Trauma – PTSD

Question:

Hey everyone, my name is Marc and I’ve been lurking for about a month. My question to all of you is how do you deal with someone who brings back the feelings and memories of your trauma. I am in an academic setting where someone who has direct authority over me brings up these feelings. I don’t think that I could even mention my ptsd to him because I am in a very competitive environment where his disapproval could set me back a year in my education. Funny that this person is a psychologist, but not a clinical one. From my own assessment of him I don’t believe that he is emotionally mature enough to understand the pain I am in. I know many would say that this is a distortion but I don’t think that it is. So how does everyone deal with a world insensitive to our type of pain? BTW: The existence of this group and supportive comments I see bring back the sense of hope I lost. Marc

Response:

Quasi wrote: > Hey everyone, my name is Marc and I’ve been lurking for about a month. My > question to all of you is how do you deal with someone who brings back the > feelings and memories of your trauma. I am in an academic setting where > someone who has direct authority over me brings up these feelings. I don’t > think that I could even mention my ptsd to him because I am in a very > competitive environment where his disapproval could set me back a year in my > education. Funny that this person is a psychologist, but not a clinical one. > From my own assessment of him I don’t believe that he is emotionally mature > enough to understand the pain I am in. I know many would say that this is a > distortion but I don’t think that it is. So how does everyone deal with a > world insensitive to our type of pain? > BTW: The existence of this group and supportive comments I see bring back > the sense of hope I lost.

Hi Marc, Sorry that you are also part of this group, but welcome just the same. Dealing with being triggered is definitely a difficult situation regardless of whether, or not the other person is insensitive. My techniques are really specific to the style of therapy that I’ve been using so they aren’t going to be much help to you since they are so specific to how I think. What I can suggest though, is putting someone else in your shoes. Ask yourself what you would tell someone having the same problem. I’ve found this be a good general guide to thinking my way through a situation. Ideally, I would be angry in that situation and say something, but I know first hand that this isn’t always possible. My second choice is to say to someone that I find their comment insensitive without divulging personal information. We all find coping mechanisms eventually. Some times we have them and don’t event realize that we do — and that they work us. I hope you find your comfortable place.

Response:

Hi Marc! Welcome; I’m sorry that you seem to qualify for this ng. > So how does everyone deal with a > world insensitive to our type of pain?

In my experience, trying to change others is a losing exercise. Manipulating them into where I wish them to be is even worse in its repercusssions. Unless someone else is ready and willing to listen, I just work on myself. And, usually when someone is unaware of how much pain he is causing me, if I cannot avoid his presence (as a present to myself) I pray for that person and his pain.  In my experience, people who don’t seem to care about my pain have a lot of their own pain.  It may not be PTSD-based, but it is significant pain to them.  And, I try to honor their pain as I would like them to honor my pain. Smile and there will be something to smile about! Nancy

Response:

Marc asked the loaded question: >So how does everyone deal with a world insensitive to our type of pain?>

Well I’ve found running away and/or hiding from it to work well.  Yet it doesn’t help me much in the long run.  Doesn’t sound like you can run from this prof or get another advisor/prof to replace him.  That leaves you stuck, right where having PTSD makes the world a nightmare. When I’m stuck I have to focus on my physical symptoms (the physical feelings that the trigger brings).  Doing this helps me cognitively lower those physical responses. Took a long time though.  At first it just heightened the physical response because I paid so much attention to it.  Acknowledging it and thought-stopping worked though.  I’d feel the chest pressure, muscles would tighten in my body, I’d feel terror.  My mind checked on my chest, acknowledged that it was panic (from trigger), I forcibly relax my muscles and breathe deeply. I TELL myself that this is not the event.  This person/event is NOT the abuse/trauma. Focusing on my body while experiencing the trigger helped me tremendously at one point.  Maybe it could help you in your position of being stuck with this triggering person in your life. I also found that I was making things worse by anticipating the trigger (making it a syndrome and not just an attack).  This is a hard one to break and really can only be done by delving into just what features, behaviors or role in your life this person has that triggers you.  Delve deeper into who or what he is reminding you of and causing the trigger.  That may also help when you are being triggered.  Its kind of like a personal Q and A…something like: Oh shit, here he comes…what IS it about him…doing that may even forestall a panic attack (I’d get those from triggers when I didn’t know what was causing them). My meds have helped with the panic attacks.  I don’t get triggered as often but when I do it is hard to always know WHAT it was that did it.  Practicing on what my triggers are has helped me A LOT.  Of course that means I avoid them (I don’t ever go shopping in a crowded Walmart or store where there are tons of people that piss me off with their stupid sheep like behavior =) But that’s just me…and my imperfect world. Long answer Marc and I wish you strength in your quest for understanding yourself on this one.  I don’t figure understanding him is worth the time is it?  Sounds like you’ve tried that road.  Maybe the position of power he holds and physical resemblance or quirks reminds you of being out of control?  That’s been my common trigger w/some people.  That and insensitive stupid people. They always trigger me.  Gag. Kristine The unexamined life is not worth living – Socrates -good point Socrates- What about my over-examined one that interferes with living?!?

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Crafty Bernardo wrote: > Marc, just because someone holds a particular position doesn’t mean > they are kind and caring. Remember that what you carry is your’s. I > have been in this same situation so many times it is simply uncanny > and seems like it is part of an evil plot. I don’t think it is. It is > imperative for your well being to learn  techniques to deal with > others, especially those in power over you. Not easy, but the only > real things we can control are ourselves and hopefll;y our emotions. > It helps me to know that the other person *usually* isn’t doing it on > purpose. Don’t misunderstand me, I am not telling you what to do but > if I was in your shoes, what I would do is have a sit down with this > person, there is much to be gained, with very little to lose. The sit > downs, done honestly, almost always produce positive results. If the > other person doesn’t know he is being hurtful, he can’t do anything > about it. Tell him and give him the opportunity to be a great person. > They can’t read our minds and we can’t expect them too. Good luck, > give it a shot. You will always find support here.

I had to adjust this thinking along the way. I see no difference in whether it is being done on purpose, or not. It makes it harder to cope when you realize it was intentional, for whatever reason.

Response:

Thanks everyone for the great responces. It’s nice to hear people who understand. Triggers really suck! especially when so many things are triggers. I guess for me my perception of this persons insensitivity is a trigger. It’s a tough thing for me to accept that I can be ok one minute and the next fighting off anxiety and fear. I guess that I can be grateful that these episodes only last a few hours compared to days in months before. Part of the healing I guess.

Response:

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