Question:
I’m beginning to think that several of the others blended with me to avoid dealing with stuff in therapy. My system seems to be arranging itself lately with the ‘old’ memories and the ‘new’ memories, so that we are either ‘past’ or ‘present’ members of the system. It seems like whenever the therapist mentions something that one of the ‘present’ ones is doing that isn’t very successful (or is downright problematic!) That one resolves the issue by blending with me. I end up with no more information on the past than I had, and I get stuck with all these dysfunctional problems that weren’t mine in the first place! Meanwhile there is getting to be a bigger and bigger split between the ‘past’ and the ‘present’ ones. When I first started therapy there were several of us who were both, but over time these have divided their ‘past’ stuff off from their ‘present’ stuff and when they blend I get the ‘present’ and one of the kids gets the ‘past’ stuff. It’s making the kids more ‘well rounded’ but it seems to be annoying them as well! I would love to figure out how to make this stop! I’m going to end up in a worse mess than I started with at this rate!! At the very least I wish the others inside would _talk_ about blending before doing it! 
Rainbow Colors (Jill, not enjoying this one little bit!) — I choose to post non-anon because my abusers are afraid. They would have to admit something happened in order to confront me; this they will never do. They are the only people who will be upset if they know who I am, and they are too afraid to admit to what they did. Black of Rainbow Colors
Response:
Jill, It’s Jodan. You always have answers, I don’t know if I’ll have any sage advice, but here goes. I’m beginning to think that several of the others blended with me to avoid dealing with stuff in therapy. My system seems to be arranging itself lately with the ‘old’ memories and the ‘new’ memories, so that we are either ‘past’ or ‘present’ members of the system.You mean they’re learning new ways to protect you? Or they just want to
put the responsibility on you? OR, none of the above. :) It seems like whenever the therapist mentions something that one of the ‘present’ ones is doing that isn’t very successful (or is downright problematic!) That one resolves the issue by blending with me. I end up with no more information on the past than I had, and I get stuck with all these dysfunctional problems that weren’t mine in the first place!It’s the pits being the front person! Yeah, the parts or alters solve
*their* problem by foisting it off on you. Grrrr! Help me understand; so you’re trying to track down the early life predicesors (sp?) of present dysfunctional choices? Meanwhile there is getting to be a bigger and bigger split between the ‘past’ and the ‘present’ ones. When I first started therapy there were several of us who were both, but over time these have divided their ‘past’ stuff off from their ‘present’ stuff and when they blend I get the ‘present’ and one of the kids gets the ‘past’ stuff. It’s making the kids more ‘well rounded’ but it seems to be annoying them as well!Hmm. no sage advice. Here’s what happened in therapy yesterday. Little
has learned how to throw temper tantrums. When I expressed my frustration with this behavior, the therp suggested that we can be happy that Little is finally getting to grow into a whole person – not just the ‘good little girl’ she had to be for the Parental Unit. Okay, I *agree*, I want her to grow into her true self. It *is* a struggle though. I would love to figure out how to make this stop! I’m going to end up in a worse mess than I started with at this rate!!Hmmm… could it be that the blending is a sign of closer understanding
and your ability to empathize with the ‘past’ ones, so that their experiences feel like your very own? Stab in the dark (with a blunt instrument, gently now, don’t hurt Jill :) ) At the very least I wish the others inside would _talk_ about blending before doing it!
Yeah! Hey you Multi-colored people, listen up! Would you mind warning Jill before you go off changing into something else? She could probably be more help if you gave her fair warning or even the option of taking on your stuff. This is all pretty new to her, I think it’s probably in your own best interest. Thanks for listening – yes, even if my idea is dumb! Okay, this message is acting like it wasn’t sent. So probably here comes a twice posted message. Jodan
Response:
Jill, It’s Jodan. You always have answers, I don’t know if I’ll have any sage advice, but here goes.
I don’t need sage advice, I can make that up all on my own 
What I need is exactly what you gave me here, understanding, connection, and a different view point. Thanks! I’m beginning to think that several of the others blended with me to avoid dealing with stuff in therapy. My system seems to be arranging itself lately with the ‘old’ memories and the ‘new’ memories, so that we are either ‘past’ or ‘present’ members of the system.You mean they’re learning new ways to protect you? Or they just want to put the responsibility on you? OR, none of the above. :)
Well _I’d_ say it was putting more responsibility on me. My therapist calls it both a defence to keep from dealing with stuff more and a sign of growth cause it means we trust each other more and they think I can handle stuff. This ambiguity garbage is _so_ annoying! It seems like whenever the therapist mentions something that one of the ‘present’ ones is doing that isn’t very successful (or is downright problematic!) That one resolves the issue by blending with me. I end up with no more information on the past than I had, and I get stuck with all these dysfunctional problems that weren’t mine in the first place!It’s the pits being the front person! Yeah, the parts or alters solve *their* problem by foisting it off on you. Grrrr! Help me understand; so you’re trying to track down the early life predicesors (sp?) of present dysfunctional choices?
