful that you have been able to keep a record through your journaling and that you have them to look back on and reflect. I regret that over the years I have destroyed my journals. At the time it seemed the wise thing to do. Anyway, I think it’s wonderful that you have this resource. >> My ability to see even glimspes of my past for brief periods (during >which I do >> not fall apart) is directly proportional to how physically healthy and >strong I >> am. >> This seem so obvious now…but certainly wasn’t obvious for years and >years. >It took me a long time to see that, too. It’s a relief to just let it all >be, isn’t it.
It sure is! >Take care, Anne. >wildflower
You too, Wildflower. Take care, Anne
Response:
Hi td! > Welcome wildflower! > Always happy to have a new Elton/Queen fan among us! Hope you will feel > comfortable contributing to our karaoke, a new voice singing along is a joy > to behold. 
I am also glad to hear you have come to the place of posting > instead of simply reading. I’m sure you will have as much to offer us as we > have to offer you. > best wishes, > td
Thanks a lot for the welcome. And thanks for the karoake invite. Everyone’s been mentioning so many great songs lately. Heaven for Everyone is another of my favorites by Queen, and of course Bohemian Rhapsody. I picked up Elton’s new double CD yesterday, only song missing is Empty Garden, and possibly Harmony. Thanks again for your post. wildflower
Response:
Welcome, Wildflower! Glad to have you with us. I agree with you that there is great opportunity to learn about managing PTSD here. Music has a way of helping me to process so many different things, many of which havebeen buried for years and years. It will be great to have you share your favorites with us. Again, welcome… Take care, wildflower! Anne
Response:
Hi Anne! > Welcome, Wildflower! > Glad to have you with us. I agree with you that there is great opportunity to > learn about managing PTSD here.
Thanks very much for the welcome! > Music has a way of helping me to process so many different things, many of > which havebeen buried for years and years. > It will be great to have you share your favorites with us.
Same here, I’ve found many clues to repressed memories in music. Some of my favourite songs when I was a kid are telling, in retrospect – it’s only now that I see why I gravitated to them. Thanks again, Anne. wildflower
Response:
Hi Wildflower, >I’ve found many clues to repressed memories in music. Some of my >favourite songs when I was a kid are telling, in retrospect – it’s only now >that I see why I gravitated to them.
That’s a very interesting idea, Wildflower. Thanks for articulating this idea in a new way. I’ve shared before that it has been very difficult for me to remember lyrics to any songs except for Carole King’s Tapestry Album, which came out in 1971, one year before my major trauma which took place on December 16, 1972. I have never ever put these ideas about music, memories, and why it is that I cannot remember any lyrics after the Tapestry album. Thank you so much for this. I’m not sure where this is taking me but that’s OK. The weird thing is that husband #2 was a songwriter and for the 16+ years of our marriage I helped edit a lot of his lyrics and music. Can’t remember a single lyric! Wow. This is major. Thanks, Wildflower! You really helped me. Take care, Anne
Response:
Hi Wildflower, I had to end the earlier letter very quickly before asking how you’re doing. Hope you’re holding up with the added stresses of the holidays. Take care, Anne
Response:
Hi Anne! > >I’ve found many clues to repressed memories in music. Some of my > >favourite songs when I was a kid are telling, in retrospect – it’s only now > >that I see why I gravitated to them. > That’s a very interesting idea, Wildflower. > Thanks for articulating this idea in a new way.
I’m really glad that helps, Anne. Music has held many of the pieces of the puzzle for me. A few years ago, I went through a period where I kept having different songs from the past pop into my mind, almost one by one – songs I’d loved – and I felt driven to find out why. I didn’t consciously remember any of the lyrics, or even what each song was about, but when I listened to the songs (it seemed for the first time) and realized what they were about, I could see why each one had had so much impact on me. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I’ve shared before that it has been very difficult for me to remember lyrics to > any songs except for Carole King’s Tapestry Album, which came out in 1971, one > year before my major trauma which took place on December 16, 1972. > I have never ever put these ideas about music, memories, and why it is that I > cannot remember any lyrics after the Tapestry album. > Thank you so much for this. I’m not sure where this is taking me but that’s > OK. > The weird thing is that husband #2 was a songwriter and for the 16+ years of > our marriage I helped edit a lot of his lyrics and music. Can’t remember a > single lyric! > Wow. This is major. Thanks, Wildflower! > You really helped me.
