Question:
Yes, I am going to. I am tired of this. I am going to fess up to either my primary care doc on Monday, or my Rheumatologist on Tuesday when I have my appointment. The thing is, my insurance is changing as of the 1st, so it’s no use me getting a shrink or therapist until then. Also, I worry about not being taken seriously because I am overweight…I restrict severely, and I have lost, but due to my endocrine problem, I am heavier than I should be…heavier than I can stand. I need help with this…with all my problems. I am really freaking about lately…I am SO edgy and tense…then I will get all manic, and then depressed again. I’ve gone back to abusing laxatives even though I do need to take them because I have *no* motility left in my GI system, and also because of the pain meds I am on. I just took a bunch because I feel fatter than usual, and I usually only take them every other day so that I don’t get impacted. I took them for the wrong reasons today. I also abuse diet meds. I want to be anorexic again….well, I sorta am…I restrict to no end, and only have safe foods…but again, I am overweight. So I guess I am more bulimic. I am going to type a letter to my primary doc and my Rheumatologist, and also social security (I have to fill out more forms again) telling them of my 17 year battle…almost 18 years now. I just am tired of fighting this…of this secret. I cant deal with the PTSD myself anymore…the horrid flashbacks, the nightmares…my OCD is raging and what is SO frustrating is that I physically cant do the things that my OCD wants to do, like scrub the floor, or get behind the stove. I have been biting Rich’s head off lately over stupid things, like him not wiping out the sink when he uses it (I cant stand having standing water in the sink) or him getting smudges on the coffee table. Stupid things, but in my mind, they aren’t. The need to control is overwhelming me. *I* am overwhelming me. So, Monday I am going to set the ball rolling…this weekend I will type up my story…I think that if I give my docs that paper, it will be easier, and they will be able to read the things I really want to say but might not be able to. I have gotten *so* much courage from my friends here at ASED…I have learned that this is a battle I cannot fight myself anymore. Nikki "… lost in the darkness of my own circumstance, criticizing echoes leaving me awake in the night… the barrier and blockades that keep me safe and in control while I pretend that I am okay… "
Response:
Nikki! Oh, I am so happy you are making this choice to get yourself help! Help is so important. Why go through this alone, if we can have some help? :O) I am really grateful you are getting yourself help, ((((Nikki))))! Ears There can be no transforming of darkness into light and of apathy into movement without emotion. – Carl Jung The voyage of discovery lies not in finding new landscapes but in having new eyes. – Marcel Proust
Response:
Nikki, I’ve been offline for several days, but I just want to say how glad I am to hear this. I know you said you didn’t tell yet. But, I hope you will share with your doctor. Good luck to you. And remember you’re not alone. Lori
Response:
Remember–I have offered you support in the past, but have never gotten any Emails from you.
I’m sorry, Lynette. I am so terrible at email sometimes. I do appreciate the support though, and I do want to talk with you, and Iw ant you to know that I am here for YOU as well. Love Nikki "… lost in the darkness of my own circumstance, criticizing echoes leaving me awake in the night… the barrier and blockades that keep me safe and in control while I pretend that I am okay… "
Response:
Good for you, Nikki! This will really be a relief to you, unburdening yourself to your docs so that they can really help you. I think it is an excellent idea to have things all written out for them, too, so that the information is there and that when you’re actually at the office, you won’t run the risk of leaving something out or perhaps becoming emotional as you’re trying to discuss it. Excellent plan! –Connie — "Starving the flesh wastes the spirit." –Kandis Elliot
Response:
nikk-I’m so happy you are taking this situation seriously.You are worth the time and effort.Please let us know how it goes. heres to nikki, tia last night i had the strangest dream…80’s song
Response:
Nikki–I’m really proud of you for finally reaching out to get the help you need & deserve. You need to stop calling yourself an overweight/fat cow. Your eating is that of an Anorexic. It doesn’t matter what the scale says. You’re losing wt. in an unhealthy manner. You’re messing up your relationships. I wanted to tell you to not take zero responses right away as if you don’t matter. You do. I’m guessing lack of nutrition is more likely for the anger, so am not taking your post personally. I know it’s hard to not get responses. I’m really glad you have realized you do deserve help. You don’t deserve to be unhappy. Remember–I have offered you support in the past, but have never gotten any Emails from you. Know the offer still stands–and I won’t take it personally if you don’t want to. Do something special for yourself today. You deserve kind attention! Good luck tomorrow(or Tues.) Lynette
Response:
good for you nikki – i think it’s really important to let people know what’s going on, to ask for the help you need. and you do need it, and deserve it! i am really proud of you and want to offer you my support! – dolphin – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Yes, I am going to. I am tired of this. I am going to fess up to either my primary care doc on Monday, or my Rheumatologist on Tuesday when I have my appointment. The thing is, my insurance is changing as of the 1st, so it’s no use me getting a shrink or therapist until then. Also, I worry about not being taken seriously because I am overweight…I restrict severely, and I have lost, but due to my endocrine problem, I am heavier than I should be…heavier than I can stand. I need help with this…with all my problems. I am really freaking about lately…I am SO edgy and tense…then I will get all manic, and then depressed again. I’ve gone back to abusing laxatives even though I do need to take them because I have *no* motility left in my GI system, and also because of the pain meds I am on. I just took a bunch because I feel fatter than usual, and I usually only take them every other day so that I don’t get impacted. I took them for the wrong reasons today. I also abuse diet meds. I want to be anorexic again….well, I sorta am…I restrict to no end, and only have safe foods…but again, I am overweight. So I guess I am more bulimic. I am going to type a letter to my primary doc and my Rheumatologist, and also social security (I have to fill out more forms again) telling them of my 17 year battle…almost 18 years now. I just am tired of fighting this…of this secret. I cant deal with the PTSD myself anymore…the horrid flashbacks, the nightmares…my OCD is raging and what is SO frustrating is that I physically cant do the things that my OCD wants to do, like scrub the floor, or get behind the stove. I have been biting Rich’s head off lately over stupid things, like him not wiping out the sink when he uses it (I cant stand having standing water in the sink) or him getting smudges on the coffee table. Stupid things, but in my mind, they aren’t. The need to control is overwhelming me. *I* am overwhelming me. So, Monday I am going to set the ball rolling…this weekend I will type up my story…I think that if I give my docs that paper, it will be easier, and they will be able to read the things I really want to say but might not be able to. I have gotten *so* much courage from my friends here at ASED…I have learned that this is a battle I cannot fight myself anymore. Nikki "… lost in the darkness of my own circumstance, criticizing echoes leaving me awake in the night… the barrier and blockades that keep me safe and in control while I pretend that I am okay… "
Response:
Gee, that’s nice…noone has read my post…I guess it’s just a busy weekend for everyone. Nikki "… lost in the darkness of my own circumstance, criticizing echoes leaving me awake in the night… the barrier and blockades that keep me safe and in control while I pretend that I am okay… "
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