I’d like to track down the early life stuff, but when I do I get it in a sort of logical, disconnected way that my therapist says needs to have emotions attached *spit* It isn’t that there are present dysfunctional choices as much as these choices have always been done by the _others_ and I’m sort of stuck with them now. Here’s an example, in the past if Lora or Denice didn’t like something my SO was doing they nagged him or complained or whined or whatever. If Thena or I didn’t like it we talked about it, confronted him, compromised, etc. _I_ think my and Thena’s response was the more reasonable way to handle these things. Lately, now that the four of us seem to be blended together more what seems to be happening is a sort of random choosing inside of how to handle these situations. It _feels_ like it is coming from _me_ but it ends up being a response that one of the others would have chosen in the past. Like I’ll disagree with my SO and open my mouth to say ‘hey, we need to talk about this’ and what will come out is a typical Lora response of bursting into tears. Meanwhile there is getting to be a bigger and bigger split between the ‘past’ and the ‘present’ ones. When I first started therapy there were several of us who were both, but over time these have divided their ‘past’ stuff off from their ‘present’ stuff and when they blend I get the ‘present’ and one of the kids gets the ‘past’ stuff. It’s making the kids more ‘well rounded’ but it seems to be annoying them as well!Hmm. no sage advice. Here’s what happened in therapy yesterday. Little has learned how to throw temper tantrums. When I expressed my frustration with this behavior, the therp suggested that we can be happy that Little is finally getting to grow into a whole person – not just the ‘good little girl’ she had to be for the Parental Unit. Okay, I *agree*, I want her to grow into her true self. It *is* a struggle though.
Hmm, interesting. I can look at this as the others learning to respond to things like _I_ do also then. Hmm… I would love to figure out how to make this stop! I’m going to end up in a worse mess than I started with at this rate!!Hmmm… could it be that the blending is a sign of closer understanding and your ability to empathize with the ‘past’ ones, so that their experiences feel like your very own? Stab in the dark (with a blunt instrument, gently now, don’t hurt Jill :) )
Pretty clever stab! Sounds like this is what is going on. This also fits because I’ve always thought the dissociation covered up or protected me from the ptsd stuff, and this means that as I don’t dissociate as much the ptsd stuff is coming up to the surface. At the very least I wish the others inside would _talk_ about blending before doing it! Yeah! Hey you Multi-colored people, listen up! Would you mind warning Jill before you go off changing into something else? She could probably be more help if you gave her fair warning or even the option of taking on your stuff. This is all pretty new to her, I think it’s probably in your own best interest. Thanks for listening – yes, even if my idea is dumb!
Definitely not dumb!! Man did I laugh at this paragraph Especially the ‘I think it’s probably in your own best interest’ line cause I immediately thought ‘yeah!’ Okay, this message is acting like it wasn’t sent. So probably here comes a twice posted message. Jodan
Ok, I’ll read it twice and get twice as much out of it Thanks! Rainbow Colors (Jill) — I choose to post non-anon because my abusers are afraid. They would have to admit something happened in order to confront me; this they will never do. They are the only people who will be upset if they know who I am, and they are too afraid to admit to what they did. Black of Rainbow Colors
Response:
Hi Jill, It’s just Jodan. Wow, I almost lost this post. Then I found that somebody had turn on an option that doesn’t show stuff that’s been read. Yes, I admit that I read through your post and did not *immediatly* respond. I’m gonna clip some of my stuff all those marks make me blind! I don’t need sage advice, I can make that up all on my own What I need is exactly what you gave me here, understanding, connection, and a different view point. Thanks!
Wow, all of that?! (smile) Well _I’d_ say it was putting more responsibility on me. My therapist calls it both a defence to keep from dealing with stuff more and a sign of growth cause it means we trust each other more and they think I can handle stuff. This ambiguity garbage is _so_ annoying!