I have two kinds of "lost" memories. The first are the repressed ones based on childhood abuse, things that occurred before the major trauma. The second kind is the lost memories of everyday things that happened after the major trauma, where I think I numbed out so much that not much registered or stuck with me, so I’m not sure the information is even there to retrieve. I wonder if that’s a similar thing with lyrics for you. I’m really glad anything I said might have helped. Take good care, and thanks for your good wishes. My best to you, too. wildflower
Response:
<wildflower_…@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:wildflower_70s-ya02408000R1312021638110001@news.supernews.com… > Hi all, > I’ve been reading this newsgroup for a long time, I’m finally getting > around to posting. I’ve learned a lot about managing my ptsd here, my > sincere thanks to everyone who’s posted. > I appreciate the karaokes, too, music has gotten me through so many > difficult times. One of my favorites is Elton John’s Recover Your Soul, and > tiny dancer, same here, anything Elton or Queen is tops with me, too. > wildflower
Welcome wildflower! Always happy to have a new Elton/Queen fan among us! Hope you will feel comfortable contributing to our karaoke, a new voice singing along is a joy to behold. I am also glad to hear you have come to the place of posting instead of simply reading. I’m sure you will have as much to offer us as we have to offer you. best wishes, td
Response:
Hi all, I’ve been reading this newsgroup for a long time, I’m finally getting around to posting. I’ve learned a lot about managing my ptsd here, my sincere thanks to everyone who’s posted. I appreciate the karaokes, too, music has gotten me through so many difficult times. One of my favorites is Elton John’s Recover Your Soul, and tiny dancer, same here, anything Elton or Queen is tops with me, too. wildflower
Response:
nope no meds — Blessings, meranda Blue If you can judge a wise man by the color of his skin, then mister, your a better man then I Aerosmith – Living On The Edge Http://BlueStyleinc.com:777/Erotica Quarterly Erotica web-zine of distinction http://BlueStyleinc.com:777/Galleries showcasing over 350 artists of every genre "Ted Murray" <ted.mur…@worldnet.att.net> wrote in message
news:qFUI9.50785$hK4.4407774@bgtnsc05-news.ops.worldnet.att.net… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hi, > I am intrested in Dissociative D/O (MPD). > Any other dx’s? And, are you on any med’s? > Thanks, > Ted > "meranda Blue" <bluesmera…@cox.net> wrote in message > news:wrMI9.10694$we.734790@news2.east.cox.net… > > Hello everyone, > > My name is meranda. I am a satanic ritualistic abuse survivor. I was > > diagnosed with Multiple Personality Disorder about 15 years ago. At that > > time, I was severely fragmented. Over the years I have integrated almost > > completely, with the most significant integrations occurring about a year > > ago, when the internal adult support system gave way, leaving just me and > a > > bunch of children. > > I am in a very strong, stable, nurturing environment, and am lucky to have > > the love and support of two very special men. The three of us live > together > > in a poly alternative BDSM lifestyle. > > I am here because over the last year, since the last integrations, I have > > become agoraphobic. This started out rather mild. I was ok as long as I > > wasn’t sitting idle for any length of time. If I was idle and away from > > home for any length of time, I would have a massive panic attack and be > > forced home where I felt safe. Soon, I quit working outside the home > > altogether. I couldn’t make myself stay at work. Then, it progressed to > > where it is nearly impossible for me to leave the house by myself. As > long > > as I have one of the guys with me, I am fine, but alone, I can’t do it. > > I have been back in therapy now for about 6 months, and now I have a new > > diagnosis. PTSD. I think it’s always been there, part and parcel of the > > MPD, but now that they are not seeing manifestations of the alter > > personalities, they’ve given me a new label. > > Anyway, I just thought I would say hi, and try and join in..maybe feel a > > little bit less alone. > > Blessings, > > meranda Blue > > If you can judge a wise man by the color of his skin, then mister, your a > > better man then I > > Aerosmith – Living On The Edge > > Http://BlueStyleinc.com:777/Erotica > > Quarterly Erotica web-zine of distinction > > http://BlueStyleinc.com:777/Galleries > > showcasing over 350 artists of every genre
Response:
why — Blessings, meranda Blue If you can judge a wise man by the color of his skin, then mister, your a better man then I Aerosmith – Living On The Edge Http://BlueStyleinc.com:777/Erotica Quarterly Erotica web-zine of distinction http://BlueStyleinc.com:777/Galleries showcasing over 350 artists of every genre "tiny dancer" <tinydancer…@nospamhotmail.com> wrote in message
news:4vTI9.8209$uJ5.937677@twister.southeast.rr.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> "Rose Marie Holt" <rmho…@mindspring.com> wrote in message > news:rmholt1-1629FC.19051208122002@news.mindspring.com… > > X-No-Archive:yes > > In article <wrMI9.10694$we.734…@news2.east.cox.net>, > > "meranda Blue" <bluesmera…@cox.net> wrote: > > > Hello everyone, > > > My name is meranda. I am a satanic ritualistic abuse survivor. I was > > > diagnosed with Multiple Personality Disorder about 15 years ago. At > that > > YOur post is very interesting because there has never been a verified > > case of Satanic Ritual Abuse, AFAIK, and I thought it was an urban > > legend. Hmmmm. > > Best, Marie > Also notice up top this message was cross-posted to many different groups. > It’s always good to remove the names of the other groups when replying to > cross-posted messages. I did that here. > td
Response:
"meranda Blue" <bluesmera…@cox.net> wrote in message
news:EIUI9.14062$we.979576@news2.east.cox.net… > why
Because cross-posting is frowned upon, especially in this group. td – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> — > Blessings, > meranda Blue > If you can judge a wise man by the color of his skin, then mister, your a > better man then I > Aerosmith – Living On The Edge > Http://BlueStyleinc.com:777/Erotica > Quarterly Erotica web-zine of distinction > http://BlueStyleinc.com:777/Galleries > showcasing over 350 artists of every genre > "tiny dancer" <tinydancer…@nospamhotmail.com> wrote in message > news:4vTI9.8209$uJ5.937677@twister.southeast.rr.com… > > "Rose Marie Holt" <rmho…@mindspring.com> wrote in message > > news:rmholt1-1629FC.19051208122002@news.mindspring.com… > > > X-No-Archive:yes > > > In article <wrMI9.10694$we.734…@news2.east.cox.net>, > > > "meranda Blue" <bluesmera…@cox.net> wrote: > > > > Hello everyone, > > > > My name is meranda. I am a satanic ritualistic abuse survivor. I was > > > > diagnosed with Multiple Personality Disorder about 15 years ago. At > > that > > > YOur post is very interesting because there has never been a verified > > > case of Satanic Ritual Abuse, AFAIK, and I thought it was an urban > > > legend. Hmmmm. > > > Best, Marie > > Also notice up top this message was cross-posted to many different groups. > > It’s always good to remove the names of the other groups when replying to > > cross-posted messages. I did that here. > > td
Response:
In article <H91J9.17311$we.1116…@news2.east.cox.net>, "meranda Blue" <bluesmera…@cox.net> wrote: > Why, when all four groups have the same or very similar subject matter or > titles, and I am not sharing info about anyone other then me, what > difference does it make
Goodbye!
Response:
"meranda Blue" <bluesmera…@cox.net> wrote in message
news:H91J9.17311$we.1116052@news2.east.cox.net… > Why, when all four groups have the same or very similar subject matter or > titles, and I am not sharing info about anyone other then me, what > difference does it make
Because most of the people here, only post to this group and in the past we’ve had serious problems, leading to the near destruction of this group, due to cross-posting. Ask any old-timer here about cross-posting. After the last event, some people still only lurk here, seldom if ever posting. td – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> — > Blessings, > meranda Blue > If you can judge a wise man by the color of his skin, then mister, your a > better man then I > Aerosmith – Living On The Edge > Http://BlueStyleinc.com:777/Erotica > Quarterly Erotica web-zine of distinction > http://BlueStyleinc.com:777/Galleries > showcasing over 350 artists of every genre > "tiny dancer" <tinydancer…@nospamhotmail.com> wrote in message > news:6fWI9.8994$uJ5.957504@twister.southeast.rr.com… > > "meranda Blue" <bluesmera…@cox.net> wrote in message > > news:EIUI9.14062$we.979576@news2.east.cox.net… > > > why > > Because cross-posting is frowned upon, especially in this group. > > td > > > — > > > Blessings, > > > meranda Blue > > > If you can judge a wise man by the color of his skin, then mister, your > a > > > better man then I > > > Aerosmith – Living On The Edge > > > Http://BlueStyleinc.com:777/Erotica > > > Quarterly Erotica web-zine of distinction > > > http://BlueStyleinc.com:777/Galleries > > > showcasing over 350 artists of every genre > > > "tiny dancer" <tinydancer…@nospamhotmail.com> wrote in message > > > news:4vTI9.8209$uJ5.937677@twister.southeast.rr.com… > > > > "Rose Marie