Not only that, sie used the "t***t" word Oh! They figure it’s your turn to deal with the stuff *they* used to hold? I’ve also been told that it’s good for the system if they can learn to believe that I really *can* handle some of the things that scare them silly. I’d like to track down the early life stuff, but when I do I get it in a sort of logical, disconnected way that my therapist says needs to have emotions attached *spit*
Yuck, phewy, no-way-Jose! Well, actually, I’m not convinced there *are* any emotions to be connected to memories. I mean I feel overwhelming emotions and I recall memories of abusive stuff, but almost *never* both at the same time. I’m not sure I know how…sie, the therp, says I *do*. Do you think therps sit around and make up these goals just to frustrate their clients? :) Oh [sheepish grin], you *is* one of those therps, right? It isn’t that there are present dysfunctional choices as much as these choices have always been done by the _others_ and I’m sort of stuck with them now. (snip enlightening example…sorry)
It’s sounds like what happens to me, when nobody will fess up to a statement made Inside. I don’t know who it’s coming from so I have a harder time dealing with the influence, the personality doesn’t have to get into a discussion with me about her feelings or what might need a compromise. I wrote… the therp suggested that we can be happy that Little is finally getting to grow into a whole person – not just the ‘good little girl’ she had to be for the Parental Unit. Okay, I *agree*, I want her to grow into her true self. It *is* a struggle though. Hmm, interesting. I can look at this as the others learning to respond to things like _I_ do also then. Hmm…
I think it’s fair to expect influencing to be a two way street. Or maybe they’ll become more well rounded and together yous will find a new way to respond that works just fine? Pretty clever stab! Sounds like this is what is going on. This also fits because I’ve always thought the dissociation covered up or protected me from the ptsd stuff, and this means that as I don’t dissociate as much the ptsd stuff is coming up to the surface. I just love it when I’m clever! :) Maybe that’s why some of my stuff is starting to
come up more strongly. I am in a much safer place physically, I’ve also intentionally simplified my life in terms of stressors, so I don’t need to numb out so much, I have more energy to deal with the past stuff so my mind lets it come up. At the very least I wish the others inside would _talk_ about blending before doing it! Yeah! Hey you Multi-colored people, listen up! Would you mind warning Jill before you go off changing into something else? She could probably be more help if you gave her fair warning or even the option of taking on your stuff. This is all pretty new to her, I think it’s probably in your own best interest. Thanks for listening – yes, even if my idea is dumb! Definitely not dumb!! Man did I laugh at this paragraph Well then, read it again /. Laughter is always worth the time.
|| Especially the ‘I think it’s probably in your own best interest’ line cause I immediately thought ‘yeah!’ Later,
Jodan
Response:
Hi Jill, It’s just Jodan. Wow, I almost lost this post. Then I found that somebody had turn on an option that doesn’t show stuff that’s been read. Yes, I admit that I read through your post and did not *immediatly* respond. I’m gonna clip some of my stuff all those marks make me blind!
Me too, snippage below! I’d like to track down the early life stuff, but when I do I get it in a sort of logical, disconnected way that my therapist says needs to have emotions attached *spit* Yuck, phewy, no-way-Jose! Well, actually, I’m not convinced there *are* any emotions to be connected to memories. I mean I feel overwhelming emotions and I recall memories of abusive stuff, but almost *never* both at the same time. I’m not sure I know how…sie, the therp, says I *do*. Do you think therps sit around and make up these goals just to frustrate their clients? :) Oh [sheepish grin], you *is* one of those therps, right?
Not one of _those_ therapists! Oh sure, we sit around and make up goals to frustrate clients, but I don’t work with survivors much (well, not adult survivors at least) cause I usually work with kids with behavior problems. Until we get the behaviors under control we can’t really focus on the reasons for them But of _course_ we therapists sit around and make up goals. How else can we have fun?:) *kidding!!!!* But when it comes to my stuff all my therapistness goes right out the window and I’m just a ‘normal’ person – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – It isn’t that there are present dysfunctional choices as much as these choices have always been done by the _others_ and I’m sort of stuck with them now. (snip enlightening example…sorry) It’s sounds like what happens to me, when nobody will fess up to a statement made Inside. I don’t know who it’s coming from so I have a harder time dealing with the influence, the personality doesn’t have to get into a discussion with me about her feelings or what might need a compromise. I wrote… the therp suggested that we can be happy that Little is finally getting to grow into a whole person – not just the ‘good little girl’ she had to be for the Parental Unit. Okay, I *agree*, I want her to grow into her true self. It *is* a struggle though. Hmm, interesting. I can look at this as the others learning to respond to things like _I_ do also then. Hmm… I think it’s fair to expect influencing to be a two way street. Or maybe they’ll become more well rounded and together yous will find a new way to respond that works just fine? Pretty clever stab! Sounds like this is what is going on. This also fits because I’ve always thought the dissociation covered up or protected me from the ptsd stuff, and this means that as I don’t dissociate as much the ptsd stuff is coming up to the surface. I just love it when I’m clever! :) Maybe that’s why some of my stuff is starting to come up more strongly. I am in a much safer place physically, I’ve also intentionally simplified my life in terms of stressors, so I don’t need to numb out so much, I have more energy to deal with the past stuff so my mind lets it come up. At the very least I wish the others inside would _talk_ about blending before doing it! Yeah! Hey you Multi-colored people, listen up! Would you mind warning Jill before you go off changing into something else? She could probably be more help if you gave her fair warning or even the option of taking on your stuff. This is all pretty new to her, I think it’s probably in your own best interest. Thanks for listening – yes, even if my idea is dumb! Definitely not dumb!! Man did I laugh at this paragraph Well then, read it again /. Laughter is always worth the time. || Especially the ‘I think it’s probably in your own best interest’ line cause I immediately thought ‘yeah!’ Later, Jodan
Yeah! Rainbow Colors (Jill, thinking up more even _sillier_ items to put in the next DSM:) — I choose to post non-anon because my abusers are afraid. They would have to admit something happened in order to confront me; this they will never do. They are the only people who will be upset if they know who I am, and they are too afraid to admit to what they did. Black of Rainbow Colors
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