Holt" <rmho…@mindspring.com> wrote in message > > > > news:rmholt1-1629FC.19051208122002@news.mindspring.com… > > > > > X-No-Archive:yes > > > > > In article <wrMI9.10694$we.734…@news2.east.cox.net>, > > > > > "meranda Blue" <bluesmera…@cox.net> wrote: > > > > > > Hello everyone, > > > > > > My name is meranda. I am a satanic ritualistic abuse survivor. I > > was > > > > > > diagnosed with Multiple Personality Disorder about 15 years ago. > At > > > > that > > > > > YOur post is very interesting because there has never been a > verified > > > > > case of Satanic Ritual Abuse, AFAIK, and I thought it was an urban > > > > > legend. Hmmmm. > > > > > Best, Marie > > > > Also notice up top this message was cross-posted to many different > > groups. > > > > It’s always good to remove the names of the other groups when replying > > to > > > > cross-posted messages. I did that here. > > > > td
Response:
In the future, if you’re going to talk explicitly about your BDSM lifestyle, would you please put a trigger warning on it? Thanks in advance. kat "meranda Blue" <bluesmera…@cox.net> wrote in message
news:wrMI9.10694$we.734790@news2.east.cox.net… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hello everyone, > My name is meranda. I am a satanic ritualistic abuse survivor. I was > diagnosed with Multiple Personality Disorder about 15 years ago. At that > time, I was severely fragmented. Over the years I have integrated almost > completely, with the most significant integrations occurring about a year > ago, when the internal adult support system gave way, leaving just me and a > bunch of children. > I am in a very strong, stable, nurturing environment, and am lucky to have > the love and support of two very special men. The three of us live together > in a poly alternative BDSM lifestyle. > I am here because over the last year, since the last integrations, I have > become agoraphobic. This started out rather mild. I was ok as long as I > wasn’t sitting idle for any length of time. If I was idle and away from > home for any length of time, I would have a massive panic attack and be > forced home where I felt safe. Soon, I quit working outside the home > altogether. I couldn’t make myself stay at work. Then, it progressed to > where it is nearly impossible for me to leave the house by myself. As long > as I have one of the guys with me, I am fine, but alone, I can’t do it. > I have been back in therapy now for about 6 months, and now I have a new > diagnosis. PTSD. I think it’s always been there, part and parcel of the > MPD, but now that they are not seeing manifestations of the alter > personalities, they’ve given me a new label. > Anyway, I just thought I would say hi, and try and join in..maybe feel a > little bit less alone. > Blessings, > meranda Blue > If you can judge a wise man by the color of his skin, then mister, your a > better man then I > Aerosmith – Living On The Edge > Http://BlueStyleinc.com:777/Erotica > Quarterly Erotica web-zine of distinction > http://BlueStyleinc.com:777/Galleries > showcasing over 350 artists of every genre
Response:
Duh, hello. & Welcome. Forgive my lack of manners–it triggered me about your "cage" thing, forgot to say hi. kat "kat" <misadventur…@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:uv9hdeu47o4ec@corp.supernews.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> In the future, if you’re going to talk explicitly about your BDSM lifestyle, > would you please put a trigger warning on it? Thanks in advance. > kat > "meranda Blue" <bluesmera…@cox.net> wrote in message > news:wrMI9.10694$we.734790@news2.east.cox.net… > > Hello everyone, > > My name is meranda. I am a satanic ritualistic abuse survivor. I was > > diagnosed with Multiple Personality Disorder about 15 years ago. At that > > time, I was severely fragmented. Over the years I have integrated almost > > completely, with the most significant integrations occurring about a year > > ago, when the internal adult support system gave way, leaving just me and > a > > bunch of children. > > I am in a very strong, stable, nurturing environment, and am lucky to have > > the love and support of two very special men. The three of us live > together > > in a poly alternative BDSM lifestyle. > > I am here because over the last year, since the last integrations, I have > > become agoraphobic. This started out rather mild. I was ok as long as I > > wasn’t sitting idle for any length of time. If I was idle and away from > > home for any length of time, I would have a massive panic attack and be > > forced home where I felt safe. Soon, I quit working outside the home > > altogether. I couldn’t make myself stay at work. Then, it progressed to > > where it is nearly impossible for me to leave the house by myself. As > long > > as I have one of the guys with me, I am fine, but alone, I can’t do it. > > I have been back in therapy now for about 6 months, and now I have a new > > diagnosis. PTSD. I think it’s always been there, part and parcel of the > > MPD, but now that they are not seeing manifestations of the alter > > personalities, they’ve given me a new label. > > Anyway, I just thought I would say hi, and try and join in..maybe feel a > > little bit less alone. > > Blessings, > > meranda Blue > > If you can judge a wise man by the color of his skin, then mister, your a > > better man then I > > Aerosmith – Living On The Edge > > Http://BlueStyleinc.com:777/Erotica > > Quarterly Erotica web-zine of distinction > > http://BlueStyleinc.com:777/Galleries > > showcasing over 350 artists of every genre
Response:
Hi meranda Blue, The difference is that the other three groups ARE in many ways different than this NG. Most of us who post here are suffering from PTSD. We generally welcome someone who has experienced a serious trauma in their lives, usually recent, with the intent (I say this not for the group but from what I have observed) to encourage them to get professional help and also give them what support we can in the process. We will comment on almost any reasonable post but posts that are too far off topic or those who try to drag us into discussions in other NG’s are frowned upon. While we do have some professionals who work or have worked in the mental health care area, most are dealing with their own personal traumas and PTSD. Those who aren’t are generally very careful in their posts. For the most part we discourage "researchers", many of us have been researched on up the ying-yang without any real benefit to ourselves. Almost all of us are on medications and we do at times discuss in this area but in general we do not give advice other than to talk to a/your doctor. As a side note, from what I have personally experienced and what others on this NG have said, our doctors (Pdoc’s) are just guessing at what meds are best for us. PTSD is a very complex disorder. A few of us do post on other NG’s, but we keep the NG’s separate. While some of our symptoms and medications are used to treat other disorders it serves no purpose to discuss those other disorders here (in any detail at least unless it explains something that is important to you or perhaps the group). Cross posting, even in a well meaning way (and that depends upon your own perspective) only gets in the way of the sense of trust and support we try to foster here. It discourages, I think, some people who could get some benefit from post on ast-ptsd from doing anything more than lurking and scares some away. We do have our own disputes and occasionally angry exchanges (some of which, to my sadness, I have been involved in) but we keep it in the family, so to speak. Again, I’m talking for myself and not for the group or NG. I welcome you if you feel the need for your PTSD and want to be a part of a community which tries as best it can to understand and not judge. I myself have triggers, some of which I still don’t know about, so if graphic material is included in a post I personally would like the poster to give fair warning. I, like many others here, am pretty fragile in some areas. Note my response to the PTSD and music post by Pete (12/8/02). I wish you well and welcome you to post, but only to us on the subject of trauma and PTSD. Larry L "meranda Blue" <bluesmera…@cox.net> wrote in message
news:H91J9.17311$we.1116052@news2.east.cox.net… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Why, when all four groups have the same or very similar subject matter or > titles, and I am not sharing info about anyone other then me, what > difference does it make > — > Blessings, > meranda Blue
Response:
Your post is absolutely riveting. Sounds like you have really been thru a lot and are still going thru a lot. Would you care to elucidate on your different personalities or would this cause you problems? Would you be willing to share more about "them"? Did each personality have names? Voices? How would it be decided who would be in control? How was it diagnosed? Sometimes it can be cathartic to share what you are experiencing. Thanks for sharing what you have. Very interesting. "meranda Blue" <bluesmera…@cox.net> wrote in message
news:wrMI9.10694$we.734790@news2.east.cox.net… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hello everyone, > My name is meranda. I am a satanic ritualistic abuse survivor. I was > diagnosed with Multiple Personality Disorder about 15 years ago. At that > time, I was severely fragmented. Over the years I have integrated almost > completely, with the most significant integrations occurring about a year > ago, when the internal adult support system gave way, leaving just me and a > bunch of children. > I am in a very strong, stable, nurturing environment, and am lucky to have > the love and support of two very special men. The three of us live together > in a poly alternative BDSM lifestyle. > I am here because over the last year, since the last integrations, I have > become agoraphobic. This started out rather mild. I was ok as long as I > wasn’t sitting idle for any length of time. If I was idle and away from > home for any length of time, I would have a massive panic attack and be > forced home where I felt safe. Soon, I quit working outside the home > altogether. I couldn’t make myself stay at work. Then, it progressed to > where it is nearly impossible for me to leave the house by myself. As long > as I have one of the guys with me, I am fine, but alone, I can’t do it. > I have been back in therapy now for about 6 months, and now I have a new > diagnosis. PTSD. I think it’s always been there, part and parcel of the > MPD, but now that they are not seeing manifestations of the alter > personalities, they’ve given me a new label. > Anyway, I just thought I would say hi, and try and join in..maybe feel a > little bit less alone. > Blessings, > meranda Blue > If you can judge a wise man by the color of his skin, then mister, your a > better man then I > Aerosmith – Living On The Edge > Http://BlueStyleinc.com:777/Erotica > Quarterly Erotica web-zine of distinction > http://BlueStyleinc.com:777/Galleries > showcasing over 350 artists of every genre
Response:
"kat" <misadventur…@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:uv9i063caits2a@corp.supernews.com… > Duh, hello. & Welcome. Forgive my lack of manners–it triggered me about > your "cage" thing, forgot to say hi. > kat
I don’t blame you kat, me too. This has to be a first for around here……..someone with ptsd who is fine apparently with being restrained or unable to move. How many times have we all spoken about feeling trapped……….being unable to move or escape, get away……sets off huge triggers for pretty much all of us I’d say. td – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> "kat" <misadventur…@yahoo.com> wrote in message > news:uv9hdeu47o4ec@corp.supernews.com… > > In the future, if you’re going to talk explicitly about your BDSM > lifestyle, > > would you please put a trigger warning on it? Thanks in advance. > > kat > > "meranda Blue" <bluesmera…@cox.net> wrote in message > > news:wrMI9.10694$we.734790@news2.east.cox.net… > > > Hello everyone, > > > My name is meranda. I am a satanic ritualistic abuse survivor. I was > > > diagnosed with Multiple Personality Disorder about 15 years ago. At > that > > > time, I was severely fragmented. Over the years I have integrated > almost > > > completely, with the most significant integrations occurring about a > year > > > ago, when the internal adult support system gave way, leaving just me > and > > a > > > bunch of children. > > > I am in a very strong, stable, nurturing environment, and am lucky to > have > > > the love and support of two very special men. The three of us live > > together > > > in a poly alternative BDSM lifestyle. > > > I am here because over the last year, since the last integrations, I > have > > > become agoraphobic. This started out rather mild. I was ok as long as > I > > > wasn’t sitting idle for any length of time. If I was idle and away from > > > home for any length of time, I would have a massive panic attack and be > > > forced home where I felt safe. Soon, I quit working outside the home > > > altogether. I couldn’t make myself stay at work. Then, it progressed > to > > > where it is nearly impossible for me to leave the house by myself. As > > long > > > as I have one of the guys with me, I am fine, but alone, I can’t do it. > > > I have been back in therapy now for about 6 months, and now I have a new > > > diagnosis. PTSD. I think it’s always been there, part and parcel of > the > > > MPD, but now that they are not seeing manifestations of the alter > > > personalities, they’ve given me a new label. > > > Anyway, I just thought I would say hi, and try and join in..maybe feel a > > > little bit less alone. > > > Blessings, > > > meranda Blue > > > If you can judge a wise man by the color of his skin, then mister, your > a > > > better man then I > > > Aerosmith – Living On The Edge > > > Http://BlueStyleinc.com:777/Erotica > > > Quarterly Erotica web-zine of distinction > > > http://BlueStyleinc.com:777/Galleries > > > showcasing over 350 artists of every genre
Response:
>-it triggered me about >your "cage" thing
master did it for me. layin low..
Response:
Thanks, Larry. Miranda, like Larry and Tiny and others suggest — please indicate that your post may have triggers in it before you include something that might be difficult for some of us to read. Most of us periodically need to write something which has a beginning with the words "possible trigger", then several lines down — far enough to not see any of the words at first we write what we need to write. This is a really hard time of the year for a lot of us. In my case, almost anything can set me off. Your post triggered a lot of memories of one of my main traumas involving torture. You couldn’t have known that, but maybe now you’ll just put the trigger warning at the beginning so we can chose whether or not to read it now. Terrified of going to sleep for fear of what might resurface in dreams, I’m in a major "jammie mode" today. Hate going to my rehearsal tonight. Don’t feel like showering or even brushing my teeth, but I’ll do both and just show up. I hope that you get the help you seek. Miranda, and that this NG may be of help to you with any PTSD issues you may have. Take care, Anne – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Hi meranda Blue, >The difference is that the other three groups ARE in many ways different >than this NG. Most of us who post here are suffering from PTSD. We generally >welcome someone who has experienced a serious trauma in their lives, usually >recent, with the intent (I say this not for the group but from what I have >observed) to encourage them to get professional help and also give them what >support we can in the process. We will comment on almost any reasonable post >but posts that are too far off topic or those who try to drag us into >discussions in other NG’s are frowned upon. While we do have some >professionals who work or have worked in the mental health care area, most >are dealing with their own personal traumas and PTSD. Those who aren’t are >generally very careful in their posts. For the most part we discourage >"researchers", many of us have been researched on up the ying-yang without >any real benefit to ourselves. Almost all of us are on medications and we do >at times discuss in this area but in general we do not give advice other >than to talk to a/your doctor. As a side note, from what I have personally >experienced and what others on this NG have said, our doctors (Pdoc’s) are >just guessing at what meds are best for us. PTSD is a very complex disorder. >A few of us do post on other NG’s, but we keep the NG’s separate. While some >of our symptoms and medications are used to treat other disorders it serves >no purpose to discuss those other disorders here (in any detail at least >unless it explains something that is important to you or perhaps the group). >Cross posting, even in a well meaning way (and that depends upon your own >perspective) only gets in the way of the sense of trust and support we try >to foster here. It discourages, I think, some people who could get some >benefit from post on ast-ptsd from doing anything more than lurking and >scares some away. We do have our own disputes and occasionally angry >exchanges (some of which, to my sadness, I have been involved in) but we >keep it in the family, so to speak. >Again, I’m talking for myself and not for the group or NG. I welcome you if >you feel the need for your PTSD and want to be a part of a community which >tries as best it can to understand and not judge. I myself have triggers, >some of which I still don’t know about, so if graphic material is included >in a post I personally would like the poster to give fair warning. I, like >many others here, am pretty fragile in some areas. Note my response to the >PTSD and music post by Pete (12/8/02). I wish you well and welcome you to >post, but only to us on the subject of trauma and PTSD. >Larry L >"meranda Blue" <bluesmera…@cox.net> wrote in message >news:H91J9.17311$we.1116052@news2.east.cox.net… >> Why, when all four groups have the same or very similar subject matter or >> titles, and I am not sharing info about anyone other then me, what >> difference does it make >> — >> Blessings, >> meranda Blue
Response:
Why, when all four groups have the same or very similar subject matter or titles, and I am not sharing info about anyone other then me, what difference does it make — Blessings, meranda Blue If you can judge a wise man by the color of his skin, then mister, your a better man then I Aerosmith – Living On The Edge Http://BlueStyleinc.com:777/Erotica Quarterly Erotica web-zine of distinction http://BlueStyleinc.com:777/Galleries showcasing over 350 artists of every genre "tiny dancer" <tinydancer…@nospamhotmail.com> wrote in message
news:6fWI9.8994$uJ5.957504@twister.southeast.rr.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> "meranda Blue" <bluesmera…@cox.net> wrote in message > news:EIUI9.14062$we.979576@news2.east.cox.net… > > why > Because cross-posting is frowned upon, especially in this group. > td > > — > > Blessings, > > meranda Blue > > If you can judge a wise man by the color of his skin, then mister, your a > > better man then I > > Aerosmith – Living On The Edge > > Http://BlueStyleinc.com:777/Erotica > > Quarterly Erotica web-zine of distinction > > http://BlueStyleinc.com:777/Galleries > > showcasing over 350 artists of every genre > > "tiny dancer" <tinydancer…@nospamhotmail.com> wrote in message > > news:4vTI9.8209$uJ5.937677@twister.southeast.rr.com… > > > "Rose Marie Holt" <rmho…@mindspring.com> wrote in message > > > news:rmholt1-1629FC.19051208122002@news.mindspring.com… > > > > X-No-Archive:yes > > > > In article <wrMI9.10694$we.734…@news2.east.cox.net>, > > > > "meranda Blue" <bluesmera…@cox.net> wrote: > > > > > Hello everyone, > > > > > My name is meranda. I am a satanic ritualistic abuse survivor. I > was > > > > > diagnosed with Multiple Personality Disorder about 15 years ago. At > > > that > > > > YOur post is very interesting because there has never been a verified > > > > case of Satanic Ritual Abuse, AFAIK, and I thought it was an urban > > > > legend. Hmmmm. > > > > Best, Marie > > > Also notice up top this message was cross-posted to many different > groups. > > > It’s always good to remove the names of the other groups when replying > to > > > cross-posted messages. I did that here. > > > td
Response:
Hello everyone, My name is meranda. I am a satanic ritualistic abuse survivor. I was diagnosed with Multiple Personality Disorder about 15 years ago. At that time, I was severely fragmented. Over the years I have integrated almost completely, with the most significant integrations occurring about a year ago, when the internal adult support system gave way, leaving just me and a bunch of children. I am in a very strong, stable, nurturing environment, and am lucky to have the love and support of two very special men. The three of us live together in a poly alternative BDSM lifestyle. I am here because over the last year, since the last integrations, I have become agoraphobic. This started out rather mild. I was ok as long as I wasn’t sitting idle for any length of time. If I was idle and away from home for any length of time, I would have a massive panic attack and be forced home where I felt safe. Soon, I quit working outside the home altogether. I couldn’t make myself stay at work. Then, it progressed to where it is nearly impossible for me to leave the house by myself. As long as I have one of the guys with me, I am fine, but alone, I can’t do it. I have been back in therapy now for about 6 months, and now I have a new diagnosis. PTSD. I think it’s always been there, part and parcel of the MPD, but now that they are not seeing manifestations of the alter personalities, they’ve given me a new label. Anyway, I just thought I would say hi, and try and join in..maybe feel a little bit less alone. Blessings, meranda Blue If you can judge a wise man by the color of his skin, then mister, your a better man then I Aerosmith – Living On The Edge Http://BlueStyleinc.com:777/Erotica Quarterly Erotica web-zine of distinction http://BlueStyleinc.com:777/Galleries showcasing over 350 artists of every genre
Response:
"Rose Marie Holt" <rmho…@mindspring.com> wrote in message news:rmholt1-1629FC.19051208122002@news.mindspring.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> X-No-Archive:yes > In article <wrMI9.10694$we.734…@news2.east.cox.net>, > "meranda Blue" <bluesmera…@cox.net> wrote: > > Hello everyone, > > My name is meranda. I am a satanic ritualistic abuse survivor. I was > > diagnosed with Multiple Personality Disorder about 15 years ago. At that > YOur post is very interesting because there has never been a verified > case of Satanic Ritual Abuse, AFAIK, and I thought it was an urban > legend. Hmmmm. > Best, Marie
Also notice up top this message was cross-posted to many different groups. It’s always good to remove the names of the other groups when replying to cross-posted messages. I did that here. td
Response:
Marie wrote: >YOur post is very interesting because there has never been a verified >case of Satanic Ritual Abuse, AFAIK,
Where are you getting your information from? Risa Just remember…if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.
Response:
Hi, I am intrested in Dissociative D/O (MPD). Any other dx’s? And, are you on any med’s? Thanks, Ted "meranda Blue" <bluesmera…@cox.net> wrote in message
news:wrMI9.10694$we.734790@news2.east.cox.net… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hello everyone, > My name is meranda. I am a satanic ritualistic abuse survivor. I was > diagnosed with Multiple Personality Disorder about 15 years ago. At that > time, I was severely fragmented. Over the years I have integrated almost > completely, with the most significant integrations occurring about a year > ago, when the internal adult support system gave way, leaving just me and a > bunch of children. > I am in a very strong, stable, nurturing environment, and am lucky to have > the love and support of two very special men. The three of us live together > in a poly alternative BDSM lifestyle. > I am here because over the last year, since the last integrations, I have > become agoraphobic. This started out rather mild. I was ok as long as I > wasn’t sitting idle for any length of time. If I was idle and away from > home for any length of time, I would have a massive panic attack and be > forced home where I felt safe. Soon, I quit working outside the home > altogether. I couldn’t make myself stay at work. Then, it progressed to > where it is nearly impossible for me to leave the house by myself. As long > as I have one of the guys with me, I am fine, but alone, I can’t do it. > I have been back in therapy now for about 6 months, and now I have a new > diagnosis. PTSD. I think it’s always been there, part and parcel of the > MPD, but now that they are not seeing manifestations of the alter > personalities, they’ve given me a new label. > Anyway, I just thought I would say hi, and try and join in..maybe feel a > little bit less alone. > Blessings, > meranda Blue > If you can judge a wise man by the color of his skin, then mister, your a > better man then I > Aerosmith – Living On The Edge > Http://BlueStyleinc.com:777/Erotica > Quarterly Erotica web-zine of distinction > http://BlueStyleinc.com:777/Galleries > showcasing over 350 artists of every genre
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